Moving to Chicago to Find 'The One'. (Lincoln, Ohio: apartment complexes, renting)
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Location: The great, formidable City of Chicago, Illinois
8,834 posts, read 13,947,337 times
Originally Posted by chet everett
I disagree. Even among my divorced male friends those that move from the 'burbs to Chicago are not doing so to meet a woman with kids. Chicago has more people than Indy, no argument there, but I would argue that if you were to poll potential datable men as to their desire to get involved with a fellow Chicago resident with a daughter the numerical advantage would not be outweighed by huge negatives associated with getting involved with a single parent.
Sure, you are right about a single mom having an uphill dating battle. But I still think her chances are better in Chicago than Indy, assuming she isn't a total fish out of water here. Why not increase her chances by going somewhere with a larger dating pool?
Of course, with online dating she could date someone in Chicago while still living in Indy (it's not THAT far), and move here if it turns into something more serious.
My point is that she almost certainly WOULD be a fish out of water. I almost hate to post this, as I am sure that could easily be mistaken, but I think the benefit it might serve to HELP the OP and others think through what they might facing:
In Chicago's MOST EXPENSIVE AREAS there are people that spend well in excess of $10,000 month on their living expenses. They dress like it and spend like it on everything from meals to entertainment to 'basic needs' of every kind. As they stroll past some other Chicago resident that might make less than $10,000 in wages ALL YEAR they don't give a second thought to the motivations or lifestyle of those that cross their path.
While that might not seem like a big deal the societal effect is that it people are largely DETACHED from those they encounter casually. They simply cannot think about who might be richer or poorer than they are and instead most people that do well living in Chicago tend to spend a lot of energy working on their "street smarts" to simply stay safe. Not because Chicago is so dangerous like some kind of war zone or wild west area, but simple because there are so many people that ARE NOT LIKE one another.
The "heartbeat and energy" of basically ANY densely populated urban area is much romanticized. Screenwriters and poets don't have the kinds of jobs that result in termination after you were late three times in one week because the public transit that you rely on is screwed up by bad weather or poor maintenance or a random suicide. Neither do they have to deal with their car getting repeatedly ticketed incorrectly, or broken into at a parking lot or towed because of a missed street cleaning sign. The "lights" and "busy streets" tend to SUCK when you need to get home before your ice cream melts or your kids needs to be picked up from daycare that charges an extra $20 bucks for each minute they are there past "closing time"...
The option of finding "the One" from a classified / online site and THEN planning out a suitable meeting / romance / relocation will bring some much need clarity to this sort of thing...
I think this advice is pretty silly. Many people find Chicago and its suburbs a suitable place to raise kids.
She doesn't have to stay in the city. And if she does, she doesn't necessarily have to send her kids to a bad school. There are many options.
You are really stereotyping and overgeneralizing here. There are all kinds of people living in Chicago (and the suburbs), and the pool of unmarried men in their 30s will be MUCH larger here than in Indianapolis, where people tend to get married at a younger age.
It's all relative. Chicago may be costly compared to Indianapolis, but it's a downright bargain compared to many other urban areas that are popular with young singles (like New York, Boston, Los Angeles, the Bay Area, etc.) And cost of living can vary wildly here. Chicagoland has high-flying premium cost places to live, and low-rent cheaper places to live. And not all of the cheaper places are crime-infested hell holes.
(1) I think OP seems more interested in living in the City than the suburbs. There are plenty of great suburban schools, but the cost of living in those neighborhoods is still much greater than living in Indianapolis, and I can't imagine the dating scene is any better.
(2) My comments on the dating scene in the City are based on my personal experience (as well as those of my single friends). Chicago isn't much different than anywhere else as far as the likelihood of meeting someone. People meet through social connections - work, friends, school, activities, even online dating. There aren't necessarily better odds of meeting someone in a large city just because there are more people here, especially if you live in a gay neighborhood.
(3) Chicago is cheaper than the other cities you mentioned, but much more expensive than Indianapolis. Raising kids is expensive. There's a reason people move to the suburbs after they have kids.
There are, of course, people living in Chicago with all sorts of personal circumstances and all sorts of incomes. I just don't think of Chicago as a great place for a single parent to find the one. I think the poster who recommended online dating made a good point that it weeds out the people who have a problem dating a single parent. I tried fixing up a single mom client friend once and the man said "Absolutely not. I don't date single moms". It is deal breaker for some. Online dating would avoid that reaction.
For the record I'm early 40's and single. My dream woman right now would be divorced with H.S. or college bound children. I want someone who has been through it already so I don't have to re-live it again. I actively avoid single women without children because I assume most will want marriage and children if they have not experienced it already. I'm not against marriage but I just think I'm too old to start over with children. I would hate to have to deny someone that if it's something they really want out of life.
Maybe I'm the only one out there like that, who knows. Just thought I would throw it out there.
LOL, I'm your girl then but I'm not sure you're my dream man--you're always drunk, old, and tired.
I disagree. I want the heartbeat and energy of a bigger city - the lights and the ... streets of the people so busy and something ... you can't put your finger on - I want to be there.
Believe me, grass is no greener elsewhere. Unless you got money, life in a war zone is just fine. I'd live in Gary, IN's "affluent" side (Miller? Ogden Dunes?) if I got money, but it's still Gary, IN. The hustle and bustle of Chicago will take its toll on you. Come here for a few months, see how stressed out people look, I could tell by body language, and non-verbal communication. It's not an "all that" city as people make it out to be and in pictures. There is a reason why the city lost the Olympics to a third world country (Brazil). I wish I was in a smaller city of about half a million, not 3 million. Seattle seems like my next choice in the future. I moved here from Maryland expecting for better things, but it's just the same as any big city...lights, the streets, the people, very busy, etc. Isn't Indianapolis the biggest city in IN? Stay there.
Moving to "find the one" is a bad move. Opposites attract anywhere you go. It seems to me that you're looking for an affluent man. Don't. And beware of men, and women in Chicago that want to come across as wealthy. They are delusional.
The traffic, not finding parking space (if you street park) in Chicago is stressfull enough. If you want your own parking space it will cost you an extra $50-75 a month outside of "downtown" chicago. Now, downtown Chicago, parking spaces I've seen are $375 a month, for parking. That's rent in IN or other midwest states. Red light traffic cameras are EVERYWHERE, and they pivot! LOL!
Chicago weather sucks. It has not snowed yet, but I am anticipating more negativity about this city. Don't get me wrong, like I sad above, ANY place is good if you have money. I'd live in Chicago if I didn't have to work here, not 1 day. I'd live in Chicago if I had money to burn for rent, parking, traffic tickets, good food, temporary friends, etc. and have people working for me, etc. This is a cool place knowing that rent is cheap in Chicago compared to other "big cities". It is still the midwest. Chicago is a good base for marketing purposes if you are a music artist. People actually pay attention to someone that is in "the city" compared to let's say "lake station, IN". That's why for many years artists had to move to the big city from small town to "make it". I don't think this will be true anymore in the future. Things have shifted. The city is getting ridiculous and expensive that it is no longer a place for "working from the ground up". It is now suburbia's turn to be that place where you can "work from the ground up". Just my two cents and good luck!
I am originally from Ohio, and my parents live in Indy for a while, before I moved here to "the city", so I know the type of town you are living in. Some advice:
1. It seems you want the walkable, street life that the city offers, as opposed to the burbs of the city. But here in the city, while very fun, if you do not have things set up JUST RIGHT (NICE apartment - which is VERY EXPENSIVE, with parking, and a job downtown), it will be VERY stressful and you will find that you wont have the time or the money or the energy to do the things that make living in Lakeview/Lincoln park/Wicker Park etc, fun. What I found, from living here, is that you have to configure your life in a very, very specific way, in order to feel plugged in to things and part of the action. And it gets VERY expensive to maintain that configuration. For example, I am renting a brand new place, 2 bedrooms/2 baths, for $2000 a month...with NO PARKING!! I have to park on the street, and dig myself out of the snow, in the winter. You will want to live somewhere nice, there are a lot of dumps here, and the dumpy places do not have things like dishwashers and in-unit laundry. Not sure of your financial situation, or career point, but raising a child here in the nice areas of town is very stressful, you have A LOT of parking hassles, traffic problems during the summer because of Cubs games. Also - a few years ago, I was walking up Broadway, and as I walked past the CVS, a woman pushing a stroller, sat down on the bench, while talking on her cellphone, and said: "<sigh>...this is no place to raise a child". True story.
2. Most of the straight guys living here in the city, or at least the ones worth dating, tend to be in their 20's and have lots of dating options and most probably would not consider seriously dating a woman with a child. There is nothing wrong with having children but most guys want to share that experience with the person they marry and to be blunt, they also do not want to raise another man's kid. Plus, the fact that your child needs to be factored into your plans and dates etc, most guys dont want their fun and flexibility to be limited by another man's child. Suburban guys might be more open to that, but most city guys want to go out just whenever they want to.
3. If you are open to the burbs, here, they are going to be just like the burbs in Indy (carmel, etc) except they are a lot more expensive, with a lot of traffic. Many of Chicago's burbs, even the more affluent ones, tend to be very tacky and have a very unfriendly vibe. So if you are open to the burbs, I would recommend just staying put in Indy, and try different strategies and tactics to meet guys.
4. Chicago has a huge gender imbalance, there are a LOT more women here than men. A LOT. You WILL have a lot of competition. I have travelled a lot, and the women here are some of the best looking women in the country. A suggestion: Look into Austin TX. WAY more men there than women. And the men there tend to be more highly educated (not as many bubbas). Not quite as walkable as Chicago (but better than Indy), and they have great weather and it tends to be more child-friendly.
Chicago is a good base for marketing purposes if you are a music artist. People actually pay attention to someone that is in "the city" compared to let's say "lake station, IN". That's why for many years artists had to move to the big city from small town to "make it". I don't think this will be true anymore in the future. Things have shifted. The city is getting ridiculous and expensive that it is no longer a place for "working from the ground up". It is now suburbia's turn to be that place where you can "work from the ground up". Just my two cents and good luck!
That's why for many years artists had to move to the big city from small town to "make it". I don't think this will be true anymore in the future. Things have shifted. The city is getting ridiculous and expensive that it is no longer a place for "working from the ground up". It is now suburbia's turn to be that place where you can "work from the ground up". Just my two cents and good luck!
I would say there is *some* truth to this, but only because the internet has made it easy for musicians and artists to post their work online, as an extra venue to help get discovered. Younger people who are forced to live at home etc, can still work on their music, and still publish it out to the world.
My take on this: Typically, many artists and musicians want to focus on their art or music, they are not interested in living some kind of suburban convenience-based white-picket fence lifestyle, complete with chain restaurants and big-box stores, so they have no problem living in cheap neighborhoods. But at the same time, they want to live in neighborhoods that offer some type of charm as well, and places like Lakeview (in the 80's) and Wicker Park (in the 90's) served that purpose very well for that crowd...but now, the yuppies discovered this and took over those neighborhoods and have made them very expensive, many of the artists are being forced out and living in other cheap areas...but many are trying to hold on and stay. However, having said that, the city will always be where the action is. You will probably never see places like Schaumburg become hip or cool.
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