Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Definitely key... my guess is you need to head out a bit further west from wherever you are. We old fogeys like to stay west of Western.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sfcambridge
Time to start thinking about what your true hobbies are and how you really like spending your time, and participate in those activities and will meet folks through those. Also, you let you network of friends know you are open/interested and see what "referrals" come in. ...
So start volunteering for organizations you believe in, networking at work-related conferences/events, joining dining out groups, book clubs, casual sports teams if you are an active type.
Ditto that, excellent advice. That way when you *do* meet people, you'll have more shared interests than just getting the bartender's attention.
I've been hitched for ages, but as a (musical) veteran of the late night scene, I think the whole nightlife-hookup aspect is vastly overrated. When you're sober and actually working in a club/bar, etc until closing time you realize how the odds are really stacked against quality interactions for people.
In my experience, most people in Chicago get married by their early 30's at the latest. They often move to the suburbs at that time. So this reduces the number of people above this age range for you to meet.
And the overall message I'm hearing is that people older than their late 30's or so need to stick to carefully selected neighborhoods, activities and events. The problem is that these aren't necessarily the neighborhoods, activities and events a given person would enjoy.
The problem with online dating, especially for women, is being screened out based on age. In fact, most of the dating sites I've seen require you to specify an age range in order to search profiles. It's quite possible that someone who would find you interesting in real life wouldn't even find you because you're outside the age range they search for.
For the most part, the activities I enjoy in Chicago mostly attract people in their 20's. The exceptions are places where people usually don't socialize. Right now, I'm planning to just do the things I enjoy here. If it turns out to be difficult to fit in because of the age difference, I honestly might not stick around here.
That said, for the OP, if your preferred activities attract people in their late 20's and early 30's, would one possibility be to socialize with them? Nowhere is it written that you can only socialize with people within 5 years of your age.
And the overall message I'm hearing is that people older than their late 30's or so need to stick to carefully selected neighborhoods, activities and events. The problem is that these aren't necessarily the neighborhoods, activities and events a given person would enjoy.
I might agree about activities and events that target 20s and 30s, but what neighborhood is best for 40s and above? I have never heard of specific neighborhoods being better or worse for specific ages.
Quote:
Originally Posted by IAmEverywhere
The problem with online dating, especially for women, is being screened out based on age. In fact, most of the dating sites I've seen require you to specify an age range in order to search profiles. It's quite possible that someone who would find you interesting in real life wouldn't even find you because you're outside the age range they search for.
Everything I have heard from my friends about online dating is that it is ruthless when it comes to how you look, not necessarily your age. For a woman, if you are reasonably attractive and not overweight, you will be flooded with offers, especially if you post pics that prove you are not overweight. Guys on the online sites are jaded at close-up head shots of women, only to find out they weigh well above 220 pounds. If you are overweight, be honest about it and don't try to select pics that hide your weight. You won't get as many offers, but the ones you do get will be sincere.
I am a 39 year old male, and only a few months away from being 40. But I live a life that is more or less identical to that of someone in their mid to late 20's, i.e. single, no kids, and very interested in nightlife/bar/club/restaurants/musems/exploring the city/meetup groups etc. But, I do look young and I do not tell people my age, up front. Most of my friends that I hang out with here in the city are any where from late 20's to early 40's. There has never been a moment where I felt out of place or that I could not relate to someone who was more than 5 years younger of my age. As a matter of fact, some of these people that are a little younger than me, are actually more ahead in their careers than I am, due to the fact that it took me longer to finish my degree (I kept switching majors, as well as dealing with other life issues at the time in my 20's). I have found that most people, once they get older than lets say, 25, seem to mature to a point where the personality remains more or less the same thru the rest of their life...the personality achieves a sort of stability, and so that is why I am able to hang out with people of all ages and relate well with them. I think, after a certain point, it is not the age that matters, but more about whether or not you have children. If you have kids, you will probably associate with other parents, and have more in common with them. If you have no children, then you can fill your life up with activities that are more social and nightlife oriented, and have a lot in common with others who do the same.
I, for one, have no plans on ever changing those interests. I plan on going to bars/clubs as long as I can; I dont feel like I will ever lose that interest. Although, I have become more of a home body lately, only because I finally was able to buy a condo that is nice and new, etc and so now I really enjoy being at home, instead of sitting around in a dumpy old "vintage" apartment, which caused me to never want to be at home at all.
As far as neighborhoods go, I would say that a few places that seem to skew "older" are:
1. Streeterville
2. Gold Coast
3. Old Town
4. South Loop
Also, Lincoln Square now seems to be a place that seems to be a good fit for someone 40+.
I am a 39 year old male, and only a few months away from being 40. But I live a life that is more or less identical to that of someone in their mid to late 20's, i.e. single, no kids, and very interested in nightlife/bar/club/restaurants/musems/exploring the city/meetup groups etc. But, I do look young and I do not tell people my age, up front. Most of my friends that I hang out with here in the city are any where from late 20's to early 40's. There has never been a moment where I felt out of place or that I could not relate to someone who was more than 5 years younger of my age.
This is pretty much identical to me and my experience. I actually look my age, though, so I don't think even that matters too much. I realize women face more social discrimination for looking "old" than us men do, though.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Link N. Parker
I have found that most people, once they get older than lets say, 25, seem to mature to a point where the personality remains more or less the same thru the rest of their life...
Yep. That's actually the general consensus in the psychological literature, too, so your observations are pretty accurate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Link N. Parker
As far as neighborhoods go, I would say that a few places that seem to skew "older" are:
1. Streeterville
2. Gold Coast
3. Old Town
4. South Loop
I would agree with this. It's a bummer that these are all expensive neighborhoods, though. Not all of us over age 30 can afford the $2-3K per month it costs for a decent-sized apt. in these places, nor do we want to live in a tiny place just so we can say we're in a trendy neighborhood.
I might agree about activities and events that target 20s and 30s, but what neighborhood is best for 40s and above? I have never heard of specific neighborhoods being better or worse for specific ages.
From what I've observed, Hyde Park and Evanston are good choices if you want to be near the lake, have a mix of ages nearby and have affordable rent. The age diversity is noticeable even just walking down the street. Both neighborhoods have a top-tier university. Areas near top-tier universities are unlike anywhere else, even compared to areas near other universities. Specifically, it makes the neighborhoods more diverse and tolerant without creating a party vibe. And any university area inherently needs students (young for the most part) and faculty, staff and researchers (who range widely in age.)
The Far North Side, from about Irving Park Road north to the city limits, is also relatively good. It's a very diverse mix of people in which almost anyone could fit in. It's mostly devoid of the 20's and early 30's party scene which is prevalent closer to downtown.
It's possible to get a 1BR apartment in any of these areas for less than $1000.
You probably want a car in most of these areas, which cancels out some of the cost advantages compared to expensive neighborhoods near downtown or coastal cities.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JacksonPanther
Everything I have heard from my friends about online dating is that it is ruthless when it comes to how you look, not necessarily your age.
I agree that online dating is ruthless about looks. But if you're not in someone's expressed age range, they won't even see whether your pictures are attractive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Link N. Parker
I have found that most people, once they get older than lets say, 25, seem to mature to a point where the personality remains more or less the same thru the rest of their life...
There's another factor as to why people in Chicago are different depending on whether they've reached their mid-20's. In my experience, students at universities in Chicago or nearby suburbs are culturally very different than people who move to Chicago after graduation from universities outside Chicagoland. The latter tends to hail from state schools, and they bring that state school mentality with them when they move to Chicago along with a good chunk of their graduating class. Meanwhile, the students and natives who aren't into this state school mentality often don't stick around the area. They usually have enough resources to relocate by age 25 or so.
If the former type of person is who you click with, then in Chicago, life is much easier if you're that age yourself. Failing that, you have to either find exceptions closer to your age or be able to relate to a much younger crowd.
Last edited by IAmEverywhere; 10-11-2012 at 05:51 PM..
Reason: Minor typos
I wouldn't worry about age so much. Just go out and do the things you enjoy and also find new things to try out. You never know who you can meet.
As I am planning to move back to Chicago within the next year or two, I have had similar concerns about going out, not so much about age, but just where to meet other singles period. The dating scene is just plain awful here in Atlanta and I hope it is not as bad in Chicago when/if I return.
I am in my late 30's but when people guess my age, they never guess my age at over 28. And I don't tell anyone how old I am. Quite frankly, it's none of their business. Because I am slim and look like I am in my 20's, when I go out, I typically don't attract men over 29-30. I haven't dated a man my age in years. I simply don't attract single men in my age group (35+).
If you are in relatively decent shape and take care of your appearance I wouldn't worry about it so much, unless you are just dead-set on dating someone the same age as you. Men who are 35+ are typically married so you may have to open yourself to dating younger men just to have single men available to you.
I have done online dating since my early 20's and I found that it just doesn't work. I eventually took all my ads down and decided not to pursue the online dating route anymore. I'm not saying you shouldn't try it though. You may have better results than I did. The best advice I can give about online dating sites is to avoid the free ones.
Edited note: I just re-read where you said online dating didn't work for you. I don't blame you for not wanting to bother with it. It's been a waste of time for me lol.
Last edited by Atlanta_BD; 10-11-2012 at 10:11 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
LOL!!
