Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We're looking at the more affordable parts of Wilmette, (affectionately known as "Wilmetto" ), to be in a good neighborhood with a fantastic park district and schools.
However, it just occurred to me - the New Trier district includes uber-wealthy communities like Kenilworth, Glencoe, Winnetka. My future kids will likely be among the "poorest" at their schools. Is this a good idea? To be surrounded by much wealthier classmates who likely get cars for their 16th birthdays and designer dresses for prom (or am I just perpetuating lame New Trier stereotypes, ha?*). I'm concerned with potential jealousy, feelings of resentment, and inflated values of materialism. Of course, I can't predict how my future children will react, but I'm just pondering on the effects of being in such an environment.
Or should I stay out of the New Trier district?
*My stereotypical perceptions of New Trier are based on the usual anecdotes of friends/coworkers/relatives - stories of New Trier's "rich kid problems", drug issues, unhealthy competitiveness, etc.. However, I've also heard great things about the schools. I have an aunt by marriage who used to teach at the high school and has nothing but fantastic things to say about the district.
I grew up a poor kid in a relatively rich neighborhood. I think it was good for me.
I learned that:
a) rich people aren't all that different (so I'm not intimidated by them - as my Mom says, they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us )
b) I was exposed to what the "possibilities" were, and it made it seem less out of reach and gave me good motivation - I have less of a problem with the "haves vs. the have nots" because I see what most of the haves had to do to get what they have, and that's a perspective most "have nots" just don't get.
c) it helps to study and see what rich people do so you can hopefully get the same outcome if you make the same choices.
d) I got a rich kid's education (at least up through high school). I was exposed to the arts (music and dance) and literature and all kinds of things that most schools have cut or don't put an emphasis on. It was also a very academic school and great emphasis was placed on getting into the best colleges and universities. Part of the peer pressure at my school was to get into a really good school. There was seriously no such thing as "not going to college" (that was as foreign a concept to me as some 8th grader saying they weren't going to go to high school), and senior year kids walked around asking each other "where are you going?", not "are you going to college?". And you didn't want to be the kid that said they were off to community college or something... So that kind of mindset was good, I guess. Although for certain people it might be too much pressure?
Conversely, being around rich people can also show you what you don't want to be like.
I think most kids learn their most important values at home and at church, and if you give them a solid foundation they should be fine whether they live with rich or poor people.
That said, the school I went to wasn't ALL rich, it was actually very diverse both racially and socio-economically. So it wasn't as if I was around ONLY rich kids. If I had been the only poor kid, that might have been different - I can't really say. While there were some cliques, I would say most kids divided up by interest and geography. The kids who were in different activities tended to hang with those kids (i.e, sports, or drama, or choir, or whatever) as opposed to all the rich kids hanging together, and the poor kids hanging together. That's just not how it was, and most kids integrated together very easily.
Lastly, my experience was 30+ years ago. So things could have changed very dramatically since then. Worldly influences seem overwhelming just in general compared to when I grew up.
Editing to add, one of my classmates was the son of a pretty well known orthopaedic surgeon, and also a vintage car collector. He had something like 85 cars. His son was able to bring a different car to school practically every week. Very cool vintage cars. He was such a great guy and I personally never felt jealousy towards him. I didn't get a car until senior year of college and even then, it was my sister's old hand-me-down car that I had to buy from her with my own money. I also paid my own way through college - no parent (or government) footed the bill for me. Again, I don't feel resentment or jealousy towards those that had much more than me. In fact, I sometimes think I had it better - there is a certain sense of pride and accomplishment in earning things yourself.
FTR, I did not go to New Trier....
Last edited by Bellamouse; 01-22-2015 at 05:26 PM..
I've heard that New Trier is academically competitive and socially competitive. I know quite a few families who have kids that attend New Trier. It's so competitive that a majority of students push themselves to take honors classes to get a high enough class rank and many students are very competitive high achievers which isn't the best for everyone. Many students just can't handle that much pressure.
New Trier is also a cliquey school. It's very easy for students to feel lost in the sea socially. However, students I know feel that having it be a big school actually helps because there's more people to meet. If your future kid was going to be a new student at New Trier, I would not suggest it.
I wouldn't say that having less money than the majority of families would not mean that your future kid would get judged by other students because of their money. It's really based on the nature of the community itself. There are some suburbs where people are just generally flat out rude (not lying, multiple north shore communities are some of these) and some where people are down to earth. I actually found Wilmette to be pretty friendly for the north shore actually, but some other towns that also feed into New Trier I've found a lot of moronic people.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation to you, I'm thinking of switching my daughter to HPHS in Highland Park from another north shore town, but I'm worried it might not work out for her socially because it's the legit north shore on Lake Michigan with huge mansions. I've decided to try to send her there because they have better opportunities academically, activity-wise, and probably socially. From what I've seen, HP's environment seems pretty typical in niceness. Where she goes to school now, is actually one of of the worst schools socially in the suburbs and the north shore. Not just from my daughter's experience, but from my experience and others' experiences. It's definitely the people, not the wealth.
There are some really great schools that feed into New Trier though. If your future kid goes to school in Wilmette before New Trier and make a good amount of true friends, they should be ok. If not, you could just move to a nearby town or send your future kid to a private school.
Thank you both for your insights! I agree that the values we instill in our children should (hopefully) give then a solid foundation to be fine in any environment.
We plan to buy for the long-run, so if we do buy in Wilmette, the plan will be for the kids to start in Wilmette schools (either Avoca West or Romona) from the very beginning.
Then there are houses in the Maine East district that are gorgeous, large, updated, and totally within our price range, but then the kids would probably be among the "richest" in the district. (well besides the kids who live in those tacky McMansions in DesPlaines, haha). I don't think Maine East is that horrible of a school but its boundaries unfortunately include vast areas of apartment buildings... my sister-in-law called me a snob when I said that I'd prefer not to send my kids to those schools, haha, and that I'd much rather be in the Glenbrooks or New Trier districts. So snobby - look, I'm already fitting in with the New Trier crowd
Honestly, if it were me, I'd rather send my kids to the school where they would be exposed to the widest variety of people. A lot of those "poor" kids who live in <horrors> apartment buildings are the brightest and most down-to-earth kids. Obviously they have no control over the family into which they were born, and trying to shield your kids from the realities of life (whether rich or poor) doesn't seem like it would do them the best good in my estimation. Kids from rich families can be just as bad an influence as kids from poor families (sometimes even worse). Family dysfunction and chaos is not restricted to poor kids, nor is drug use or crime. Look at those boys from Columbine. I don't think they were poor....
I would consider the quality of education first and foremost - what is it you want your children to actually learn?? Find out if the kinds of classes you believe are important are offered (ie, languages? arts/drama? music? lots of AP classes? religion? math/science? etc.) and search for schools (public and private) that offer those things. Let the demographics be secondary. But that's just me.
Truth be told, if it were me, I would just homeschool
Last edited by Bellamouse; 01-23-2015 at 12:08 PM..
We're looking at the more affordable parts of Wilmette, (affectionately known as "Wilmetto" ), to be in a good neighborhood with a fantastic park district and schools.
However, it just occurred to me - the New Trier district includes uber-wealthy communities like Kenilworth, Glencoe, Winnetka. My future kids will likely be among the "poorest" at their schools. Is this a good idea? To be surrounded by much wealthier classmates who likely get cars for their 16th birthdays and designer dresses for prom (or am I just perpetuating lame New Trier stereotypes, ha?*). I'm concerned with potential jealousy, feelings of resentment, and inflated values of materialism. Of course, I can't predict how my future children will react, but I'm just pondering on the effects of being in such an environment.
Or should I stay out of the New Trier district?
*My stereotypical perceptions of New Trier are based on the usual anecdotes of friends/coworkers/relatives - stories of New Trier's "rich kid problems", drug issues, unhealthy competitiveness, etc.. However, I've also heard great things about the schools. I have an aunt by marriage who used to teach at the high school and has nothing but fantastic things to say about the district.
I grew up on the North Shore and attended New Trier. I now live here with my own children. I have never even heard of the term "Wilmetto". Seriously, most people could care less where you live. My parents were not wealthy. They saved every penny just to afford a house in the New Trier district. I did not have a car. I did not have a designer prom dress. I had a part-time job starting at age 15. I had friends from every NT feeder town of all different economic backgrounds and money was never even discussed. The kids (well, and adults, too!) who like to talk and flaunt do so out of insecurity. New Trier is HUGE and your future children will surely find friends who are like-minded. Listen to your aunt and don't take too much stock in the comments from people who may not even have any experience with New Trier. Wilmette is a great town with so much to offer. I have friends and family who live there and love it.
Honestly, if it were me, I'd rather send my kids to the school where they would be exposed to the widest variety of people. A lot of those "poor" kids who live in <horrors> apartment buildings are the brightest and most down-to-earth kids. Obviously they have no control over the family into which they were born, and trying to shield your kids from the realities of life (whether rich or poor) doesn't seem like it would do them the best good in my estimation. Kids from rich families can be just as bad an influence as kids from poor families (sometimes even worse). Family dysfunction and chaos is not restricted to poor kids, nor is drug use or crime. Look at those boys from Columbine. I don't think they were poor....
I would consider the quality of education first and foremost - what is it you want your children to actually learn?? Find out if the kinds of classes you believe are important are offered (ie, languages? arts/drama? music? lots of AP classes? religion? math/science? etc.) and search for schools (public and private) that offer those things. Let the demographics be secondary. But that's just me.
Truth be told, if it were me, I would just homeschool
I definitely see where your coming from. I personally don't think being in a 'bubble' community is a good way to prepare your kids for the real world. Sure, 'bubble' schools in rich communities have a lot of money, so the schools have great academic opportunities that aren't offered at most other schools. The problem is that kids are only exposed to a certain type of kids. Even with New Trier, although it's a big school serving multiple towns, but these towns are very similar to each other, so many of the kids are similar. When kids move on to the real world graduating from a 'bubble' school, they won't be prepared of being in a normal environment and that's what hurts them.
Also, for some reason, a lot of north shore high schools have a high drug use. At Stevenson, there were 40 or so kids suspended for drug use at one time. Also, my home district, 113, also a north shore district, took the Illinois survey that is given to schools every year, and the District 113 drug use rate was higher than most of Lake County!
I would've sent my kids to private school if I had enough money too. I wouldn't send homeschool then because I work all day and they wouldn't have an opportunity to meet other kids. Overall, there's pros and cons about north shore high schools, but they definitely aren't for every kid.
I wouldn't send homeschool then because I work all day and they wouldn't have an opportunity to meet other kids.
Actually, this is a common misconception about homeschooling. Almost every homeschooled kid has access to "enrichment" programs - basically homeschooler co-ops. Most of the homeschooled children I know (and I know a lot!) have been exposed to more people, places, activities and opportunities than any conventionally schooled kid. Most are out of the house on field trips and attending enrichment classes more than they are at home.
Add to that, they are allowed to work at their own pace, and the really smart kids aren't held back by the rest of the class who aren't at that level. Moving young, exceptionally smart kids up grades isn't always great either because of maturity issues. Homeschooling really is a nice option for kids who are different - they can really be themselves and thrive and move at the pace that works for them. It really isn't all that different from the one room schoolhouse that used to exist all over this country 100+ years ago. Go google the test to pass 8th grade from that time - it's more difficult and advanced than what many current college grads could handle.
But homeschooling is a different topic, and I'm not really trying to convince anyone of its merits. Just thought I'd mention that it's not exactly true that homeschooled kids are isolated.
Thank you both for your insights! I agree that the values we instill in our children should (hopefully) give then a solid foundation to be fine in any environment.
We plan to buy for the long-run, so if we do buy in Wilmette, the plan will be for the kids to start in Wilmette schools (either Avoca West or Romona) from the very beginning.
Then there are houses in the Maine East district that are gorgeous, large, updated, and totally within our price range, but then the kids would probably be among the "richest" in the district. (well besides the kids who live in those tacky McMansions in DesPlaines, haha). I don't think Maine East is that horrible of a school but its boundaries unfortunately include vast areas of apartment buildings... my sister-in-law called me a snob when I said that I'd prefer not to send my kids to those schools, haha, and that I'd much rather be in the Glenbrooks or New Trier districts. So snobby - look, I'm already fitting in with the New Trier crowd
Are you kidding? Between a choice of New Trier and Maine East, New Trier hands down, no brainer. My experience with Prospect Heights D23 and Wheeling HS is that, yes, the kids from the apartments were the bad influences and the kids from single family households not as much. It may be a stereotype, but I have first hand experience. Are there exceptions to the rule? YES. Also there is a direct correlation between family income and school performance. So ask yourself if you'd rather have the problem of having your kids rub elbows with entitled kids who still perform well enough to get into good universities or kids talking about the gang banging they did last weekend? Drugs, unfortunately will be found in mosr high schools if f kid really wants them. I went to a local university with several kids I knew from Wilmette and Winnetka. The family values and parenting was more influential in the kid's attitudes than the family net worth. I also worked retail in Winnetka and some of the wealthier families were also most "salt of the earth" types.
Here's a good resource for comparing schools: IIRC: Home
Obviously I would rather send a kid to a top rated HS that has the 'bubble' feel to it rather than a bad school with lots of gangs and fights. However, if I found a nice house in an are with decent schools and a house in the New Trier district or any north shore district that was a crappy house the same price as the other one, I would go with the one in the area with decent schools as long as it's in a safe area. Why? Because I would get a nicer house obviously, because for the most parts kids will at a decent average school will still turn out fine.
If I had a choice between the crappy New Trier house and a nice house in Maine East, I would have to think about it. There are definitely worse schools than Maine East. Maine East is actually an ok school. It's not the best or in the decent-average category, it's in the average category. Maine East ranks around average compared to the state. I've heard of people going to Maine East and turning out fine. It's still in Park Ridge and most of the students who go there are from Park Ridge which is a safe area. Hilary Clinton went there, one of my daughter's teachers went there, and I've seen threads on City Data where Maine East graduates posted that they turned out fine and had a good experience there. I'm sure that there is a transfer policy where you could switch to any school in the Maine School District if things didn't work out for a kid.There are option areas within the Maine district between East and South, East and West, and South and West. However, I've heard that there's also a high drug use in the Maine schools as well, even at Maine South one of the most well regarded schools in the state. I would probably just buy the Maine East house but send my kids to a private school. It would probably be just as much paying for a house and private school as buying the New Trier house considering the taxes would be more expensive than the Maine East house. I would rather send a kid to New Trier than Maine East if housing options didn't matter. There was actually a thread a month or so about a tiny house in the New Trier district vs. an average sized home in the Maine East district.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
), to be in a good neighborhood with a fantastic park district and schools. 
)
So that kind of mindset was good, I guess. Although for certain people it might be too much pressure? 
Seriously, most people could care less where you live. My parents were not wealthy. They saved every penny just to afford a house in the New Trier district. I did not have a car. I did not have a designer prom dress. I had a part-time job starting at age 15. I had friends from every NT feeder town of all different economic backgrounds and money was never even discussed. The kids (well, and adults, too!) who like to talk and flaunt do so out of insecurity. New Trier is HUGE and your future children will surely find friends who are like-minded. Listen to your aunt and don't take too much stock in the comments from people who may not even have any experience with New Trier. Wilmette is a great town with so much to offer. I have friends and family who live there and love it. 
