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Old 09-28-2010, 09:57 PM
 
2,608 posts, read 2,692,070 times
Reputation: 2010
Default Does the city lifestyle change younger people?

I guess I never really put much thought into this until someone talked about it the other day, but since I've been wondering a lot about it.

I'm a transplant from MN myself living in wrigleyville area the last 4 years (I'm 27 year old male), however my dad was born and raised in the city and I have family here so I was familiar with chicago coming into it.

One thing I've noticed about other transplants, and it seems the majority of my age group on the northside are young transplants as well. What someone mentioned to me that others seemed to agree with was about women who come to Chicago and how it changes them, and in many ways I'm sure it's for the better, but what suffers is the ability to form relationships. I'm sure you could blame men as well, but I've done a lot of dating in this city and I just feel like this city provides women with so many options they otherwise wouldn't have had in their previous residences. It had been argued that maybe it's an ego thing, the tall buildings, the anonymity, the downtown office job, the night clubs...maybe it goes straight to people's heads?

Regardless, I'm not one to buy into generalizations normally, but all my friends back home and other friends living in the burbs seem to be all getting married and even having kids at this point in our lives, yet the majority of my friends and people I meet in the city are nowhere close to being at the marriage or family level. Why is that? Why is it so hard to meet decent women in this city with reasonable expectations or want something more than a one night stand?
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Chicago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
...Why is it so hard to meet decent women in this city with reasonable expectations or want something more than a one night stand?
Popular society is geared towards being single now more than ever before. Just about any city (in the "hip" neighborhoods) you go to will be like this.
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:07 PM
 
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People with higher education levels just get married later in large urban centers. I think it has more to do with school and career goals. Nearly every friend I have was a single 20-something in Chicago at one point, and nearly all of them eventually got married--most of them in their early 30s.
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Avengerfire View Post
Popular society is geared towards being single now more than ever before. Just about any city (in the "hip" neighborhoods) you go to will be like this.
I understand the growing popularity in the preference of being single over not. I completely appreciate the benefits of being single. Yet I've also done a lot of dating, and I find a lot of women who are LOOKING for someone, yet they won't find it. I personally know female friends who wish they could find a decent guy, yet I know that THEY know dozens of them because we all hand out and party with them. I hear them talk about what they want and I'm blown away by the expectations they have, and I can't help but wonder if some of them ever looked in the mirror

I'm just wondering how this happens to these women. I'm also very aware that once the 30's roll around, these same women will become extremely desperate to find a man to settle down with, and that makes me worry about them even more as they'll probably just marry a guy just to have kids resulting of one of millions of failed marriages.
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
I'm also very aware that once the 30's roll around, these same women will become extremely desperate to find a man to settle down with, and that makes me worry about them even more as they'll probably just marry a guy just to have kids resulting of one of millions of failed marriages.
I think that's pretty silly. People get married when they are ready to get married, and I've seen very little of this desperation that you speak of. Most educated Chicagoans are quite comfortable with waiting until their thirties to get married. As you get older, your life just changes and you want different things.
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:20 PM
 
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That said, I got married at age 29. My wife was 30. I'd say we were on the early side of things for our Chicago friends, but not at all with our friends from other Midwestern states.
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Old 09-28-2010, 10:25 PM
 
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I'm not a Chicago resident yet, so have no idea how Chicago in specific stacks up. I have, however, lived in a lot of other big cities; I don't think this is any city-specific issue. Many single people in their 20s are focused on building their careers, and yes, many don't want to settle down with one person too quickly. I would guess that if you had grown up in the city and had a base of family and friends who grew up there that you wouldn't find such a huge difference; some will be married and have kids, some won't.

And again, this observation isn't Chicago-specific, but could be relevant: it's often more expensive to have kids in the city. Some people probably leave for cheaper areas or else wait to have kids. Very few of my married friends living in cities chose to have kids before their late 20s at the earliest (many didn't get married until then, or older, for that matter). It could also just be that through your lifestyle you are encountering a more smaller demographic sliver than you did with your group of hometown friends and family, in this case a portion of the population that isn't rushing to get married and have kids. If the people you meet have moved to the city to either have fun or to concentrate on building up a career, then they probably aren't in a big rush to settle down. That said, I know there are plenty of women living in cities (including Chicago) who would be settle into a permanent relationship if the right person came along.
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Old 09-28-2010, 11:29 PM
 
Location: Chicago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cdubs3201 View Post
...I'm just wondering how this happens to these women. I'm also very aware that once the 30's roll around, these same women will become extremely desperate to find a man to settle down with, and that makes me worry about them even more as they'll probably just marry a guy just to have kids resulting of one of millions of failed marriages.
http://crazy-jokes.com/pictures/perfect-man.jpg (broken link)
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Old 09-29-2010, 03:34 AM
 
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Without question, it changes people. The relative availability of spaces which allow you to create and grow are vastly greater in urban areas.

Although it's fun to point out that while I'm in my early-to-mid thirties and am only just married. This is normal for my Chicago friends. Out here in LA, however, it's as common as ever to get married as young as possible. Mr. Coldwine and I are both from very different cities, and thus stick out quite a bit here.

The WSJ has a piece on this. Even today, in 2010, women are still discussed as cattle.
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Old 09-29-2010, 03:49 AM
 
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Also, if I were in Chicago and not LA, I could find a venue easily enough that catered to my insomnia. As it is, I'm stuck having a martini, alone, on my patio.
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