Husband working and living alone, without family, in Charlotte. Are their others out there in same situation?

[Ragdoll Kitty Lover]

If he's working in Mooresville, then you should be able to get a home with land in many of the smaller towns around that area. It might mean a 30 mile commute, but it would give you many more options. Don't look to living in Charlotte if you want land. There are many nice areas that are outside the cities that have land. You should be able to find something much less expensive than NJ. What price range would you need? And will you take a home that isn't brand new?

Start checking Statesville, Catawba, Salisbury, Spencer, Cooleemee. You can probably find land with no house in Cooleemee. Out in the middle of nowhere! You can map these towns from Mooresville & see if the commute is doable.

He may need to do what I've been doing. Taking time after work and driving around to different neighborhoods and towns to see what they are like.

I'm in South Charlotte, which is the other end of town from Mooresville. I also am renting a room from a co-worker and going back to Winston-Salem on weekends. My co-worker offered the room to me because she had just spent 9 months going back & forth to Ohio & wished she could have lived with someone for that time.

I go to a great Wednesday night church service with another co-worker, spend Mon, Tues, & Thurs evenings in a wonderful craft room, working with my new friend, and go for a good walk every evening I can . That has helped a great deal. I've been doing this since May, and it's very tough, but right now there are lots of us doing this. As soon as our house sells, we will be together down here, but I can tell you that by Thursday some home sickness comes in despite the fact that I love my new job!

So he is not alone.

[abcornwell]

Does your husband have a church or religious affiliation? He may find friendship and connections through that venue. He's not too far from Davidson - maybe he can do some searches on the web and check out the Main Street area of Davidson and turn up some possibilities.

You mention the cost of land/home in this area ... I was curious ... where have you been looking? I did a quick search on the area's MLS with parameters of 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, on more than 5 acres, price from $200k to $250k, in Rowan County, and came up with a decent list. Not that you are going to jump and move immediately, I admire you two for being sensible and looking at your job situation first. But you may be able to find a good living situation with not too much of a commute for your husband by looking beyond Charlotte and Mecklenburg County.

Best wishes to you ... it isn't easy but what do they say? "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!"

[blondebelle]

Thank you for all your responses.

He doesn't really involve himself much in the religious community so not
sure how he'd warm up to the idea of getting involved with a church.

abcornwell, in response to the real estate experience -
we saw a property just outside Davidson, on Gray Road that would be similar
to what we have in NJ. The home was average size, built in the late 80s, with
a barn on 5 acres of land. We pointed it out to our realtor and she looked it up.
(it wasn't actually for sale) The owner bought it in January 2008 for 1.2 million.
We almost fell over.

We saw a property out in China Grove on 12 acres for 660k and the house needed
to be totally renovated. I mean everything. The owners had never updated a thing.

We saw another home in Concord that was on 5 acres, a nearly new home that was
beautiful with a swimming pool. It was 725k. You drove in on a gravel road passing
rusted out trailers (that people were still living in) and the next property over looked
like a scene out of Deliverance!

We saw yet another home on 8 acres, also in Concord, that was abandoned and had weeds
growing all over. There was water damage inside. It was listed for 600k.

Davidson comes closest to being sort of like a town in my area of NJ. And the prices there
are as high as NJs.

But back to the hubby - I will pass on these suggestions and hopefully we can ride this out a little longer.

[lumbollo]

Davidson is a highly desirable part of the county which is why the costs are high there. Most families who own acerage close to Charlotte are still hanging on to the notion that a subdivision builder will come in and make them millionaires by buying their land for the next McMansion neighborhood. As you have noticed, you will have to move outside the immediate Mecklenburg county area in order to escape this, but once you do this you quickly pass from the New South to the Old South.

[abcornwell]

Davidson is very expensive, as you have seen.

Also, zoning in this part of the world can be a bit spotty. This is why you can drive by rusted out trailers on your way to a lovely home. Not sure how tightly zoned NJ is, but I come from Cincinnati, Ohio and was surprised by the spottiness in zoning in this general area.

Using a good RE search tool and playing around with the parameters can help you draw up lists and pinpoint areas to explore.

Oh, one other thought, listing price may be overly hopeful in this economy. I have a friend who just paid $400k for a property listed at $575k that had been sitting around. A lot of list prices don't reflect the reality of where our economy is.

While I was here without my husband I did a fair amount of research on real estate and on weekends explored the countryside and looked at listings. It was beautiful fall weather and I learned a lot about the back roads, as well as developed areas around my target areas. I'm different than your husband, I like being on my own and felt it was quite an adventure, but still I had to stay busy and get out in the fresh air and sunshine!

Originally Posted by blondebelle

Thank you for all your responses.

He doesn't really involve himself much in the religious community so not
sure how he'd warm up to the idea of getting involved with a church.

abcornwell, in response to the real estate experience -
we saw a property just outside Davidson, on Gray Road that would be similar
to what we have in NJ. The home was average size, built in the late 80s, with
a barn on 5 acres of land. We pointed it out to our realtor and she looked it up.
(it wasn't actually for sale) The owner bought it in January 2008 for 1.2 million.
We almost fell over.

We saw a property out in China Grove on 12 acres for 660k and the house needed
to be totally renovated. I mean everything. The owners had never updated a thing.

We saw another home in Concord that was on 5 acres, a nearly new home that was
beautiful with a swimming pool. It was 725k. You drove in on a gravel road passing
rusted out trailers (that people were still living in) and the next property over looked
like a scene out of Deliverance!

We saw yet another home on 8 acres, also in Concord, that was abandoned and had weeds
growing all over. There was water damage inside. It was listed for 600k.

Davidson comes closest to being sort of like a town in my area of NJ. And the prices there
are as high as NJs.

But back to the hubby - I will pass on these suggestions and hopefully we can ride this out a little longer.

[blondebelle]

While I was here without my husband I did a fair amount of research on real estate and on weekends explored the countryside and looked at listings. It was beautiful fall weather and I learned a lot about the back roads, as well as developed areas around my target areas. I'm different than your husband, I like being on my own and felt it was quite an adventure, but still I had to stay busy and get out in the fresh air and sunshine!

abcornwell - I'm just like you - I can go off on my own and drive and explore for hours. I CANNOT budge my husband, he won't do it. I also believe he's getting to a place where he just wants to come back to NJ. He's feeling should things not work out with his present employer, they are the "only game in town" professionally and he would be relocating anyways. In NJ, our economy is horrible like everyplace else but there are far many more employers and (hopefully) more options. The impression we both have of Charlotte is that if you relocate there because of a job and that job disappears or you get laid off, that's it. You have to move elsewhere for employment.

[southbound_295]

Originally Posted by blondebelle

And to CVP and Anifani821

FYI - my husband lives n Huntersville and works in Mooresville

Have you looked in Lincoln County?

You have to check each county regarding zoning for livestock, but generally 10 acres gives you the right to have livestock. Some property may be grandfathered for livestock. NC does not have farmettes like NJ does.

[ababa]

My husband came to charlotte ahead of us. We managed to get under the same roof after about 2 months. But our credit is not good enough to buy, so we were just looking for a rental. I hear Raleigh has a much better economy these days, maybe you could both find work there instead.

[abcornwell]

Originally Posted by blondebelle

abcornwell - I'm just like you - I can go off on my own and drive and explore for hours. I CANNOT budge my husband, he won't do it. I also believe he's getting to a place where he just wants to come back to NJ. He's feeling should things not work out with his present employer, they are the "only game in town" professionally and he would be relocating anyways. In NJ, our economy is horrible like everyplace else but there are far many more employers and (hopefully) more options. The impression we both have of Charlotte is that if you relocate there because of a job and that job disappears or you get laid off, that's it. You have to move elsewhere for employment.

You know, maybe it's good that the process of your moving has been slowed down. I can dig where you're coming from - if his job disappeared or even if his pay/hours were cut - and you had relocated here - that could be even more stress and pain!

I hope some of the ideas proffered on this thread can help you help him to feel less lonely. But ... it really does come down to him ... he can choose to be lonely and sad or he can choose to check out some different ideas and diversions. This could even be a good time for him to take a class or two that would challenge him. This (being away, on his own, missing family) could be an excellent learning experience for him, if he chooses to see it as such!

[blondebelle]

I hope some of the ideas proffered on this thread can help you help him to feel less lonely. But ... it really does come down to him ... he can choose to be lonely and sad or he can choose to check out some different ideas and diversions. This could even be a good time for him to take a class or two that would challenge him. This (being away, on his own, missing family) could be an excellent learning experience for him, if he chooses to see it as such!

Abcornwell - you are so right - it is up to him to deal with his feelings of loneliness. His issue of feeling alone has less to do with the relocation, poor economy etc than the fact that he needs to learn how to be alone. I've suggested classes, volunteering at The Raptor Center (he's excellent with animals) and other things but he's been resistant. I do think he's just starting to come around this week. He made plans to visit a friend for the weekend who lives in Chapin, SC.

Thank you everybody who responded to my question.

Sue