Anyone who just picked up and moved alone? (Chicago: transplants, home)

[Michael Scott]

Hey guys,

I don't really know if I have a specific question. Just kinda venting, looking for some input and maybe some personal experience. I'm graduating soon and will have a pretty good entry level job in my field (business related) at one of the most respected firms in the field.

Because they are an international company, I am sort of able to choose where I wanted to go. I'm from Florida and think I'm going to choose Chicago. I wanted a big city that was cheaper than NYC while still having most of the same qualities, while still being a little less busy and overwhelming, as I've never lived in a big city and any change will be huge for me. I have to show them that I'm not a wishy-washy person and stick to my convictions, so no matter if I choose to stay in FL or go to Chicago, I have to let them know relatively soon.

I'm the type of person that really craves the company of others. I'm not someone who likes to be alone. I decided on trying out a big city because I figure this will be the best chance for me to find a significant other. Where I am now, its mostly college kids, which is fine now but after college it wont be the crowd I'm looking to hang with. And back in my home area in FL, its all families and old people. Florida isnt the best place for the 20-30 crowd, except for maybe Miami. I think it would be a lot harder to find a serious relationship in Florida, which is a goal of mine.

My problem is, I've had the same group of friends since Middle school, and I'm pretty close with my family. I realize I can make new friends, but the thought of it now makes me think that if I made new friends, it would make me think to myself, "Yeah, you guys are my 'friends', but you aren't my real friends, they're back home." I realize this could just be cause I haven't actually met these new friends yet, but it has me worried that I won't have any true friends or family around that I can be comfortable with. The cold Chicago winters might be even colder if I feel alone.

I definitely think the big city thing makes sense for me in regards to career opportunities and finding a relationship with the age group that will be there. I also think it would be a nice change of pace to live in a big city after living in Florida my whole life. But I am really concerned about the friends and family thing. I always try to think "if I hate it after a year, I can transfer" but the reality is that will be more complicated than getting it right the first time. I don't wanna look back in 20 years and regret not doing this, but I also don't wanna look back in 5 and regret doing it. And I don't know if it's just some quarter life crisis thing I'm going through, but I'm just starting to think that my parents won't be around forever (probably a little premature considering they're only 40 and 50), and maybe I should try to be closer to them than half way across the country. Maybe it'll make me a better person by just facing my fear of being alone and just making the jump, I don't know.

Like I said, I don't really have a specific question, just maybe looking for some advice or experiences of people doing/have done the same thing or what they would do.

Thanks for any help.

[matzoman]

I did what you described many times and though it was kind of rough, I look back now and don't regret it. I have learned a lot of survival skills by picking up and moving to different parts of the country. My friends and family I always keep in touch with and we visit each other when we are able. Skype and other modes of communication are handy for a world traveler. Crossing the country alone to move to a strange city is not so bad if you keep your sense of humor! Have fun with it! You are young and single I assume, so you do not have to take everything so seriously. No guts no glory! You are considering what many do but many buckle at the last minute. Think of it this way, If you get there and you do not like it you can always go back to Florida knowing you gave it your best shot!

[marothisu]

I moved to Chicago alone. I knew nobody. There was one girl who was the boyfriend of someone I went to college 1 year with who was here a few months after, but she left about 2 months later.

It really depends on who you are. I went out with work friends but didn't really click with them. So i stopped doing that, and yeah it was a little weird for awhile but I found my friends not terribly long after. Hell, I've even traveled halfway across the world with some now.

Join groups in the city, go to the gym, go to performances (concerts, whatever), go to more social communal types of restaurants, become a regular at a place near you so people get to know you, etc. There's tons of ways to make friends when you don't know anybody...

[Michael Scott]

I guess I'm a little concerned that starting a new career (which won't be a typical 9-5, very long hours in the busy season, probably closer to 50 during the regular season), having to meet new people, being away from everyone, and learning a new city, all at the same time, will be too much to handle. I'm not sure.

[Mel2882]

I did it. I moved there when I was 25, and the only person I knew was the girl I was set to be roommates with (who I found on craigslist and met once before the move.) I lived there for three years and now I'm back in California. I decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in Chicago, but I've never regretted the experience. There are tons and tons of young transplants like yourself. I'd say go for it.

[thefallensrvnge]

You sound a lot like me. Though I haven't moved to Chicago yet (I plan to within the coming year), I did just recently move to another city and have been experiencing a lot of the things you fear. I am already somewhat extroverted, so I can be a little anti-social at times, but I do make an effort to get to know people (being 24 and I don't drink makes it a little tricky because I'm always getting invited to bars). I've been in my new city for about 8 months and have made some friends, but I'll admit nothing on the level of my hometown where I had relationships with people I knew for years, not to mention family. But I'm not discouraged.

So why do I move to new cities? I've come to the conclusion that given time, it usually all works out. Also, there is a certain thrill that comes from moving to a new city...that old American can-do Mary-Tyler-Moore spirit of making it on your own. I like the idea of all the possibilities, and in a metropolis, the possibilities increase tenfold. I also want to say that the times I do make it home, I find that absence really does make the heart grow fonder, and I find myself savoring and loving aspects of my home city I never noticed before which is the real treat. From a distant perspective I'm able to see where I come from with more understanding, helping me realize why I am the way I am, and why I make the choices I do. The good and the bad.

In all honestly Chicago would be a great city to move to because it has a large influx of immigrants/transplants looking for new friends. But even if things don't workout in your new city, Florida isn't going anywhere.

[synapse]

I'd go to Chicago.

I think you're thinking through this very well, and there a lot of reasons that would make sense for you to try out Chicago. You want a big city that's cheaper than NYC but has similar qualities - that's Chicago. You want a change - Chicago's definitely different from Florida. You love the company of others - Chicago's a vibrant, young, active city with a ton to do and lots of single people in your age group from all over the country, perfect for developing relationships. And in today's world, it's very easy to visit your friends and family - they'll be on Facebook and email and the phone at all times, and Florida isn't a far flight. Plus it's the perfect escape from Chicago winters. And if you decide you made a mistake, after a few years, with more job experience, and maybe a new significant other, you move back to Florida. Or you stay in Chicago. Or you move somewhere else entirely.

Think about it, but I'd lean towards trying out Chicago.

[Michael Scott]

You guys seem to all be in favor of it. I guess I just have to think more, and relatively quickly. I try to always remind myself that if I absolutely hate it after a year, I can always apply for a transfer, try to firm-hop, or whatever, while still not just jumping into it rashly. Also, its possible that in Chicago, with larger clients, there will be sort of a year round busy season (busy season hours can range from 70-100 hours). Its hit or miss and varies with the team, office, and client, but I have to consider that too.

[marothisu]

70-100 hours per week is a bit... They told you that you'd be working that much or are you just guessing? If you stayed in Florida, would you be doing the same sort of work?

[Michael Scott]

Originally Posted by marothisu

70-100 hours per week is a bit... They told you that you'd be working that much or are you just guessing? If you stayed in Florida, would you be doing the same sort of work?

During busy season yes, those are real numbers. 100 would be on the rarer side, but prior to filing 70-80 is very normal. The general idea is its only for a couple months and then dies down to 45-50, but with larger clients, as in ones you'd find in larger cities, they may have quarterly filings which would require more busy time. But that can happen in a smaller city too, so I try to not let it be a determining factor.