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Old 06-21-2010, 12:11 PM
 
5,925 posts, read 5,688,799 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02 View Post
I am debating attending an American Baptist church tomorrow that is supposedly tolerant of gay and lesbian members. I am very nervous about going to this church. First, its not IFB and has decidedly more liberal views on a lot of issues. Second, my parents will ask me where I went and if I tell them they will research the church and find out that it is liberal and will at best tell me I am destined for hell and explain their shame on me or at worst disown me for going to a gay friendly church. If I lie and say I went to the IFB near me they will call up the church (my dad being an IFB preacher has connections with IFB churches around the country) and ask them if I was there, and if they find out I was not, then the outcome could be worse than if I didn't even go at all. Should I just go to the IFB church to please my parents or go to this other church where I will be far more comfortable but risk a major rift with my family?

One more thing, one of the big issues on parents' side is my dad is currently assistant pastor and he says he cannot be head pastor at a church unless his immediate family also hold to the IFB faith.


The only debate is if you are willing to live the miserable life your parents expect for their sake.... or not.

Only you can decide this.
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Old 06-21-2010, 03:12 PM
 
Location: In God's Hand
1,315 posts, read 1,530,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ans57 View Post
We've all sinned and God had provided the ultimate ransom (Isaiah 53:3-6).

This thread depicts his struggle with spiritual righteousness just like the rest of us and his need for comfort...not condemnation!
Galatians 4:16Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?


Quote:
"Promiscuity" has the same consequence with everybody else regardless of gender...surely, he did not wish to be born homosexual...something that... the cause we could never profoundly discern...
Everybody was born a sinner: they can trace genetics to see who could be an alcholic: but that does not mean that they will be an alcoholic or that they will even care to drink. And genetics certainly cannot declare that Jesus will deliver them from alcoholism, but He does.

And Jesus has delivered sinners from homosexuality.

God's word on marriage about how he joins a man and a woman to be one flesh and how those in Romans 1st chapter became homsexual as in God gave them up to a reprobate mind to do that which is not convenient as in nothing will come out of a same sex relationship: because they loved the creature more than the Creator. With life in America broadcasting images and implications of the pride of life, the lust of the eyes, and then zeroing in on the lust of the flesh, we can see how society can subliminally cause viewers to love the creature more than the Creator.

Others can state various other causes, but the statement of certain individuals were born that way to be homosexuals is an urban legend and thus a lie. There are no genetic markers for homsexuality. A research was even done by homosexuals in determining this:

Homosexual Researchers Debunk ‘Born Gay’ Urban Legend


Quote:
Only GOD knows the heart of man, let him be his judge.

Blessings...
We use His words to guide us in what we need to go to Him for: deliverance from what is sin according to His word.

Hebrews 4:12For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do. 14Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. 15For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

So no one is doing any believer a favour by accepting the sin of homosexuality in his or her walk with Jesus. Ask Him for help now.
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:07 PM
 
Location: florida
314 posts, read 356,919 times
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unfuntunely i think its more important to be true to youself and what makes you happy no offense but religion is cruel and unusual sometimes.
your family rejecting you is heartbreaking but how long can you pretend to be something your not being true to yourself may eventually bring you happyness
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:33 AM
 
17,853 posts, read 11,769,295 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enow View Post
Others can state various other causes, but the statement of certain individuals were born that way to be homosexuals is an urban legend and thus a lie. There are no genetic markers for homsexuality. A research was even done by homosexuals in determining this:

Homosexual Researchers Debunk ‘Born Gay’ Urban Legend
The source of the article you linked to is a known anti-gay "hate" group, listed by the Southern Poverty Law Centre.

The "information" is way out of date and full of distortions and misrepresentations. There is strong evidence that biology is a major influence on sexual orientation, particularly hormones in-utero.

It's not hard to find the actual studies published in reputable peer reviewed journals to find the facts. I wouldn't look for any "truth" from political propaganda organizations like Traditional Values coalition whose sole reason to exist is to vilify homosexuals.
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Old 06-23-2010, 06:31 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
6,370 posts, read 5,635,039 times
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If someone can be born "gay", then it would only mean they are attracted to the same sex - a physical attraction. If one is going to be a Christian though, they would need to overcome that attraction and not ever be in a sexual relationship with that same sex. The reason is that we were all created to ultimately become the Children of God. The sexual act between a man and a woman is a TYPE of the Spiritiual reproduction of God's Children. Blasphemy is the holding cheap of something (portraying somethings value as less than it is). If someone is gay and is continuing in homosexuality while preaching Christ then they are committing a holding cheap of God's way and nature. Ultimately, God is going to save everyone including every Gay that has ever lived.
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Old 06-23-2010, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 14,623,324 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phazelwood View Post
The only debate is if you are willing to live the miserable life your parents expect for their sake.... or not.

Only you can decide this.
If I do not, not only will my family cut me off, but it will completely tear my family apart. Before I went back into the closet they were so miserable it was pathetic in fact my parents almost got a divorce over it. In there mind homosexuality is the absolute worst sin a human commit and there is no changing their minds about that. This isn't only because of me not wanting to lose my family but because I love them and do not want to see them go through the mental and spiritual anguish that will happen if I come back out of the closet.
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Old 06-23-2010, 11:35 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,153,066 times
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I understand your predicament - but you can't sacrifice your life for your parents. That is what you would be doing. You can't deny who you are - you will be miserable forever. I'm not religious - but I firmly believe that if there is a God - he created you and would never have created you for a life of misery. He loves you just the way you are - anything less than that would be intolerably cruel and I just don't think that could be right. I understand that you don't want to tear your parents apart but you will never be happy if you have to pretend to be something you are not for your entire life. That's no way to live.
Have you thought about moving? Maybe if you were far enough away from them - you could live your own life with out feeling like you were destroying theirs.
Just so you know - I think you sound like a wonderful, loving person. I sincerely hope that you find your way to happiness.
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Old 06-23-2010, 06:03 PM
 
Location: In God's Hand
1,315 posts, read 1,530,765 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaymax View Post
The source of the article you linked to is a known anti-gay "hate" group, listed by the Southern Poverty Law Centre.
It is getting to be known that anyone speaking against homosexuality is being considered as hate speech: so it is not surprising to find organizations listing anyone or any organization under that judgment.

The "information" is way out of date and full of distortions and misrepresentations. There is strong evidence that biology is a major influence on sexual orientation, particularly hormones in-utero.

It's not hard to find the actual studies published in reputable peer reviewed journals to find the facts.[/quote]

Like the evolution theory, from what I am reading, it is guesswork. I really think that what they had found, they do not know what they are looking at, otherwise, it would be traceable and found clearly in gay men.

REPORT SUGGESTS HOMOSEXUALITY IS LINKED TO GENES

Quote:
I wouldn't look for any "truth" from political propaganda organizations like Traditional Values coalition whose sole reason to exist is to vilify homosexuals.
Being how they were citing homosexual researchers doing that research, it does bear merit, but I understand your stance, seeing how from my google search like that link above, one can find other links going beyond what is stated as if being born gay is true.

I cannot help but see the same practise that people are doing with the evolution theory with this homosexual gene: it has not been proven yet, but "strongly suggest" somehow holds greater validity over the former link declaring not so fast in believing that there is a homsexual gene as that point was being made by homosexual researchers so cited.

Now which is closer to the truth? Yeah, I know. It is up in the air, but was there not a poster in this thread citing that people were born gay? It does not take long for people to believe it.

Again, the gene for alcoholism has supposedly been discovered but how many have tested actual alcoholics to see if it continue to hold up?

And would someone that profess to be gay and yet found that he does not have the "gay gene" whenever and ifever they announce it officially, does that mean... what? He is a liar? He is not being true to himself?

If someone find a gene that tracks whom would be a child molester, imagine the alienation and the defamation even though the man or woman had never molested a child.

If someone find a gene that tracks murderers or thieves like kleptomaniacs...

All I see is science trying to track sin in the body in why people do what they do.

And yet Jesus Christ has delivered many from their sins and not just from the sin of homosexuality, into becoming a new creature to live as His and no longer in sin where sin has dominion over them. That's the Good News in Christ besides eternal life. It is for this purpose Jesus came to destroy the works of the devil in our lives as sin and death was inheritted from Adam unto all men and women so that we can have that reconciled relationship with God through Jesus Christ in living as His.
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Old 06-23-2010, 11:05 PM
 
Location: Parker, CO
1,037 posts, read 2,644,956 times
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Chris,

I really feel for you. I can really understand where you're coming from.

I came out to my parents six years ago. I was only 19 at the time, and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Much like yourself, I grew up in a conservative Christian family. It was so hard for me to come to terms with my sexuality.

I have always been quite close to my family, and my worst fear was damaging my relationship with them, or even worse yet, losing them by telling them that I was gay. I finally did work up the courage to tell my family when I came home one spring break from college. They didn't take it so well. My mom was especially devastated by the news. They tried to send me to an "ex gay" ministry. They were convinced that I had chosen to be gay.

For a couple years, my relationship with my parents was awkward and challenging. As time went on however, there was a slow healing process and things are much better now. I beleive that my parents will never completely accept the fact that I am gay. Sometimes, I wish they could walk a mile in my shoes: to see what I see, to feel what I feel. One thing I can say, though is that my parents still love me unconditionally and want me in their life, and I am very thankful for that.

Chris, my advice for you is to be true to yourself. I promise you one thing: you will NEVER be happy if you spend your life trying to live up to others' expectations. You know who you are. So be that person. You are still young and have so much living to do. Life is so short, and it's much to precious to waste living the way someone else thinks you should live it. God made you just the way you are, so just be yourself and you can't go wrong. If other people (including your parents) can't accept that, then they're the ones with the problem.

It's taken me several years to get to this point, but I am finally at peace in my life. I am at peace with God. I have accepted myself for who I am, and I know who I am. I beleive that you will someday be to that point as well, Chris, if you just stay true to who you are, as painful and difficult as it will sometimes be. One of my favorite sayings:

"I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I am not. "
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Old 07-25-2010, 12:50 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 14,623,324 times
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Update: A Rant

Unfortunately, my life has taken a huge turn for the worse within the past week. My roommate and now former best friend, who I have been friends with for over six years, backed me into a corner, as did my parents. My parents threw me an ultimatum that I must move out of my apartment into my own place or they will cut me off, as they believe I will go to hell for having any association with homosexuals. Though I have plenty of my own reasons for getting my own place, my roommate begged me to stay. I told him about the ultimatum my parents threw at me and he threw his own saying that if I move out, our friendship may be over. As much as I care about my roommate as a friend, I could not choose him over my blood relatives. Now we are no longer on speaking terms and I am set to move out in a little over a month.

I am very saddened by the fact that a six year friendship could be ended because of my parents. This decision is pretty much irreversible though and I have no choice but to go through with it. Though I would still prefer to move out for other reasons even if my parents were not in the picture, I feel completely responsible for betraying my best friend. Had I not mentioned the issue with my parents to him our friendship could have possibly been saved even if I did decide to move out.

This brings me to my main point...while I acknowledge that my relationship with my parents is unhealthy and life destructive...I just can't bear to see my family torn apart. While coming out of the closet for most people is liberating, for me it was humiliating as I was continually called an abomination by my family and told I would be better off dead. The issue nearly caused a divorce between my mom and dad. In the mind of my parents, they think this is love. They think by making my life a living hell and forcing me to end all my worldly friendships they are saving my soul from an eternity in hell. As I've said before, according to their church there is absolutely nothing worse a human being can do in the eyes of God than be a homosexual. I truly feel if I came back out to my parents, my mom would commit suicide. The church teaches that if a child becomes a homosexual, its the fault of the parents. My parents simply cannot deal with that.

I feel I must go deeper into to closet and return to the Independent Fundamental Baptist church just to be worthy of life. Problem is, much of the IFB way of thinking is still ingrained in my mind. For instance, I lost my job just a little over a month after I came out of the closet the first time. My parents told me it was the "wrath of God pouring out on my head" in my mom's words. How can I be sure it wasn't? Was it just co-incidence or was God really punishing me? My dad told me he foresaw God pouring out his wrath on me in ways He never has before if I were to renew my lease with my roommate. While I don't 100% believe that he is right...is it possible?

Part of me wants to return to the IFB church because I felt safe and secure there. In a time right now where I am all alone, I feel drawn to the church. I have a feeling alienating me from my friends were my parents' plan all along so that way they could force me back to the church. That said, I know I will never be able live my own life as long as I attend an IFB church nor as long as my parents have the leverage in my life they have.

Sorry for the rant, its just been a very emotionally distressing week, and needed to get this out there.
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