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Old 12-29-2011, 10:04 AM
 
117 posts, read 35,394 times
Reputation: 40

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
I am not concerned about specific features, just as long as the man is tall and attractive with charisma.
I hate to sound like this, but I don't fine many African Americans in Chicago with charisma. This has nothing to do with media brain washing. I attract the attractive, and I have for most of my life. From my teenage years to my adult life. To this very day.

I would say you need to be in the right circles. Shop at the right places, go to the right places and events. Spend time (like when going out to eat) in the right neighborhoods.

 
Old 12-29-2011, 10:11 AM
 
121 posts, read 118,250 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Bourgeois View Post
I would say you need to be in the right circles. Shop at the right places, go to the right places and events. Spend time (like when going out to eat) in the right neighborhoods.
Lawrence Otis Graham, is that you? lol
 
Old 12-29-2011, 10:16 AM
 
117 posts, read 35,394 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverRise View Post
Compared to cities like New York, Atlanta, LA and Miami I would agree, but only because people's perceptions are now influenced by the media. Those cities attract the glamorous types because of the industries. Atlanta is where black hollywood is, NYC is the media and modeling hub, LA is Hollywood and Miami is home to many "exotic" looking women. Chicago cannot compete with that. As great of a city as Chicago is, I'll bet it doesn't make the top 5 list for most transplants. Location doesn't help. Chicago is slowly turning into every other yuppy city in America so I wouldn't be surprised if this image changed.

Chicago is not home to unattractive people. It's home to down-to-earth, honest people...like most of America outside of the popular cities.
I agree with most of what you said. However, I do find Chicago a home to attracitive people of European and Middle Eastern descent. Just my opinion.
 
Old 12-29-2011, 10:18 AM
 
117 posts, read 35,394 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverRise View Post
Lawrence Otis Graham, is that you? lol
lol...no
 
Old 12-29-2011, 10:23 AM
 
117 posts, read 35,394 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by RiverRise View Post
Lawrence Otis Graham, is that you? lol
FYI...I am not the type of guy that feels a woman has to have long hair or light skin to be attracive. Now as far as her body shape...ahhhh
 
Old 12-29-2011, 10:50 AM
 
Location: Midwest
2,975 posts, read 2,313,016 times
Reputation: 1872
Quote:
Originally Posted by BajanYankee View Post
Well, there ya go. You should think of some men's preference for light skin or long hair the same way you think of many women's preference for height. I say "some" for men and "many" for women because men are not as fixated on skin color as women are on height, in my experience. While the ideal partner for some black men would have lighter skin, there aren't enough attractive black women out there for most men to be that discriminatory. Sure, Reggie Bush could refuse to ever date a dark-skinned woman because he has his choice of the Kim Kardashians. But most guys are not Reggie Bush. They're not going to turn down Sanaa Lathan in hopes that Paula Paula will show up. Similarly, most women are not in a position to turn down a charismatic guy with a good income because he's only 5'10 (though I think women are more unrealistic than men and will more often strike an otherwise attractive suitor from the list for not meeting certain "standards").

This is what I mean when I say that women are more unrealistic than men:





Date Lab: Is the goal a date or a relationship? - The Washington Post
You jumped to conclusions without realizing I am tall myself and being with a guy who is short would not be a good match for me.

Most women tend to be less discriminatory in terms of looks--a man can be fat, bald and ugly but as long as he has money with a nice car he can have any beautiful woman he wants. yet if a woman is ugly, no amount of money will make her more attractive to men.

The comparison of height vs skin tone is not a really a fair comparison--it's not educated black women who are dating out because most black men are 'too short'--it's educated black men who are dating out for more fair and whiter looking women.


Quote:
there aren't enough attractive black women out there for most men to be that discriminatory.
that is so racist

Last edited by nyanna; 12-29-2011 at 11:02 AM..
 
Old 12-29-2011, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Crooklyn, New York
17,582 posts, read 10,034,466 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
You jumped to conclusions without realizing I am tall myself and being with a guy who is short would not be a good match for me.
That certainly makes a difference. Though your shorter sisters are often even more demanding than taller women when it comes to height.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
Most women tend to be less discriminatory in terms of looks--a man can be fat, bald and ugly but as long as he has money with a nice car he can have any beautiful woman he wants. yet if a woman is ugly, no amount of money will make her more attractive to men.
True, women are less discriminatory when it comes to looks. But looks is just one criterion on which men are judged. Just because a woman does not place great value on looks does not mean that she doesn't place value on other attributes that are far more rare. Wealth is rare. Charisma is rare. High social status is rare. Height is rare. Women tend to be far more focused on the exceptional than men. A woman may not be picky when it comes to a guys looks, but she will picky when it comes to other things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
The comparison of height vs skin tone is not a really a fair comparison--it's not educated black women who are dating out because most black men are 'too short'--it's educated black men who are dating out for more fair and whiter looking women.
My point was that there are not enough attractive women in the world for the average man to be picky about skin tone. Likewise, there are not enough overall attractive men in the world for the average woman to be picky about height. It would be like refusing to drive a BMW because it doesn't have the rims you want, but yet the car you currently drive is a Ford. Overall, I think men with a preference for lighter women will forget all about that preference in the presence of a very attractive dark-skinned women. I also think that most women will forget about their preference for height if a man comes along who possesses a sufficient number of attractive qualities (swag, credentials, etc.). I do think, however, that women (as the more reproductively valuable sex) tend to be pickier than men.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nyanna View Post
that is so racist
There's nothing racist about what I said. There are not many attractive women (or people) in the world period. If you're talking about black women, there are obviously going to be even fewer because we're talking about a subset of the general female population. There are very few guys who will pass on Megan Good because she happens to be "too dark." A beauty like Megan Good is rare, so the average guy is not going to pass her up and hold out for a Paula Patton lookalike.

Ultimately, if you're a black woman and men aren't taking much of an interest in you, it probably has more to do with your overall attractiveness than your skin tone. I hear women say stuff like this all the time: "Black men just want light-skinned women!" And then when I point out 12 or 13 dark-skinned girls (who are fine) who have good men, they give another litany of excuses.
 
Old 12-29-2011, 11:40 AM
 
4,218 posts, read 2,723,680 times
Reputation: 1664
Unfortunately we are living in an era in which turnover is popular. Our consumer culture programs us to constantly seek that which is new and to constantly seek to upgrade that which we have. That is what keeps the economy going. Unfortunately that mentality has grown in the sphere of relationships as well. Just like products, once the newness is gone and we start having some problems or we see a better product, we simply scrap what we have and get the latest thing. I call it the chewing gum syndrome. We only chew the gum to get the burst of sugar or sweetness, and when the sweetness is gone, you throw the gum away.

If one is trying to maintain a lifelong relationship these days, you are swimming against the current. People are simply looking maximize their pleasure, which often comes from the hunt and new relationships. Rarely can you get a high, after 10 years in a relationship that you can get from going on the hunt and finding someone new to sleep with. Its exhilarating and keeps you on your toes since you have to stay in shape to compete in that game. After the newness wears off, relationships require work and many people conclude that it does not pay enough.

I think that if you are women and you want to hold on to your man, in a climate like today, then he has to feel he has more to lose from a break up than the female does. In other words, if you are a B sister, dont try to hold on to an A brother. There are too many B and C sisters chasing A brothers. If you are a B sister then get yourself a C man. A C man knows that he is lucky to have a B woman. However, the tradeoff is that instead of dealing with your insecurity with trying to hold onto an A or even a B brother, you have to deal with the insecurity of a C man, which might not be worth it.

The rule of thumb is that you have to give up something to get something. If you desire commitment and things of that nature, in these times, then you have to give up something to get that. The hierarchy of what you want is determined by what you are willing to give up. A lot of sisters complain about how hard it is to get and keep a man, but from a good brothers perspective, yaw be choosing the wrong type of brothers. It seems that 80% of black women are chasing the same 20% of black males. If they cannot get one of the 20%, then they say there are no men. I mean, 80% of sisters are chasing the 20%, you are oversupplying that market and anything that is in oversupply gets devalued. I mean, these brothers have no incentive to ration with faithfulness because at every turn these sisters trying to get at them.

I think that the collective behavior of women makes it hard for individual women. There is so much competition between women that it has become a race to the bottom. I mean, the things that a lot of sisters do now, in the bed, would make yaws grand mamma turn over in the grave. I mean, I am brothers and although I might like those things, once a women does all that stuff she is no longer a wifey prospect. However, if a woman does not do a lot of that stuff and other women will, some will do it thinking that is how they are going to hold onto their man. Again, its a race to the bottom.

I am a dark skinned African American male and I just love dark skinned sisters. My advice to the OP is focus on improving yourself and building up your self-confidence. Make yourself more attractive to yourself.
 
Old 12-29-2011, 11:47 AM
 
Location: NC/IL/MI
3,560 posts, read 4,584,408 times
Reputation: 1518
If you're attractive and have a good personality color/skin tone it shouldn't be a big deal. Not even trying to be politically correct.
 
Old 12-29-2011, 11:49 AM
 
121 posts, read 118,250 times
Reputation: 50
Excellent post Indentured Servant. Do you live in Chicago?
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