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Old 10-30-2018, 09:41 AM
 
Location: USA
15,906 posts, read 8,170,566 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
There can be if a young person feels that since they are in a sexual relationship with someone, it means they should stay in the relationship and try to make it work even if the relationship is otherwise toxic in some way.
If I had not had that mindset as a young woman, I might not have spent so many years in an abusive marriage. That was a bit painful to write, but thankfully, it was long ago and far away.

It is something to keep in mind. Don't let the fact that you are in an intimate relationship blind you to the whole of the relationship overall.
Sorry, Queen. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories. But I hear what you're saying.
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Old 10-30-2018, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,064 posts, read 54,565,498 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleroo View Post
Sorry, Queen. I didn't mean to bring up painful memories. But I hear what you're saying.
Oh no, it's OK. It's just something I never thought about before, but looking back and remembering who I was then, I realized what my mindset was. It was "in the ago", as somebody I know sez. I'm not that person anymore. But if my experience can serve as a cautionary tale for another young woman, that's a silver lining.
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Old 10-30-2018, 12:05 PM
 
20,389 posts, read 9,828,032 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleroo View Post
A question: In your opinion, is there a downside to the emotional bonding element of sexual/physical intimacy for people who are not married? Again, I'm specifically talking about young adults here.
Often times, young adults jump into relationships to be accepted and haven't always considered the consequences of what it means to be committed to that relationship and what it means to love another, as you know there is more to relationships than the physical aspect.

It has been pointed out that some relationships are harmful and injurious, emotionally, mentally and physically which is not always seen in the beginning. My daughter didn't know that the man she married was narcissistic (extremely self-centered and controlling), initially he was charming and attentive - until the honeymoon. She should have listened to her feelings and instinct, instead of covering it up and thinking he would change in time. She stayed in the marriage for seven years. He was so overbearing that she could no longer deal with his attitude and demeanor. He attempted to control her, as if she were his puppet on a string and worse. The straw that broke the camels back was forcing her to have sex, and informing her that she could not talk to family members, even about her pregnancy. He basically said he owned her? Of course that did not go over very well with me. But she hesitated telling me things because she was afraid of what I would do. The dynamic's of any relationship can go beyond that of the couple themselves. I believe young adults should wait until they have a better understanding about relationships.

A frog will not always become a prince, so it's good to take your time and know what you are jumping into before committing yourself. Sometimes, you can take a look at their parents to see what kind of person they might become. But the biggest thing is to invest the time in getting to know a person for who they are, on a broader scale before giving into your hormones.
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Old 10-30-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: USA
15,906 posts, read 8,170,566 times
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Thanks Jer. Thankfully, my daughter is a very thoughtful and sensible person, far wiser than I was at her age, certainly. I feel like her generation has a lot going for it, in general, but she specifically has always amazed me. She's taking things slow and what she's told me about the guy she's currently dating has left me with the impression that he is equally sensible and thoughtful, and he is kind to her and respectful of her. I just know that the old tapes that run in my head need some re-examining, and I want to be able to relate to her in a positive and healthy way to the degree that she chooses to include me in her decision-making process.
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Old 10-30-2018, 01:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleroo View Post
Thanks Jer. Thankfully, my daughter is a very thoughtful and sensible person, far wiser than I was at her age, certainly. I feel like her generation has a lot going for it, in general, but she specifically has always amazed me. She's taking things slow and what she's told me about the guy she's currently dating has left me with the impression that he is equally sensible and thoughtful, and he is kind to her and respectful of her. I just know that the old tapes that run in my head need some re-examining, and I want to be able to relate to her in a positive and healthy way to the degree that she chooses to include me in her decision-making process.
I agree with the others, "you got this!" And I am glad that you recognize her abilities to be sensible and thoughtful. Apparently, it runs in the family and I am sure that with an open heart, it can and will be a positive building block as she matures - for the both of you, and your family.
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Old 10-30-2018, 02:05 PM
 
Location: USA
15,906 posts, read 8,170,566 times
Reputation: 2103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerwade View Post
I agree with the others, "you got this!" And I am glad that you recognize her abilities to be sensible and thoughtful. Apparently, it runs in the family and I am sure that with an open heart, it can and will be a positive building block as she matures - for the both of you, and your family.
Thanks for that Jer.

I have to confess another something that makes me go about myself. My daughter mentioned that her guy is an atheist. Now, considering that I have two children who also are atheists, and the fact that he seems like a really good guy, you wouldn't think that would throw me. But it did. The religious old woman in me just won't stay in her grave.
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Old 10-30-2018, 02:13 PM
 
20,389 posts, read 9,828,032 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleroo View Post
Thanks for that Jer.

I have to confess another something that makes me go about myself. My daughter mentioned that her guy is an atheist. Now, considering that I have two children who also are atheists, and the fact that he seems like a really good guy, you wouldn't think that would throw me. But it did. The religious old woman in me just won't stay in her grave.
Focus on where his heart is, when all is said and done that will be the most important thing.
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Old 10-30-2018, 02:42 PM
 
Location: USA
15,906 posts, read 8,170,566 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jerwade View Post
Focus on where his heart is, when all is said and done that will be the most important thing.
Exactly. Good reminder. I just hate that my first instinct was still to judge based on labels.
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Old 10-30-2018, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,064 posts, read 54,565,498 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleroo View Post
Exactly. Good reminder. I just hate that my first instinct was still to judge based on labels.
Our earliest training stays with us to some degree, I'm afraid.

What's important is that your second instinct was to question your first.
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Old 10-30-2018, 09:49 PM
Status: "Smacking fundies." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
25,810 posts, read 13,417,575 times
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Yes. It's good to remember that atheists are people too. As are animists.

Ish.
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