Highland Park snobbery? (Chicago, Evanston, Lake Forest: cliquey, lease, neighborhood)
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We reap what we sow.
I would do a little soul serching to figure out why I am getting such a continuous reaction from people.
Very wise words. When one is confronted with a problem it is much easier to believe that the source is external rather than internal.
The OP may indeed be meeting people that aren't interested in a friendship with her. Maybe approaching other moms at a public park isn't a good way to meet people. I'vw never developed a friendship with anyone I've met randomly at a park.
There are a million ways to meet people in HP. Join the PTA when school starts, or invite moms & kids over for playdates. It might not be you at all, just the way you are approaching people.
personally i find Highland Park more inbred than snobbish. It's one of those places that just seems to create a world of its own. First of all, it is a large town (area), and much of it (certainly the areas east of 41) is really off the beaten path for a lot of people since the lakefront really eliminates the through traffic of suburbs to the west. Highland Park is further removed from the city than the North Shore towns to the south and doesn't share a high school the way places like Glencoe and Winnetka share New Trier (all of HP can go to HPHS while the western parts have an HPHS/DHS option).
Highland Parkers are so atuned to shopping and using downtown HP...it's like part of their culture.
Again, these are just observaitons, but I have lived in HP a few times in my life and I can see a kind of "closed off" feel to the place, a place that really seems to revolve around its own community.
Again, these are just observaitons, but I have lived in HP a few times in my life and I can see a kind of "closed off" feel to the place, a place thatreally seems to revolve around its own community.
sure they do. and why not? it's just that its a mixed bag. HP does offer a true sense of community and sense of place. The flip side is that it can make those not part of it feel like being on the outside looking in.
Soo, if you are not a part of HP you are an outsider looking in and wont feel part of it unless you live there and are part of it--- this is different from other communities how?
We've been in HP for almost 2 years and are renting a house. I've lived all over the country, come from humble roots, attended an Ivy League university-- seen and met it all, etc., etc., etc.
We are surrounded by older neighbors. Some in grand homes, some in normal ones. They have all been very nice and welcoming. Solid, down-to-earth people. That said, the Mom's in HP are a new phenomenon to me. Extremely insular. But I think it's because they all grew up together, went to camp together, stood up in each others' weddings, etc. If you have ten friends who've known each other since grammar school and someone new moves in-- it's not like you're looking for a new pal.
However there are plenty of people here who didn't grow up in Highland Park and also a few who-- despite their deep roots-- are still interested in making new connections. Go find them.
To whomever said "snobs are everywhere"-- it's true, but they certainly are found in higher concentrations in wealthier areas. My own experience is that new money tends to be snobbier than truly old money. Old money doesn't care they have money because they don't even notice it. No need to flaunt it because there's no insecurity there. Some of the most gracious people I've ever met are old money. And you don't find out they have bajillions until you've known them for a while because it doesn't come up. Not important.
New money? Look around. Flash and trash. (Huge generality, but yeah.)
For the record, snobbiest place I've ever set foot: West Hartford, CT. You actually got "looks" from people if you weren't dressed in your preppy pressed best to go buy toilet paper.
We have recently moved to Highland Park - we are renting a house there, planning to buy something next year. We chose Highland Park because of the following: close to work, good schools, Jewish presence (we are Jewish), prestigious, close to the lake, Ravinia & Botanic garden, charming architecture, great Downtown.
However, I'm absolutely astounded by the number of snobs I've encountered in Highland Park during the few months we've been here! Most people here just don't seem very friendly to newcomers... I try to be friendly and open, and just get a bad vibe in return.
This is not the first time I have relocated, so it's not just "new to the area" thing.
Am I nuts? Is it just me? Is Highland Park really full of snobs? Any inside info?
Get a Lexus, that's step number 1. HP Jews love that brand of car above all others. I once drove through the subdivision Hybernia, in HP, and it's incredible the Jewish architecture there. Definitely an unusual style, LOL!!! Is that the style of the "snobs" you are meeting? If so, who cares!
I'm not sure, but my guess is that their elementary schools don't perform quite up to par with their true Highland Park counterparts. Again, this may be due to the Latino population, and the greater challenge that immigrants' kids may have with learning & grasping English as a second language rather than as their first language.
The white liberal guilt-mongers on the North Shore are getting a taste of their own medicine now that low income, bilingual, and other special needs kids are "trickling upwards" into their prestigious public schools. I would love to see a large influx of ESL Hispanic students flood New Trier, Glenbrook North or Lake Forest High. Then maybe the politicians would notice the problem, once it's their own kids who are suffering from all this crap in the schools....
That said, the Mom's in HP are a new phenomenon to me. Extremely insular. But I think it's because they all grew up together, went to camp together, stood up in each others' weddings, etc. If you have ten friends who've known each other since grammar school and someone new moves in-- it's not like you're looking for a new pal.
However there are plenty of people here who didn't grow up in Highland Park and also a few who-- despite their deep roots-- are still interested in making new connections. Go find them.
I refrained from posting in this thread since I've lived in HP for 15+ years, thinking I might not clearly see what it's like to an outsider. I met people rather quickly though I didn't know a soul. I'm posting now because I think your post is spot on. Maybe the poster has been unlucky enough to meet groups of women who have known one another forever and aren't looking for new friends. Nothing wrong with that. But, as you mention, there are people who have grown up here that are looking to make new connections, and I would say more than a few.
The OP should register her kids for a park district program or meet moms through pre-school. If she has an infant, she should consider going to Family Network (a drop-in center for parents and 0-4 age children) FN is in the lower level of the Highland Park Presbyterian Church. The organization is non-denominational, they just rent space from the church. I guarantee they will be welcoming.
I think the OP said she is Jewish. What about meeting mothers at one of the many synagogues? Are there activities there for young mothers?
If the OP likes to go to the park, try the playground at Brown Park (on Burton just north of Roger Williams). On a nice day it's always teeming with moms (and nannies as well...). Sunset Park is probably an even better spot.
Do you have school age children yet? If you do, get involved on a PTO Committee, or suggest a coffee for people who are new to the school if they don't have one. You could do this at your child's preschool as well. If your child is an infant, Family Network is probably your best bet.
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