Single Black women of Chicago- What's the dating scene like? (Atlanta: lawyers, school)

[Avengerfire]

I am completely amazed this thread is still going...

[linicx]

^I'm not; it's civil. And its interesting.^

[linicx]

I think I'll throw a comment or two in..

One of the reasons black women marry black men is their grandmothers. I worked with a black lady that I absolutely adored. I was at her house one day and we started talking about race and families and white couples that adopted black children and other social issues. Two of her kids were college grads and last was still in college. Her kids all worked in high school and college; they had a work ethic. She did not approve of mixed marriages period, because it diluted the race, the family history.

I think if a study was done among average middle-class families of all races; those with similar income and social strata we would find a big disparity between how the children were raised in the various families. The history of the families. Many have large extended families where the grandparents are honored and respected. But not all.

I think the biggest problem with racial issues is not the poverty divide. The US vs THEM is an excuse to display bad manners. People do not talk to each other. They don't visit, they don't attend the same churches and social functions, they don't eat at the same table, they don't speak the same language, nor do they cook the same.

If we don't talk to each other except in a courtroom or before the media, how do we, as a society, overcome fear and injustice and false pride? There has to be a place to start. Maybe its something as simple as sharing a recipe?

There is a lot more to this issue than big hats and aftershave.

[ParkerP]

Originally Posted by SoxCub Fan

From a African American man's perspective I agree....I dont think Afr. Amer women are very interesting to white guys. A lot of Afr. Amer. women are a gigantic red flag....they are socially stressful. Just engaging in normal conversation with them can be a job in itself. Its like they are all looking for something out of a Tyrese video that no man can fulfill. Also a lot of them have this somewhat negative disposition that isnt inviting. Women of other races (especially white) tend to be more engaging on a general level. African American women are very defensive; they think every man is out to screw them when that isnt the case. From my experience white women have a more friendly bubbly attitude which is very very intriguing and attractive to Afr. Amer men who come from a culture of women who tend to be nagging, grumpy, and judgmental amongst many other poor characteristics.

This is interesting but I have some questions. Don't a lot of African American men look for the video

Spoiler

hoochie

that co-stars in the Tyrese video that no woman can fulfill? Do African American men really have bubbly personalities? Aren't they just as socially stressful? Is it easy to engage in normal conversations with them while they're hollering ignorant stmts at you from across the street/corner/car? Do they also have negative dispositions that aren't inviting (even towards other men)? And do African American women come from a culture of men who tend to be disrespectful, angry, and judgemental among many other poor characteristics? I'm just asking because this seems to be a case of you get what you give, no?

[captaincatfish]

Originally Posted by ParkerP

This is interesting but I have some questions. Don't a lot of African American men look for the video

Spoiler

hoochie

that co-stars in the Tyrese video that no woman can fulfill? Do African American men really have bubbly personalities? Aren't they just as socially stressful? Is it easy to engage in normal conversations with them while they're hollering ignorant stmts at you from across the street/corner/car? Do they also have negative dispositions that aren't inviting (even towards other men)? And do African American women come from a culture of men who tend to be disrespectful, angry, and judgemental among many other poor characteristics? I'm just asking because this seems to be a case of you get what you give, no?

Parker, thank you for a very insightful post...and for giving ME an opportunity to throw my non-Chicagoan hat in the ring...

First off, this 'black women are defensive' stuff is hot honking BS...they may be defensive because the MEN around them can't make up their minds whether to be cat-calling, crotch-grabbing idjits, or knuckle-dragging go-rilla bad*** thugs...god forbid, a woman should ask a guy what he brings to the table---all of a sudden it's 'what do I bring to the table? Me and my d**k, b***h!' (LOL...I actually heard this come from a booth behind myself and my wife at a restaurant one night)

Secondly, the Tyrese wannabes and the video

Spoiler

hoochies

are equally annoying...I'm sorry, but I don't want to see your *** and boobs and tattoos on display (ladies), nor do I care about your 'swagger' (men)...quit acting like a stereotype, and maybe people will stop treating you like one...there are scores of intelligent, honest, hard working black men and women out here, but true enough, some of the women actually go after the thugs with gusto (something about them being edgy and sexy...yeah right), and some of the guys use the 'demanding black woman' copout as an excuse to go date Becky and Susie Vanilla...

We as black men and women need to try and bridge the communication gap, not stand on either side of it screaming and yelling at each other...once we take the rhetoric down about a thousand, and actually LISTEN to each other instead of bitching about how trifling men are, or how evil and defensive women are, we just might get somewhere

[eevee]

I find the generalizations about black women being made by (likely white) men hilarious! I too am curious about why this thread is still going on. it isn't even about Chicago any more, just sad, BS social commentary

speaking as a black woman, I've dated outside my race. even dated an ABC (American born Chinese) a while back. I don't care about race. I'm far more likely to hook w/ a guy at Comic Con than a guy in a Tyrese video. I plenty of black women that have dated nerds, rockers, hipsters, etc that look nothing like some muscle bound rapper. I've known lots of European black women who've dated outside their race (it's quite common over there given the number of African immigrants-who, BTW, are typically quite dark skinned). I've met plenty of bubbly, outgoing black women and some downright dour white women.

stop w/ the generalizations already! stop trying to sum up all black women in a couple of sentences. you guys are starting to look very ridiculous right now.

[allen2323]

First of all, these are similar dating issues that people of other races also have. African american women and men who want to be professional daters (men and women who date well into there 30's and 40's) because they claim they haven't found the right man or woman will have these issues. I think we all remember how jerry dated in seinfeld. Most desirable men of all races in there 30's or even very late 20's are like this. Desirable single men become master manipulaters of women the older they get and still remain single. Women who wait to after 30 to find a husband are at a serious disadvantage to younger women of all races. Most desirable men still available will eventually settle down with a women who is younger than him or not ever really settle down at all.

[SoxCub Fan]

Originally Posted by linicx

I think I'll throw a comment or two in..

One of the reasons black women marry black men is their grandmothers. I worked with a black lady that I absolutely adored. I was at her house one day and we started talking about race and families and white couples that adopted black children and other social issues. Two of her kids were college grads and last was still in college. Her kids all worked in high school and college; they had a work ethic. She did not approve of mixed marriages period, because it diluted the race, the family history.

I think if a study was done among average middle-class families of all races; those with similar income and social strata we would find a big disparity between how the children were raised in the various families. The history of the families. Many have large extended families where the grandparents are honored and respected. But not all.

I think the biggest problem with racial issues is not the poverty divide. The US vs THEM is an excuse to display bad manners. People do not talk to each other. They don't visit, they don't attend the same churches and social functions, they don't eat at the same table, they don't speak the same language, nor do they cook the same.

If we don't talk to each other except in a courtroom or before the media, how do we, as a society, overcome fear and injustice and false pride? There has to be a place to start. Maybe its something as simple as sharing a recipe?

There is a lot more to this issue than big hats and aftershave.

Thats a GREAT point in regards to the grandmother theory...that is prevalent in the Afr American community.

In terms of the "Us vs. Them"...I've lived in other parts of the country and I must say this is much more an exclusive Chicago issue. It seems like Chicago maybe the last man left in terms of extreme segregation and racism.

[Chicago South Sider]

Originally Posted by Ron.

Are you saying in general or are you speaking for yourself?

I'm a black male and I don't have any problems with finding datable black women. Although, I am open to dating women of any race.

you act like every single black women in the USA is not suitable for dating.


You guys are too funny.

Obviously, I'm only speaking for myself. The attitudes that many black women have in the Chicago area are a turn off. Plus, a great many of them are overweight. The word 'datable' might have a very different meaning for me.

[SoxCub Fan]

Originally Posted by mas23

yeah....thats got NOTHING to do with the topic
And Look at the location that guy isint even from chicago!!!

mas23

Look I completely get that you are trying to keep this "on topic" and stray it away from the general racism/segregation banter because it may cause some uncomfortable tension....but hey we are all adults. And that is the nature of forums and discussions they tend to go off topic and get heated so what. Grow up!!Face it!! racism and hatred exists in Chicago, it has for decades...and being in denial of it is ridiculous...there is a large group of people in Chicago whom are treated as 4th class citizens...it exists!! I'm almost sure this topic will be closed because it discusses Chicago's "dirty little secret"...but guess what the rest of the world is aware of it; so get over it, discuss it and be apart of the solution.