North shore suburbs that are LGBT friendly (Chicago, Evanston: 2014, crimes)

[chet everett]

My sister is gay, she and her now wife helped me tap into a significant pool of buyers looking to leave Chicago for better schools in the suburbs, the peak of my activity for that was about a decade ago. I still see several of the former clients socially. I know their concerns and experiences.

[BrianRF]

Thanks- we are visiting lots of places but I figured I'd solicit some people's opinions as well. Thanks for your comment. The people to whom I'm referring were told their PTA was looking for a more "traditional family situation" for their PTA leaders... so, I'm not sure what else that would mean. More often, it's just the little things that you notice as part of a two-dad family; I think two mom families have different experiences as well.

There are homophobic people everywhere but that's not really what I'm asking. As a family with two dads, I wasn't allowed to join a local during school "mom's group," for example, because it's always been moms. They can choose their membership and weren't being rude or hurtful on purpose but the fact that they actually held a special meeting to discuss my joining them, voted, and the majority said no told me this was not the place for me. (This wasn't in Illinois, BTW). I figure people can share whatever experiences they have had and we can visit a bunch of places and that's as good of research as I can do.

Originally Posted by chitownperson

Really? Cause I know one of a "two-mom family" that is vice president of the PTA. Not sure which school you're referring to, but were they told outright that they were excluded due to their sexual orientation? From my experience talking to the multiple same sex couples with kids on my own block, their experiences differ great from your friends, and have felt never felt exclude in any capacity. Of course, there are homophobic people everywhere, but that kind of exclusion is uncommon in Oak Park, mostly due to the fact the people who are uncomfortable with diversity (in every sense of the word) generally tend to stay clear of Oak Park and go for more conservative suburbs… But don't take mine, or anyone else's, word for it. Visit different suburb, hand in hand with your partner, and get a feel for how you'll be treated.

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by chitownperson

Really? Cause I know one of a "two-mom family" that is vice president of the PTA. Not sure which school you're referring to, but were they told outright that they were excluded due to their sexual orientation? From my experience talking to the multiple same sex couples with kids on my own block, their experiences differ great from your friends, and have never felt exclude in any capacity.

"Feeling excluded" is very different from actually being excluded. And let's get honest here, PTA's are often full of turf-protecting type-A parents. They have been for decades. It would be pretty easy to feel "pushed off".

Originally Posted by chitownperson

Visit different suburb, hand in hand with your partner, and get a feel for how you'll be treated. I had a friend that moved to Glen Ellyn with her family, and being a working mom, she found it hard enough to break into the SAHMs circle…

I have multiple friends who have said the same things about Oak Park and Evanston. It's the nature of the beast... they are just around town more of the time, and in wealthier suburbs they tend to have more disposable income and time. Someone that works a job and commutes will just never have the time to break in to social groups that naturally tend to congregate Monday-Friday during the day.

There are certainly more Bible-beaters out in the Glen Ellyn/Wheaton area than in places like Oak Park, but I have to think they would be summarily flogged for any outward signs of bigotry against gays. But if I were a gay parent myself, I think I'd probably try to find a suburb that had larger numbers of parents in this position just to improve my odds. Or I'd just move to Madison, WI.

[Paige65]

If it's not too far... In addition to Highland Park being very LGBT friendly, there are several stay at home dads scattered throughout the schools as well. Many work PT from home and some are solely full-time SAHDs. As a former elementary PTO president, I can tell you that our school was very welcoming of any parent who wanted to be involved in whatever way possible. Though I do agree with Lookout that the whole SAHM culture can be exclusive, or at least feel that way.

I know of one gay couple with children who left Oak Park to live in HP. I don't want to overstate the number of LGBT families in HP, because it is not a significant number. It wouldn't be like OP or Evanston, but the community culture is very inclusive and socially liberal.

[BrianRF]

Thanks very much for the insight, Paige!

Originally Posted by Paige65

If it's not too far... In addition to Highland Park being very LGBT friendly, there are several stay at home dads scattered throughout the schools as well. Many work PT from home and some are solely full-time SAHDs. As a former elementary PTO president, I can tell you that our school was very welcoming of any parent who wanted to be involved in whatever way possible. Though I do agree with Lookout that the whole SAHM culture can be exclusive, or at least feel that way.

I know of one gay couple with children who left Oak Park to live in HP. I don't want to overstate the number of LGBT families in HP, because it is not a significant number. It wouldn't be like OP or Evanston, but the community culture is very inclusive and socially liberal.

[holl1ngsworth]

There's a mapping tool on City-Data.com's main page that may be helpful.

[Lookout Kid]

Originally Posted by holl1ngsworth

There's a mapping tool on City-Data.com's main page that may be helpful.

How the heck do that get that data point? "Likely homosexual households" has a creepy tone to it... Like "Likely communists" during the McCarthy era or something.

[holl1ngsworth]

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

How the heck do that get that data point? "Likely homosexual households" has a creepy tone to it... Like "Likely communists" during the McCarthy era or something.

Yea, strange, but it's there. City-Data has a data on everything. Might be worth looking into where this set originates from.

[chitownperson]

Originally Posted by BrianRF

Thanks- we are visiting lots of places but I figured I'd solicit some people's opinions as well. Thanks for your comment. The people to whom I'm referring were told their PTA was looking for a more "traditional family situation" for their PTA leaders... so, I'm not sure what else that would mean. More often, it's just the little things that you notice as part of a two-dad family; I think two mom families have different experiences as well.

There are homophobic people everywhere but that's not really what I'm asking. As a family with two dads, I wasn't allowed to join a local during school "mom's group," for example, because it's always been moms. They can choose their membership and weren't being rude or hurtful on purpose but the fact that they actually held a special meeting to discuss my joining them, voted, and the majority said no told me this was not the place for me. (This wasn't in Illinois, BTW). I figure people can share whatever experiences they have had and we can visit a bunch of places and that's as good of research as I can do.

I agree that the "traditional family situation" comment does sound like the way you described it. It's still quite surprising to me (and I'm not deluded into thinking that such things can't happen in Oak Park), and I'd assume that if that were made public, there would be a huge community backlash. Care to mention which school this was? I'll understand if you don't want to. I've heard that Mann's PTA has a slightly different "culture" from most other schools here.

[chitownperson]

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

"Feeling excluded" is very different from actually being excluded. And let's get honest here, PTA's are often full of turf-protecting type-A parents. They have been for decades. It would be pretty easy to feel "pushed off".




I have multiple friends who have said the same things about Oak Park and Evanston. It's the nature of the beast... they are just around town more of the time, and in wealthier suburbs they tend to have more disposable income and time. Someone that works a job and commutes will just never have the time to break in to social groups that naturally tend to congregate Monday-Friday during the day.

There are certainly more Bible-beaters out in the Glen Ellyn/Wheaton area than in places like Oak Park, but I have to think they would be summarily flogged for any outward signs of bigotry against gays. But if I were a gay parent myself, I think I'd probably try to find a suburb that had larger numbers of parents in this position just to improve my odds. Or I'd just move to Madison, WI.

To your first point, sure there's a difference, but people/groups often try to make you feel excluded as a strategy to exclude, especially when they're not technically allowed to exclude.

As for the SAHMs thing, it's possibly less pronounce in OP as there are more working moms here. My friends specific experience is that they "group" would only organize events when she was at work and made is hard for her to be included. From her point of view it was specifically mean spirited. I'm not saying this is some kind of a trend there, just that this was her specific experience.

"Bigotry against gays" (or anyone for that matter) does not always have an outwardly expression. Subtle exclusion can be one form… I know of a specific example that a son of a friend who's Mexican is going through right now in Wheaton and it's truly heart breaking. Everything is under the radar, there are no racist words involved, but the way he's being treat (not only by "friends" but his "friends" parents too) is nothing short of disgusting… Not saying this is everyone's experience, and I'm sure that people who conform to certain social norms will be more readily accepted into certain circles, but as far as my friend is concern, she wish she never moved there, being one of the few Latino families in her area. She grew up in a rough area of the city so her inclination was to move further out to a "safe" suburb, and her family is plenty "safe" from certain types of crime, but ...