Single Black women of Chicago- What's the dating scene like? (Atlanta: upper-class, rent)

[Lorielicious]

Wait -- you really want to talk about me? Like, me Lorie specifically? What the hell do I, one insignificant anecdote, have to do with anything? I am not all people, and the classic inability to get the point strikes again. I'm too preoccupied with my rum to sell myself like a used car to some butthurt dude on the internet. I mean, I'm cool and I make people laugh who can deal with my filled-to-the-brim-with-snark sense of humor, but this is not Ok Cupid. I'm not going to write a tired, forced sales pitch on myself so some guy in his uncle's basement can nod approvingly.

The one person I want to like me likes me back. Maybe I'll ask him to fill out a questionnaire about why he thinks I'm all right. :throws confetti:

[itshim]

Hey I'm glad you found someone who could find you attractive. But this question wasn't pertaining to YOU specifically, but to the women who claim they are having a great deal of difficulty finding "good men" who can compliment them as their "equals." This was never about YOU per se, and you aint Chaka Khan so you aint every woman. It was a general question to the board, like I said before.

Frankly I'm just impressed that you were competent enough to put down the cue cards for a second and dignify your own self importance on a message board without having to go into a long speech about how "educated" you were and how important you are because you had a job.

the significance of the question was meant to be more so introspective, and to discuss what specific traits do "good men" and "good women" find in one another.

If you've trapped yourself a man, then feel free to bow out gracefully and no longer feel personally insulted. The cage is open now, you're free to walk. For those women who feel they have something worthwhile to contribute, I'd be interested in hearing what it is that these single have that make them a "good catch."

[Lorielicious]

Originally Posted by itshim

Hey I'm glad you found someone who could find you attractive. But this question wasn't pertaining to YOU specifically...

But you just.... but you said...

If you've trapped yourself a man, then feel free to bow out gracefully and no longer feel personally insulted. The cage is open now, you're free to walk. For those women who feel they have something worthwhile to contribute, I'd be interested in hearing what it is that these single have that make them a "good catch."

So you mean to say anyone who hasn't "trapped [herself] a man" should just take her say on the matter and....

You know what? Never mind. I wish you all well. This thread is over for me.

:backs away slowly:

[RiverRise]

Originally Posted by itshim

I mean seriously what attributes outside of the norm would make all of these "successful" women so desirable? What makes them so deserving of having a "good man?" I'm curious as to what else they bring to the table…

Originally Posted by itshim

outside of a regular degree and a regular job, what makes these women so special?

Originally Posted by itshim

Now what would make a man attracted to these particular women outside of that? What are their hobbies, how do they deal with problems, stress etc? How would others describe their personalities?

Originally Posted by itshim

It's a general question.

Originally Posted by itshim

The minute someone asks you something as basic as what makes YOU individually a good catch for a good man, then you all fall to pieces and talk about the price of tea in China.

Originally Posted by itshim

Hey I'm glad you found someone who could find you attractive. But this question wasn't pertaining to YOU specifically, but to the women who claim they are having a great deal of difficulty finding "good men" who can compliment them as their "equals." This was never about YOU per se, and you aint Chaka Khan so you aint every woman. It was a general question to the board, like I said before.

Make up your mind. Please.

[Peacelilies]

Originally Posted by JacksonPanther

Peacelilies, 16 months have gone by since you first posted your original question.

Are you still in Indy? Have you moved to Chicago? What neighborhood are you living in? How are you finding the dating world?

I think your original question has been answered - the dating situation for Black women in Chicago is fine and dandy. But if you can update us with what you've been up to for the last 16 months, we can perhaps give you some updated information.

I am still in Indy. In the last year, I have been looking for jobs both in Chicago and other places. It hasn't been easy finding one that pays the equivalent of what I earn currently. Indy's COL is cheap. Taking the equivalent is already a paycut in most bigger cities, but some employers want to offer you less!.The job market has sucked, really sucked for me (Anyone that says that it's easier to get a job when you have a job is not accurate. There are other factors). Additionally, I have also been very hesitant to leave what I have and just move, but I just might do that this year.

[Peacelilies]

Originally Posted by Just1Fan

Hi Peacelilies -
First, would you say your running from something, or running to something? Also, black women may be the least married demographic in the U.S., but (1) that doesn't stop black women from getting married, and (2) it shouldn't stop you either. Lastly, if you move to Chicago, you might increase your dating odds, but you'll also increase your odds of being lonely, being murdered, and wanting to move back to Indy. Just remember, no matter who you are or where you go... you don't find love, LOVE FINDS YOU!

I'd say I'm running from an area that just does not fit me.
I previously lived in the DC area and I'm used to diversity, lots of black professionals and multiple social opportunities.
Indy has a great COL but it is boring to me. Also, I find that I am usually one of a few black faces, if not the only one at many social events. My job is even like that. I'd like to be in a place where I don't stand out. I'd like to just blend in for once. I miss that

But I have been stuck here due to having a good job and being unable to find other companies willing to match it, but like I told another poster, that might change this year. My resolution is to be riskier

I have also been dating in the last year, so it hasn't been too bad, although I want more lol. More men :-)

[zk92000]

Originally Posted by Lorielicious

You know, I'll play along. Part of me wants to tell you to run off and have fun in your sandbox, but I'm staying in tonight, so why not?

First, in case anyone is paying attention, I have no beef with my dating life. I couldn't be happier with what I've got.

I don't think there's nary a black woman who thinks "I have a degree now! Marry me!" What the issue seems to be there's a sharp imbalance in socioeconomic status between black women and men. I don't think it's so unreasonable for an educated professional to seek same, considering people of all races do this. The problem compounds itself for black women as many are adamantly opposed to dating outside of their race in a way men are not. For instance, my two sisters absolutely refuse to even bat an eyelash at a man who isn't black.

This is very true. Which is one of the many reasons why black women are way too picky. I don't have sympathy for anyone who shoots themselves in the foot. Thinks about it. What your basically saying here is most black women do NOT WANT to 'date out", because they simply aren't interested in other races. So lets get this straight. Black women do not want to date the black men who are available because they don't match up to their standards economically/educationally etc. But they don't want to date other races either? Jesus! Seems to me that we just hit the nail on the head. Black women are "TOO PICKY"! In other words, if black women "on a whole" were less picky they would be able to get themselves out of this situation. By dating other races, etc. Trust me its NOT because of "loyalty" to black men that they do this, its because of attraction. I have many black female friends who don't date other races, and they will assure you it has nothing to do with 'loyalty". It all has to do with attraction, and that's why i say black women are too picky. The situation is a paradox. Think about it, if black women were not so picky they would be more open to date other races, but if that were true, wouldn't it also be conceivable that they would be more flexible with their standards when it came to men within the black race? Thats why black men do so much better in the dating game. when we are looking for a woman, we are doing just that, looking for a 'woman". We do not obsess about her race/education/income/status etc. We are MUCH more concerned about her personality, and how she treats us then $$$$, education etc. When black men cant find what they want within the black race we date other races. We don't sit there and moan and groan and go on and on with this never ending "sob story" about there are no good singles out there. If black women were really so smart like they claim to be they would do one of 4 things. 1) Date other races to find men whom they feel ARE on their level. 2) Be more realistic with their standards with the black men who are available. 3) become lesbians. 4) stay single.

[Travellin]

I'm jumping in here at this late date.
Hmmm, I'd enjoy a late date with some interesting Black woman.
Did ya'll notice I said "interesting"?
I did not say, hot, sexy, good looking or any of those words which might or might not apply although thas all pretty cool too.
A woman can be interesting without being "hot" or "sexy" or etc.
I've always been one of those guys who is into a woman who has it going on in the brain cells.
Now, I am NOT a blind man, nor am I immune to your feminine wiles, baby.
I've been round the block enough times to wear out the sidewalk and wore out the games when I was a playa.
I built a life sos I'm not into bein a playa or bein with a playa anymore.
It's the time of my life when real is where it's at or it's just not gonna happen with me.
I've been attracted, almost exclusively to Black women since my teens.

I realize this thread was begun by a lady who was asking a sincere question and, while I would like to meet someone with whom I'm comfortable<<<<isn't that what it's really all about, and vice versa, I don't want to distract from her concerns.

Right now, I live in north central Wisconsin, an interracial and cultural wasteland. I call it beercheeseville.
I'm a Chicago boy and visit regularly and, if we click in a convo, I'll visit you.
Wasn't all that?

[crackerjack123]

White guy here chiming in to this conversation... It was the black black bliggety-black line from CB4 that made me laugh and decide to post.

I've dated at least one black woman in my life, and that was a really good relationship. She was very tolerant of me despite how much of a stupid prick I was. Always could talk me out of how I felt, and I became a better person over time. The relationship didn't pan out in the end, because we both pursued different career options, but it was a good relationship.

Having been in Chicago and coming from Rockford, I can see the attractive aspects of a lot of different colored women: Islamic, Indian, Black, etc.. I'm friends with a guy who is black, in his late 30s, came from Rockford... and I remember one day I was talking to him after coming back to Rockford from Chicago after about a year. I said to him, "Rockford.. is really white.."

As long as a woman is kind, open-minded, mature, and strong-minded, she is the kind of woman I am into.

Definitely there are cultural differences. When I was dating my black girlfriend, she would talk "white" to me. But when with family? Oh, yeah. Ebonics came out. Very weird but very cool. Maybe that's because I spent a lot of time around black people and hip-hop and rap culture back in the 1990s. Maybe. So, I thought it was odd how she would switch behavior, but it was just who she was. She wasn't hip-hop/rap. She was more into r&b.

If a black woman is going to involve herself with rap that just sounds awful, black culture, and be ethnocentric toward black community and social norms... yeah, I'm not going to be too interested in dating her. There is a lot of that blick black blickety-black stuff in black women that does not appeal to me.

Would I date a black woman in Chicago?
Sure. I remember being hit on by a couple while in Chicago. I didn't make a move: AKA Shy nerdy white guy.

I'll definitely have to say there are some black women I'm just not attracted to and can't find physical attraction to. But definitely if I can meet someone on a level of mental attraction, I easily overlook physical attraction. I don't mean body, though. I mean just facial features of some black women. It's not like they are ugly, but their facial features don't appeal to me. I'm not shallow, though, so definitely a woman who I can meet on a mental level means a lot more to me.

Interesting statistic on black women being more available. I think I should start asking out more.

[Trainer5]

I'm sure if you were interested in moving to Chicago in 2009, that you have done so already, but I felt like responding to your post. When it comes to dating location is everything! You don't want to go to yuppie bars in Lincoln Park where white men are looking to fulfill their fantasy of a new "black" notch on their belt. In fact, if a guy confesses that he's never "been with" a black woman before immediately in the conversation please be polite as possible and end the conversation that is a man that has no respect for women or you! Any guy that assumes that the color of a womans skin will make her a "different" experience isn't looking to sincerely date her! Second, the south side is just like the north side there are good and bad people everywhere. Unfortunately, there are some south side bars or clubs that I wouldn't park my car near let alone go into or frequent! My rule of thumb is if a bar doesn't have a dress code then don't go in! Chance are it will be full of thugs and well armed losers that have nothing to live for or people that can't afford to pay their tab. There's nothing more distracting than seeing the police escort a patron out of the bar that was not causing a commotion. I strongly suggest that anyone of color that is relocating to Chicago move to the Downtown area or Old Town which is considered near north side, because it is only 2 miles away from Downtown. If your relocation package with your new job doesn't allow you to live in those areas you might want to seriously reconsider your move! Your other options are an insane commute from the suburbs or living in the "hood" which is not a good lifestyle for a professional man or woman. Yes, there are great neighborhoods on both the far north and south side, but a new comer might have a very hard time finding one of those without being a native of Chicago!

Good luck to anyone that's moving to Chicago. The best piece of advice I can suggest is a real estate agent that is going to be honest with you about the demographics, crime, and etc. If you can't live Downtown chances are dating options for black women will be ummmm difficult as they are anywhere else.