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Old 06-15-2010, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 14,602,573 times
Reputation: 4457

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This is a very dark time in my life. Having last year come out of the closet as a gay man, I experienced endless mental torture from my family. In their church, homosexuality is the worst sin possible for mankind to commit, and they made sure I was aware of that almost every day by phone calls, text, email, or some other mention. But this isn't about homosexuality or trying to justify it. My family is very dear to me. I was raised in a strict Independent Fundamental Baptist church and when I was attending the church and following the rules, I was very close to my family. All of that changed when I came out gay and subsequently left the church. When most people in my shoes would disown their family in such a situation, I cannot bring myself to do it. My family means too much for me.

That said, upon a recent visit to them after not seeing them for a year, I went back into the closet and told them my homosexuality was just a phase and was now over it. In my heart, if being able to have a loving mom and dad means I must suppress my feelings towards other men, then so be it. Plus, the fact it was drilled into me every Sunday morning, night and Wednesday night for 22 years that homosexuality is at the top of God's list of abominations, much of my inner being believes that it is sinful and I will go to hell for living a homosexual lifestyle, whether I can change the feelings or not. So I have given that up.

While things were better for a little while, they have gotten much worse, almost as bad as it was when I told them I was gay. I missed church Sunday because I went to a local amusement park and was told that afternoon by my parents that I am headed for hell, they do not trust me at all, and they are ashamed of me. That same message was re-iterated to me on the phone tonight because I question that the earth might be older than 6,000 years. I get called a mocker and a scoffer by them. Truth is, as horrible as all this sounds, my parents do love me and these issues break their hearts because they really believe I will go to hell for them. The only way I can make them happy is to completely cut myself off from the world and find an old-fashioned, fundamental, Independent Baptist church and dedicate my entire life to God and the church. Once again, a big part of me sees this as the right thing to do. I feel like I am trying to justify sin in my life by posting this message.

That said, the other side of me has done research on religion and specifically the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination and their cult-like beliefs. With them, its either you are with them or against them and there is no middle ground. I am not sure if the Bible is meant to be taken entirely literal or figuratively...though a figurative interpretation is damnable heresy in the church. I question why a God who hates homosexuals so much would allow me, son of an Independent Baptist preacher, to have homosexual tendencies. Through college and research my mind has been opened that I have difficult time believing whole-heartedly the earth is only 6,000 years old. Its getting very close to time I am going to have to face a decision I am dreading. I am either going to have to jump in the IFB cult wholeheartedly or disown my family entirely and live my own life. The religious side of me tells me the former will lead me to heaven while the latter will send me to hell.

One thing always taught to me growing up was that if you obey God He will bless you and if you do not obey you will be cursed. If I take the route of living my own life, I feel not only will I burn in hell, but I will have a life of sorrow and hardship as God pours out his wrath on me.

No matter which path I choose...I don't feel I will ever find peace. I can't turn to a more mainstream Christianity teaching God's love because my family will never accept that. Plus, I have a difficult time reconciling the notion of a loving God with the persona of God I grew up with: angry, vengeful, full of wrath, who is coming soon to destroy the world by fire and brimstone. I might as well go all out and be a gay atheist if I am going to go for a more liberal interpretation of Christianity. In fact, it would be easier to do. I wish I could become an atheist because I would have a much greater peace if there was no God than I do now knowing I am on the brink of God's wrath being unleashed on me, but I know in my heart God is real.

I know this has been a long post and I thank you for reading. I should probably seek counseling on this but I cannot afford it right now and I don't have job security. Any advice or further questions would be appreciated. I would like to find a solution that would be beneficial to both me and my family, but I cannot think of a way on my own that it could happen.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:18 PM
 
Location: Rivendell
1,387 posts, read 2,110,293 times
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Chris, my heart cries for your pain. It seems you can be true to yourself and lose your family, or pretend to be the person your family wants you to be and lose yourself.

I know this is the Christianity forum, but with all the pain your faith is bringing to you, would it be so bad to lose it? Life is too short for such misery. You certainly wouldn't be the first Christian to lose his faith over the hypocrisy of fundamental Christianity.

There are many in the gay community who have made new families for themselves when their blood families rejected them.

I would be proud to have smart and kind son like yourself.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:38 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 14,602,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sizzly Friddle View Post
Chris, my heart cries for your pain. It seems you can be true to yourself and lose your family, or pretend to be the person your family wants you to be and lose yourself.
Exactly. I wish there was a way to live my own life and still have a relationship with them but with their twisted theology that is simply not possible. As I said before, in their church you are either 100% with them or you are of the Devil.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sizzly Friddle View Post
I know this is the Christianity forum, but with all the pain your faith is bringing to you, would it be so bad to lose it? Life is too short for such misery. You certainly wouldn't be the first Christian to lose his faith over the hypocrisy of fundamental Christianity.
Losing my faith would make this a lot easier. It would take away the fear of God and hell if I were to go my own way. Unfortunately I cannot at this time take the leap into atheism, as much as I've tried.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sizzly Friddle View Post
There are many in the gay community who have made new families for themselves when their blood families rejected them.
I have thought of this, but for me, nobody can ever replace my real blood relatives no matter how hard I try. My family is my family and always will be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sizzly Friddle View Post
I would be proud to have smart and kind son like yourself.
Thank you for your support. I really do appreciate it.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:40 PM
 
Location: South Jordan, Utah
6,652 posts, read 7,117,180 times
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You find peace in knowing that being saved means God sees Jesus on the Cross no matter what you are doing. It is all about Grace not works.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:48 PM
 
365 posts, read 424,363 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hilgi View Post
You find peace in knowing that being saved means God sees Jesus on the Cross no matter what you are doing. It is all about Grace not works.
Amen!

And congratulations Chris for trusting in God and repenting of homosexuality.

And remember this:

God loves homosexuals, but God hates homosexuality.

God loves the sinner, but hates sin.

Love the homosexual, but hate homosexuality.

Love the sinner, but hate sin.

God has always loved you and always will. But you have honored God and turned from homosexuality, Amen.

Satan has made sure that homosexuality is becoming accepted and that the young children are being conditioned to be brought up believing its ok! So can you imagine when our young grow up, the world will FULLY accept homosexuality as "normal"

Homosexuals can be healed and made whole! through the grace of God! But only if they are willing to repent! If they realise it's wrong, yet cherish and love this homosexual behaviour, there is no grace.

A while back I read a powerful testimony from a homosexual who was born again and repented from homosexuality and is now filled with peace and Gods Holy Spirit! The spirit of homosexuality will be CAST OUT sooner or later when Jesus enters the persons life.

Those who disagree with me are the ones that love and cherish the spirit of homosexuality and refuse to repent. Looking for a loophole in homosexuality wont work! There is none!

Leviticus 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders

homosexuality is a sickness! and you can be healed! You only "think" you are a homosexual because as a child you were molested or neglected as a child! According to a huge survey done on homosexuals, these were what was the finding that I mentioned.

I saw a documentary on this, and they said they interviewed over a thousand homosexuals, and what they learned was that most of them were molested by a man when they were young! And the rest it seems were neglected by their dad when growing up, and they longed to be loved and hugged by their dad and never got it. As a result they are homosexual to get love and attention from a man which they were denied as a youngster. And the young boys who were raped, had been conditioned with mixed signals.

Somehow they try to replace a loving relationship with their dad that they never had with a relationship with a man! And this is sad as it then goes one step further as you know and becomes sexual in a homosexual relationship.
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Old 06-15-2010, 10:57 PM
 
Location: South Jordan, Utah
6,652 posts, read 7,117,180 times
Reputation: 2840
I think Satin has done a great job focusing Christians on obsessing with consensual sex acts as opposed to focusing on the Gospel. Almost every word for non-adulterous sex acts has been mistranslated.

What a great way to keep people from focusing on Jesus!
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,946 posts, read 14,602,573 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleHeart View Post
Amen!

And congratulations Chris for trusting in God and repenting of homosexuality.

And remember this:

God loves homosexuals, but God hates homosexuality.

God loves the sinner, but hates sin.

Love the homosexual, but hate homosexuality.

Love the sinner, but hate sin.

God has always loved you and always will. But you have honored God and turned from homosexuality, Amen.

Satan has made sure that homosexuality is becoming accepted and that the young children are being conditioned to be brought up believing its ok! So can you imagine when our young grow up, the world will FULLY accept homosexuality as "normal"

Homosexuals can be healed and made whole! through the grace of God! But only if they are willing to repent! If they realise it's wrong, yet cherish and love this homosexual behaviour, there is no grace.

A while back I read a powerful testimony from a homosexual who was born again and repented from homosexuality and is now filled with peace and Gods Holy Spirit! The spirit of homosexuality will be CAST OUT sooner or later when Jesus enters the persons life.

Those who disagree with me are the ones that love and cherish the spirit of homosexuality and refuse to repent. Looking for a loophole in homosexuality wont work! There is none!

Leviticus 18:22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.

1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders

homosexuality is a sickness! and you can be healed! You only "think" you are a homosexual because as a child you were molested or neglected as a child! According to a huge survey done on homosexuals, these were what was the finding that I mentioned.

I saw a documentary on this, and they said they interviewed over a thousand homosexuals, and what they learned was that most of them were molested by a man when they were young!
And the rest it seems were neglected by their dad when growing up, and they longed to be loved and hugged by their dad and never got it. As a result they are homosexual to get love and attention from a man which they were denied as a youngster. And the young boys who were raped, had been conditioned with mixed signals.

Somehow they try to replace a loving relationship with their dad that they never had with a relationship with a man! And this is sad as it then goes one step further as you know and becomes sexual in a homosexual relationship.
I was never molested as a child...and it offends me that you try to say that I was.
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Old 06-15-2010, 11:15 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
7,905 posts, read 8,479,538 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02 View Post
Exactly. I wish there was a way to live my own life and still have a relationship with them but with their twisted theology that is simply not possible. As I said before, in their church you are either 100% with them or you are of the Devil.



Losing my faith would make this a lot easier. It would take away the fear of God and hell if I were to go my own way. Unfortunately I cannot at this time take the leap into atheism, as much as I've tried.



I have thought of this, but for me, nobody can ever replace my real blood relatives no matter how hard I try. My family is my family and always will be.



Thank you for your support. I really do appreciate it.
Hard situation. Ya know you can't decide to become an atheist when you know God is real, so that option is out. OTOH the particular denomination that your family belongs to is not right for you. Perhaps they need to realize a few things.

I gotta be honest as I type this so I'll just say it. I feel for you. Friend we are all sinners. But thru Jesus we are reconcilled with God. Your issue is no worse or better than mine or the secret sins of your family. With that said if your family rejects you, just know that God does not. And quite frankly God is more important than your family. Eternal life and having joy and peace-and even success in this world are a gift from God.

Now the tough love. Sorry, but my mom taught me to speak my mind without tact. Gee, thanks mom.

We all sin. I have my sins. They are no less or better than your's. Question is whether you desire to be right with God. Does God hate Gay people? No. I will leave you with a thought. What does God call sin?

And BTW we all stumble and fall short. It seems that I repent more than once a week over the same issues. But I will never give up and surrender to my areas of sin weakness. I may never win in the flesh, but God will cause me to be right if I let Him do his work in me. Progress is happening.

Easier said than done.

If it makes any difference our "son" is trans. We still love and accept him/her.
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Old 06-16-2010, 12:27 AM
 
Location: Texas
4,346 posts, read 5,566,813 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bchris02 View Post
I might as well go all out and be a gay atheist if I am going to go for a more liberal interpretation of Christianity. In fact, it would be easier to do. I wish I could become an atheist because I would have a much greater peace if there was no God than I do now knowing I am on the brink of God's wrath being unleashed on me, but I know in my heart God is real.
I think the God of wrath idea has been drilled into you deeply and it can be hard to get past that. I'll just make a few observations which (hopefully) will be helpful.

1. Receiving acceptance from your family for appearing to be someone you aren't is dishonest and in the long run will not be helpful. Your spiritual choices are between you and God and is (frankly) no one else's business.

2. A 'cult like' Baptist denomination is probably the last place your spiritual life will flourish. Christians who obsess about homosexuality (when clearly the bible doesn't) generally have deep rooted issues.

3. Seek to know God for yourself - not for anyone else. A personal encounter is where it's at. An intimate and real knowledge of the one who made you and who understands every nuance of your being AND who loves you unconditionally will NEVER bring rejection or confusion to your heart.

4. Fear of hell or of the destructive wrath of God has no place in a child of God's heart. God's Spirit and your spirit have the same goals. Face all obstacles together as a team.

Of course - I can't really address your emotional ties with your family. I was/am terribly rejected by my dad which was/is a HORRIBLE experience but knowing my creator personally was a great turning point and I learned to live without craving that human acceptance.

I am straight and so can't relate to the gay part of your struggle except through empathy. I do know that God is FOR the rejected and oppressed - and that would include those rejected/oppressed through religious dogma.

Here's praying that you find the peace of God which passes understanding...
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Old 06-16-2010, 01:23 AM
 
Location: Tucson, Arizona
987 posts, read 878,484 times
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I would just 'ditto' Firstborn's advice. Search for God with all your heart in the scriptures, NOT in any church's doctrines. I hope you find peace and JOY.
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