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Old 04-16-2007, 06:05 AM
 
Location: Cornelius
2,314 posts, read 2,107,135 times
Reputation: 287

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Like it or not we are all horrible parents at some point.
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Old 04-16-2007, 08:07 AM
 
Location: long island, ny
146 posts, read 586,864 times
Reputation: 131
I think most of the resistence from children is their fear of the unknown. Such as being unfamiliar with a new place or I'll have no friends type of feelings. The younger the more easily adaptable, they dont worry about rejection and recover much faster from it. In my case my daughter will be entering HS. She was afraid of being the only NY'er in the classroom. and that she would stand out and may be a target of somekind. We told her that there would be many kids from the northeast going to the same school and that there will be a mix of new people to get to know. My son will be attending UNC Charlotte and boarding. Like a previous poster said, I dont plan on seeing him as often as I did. Thats part of growing up and growing 'old'.
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Old 04-16-2007, 11:23 AM
 
362 posts, read 898,270 times
Reputation: 93
Quote:
Originally Posted by tad5117 View Post
I thank everyone for their imput although most of it was not what I wanted to hear. To clarify my situation, my husband is losing his job and we can no longer afford to comfortably live in NY. Our dream is to own a business and we have the possible opportunity to own one in the Charlotte area. Out of my 3 kids, the oldest (high school), believe it or not, does not have alot of friends and wants to move. My youngest will be starting a new school here anyway next year. She is on the fence. She is going into 6th grade next year. It is my middle daughter, the drama queen, that is our problem. Yes, she has alot of friends here but she is such a popular adaptable child that we think she will be fine even though she says she will hate us. The school we want to move to is Marvin Ridge for the fact that ALL the kids will be new and can all start out on the same foot. We will do that on purpose to make the transititon easier. Now, I ask you...are we HORRIBLE PARENTS?????
I don't think you are horrible parents at all. We have been wanting to move to NC since last year. My daughter was willing to move in her Junior year however my DH was not able to secure a job there. We have decided to put our move on hold for one year till she graduates, my son will then be entering 7th grade. WE were not in the situation you are in, if my DH was going to lose his job that would have been different. You have to do what is right to provide for your family and if you believe that the move is right then go with it. I believe she will adjust I have seen it happen before with my friends children. They were moved to a very very small town in VT. The oldest "hated" them for about 6 months and was then fine. I'm sorry for the situation you are in, my DH has been laid off before, and I know it is not easy. Good luck with your decision. I hope all works out well for your family.
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Old 04-16-2007, 12:58 PM
 
57 posts, read 217,210 times
Reputation: 39
My husbands job has moved our family around and the kids have had to switch schools a few times. Just recently we made the move to SC, the first few months are the hardest but after that they seem to adjust. I just make sure that I do everything possible to make the kids happy with the move.. Bribbery helps...
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Old 04-17-2007, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
12 posts, read 22,961 times
Reputation: 22
Default Moved last year with one junior in HS and one in 8th

First of all, I couldn't be happier here. Every day, I am happy happy I'm here. I love the area, the shopping, the people, the restaurants, everything. Just happy.

I did move down with two girls, 13 & 17. My 8th grader loves it, the first couple of weeks of school were a little difficult. She felt alone until she met some people. Fortunately, we have kids in the neighborhood that are the same age. At first, they didn't really talk to her, but pretty soon they were all best buds, and she met lots more at school. She's pretty social, and I'm much happier with her friends here than her old ones.

My junior in HS has had a much more difficult time. She likes it here, likes the house, likes a lot of things, but it has been impossible to meet friends that she has anything in common with. Up in North Jersey, the kids were a lot more diverse in their interests and also in their willingness to embrace new students. We know this from new students who came and went during her middle school and early HS years. Here, everyone is established and more cautious about new people. She has joined clubs, etc., but the only people she's really met that can hang out are not people she would have chosen to hang with in her previous life. Not bad kids or anything like that, just sort of not her type.

I'm certainly not blaming this on the area (I'm originally from the south, and besides, remember, I LOVE IT HERE!!!) I just think it must be harder than I thought for a junior in HS to leave her established friends. I think that's probably mostly true for anyone in the last couple years of HS. I DO think it would have been better had we moved when she was a freshman, but it just didn't work out that way. But, she has felt really alone and isolated and not happy in school - although the school is great and she's doing really well.

My junior is going back up to NJ to live with her dad for her senior year and, although I'm very sad, I certainly understand. College-wise, however, she is coming back to go to school here in NC and is extremely excited about that. Me, too! UNC's are all good and a really good deal as far as tuition goes.

Anyway, mixed results due to personality and age. One thing, though, is that the girls themselves have gotten closer. So, that's great. We have grown closer as a family because I've spent lots of time with them.

Do what you have to do, but expect lots of maintanence, support and setting of expectations for the kids.

Best of luck! Did I mention I absolutely LOVE it here??
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Old 04-18-2007, 08:47 PM
 
Location: Matthews
113 posts, read 407,887 times
Reputation: 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by tad5117 View Post
I thank everyone for their imput although most of it was not what I wanted to hear. To clarify my situation, my husband is losing his job and we can no longer afford to comfortably live in NY. Our dream is to own a business and we have the possible opportunity to own one in the Charlotte area. Out of my 3 kids, the oldest (high school), believe it or not, does not have alot of friends and wants to move. My youngest will be starting a new school here anyway next year. She is on the fence. She is going into 6th grade next year. It is my middle daughter, the drama queen, that is our problem. Yes, she has alot of friends here but she is such a popular adaptable child that we think she will be fine even though she says she will hate us. The school we want to move to is Marvin Ridge for the fact that ALL the kids will be new and can all start out on the same foot. We will do that on purpose to make the transititon easier. Now, I ask you...are we HORRIBLE PARENTS?????
No, you are not. parents have to do what's best for the family- it is called leadership. Also, with the oldest in favor, the inter-family dyanamics are working your way. They'll persuade the others-- and what a great new start for your high schooler. Oh , and drama queen will feel right at home here in MS, plenty of those here... good luck
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Old 04-21-2007, 07:26 PM
 
Location: beautiful North Carolina
7,574 posts, read 9,707,966 times
Reputation: 5505
Default Uprooting the kids

Quote:
Originally Posted by businessperson View Post
I'm a Realtor and would love nothing more than to help you find a great home here in Union County. But as a mother and previously a Social Worker I feel that you should approach this very thoughtfully. If you don't have a choice that's one thing; you've got to go where the job is. But if your teens are truly established in their schools, doing well with academics and sports, extracurricular activities and have a good circle of quality friends think it over carefully before you uproot them. If you have to move here for your job or because of the cost of living, just have that tough conversation with them and chances are they will be understanding. Let them know you're counting on their cooperation and support. And, as always...let me know if I can help.
I was interested in what you just wrote about uprooting the kids and was wondering, how about an 8 and 10 year old? We are struggling here up North, and want to start over, possibly in Union or Wake County, and just the mention of it to my 2 younger ones, 8 and 10, (I have 2 college age and they are fine with the idea of moving), they become very upset and teary-eyed about leaving all their friends. In your personal opinion, will they eventually adjust at their ages? Sincerely, Feeling very guilty.
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Old 04-21-2007, 08:36 PM
 
Location: beautiful North Carolina
7,574 posts, read 9,707,966 times
Reputation: 5505
Default Uprooting the kids

Many decisions in life are difficult especially when they involve our kids. Only you can decide what is right for you and your family, and it is extremely easy for an outsider to give opinions when they are not emotionally involved in your particuliar situation. Some will have a sad story to tell, others will tell you their decision to move was a success. I've heard and read both. I am in the process of considering a move from North Jersey down to North Carolina also, 2 college age kids that are very willing to make the move, and an 8 and 10 year old that when mentioned the possibility of a relocation, they become extremely upset and teary-eyed. If this feels right to you and you don't do what you think will be a life-changing decision for all of you, you will probably always regret it. Lots of prayers, and good luck!
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Old 04-21-2007, 08:41 PM
 
Location: Sunny Phoenix Arizona...wishing for a beach.
4,299 posts, read 13,620,997 times
Reputation: 803
Well I am having success now with my moody teenager whom I have uprooted and dragged kicking and screaming across the country. It's been 2 months and she has finally made peace with this area and her move. She had been threatening to leave when she was 18 which is in 2 months but has now informed me she is staying. She has met friends and has a nice job and is quite content here. That was a pretty quick transformation. She says everyone has been very nice and welcoming towards her. I'm not sure she expected that.
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Old 04-22-2007, 08:19 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,434 posts, read 29,390,516 times
Reputation: 19624
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena View Post
Well I am having success now with my moody teenager whom I have uprooted and dragged kicking and screaming across the country. It's been 2 months and she has finally made peace with this area and her move. She had been threatening to leave when she was 18 which is in 2 months but has now informed me she is staying. She has met friends and has a nice job and is quite content here. That was a pretty quick transformation. She says everyone has been very nice and welcoming towards her. I'm not sure she expected that.
am so glad that all worked out for you... I think kids are resiliant, most of them anyway.. I knew when I was a teenager after my parents uprooted me that when I was 18 I would move back to MD to where my friends and family are, but where am I? Still here... here with the man I met in High School and here with the kids we have, also here waiting to move to a state we never have lived in, for a better life. My parents moved me here 17 years ago for a better life, but that life is gone now...
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