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Old 09-26-2010, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Humboldt Park, Chicago
2,338 posts, read 4,818,107 times
Reputation: 775
Also, most people describe themselves as attractive whether this is the case or not.

I work with a black lady who is 40 years old, not terribly attractive (6'1, 200 lbs and built like basketball player). She is loud and very aggressive and not terribly polished. She is very intelligent and successful but is unable in her words to find a good man.

Because of her size she seeks only men 6'2 and above and only black successful men. She makes 200k per year so she is looking for a black single man around her age with no kids who can put up with a highly demanding not terribly attractive woman. It is not happening. She is being unrealistic.

She would consider herself attractive and a good catch. I would argue otherwise. I don't work with her directly but do not look forward to the times when I have to interract with her in meetings as she is an unpleasant and unhappy person.

This is not a good catch regardless of her looks or age.

 
Old 09-26-2010, 04:13 PM
 
856 posts, read 537,642 times
Reputation: 388
Quote:
Originally Posted by allen2323 View Post
I totally get where you are coming from. I respectfully differ about the judgements made about the vibrant and diverse black community in the chicagoland area. It's really up to you in chicagoland to find what you are looking for. As an african american man I have found what I am looking for. I am getting tired of hearing dating and lack of marriage complaints from educated single black women. It's starting to really become embarrassing. It just rubs me and I am sure alot of guys of all races the wrong way to here a women of there race complaining about not being able to find good men and on top of that not even being able to attract good enough men of other races. To me the facts as you present them just calls into question what are you actually looking for? And why you feel that your previous relationships have all had major shortcomings? In defense of black women and the black community in general, in my neighborhood all I see is almost nothing but upper middle class african american couples with african american kids, living next door to upper middle class white couples with white kids. I am the only interracial couple on my street, so there are plenty of successful african american men, who love educated black women. And even in an area as educated, racially accepting, and overall one the most racially diverse affluent areas in the united state as mine I don't see hardly any white men and black women living together. You have to be real with yourself. As you stated, you being a mature 33 year old attractive african american women. Alot of the serious marriage minded guys of all races are already married by your age or atleast are in serious long term committed relationships. You aren't in your 20's anymore. You are not going to have a ton of guys WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER of any race trying to talk to you left and right wherever it is you decide to move in the united states, for the simple fact that most of the successful men in your age group are no longer dating. And most of the successful white men WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER clearly have no trouble finding white women to MARRY. At the end of the day the overwhelming majority of white men who HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER end up marrying and having white kids with white women. I think it's time for you to decide what you actually want in life. Marriage or do you want to be a lifelong professional dater. Nothing wrong with either choice, but you have to understand the quality of men you date will decrease as you get older. The last sex in the city movie just isn't the reality even for mature white women who are still single. This idea that it is the norm for a women to wait until she is in her 30's or 40's to finally settle down just doesn't fly with me. Women in there 20's who are smart enough to realize this simple fact of life have all the advantages when it comes to dating and finding men WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER to marry. Even over better educated and higher income single mature women in there 30's and 40's. Most of the reasons just being completely natural and have nothing to do with society.
I understand where you coming from. I know my shortcomings (close the door to early, afraid of getting hurt, always worry about doing the right thing etc..) and have came across many great men of my own race. I am still in my 20s by the way but barely so now I am concerned a little. However, I when I think successful black men I think snobby, stuck up, status. What school you went to? What your degree? Annoying questions like that. Lastly, I do know about white men mostly always marry successful white women. I see interracial couples all the time and children where I live in Oak Park. Also I feel that is a Chicago Midwest thought pattern you have about white men. If you just go to Minneapolis you will see all the black women, white men couples in big numbers and the same out West. Hopefully I will end up there someday.
 
Old 09-26-2010, 04:41 PM
 
Location: Near Chicago
3,108 posts, read 4,787,770 times
Reputation: 1465
Quote:
Originally Posted by allen2323 View Post
I totally get where you are coming from. I respectfully differ about the judgements made about the vibrant and diverse black community in the chicagoland area. It's really up to you in chicagoland to find what you are looking for. As an african american man I have found what I am looking for. I am getting tired of hearing dating and lack of marriage complaints from educated single black women. It's starting to really become embarrassing. It just rubs me and I am sure alot of guys of all races the wrong way to here a women of there race complaining about not being able to find good men and on top of that not even being able to attract good enough men of other races. To me the facts as you present them just calls into question what are you actually looking for? And why you feel that your previous relationships have all had major shortcomings? In defense of black women and the black community in general, in my neighborhood all I see is almost nothing but upper middle class african american couples with african american kids, living next door to upper middle class white couples with white kids. I am the only interracial couple on my street, so there are plenty of successful african american men, who love educated black women. And even in an area as educated, racially accepting, and overall one the most racially diverse affluent areas in the united state as mine I don't see hardly any white men and black women living together. You have to be real with yourself. As you stated, you being a mature 33 year old attractive african american women. Alot of the serious marriage minded guys of all races are already married by your age or atleast are in serious long term committed relationships. You aren't in your 20's anymore. You are not going to have a ton of guys WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER of any race trying to talk to you left and right wherever it is you decide to move in the united states, for the simple fact that most of the successful men in your age group are no longer dating. And most of the successful white men WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER clearly have no trouble finding white women to MARRY. At the end of the day the overwhelming majority of white men who HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER end up marrying and having white kids with white women. I think it's time for you to decide what you actually want in life. Marriage or do you want to be a lifelong professional dater. Nothing wrong with either choice, but you have to understand the quality of men you date will decrease as you get older. The last sex in the city movie just isn't the reality even for mature white women who are still single. This idea that it is the norm for a women to wait until she is in her 30's or 40's to finally settle down just doesn't fly with me. Women in there 20's who are smart enough to realize this simple fact of life have all the advantages when it comes to dating and finding men WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER to marry. Even over better educated and higher income single mature women in there 30's and 40's. Most of the reasons just being completely natural and have nothing to do with society.
Do you live in Flossmoor or Olympia Fields?
 
Old 09-26-2010, 07:36 PM
 
22 posts, read 32,052 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by urza216 View Post
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that if you can't find a datable man or woman in a cosmopolitan city the size of Chicago, you're prabobly gonna be not much better off anywhere else. You all are just making excuses. Chicago is the third largest city in the country and one of the most diverse cities in the country.

A city like Chicago has countless exceptions to every rule. You just got to find them.

You bring up good points, but in addition to being one of the largest cities in the country, it's also one of the most segregated. Sad for a city that is supposedly "cosmopolitan." Take a look at the census tracks and school demographics. In my opinon diversity includes stepping outside of your neighborhood and learn to be comfortable with not only those who look like you, but those with whom you can have new experiences. Don't see much of that in this large "cosmopolitan" city at all.
 
Old 09-26-2010, 07:42 PM
 
829 posts, read 1,085,883 times
Reputation: 279
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephei2000 View Post
I understand where you coming from. I know my shortcomings (close the door to early, afraid of getting hurt, always worry about doing the right thing etc..) and have came across many great men of my own race. I am still in my 20s by the way but barely so now I am concerned a little. However, I when I think successful black men I think snobby, stuck up, status. What school you went to? What your degree? Annoying questions like that. Lastly, I do know about white men mostly always marry successful white women. I see interracial couples all the time and children where I live in Oak Park. Also I feel that is a Chicago Midwest thought pattern you have about white men. If you just go to Minneapolis you will see all the black women, white men couples in big numbers and the same out West. Hopefully I will end up there someday.

Actually, even in minnesota where interracial marriages are alot more prevelant and popular than alot of other places. African american men and white women still account for most of the influx of interracial marriages that you see in minnesota. In minnesota an astounding 44 percent of married black men are married to women who are not black. For black women that number is a fraction of that at 14 percent. Apparently, alot of black women who live in minnessota are very concerned with this disparity as this kind of thing obviously leaves alot of black women single without husbands. I think we all know that a higher prevalences of interracial marriages usually means one thing, more single black women. White men will normally choose to marry asian women or fairer complected latina women who apparently they see as more attractive if the interracial dating scene creates a slight shortage of white women.
 
Old 09-26-2010, 08:00 PM
 
22 posts, read 32,052 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by allen2323 View Post
I totally get where you are coming from. I respectfully differ about the judgements made about the vibrant and diverse black community in the chicagoland area. It's really up to you in chicagoland to find what you are looking for. As an african american man I have found what I am looking for. I am getting tired of hearing dating and lack of marriage complaints from educated single black women. It's starting to really become embarrassing. It just rubs me and I am sure alot of guys of all races the wrong way to here a women of there race complaining about not being able to find good men and on top of that not even being able to attract good enough men of other races. To me the facts as you present them just calls into question what are you actually looking for? And why you feel that your previous relationships have all had major shortcomings? In defense of black women and the black community in general, in my neighborhood all I see is almost nothing but upper middle class african american couples with african american kids, living next door to upper middle class white couples with white kids. I am the only interracial couple on my street, so there are plenty of successful african american men, who love educated black women. And even in an area as educated, racially accepting, and overall one the most racially diverse affluent areas in the united state as mine I don't see hardly any white men and black women living together. You have to be real with yourself. As you stated, you being a mature 33 year old attractive african american women. Alot of the serious marriage minded guys of all races are already married by your age or atleast are in serious long term committed relationships. You aren't in your 20's anymore. You are not going to have a ton of guys WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER of any race trying to talk to you left and right wherever it is you decide to move in the united states, for the simple fact that most of the successful men in your age group are no longer dating. And most of the successful white men WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER clearly have no trouble finding white women to MARRY. At the end of the day the overwhelming majority of white men who HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER end up marrying and having white kids with white women. I think it's time for you to decide what you actually want in life. Marriage or do you want to be a lifelong professional dater. Nothing wrong with either choice, but you have to understand the quality of men you date will decrease as you get older. The last sex in the city movie just isn't the reality even for mature white women who are still single. This idea that it is the norm for a women to wait until she is in her 30's or 40's to finally settle down just doesn't fly with me. Women in there 20's who are smart enough to realize this simple fact of life have all the advantages when it comes to dating and finding men WHO HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER to marry. Even over better educated and higher income single mature women in there 30's and 40's. Most of the reasons just being completely natural and have nothing to do with society.
Thanks for sharing your insight, but you've missed my point. I never attributed my comments/experiences to a particular race. I did not have any particular ethnicity in mind when sharing my experiences. I also did not say anything about marriage. But it's important to note that about 46% of black men never marry, so that's a huge pool to choose from if that was my goal. Also most people assume I'm no more than 25, so these experiences I've shared are not based on age. Most regions, states, cities, etc have their own vibe and way of doing things. Chicago's vibe is "interesting" and not always reflective of the 21st century based on my experience. Not just with dating, but culturally as well, just my humble opinon.
 
Old 09-26-2010, 08:16 PM
 
22 posts, read 32,052 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Humboldt1 View Post
Also, most people describe themselves as attractive whether this is the case or not.

I work with a black lady who is 40 years old, not terribly attractive (6'1, 200 lbs and built like basketball player). She is loud and very aggressive and not terribly polished. She is very intelligent and successful but is unable in her words to find a good man.

Because of her size she seeks only men 6'2 and above and only black successful men. She makes 200k per year so she is looking for a black single man around her age with no kids who can put up with a highly demanding not terribly attractive woman. It is not happening. She is being unrealistic.

She would consider herself attractive and a good catch. I would argue otherwise. I don't work with her directly but do not look forward to the times when I have to interract with her in meetings as she is an unpleasant and unhappy person.

This is not a good catch regardless of her looks or age.
In my experience I've seen my fare share of black women in Chicago who fit your description. This does not describe me at all. I'm 5"9' about 137 with a nice figure. I modeled to pay for college. Although looks aren't everything, I think your appearance reflects your health and self care.
 
Old 09-26-2010, 08:24 PM
 
22 posts, read 32,052 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmosBanks View Post
Do you have black female friends who are married? Do you think they just got lucky or did they also have an epic search for a spouse? One lady said she is 33. What about the others? A 33 year-old woman may not draw guys like 10 years ago, but she can still pull guys from late 20s to early 40s (if that's your thing). Did you always have this kind of difficulty finding eligible guys or just in the last few years? I apologize if it was mentioned in the last 12 pages, but what do you do for a living? Where did you go to school? Are you in a sorority? Lots of questions, I know...

There are class issues in the black community. A man or woman could be educated and have a great job, but they would be less desirable if extended family is a bunch of ghetto knuckleheads. People think all black folks should be able to date, but often it's just as likely as Roseanne hanging out with Frasier Crane.

I have a very extensive social life which allows me to meet new people often. About 50% of my black girlfriends are married. Of the 50% who aren't 70% of them are great catches but just has not met the right person. The other 30% are not eligible or maybe not interested in marriage for whatever reason. I don't discriminate when it comes to dating, I date who I think is a good guy and someone for who we compliment each other. I would not eliminate a guy because his family is "ghetto" or are "hibilies/trailor park".
 
Old 09-26-2010, 08:39 PM
 
856 posts, read 537,642 times
Reputation: 388
Quote:
Originally Posted by Special1 View Post
In my experience I've seen my fare share of black women in Chicago who fit your description. This does not describe me at all. I'm 5"9' about 137 with a nice figure. I modeled to pay for college. Although looks aren't everything, I think your appearance reflects your health and self care.
I agree with this but you do not have to be stick thin to say you take care of yourself. I was 160-165 college and 5'10", and everyone thought I was thin and was wearing size 8 sometimes size 6 dresses. I have always had an athletic build and would not look right at 140. I have never had a model build even though I model now.
 
Old 09-26-2010, 09:54 PM
 
6 posts, read 8,521 times
Reputation: 17
Imagine if a man constantly complained about not being able to meet and date women. Would that person seem like the type of man you would be interested in?
Looking at the sheer number of people in Chicagoland(nearly 10 million-and about half of them are male), its hard to believe that finding one could be that difficult.
I would like to know how many women approach men and ask them out. It's hard to get rejected, but don't stop. There are tons of good men out here. Strike up a conversation with a guy and ask him out.
Dating traditions really have to change... Equality!
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