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Old 07-06-2010, 03:05 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 4,097,610 times
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Just repost it in the other forum (copy and paste). I left the church a few years ago after a series of events like this at different churches. You will likely hear things like "everyone makes mistakes", "no one is perfect", "there is probably a misunderstanding". You may be able to hear some sort of explanation that makes sense to you, and you may forgive this incident. In my experience, these things happen in every church (and organizations in general), and I decided that I would no longer give my money to support this sort of "ministry".

I don't think you can get your money back (someone suggested that) unless you wrote "Youth Group Summer trip 2010" or something equally specific on your check. It seems a bit petty to request the money back anyway. I would chalk it up to experience.

I'm very sorry this happened to you and your family. It's very painful to feel (or know that you were) betrayed by your church family. You see them multiple times a week, you visit their homes, and you form bonds with these people. You choose to let them be involved in your life because you "know" they have similar values. To discover they may not is painful.

Good luck in your decisions.
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Old 07-06-2010, 04:06 PM
 
Location: 30-40įN 90-100įW
13,856 posts, read 22,988,108 times
Reputation: 6688
I would not leave a denomination over that, but if you mean an individual congregation/parish I could see that I suppose. Although have you talked or complained to someone about this? Maybe there's an explanation or something.
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Old 07-06-2010, 06:34 PM
Status: "Waving a sign that reads John 3:16" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Walt Disney World
16,383 posts, read 8,915,844 times
Reputation: 1667
My 2 cents:

-Find out the truth. Don't base your decision what you think is happening.

-Pray about it. Ask God for direction.
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Old 07-06-2010, 07:38 PM
 
98 posts, read 127,615 times
Reputation: 102
Why don't you just go ask them before it happens? Wouldn't that solve a lot of the problem? You would find out if it's a youth trip, you can let them know you are unhappy, and if it's YG money you can get it stopped before they spend all the money on a select few. I would think a couple of phone calls could straighten it out beforehand.

Why sit and stew until it's over when it can be solved before the event happens? Maybe they don't know all the kids weren't invited, etc. Why make it a big deal when you know about it now and can get it straightened out now?

(I'm an atheist, btw, and don't undertstand why you can't just ask now)
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Old 07-06-2010, 08:30 PM
 
16,300 posts, read 24,981,174 times
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Silly little clique by silly little people. I suspect they have patted themselves on the back for doing gods work in the time since.
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Old 07-06-2010, 09:12 PM
 
697 posts, read 914,464 times
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I agree with the other posters who said you should find out the facts of what is happening BEFORE the trip. It may be entirely innocent - just a group of kids going not through the church and not using church funds coincidentally on the date that the youth outing was supposed to be (but apparently isn't). If that is the case, then you will feel relieved knowing what is going on and maybe you can use that conversation with whoever as a kick start to get the real youth group trip back on track.

If that is NOT the case, then yes, you should leave. What a bunch of vipers.
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Old 07-06-2010, 09:21 PM
Status: "Waving a sign that reads John 3:16" (set 1 day ago)
 
Location: Walt Disney World
16,383 posts, read 8,915,844 times
Reputation: 1667
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asheville Native View Post
Silly little clique by silly little people. I suspect they have patted themselves on the back for doing gods work in the time since.
We can always count on you to bad-mouth Christians, despite the fact you know very little about this situation.
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Old 07-07-2010, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Metro DC area
4,541 posts, read 3,659,371 times
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A tiny bit of background:

I didnít want to bore with too many details, but long story short, I *know* that there exists cliques at my church and there is a certain sense of entitlement among the chosen few (mainly the Pastorís family and those that have been there for many, many years). Iíve only been at the church for 3 years, but in that time, my family has developed a close relationship with the Pastor and Iím one of those people that folks at the church like to see come in the door. Iím friendly, funny and folks there just like to be around me. Iím also a great planner and organizer, so they look forward to when I plan events because they know it will be a stellar affair. Iím not saying this out of conceitÖIím just trying to draw a picture of why I feel a bit used.

In addition, when thereís a function requiring food, etc, my family is who they turn to (75% of the time, my family foots the food bill). I recently planned a youth event where my familyís out of pocket expenses exceeded $500. Itís my belief that the church plans to see that as the ďyouth annual eventĒ, though they didnít give me any of the fundraiser money to defray my costs. While I organized the event with no expectations of repayment, it would sting if theyíve decided to ďleechĒ off of my event and use the money for the inner-circle ďvacationĒ.

RE: those who say find out the truth first.

I thought of approaching the Youth Pastor, prior to their planned trip, to ask about the status of the youth trip. BUT, what has stopped me is that I want to know their true heart. Thereís absolutely, positively, NO WAY, they donít know they havenít extended the invitation to me and my children. The whole organizing has been very hushed, which gives me the sense that they donít want everyone (including me) to know the true details of the trip. I only learned of it because a child going (pastorís family) asked my daughter if she was going (doing my youth outing). I donít want to approach and have them invite me out of guilt, etcÖÖIn essence, I donít want to force my presence when itís obvious that donít want me there. I think the main motivation for not inviting me and my family is that I have multiple children which eats into their budget for the trip. Rather than invite all of the children, they invite a select few, so that the adults can go for free.
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Old 07-07-2010, 07:04 AM
 
5,925 posts, read 5,842,576 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChocLot View Post
Without boring you with a lot of background, Iíll just say that Iím on the Youth Committee at my church and I help organize events. One event was a fundraiser for a summer trip for the youth. Iíve recently learned that a small group of kids are going to an amusement park (the very same one that was to be the site of the youth trip) on the same date (this Saturday) that the youth trip was supposed to be on. When Iíve asked in the past about the status of this yearís youth trip, the answers have been ďI donít knowísĒ. Now, I learn about this trip; my children were not invited. On Sunday, after the trip, I plan to ask when the youth trip will take place using the funds we have raised. Iím almost 99% sure the trip on Saturday will be using the fundraiser money; an event that my family spent time and money helping to make successful, yet we werenít invited on this outing.

Would this be enough to make you leave your church? If the church indeed uses the fundraising money for their trip on Saturday (which Iím almost positive they will), I will feel VERY betrayed and hurt that my family was excluded.

Leave.
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Old 07-07-2010, 07:31 AM
 
16,300 posts, read 24,981,174 times
Reputation: 8282
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmiej View Post
We can always count on you to bad-mouth Christians, despite the fact you know very little about this situation.
So this mean that you are defending the behavior of this little clique of people that excluded the OP and their family?
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