Appropriate cash wedding gift? (Chicago: hotels, house, buy)

[long101]

If its at a nice place off Michigan their paying out their a$$ (which isnt your fault obviously). I would say $300 min.

[GoCUBS1]

Originally Posted by chet everett

Where is his honeymoon gonna be? I doubt that you could spend a week at French Lick for $500...

How many other employees do you have? How often do they get married? Do you give a holiday bonus?

ok, more background info....

I think their honeymoon is on some fancy South Pacific island (maybe Fiji or Tahiti?) and they also just bought a condo in West Loop. We have several employees (5+) of marrying age (mid-late 20's with girlfriends). So we may have more weddings (and maybe new babies) next year and this gift will set a precedent. We give Christmas bonuses and quarterly sales incentives...

I'd say the groom is our best employee (though he may not know it) as he has brought in quite a bit of residual business for our company and customers really like him. I also really like him and his SO and he's expressed that he loves working for our company (potentially may buy ownership/shares someday).

Still think $500?

[Irishtom29]

I don't think it's wedding guest's business to help pay for the wedding. The gift should be a token of affection or kinship.

Maybe it would be better if business relationships were left at work, afterall this guy is your employee not your pal. But since you've accepted the invitation now you gotta act big time a be a generous boss because you're in a situation where you're expected to show how much you value this jasper. I'd say $500 at least.

[At1WithNature]

I would say 10% of your yearly salary, that's what I do. So...about 30 bucks. j/k!

[softdev]

Originally Posted by GoCUBS1

ok, more background info....

I think their honeymoon is on some fancy South Pacific island (maybe Fiji or Tahiti?) and they also just bought a condo in West Loop. We have several employees (5+) of marrying age (mid-late 20's with girlfriends). So we may have more weddings (and maybe new babies) next year and this gift will set a precedent. We give Christmas bonuses and quarterly sales incentives...

I'd say the groom is our best employee (though he may not know it) as he has brought in quite a bit of residual business for our company and customers really like him. I also really like him and his SO and he's expressed that he loves working for our company (potentially may buy ownership/shares someday).

Still think $500?

I would separate the issue of you being his boss / bonuses and where the location is from how much to give. A gift is a token of appreciation, it's not an entrance fee. The wedding is probably covered by the bride's parents and the honeymoon by the groom's parents anyways.

$500 seems a bit steep. If I got that from each couple at my wedding I would have made a tidy profit. But then again, it was mostly Jews at our wedding

Do you think he's dropping $500 at each of his friends weddings? He's probably going to one every month at his age - I doubt he's dropping a few grand in gifts a year.

[GoCUBS1]

Thanks for the input everyone... I ended up giving $300...

[jcarlilesiu]

Originally Posted by softdev

I would separate the issue of you being his boss / bonuses and where the location is from how much to give. A gift is a token of appreciation, it's not an entrance fee. The wedding is probably covered by the bride's parents and the honeymoon by the groom's parents anyways.

$500 seems a bit steep. If I got that from each couple at my wedding I would have made a tidy profit. But then again, it was mostly Jews at our wedding

Do you think he's dropping $500 at each of his friends weddings? He's probably going to one every month at his age - I doubt he's dropping a few grand in gifts a year.

You have made alot of assumptions in this post, of which some may or may not be true, but regardless the point of view is wrong in my opinion.

I am getting married in a month. Me an my fiance have lived together in a condo we bought together for 2 years. Because our parents aren't helping us at all, we have decieded to get married in Joliet to cut costs and stay in close proximity of our families. We make a combined income of $148K, and decieded to extend our engagement to one full year to assist in paying for the wedding.

We have saved enough cash to pay the 28K bill, which was full of cost savings measures, in full by the wedding date. We are forgoing the honeymoon for a few months.

So now that you know the history, we could have saved A TON of money by cutting our guest list to a minimum and not having a large celebration. To us though, the true sentimental value of the wedding is having our friends and families surround us as we start our lives together. No amount of cash should be provided to attempt to "value" the guests level of sentiment.

Wedding gifts should be provided in the forms of items or cash to assist the newlyweds starting their life together. The bride and groom spending 28K to be able to see you should warrant that in the least you pay what you suspect to be your cost of providing the sentiment of attendance.

Not to sound like a jerk or anything, but if you can't afford to help pay for the cost of being in attendance, the true sentimental value of the celebration... then an individual shouldn't attend.

Breaking down our wedding costs per guest, we are looking at about $186 dollars per person or $372 per couple.

I would like to see us get that much, but I highly doubt it.

Just my perspective.

[Irishtom29]

Originally Posted by jcarlilesiu

Not to sound like a jerk or anything, but if you can't afford to help pay for the cost of being in attendance, the true sentimental value of the celebration... then an individual shouldn't attend.

It's pretty hard to think like that and not sound like a jerk, or be one for that matter.

If you need help with the cost of the celebration then you should scale it back to something more modest; rent a VFW hall and do a potluck dinner. Don't worry, the people who love you would still enjoy themselves.

But if you want to make a grand gesture then pay for it yourself with no strings attached. For one thing if you really can't afford the gesture it's not so goddam grand, is it?

[Lookout Kid]

It's total B.S. to spend a lot on a wedding and to expect guests to pay for it. When I got married five years ago, most wedding gifts we received were in the $50-100 range. Close friends and family members often spent more. Bosses spent a bit more as well.

Most of my friends are now married, and this seems pretty standard in terms of what they got too--regardless of the venue and city. And many of these people are architects, doctors, lawyers, etc.

[Irishtom29]

Originally Posted by Lookout Kid

It's total B.S. to spend a lot on a wedding and to expect guests to pay for it. When I got married five years ago, most wedding gifts we received were in the $50-100 range. Close friends and family members often spent more. Bosses usually spent a bit more as well.

The crassness and greed of many newlyweds today drives Miss Manners totally bonkers. She's pretty funny, she can really gut people and sound nice doing it.