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Old 07-16-2010, 12:24 PM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,158,884 times
Reputation: 2013

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Asheville Native View Post
What do we have here, a male chauvinist pig? Marriage is a partnership. If you want to 'act out' master/slave roles in the bedroom, that's one thing, but when it comes down to everything else, it is a partnership.

I know that many so called shallow boys (using the term man is erroneous, as men don't behave in such a manner) use religion as a tool to 'control' the woman, and I have nothing but contempt for the cowards that would do so, and for the women that allow it.

Not to mention the arrogance of the man that some how believes his views on what ever the disagreement is about, is the right decision?
The Biblical role of marriage is for the husband to be head of the home. There's no need to attack the OP for asking a question like this on a Christianity board.....
I obey my husband, in the sense that, he is the ultimate authority here. That is the Biblical model for marriage.
That doesn't mean he goes around, telling me what to do. It means he is the leader of our home, and I will defer to him when we are at a stalemate. Because he loves me and is good to me, and he's my husband.
Submission isn't a dirty word.
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:26 PM
 
11,277 posts, read 11,303,308 times
Reputation: 3477
Quote:
Originally Posted by banevader View Post
"Obey you?"
Are you serious,OP?
Quote:
Colossians 3: Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is ..."
I don't see any, "except in this situation or in that situation" in that verse. Wouldn't that be enough authority, except for the husband ordering the wife to do something immoral or illegal? Or has Christianity evolved in this modern world where feminism has taken its place alongside the Word of God?

But, in fairness, I will give two examples:

#1:

She: I want to buy this house. I mean I've had my heart set on a house like this all my life.
He: It might put our finances in danger.
She: You're always looking at the negative side of things. Can't you be positive once in a while? If you don't want to go in with me, fine. I'll go in by myself.

#2:

He: Let's talk about relocating to another city. The climate here is starting to affect my health.
She: You just think about yourself. What about me? What about my family here?
He: We won't move far away. We can visit them a few times a month.
She: That's on your schedule. What about my schedule? Maybe I want to see my family more often than a few times a month. Well, you can move if you want to but I'm staying here.

And notice I didn't even bring up the issue of children:

He: Let's start a family.
She: I don't want children.
He: Why didn't you tell me this before we got married?
She: You never asked.

Girls?
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:28 PM
 
11,277 posts, read 11,303,308 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance View Post
Submission isn't a dirty word.
Apparently around here it is.

And look above for my longer reply.
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:28 PM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,158,884 times
Reputation: 2013
thrillobyte, you're giving examples - are these hypothetical or real?

Plus, you didn't answer my questions to you. Please answer them.
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:38 PM
 
11,277 posts, read 11,303,308 times
Reputation: 3477
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance View Post
thrillobyte, you're giving examples - are these hypothetical or real?

Plus, you didn't answer my questions to you. Please answer them.
Sundance, would it matter if they're real or not? They're real in the sense that thousands of couples face these issues every single day. How should the husband deal with them is my question.

And if you're referring to your post #11 I think it was, yes of course I agree. The wife submits in matters of gravity like my examples and t4he husband takes her thoughts and feelings into consideration but the decision ultimately has to be his and wife should follow, instead of saying. "You can go where you want to go, do what you want to do, I don't care."

(Anyone recognize that line?)

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Old 07-16-2010, 12:41 PM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,158,884 times
Reputation: 2013
#1:

She: I want to buy this house. I mean I've had my heart set on a house like this all my life.
He: It might put our finances in danger.
She: You're always looking at the negative side of things. Can't you be positive once in a while? If you don't want to go in with me, fine. I'll go in by myself.

**************

If you're pointing out that you cannot afford a house, then you should say you cannot afford it.
How is she going to buy a house without your participation?
If she gets mad because you won't go along with her desire to buy a house, let her.
She'll get over it.
Women will test men - don't you know that?

*****************

#2:

He: Let's talk about relocating to another city. The climate here is starting to affect my health.
She: You just think about yourself. What about me? What about my family here?
He: We won't move far away. We can visit them a few times a month.
She: That's on your schedule. What about my schedule? Maybe I want to see my family more often than a few times a month. Well, you can move if you want to but I'm staying here.

********************

Your wife has never truly left her family of origin and BONDED with you. The Bible says when we marry, we leave our parents and we CLEAVE to our spouse.
You should be #1 concern, BEFORE her family of origin, because when you married, you became a family.
You are being reasonable; it's not like you're asking her to move so far away that she cannot visit.
If you feel that you two need to move, the make plans to move.
She will either go with you, or stay behind.
You're not leading here.
She's bluffing you, telling you if you move, she will stay.
It sounds like your wife is calling all the shots.
Women don't respect a man like that.

***********************

And notice I didn't even bring up the issue of children:

He: Let's start a family.
She: I don't want children.
He: Why didn't you tell me this before we got married?
She: You never asked.

Girls?

**********************

You all didn't discuss children before you married? I don't know how old you are, but you must be fairly young?
She said you never asked if she wanted children - that may be true, but it is generally assumed that, when one marries at a young age, children are part of the package, although certainly you should've discussed children - how they would be raised, etc.

But to say now that she does not want children and "you never asked," quite frankly, you have grounds for an annullment here. Not disclosing a pertinent fact like the wish to remain childless is certainly cause for annullment anywhere, as far as I know.

Your wife sounds very selfish and manipulative. Good luck dealing with her, you're going to need it.

Do you still love her? My advice to you, would be to make plans to move. If she follows, then I would remain in the marriage. If she does not, and she continues the same contentious attitude, then I would consider an annullment although I wouldn't rush into anything.

I would probably stay separated for a year before I made a move towards annullment. Sometimes people like this need something akin to "shock probation," in the sense that, she apparently thinks she has you by the b*lls....you need to set her straight, IMHO.
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:44 PM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,158,884 times
Reputation: 2013
There's nothing as useless as a henpecked man. Be the man of the house. Maybe her mother has her dad henpecked and so, that is what she thinks she's going to do.

You don't have to be nasty about it, but she's obviously testing you.....
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,578 posts, read 21,744,525 times
Reputation: 18152
This thread certainly brings a few personal painful memories to the surface.

A wife is not required to be "obedient" to a dictator husband hiding behind any denominational twisting of scriptures that say he is the "better" half

Marriage is a 50/50 deal..Husband and wife discuss, perhaps pray, and make a decision that they both agree with

Once one of them is convinced they are the most competant, the most worthy and better than his wife/husband there is always trouble just around the corner for them
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Old 07-16-2010, 12:57 PM
 
Location: USA
1,899 posts, read 4,158,884 times
Reputation: 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Blue View Post
This thread certainly brings a few personal painful memories to the surface.

A wife is not required to be "obedient" to a dictator husband hiding behind any denominational twisting of scriptures that say he is the "better" half
This guy doesn't sound like a dictator to me, he sounds whipped.
Painful memories? When a woman is allowed to dictate in the home, she ruins lives. I should know. Not going into details but my FIL was whipped and my MIL ruined their marriage, and their children's childhoods because she was allowed to have her own way, he wouldn't or couldn't stand up to her.

And I disagree that it is twisting Scripture, it is Biblical for a man to be head of the home, else why would there be two genders? It is Biblical, absolutely. Of course that doesn't give the man the right to be a "dictator," abusive, or mean, etc., but I don't believe most men are like that. If there are a few men who take it to the extreme, then the fault lies them them, not the Biblical model. They're responsible for their own behavior; that doesn't negate the model we should follow, IMHO.

Quote:
Marriage is a 50/50 deal..Husband and wife discuss, perhaps pray, and make a decision that they both agree with
There are many instances in marriage where a husband and wife will probably disagree. It is not always possible, with two people, to agree. That's why a 50/50 thing, a "partnership" doesn't work...that sounds more like a business deal, than a marriage. Someone has to be the ultimate authority.

Last edited by Sundance; 07-16-2010 at 01:07 PM..
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Old 07-16-2010, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Seattle, Washington
8,435 posts, read 8,687,052 times
Reputation: 1699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance View Post
#1:

She: I want to buy this house. I mean I've had my heart set on a house like this all my life.
He: It might put our finances in danger.
She: You're always looking at the negative side of things. Can't you be positive once in a while? If you don't want to go in with me, fine. I'll go in by myself.

**************

If you're pointing out that you cannot afford a house, then you should say you cannot afford it.
How is she going to buy a house without your participation?
If she gets mad because you won't go along with her desire to buy a house, let her.
She'll get over it.
Women will test men - don't you know that?
LOL I was thinking the same thing when I read that scenario.. Women are all DIVAS and want their own way... however that doesn't mean women HAVE to have their way...but it's worth a shot, or two.

Quote:
*****************

#2:

He: Let's talk about relocating to another city. The climate here is starting to affect my health.
She: You just think about yourself. What about me? What about my family here?
He: We won't move far away. We can visit them a few times a month.
She: That's on your schedule. What about my schedule? Maybe I want to see my family more often than a few times a month. Well, you can move if you want to but I'm staying here.

********************

Your wife has never truly left her family of origin and BONDED with you. The Bible says when we marry, we leave our parents and we CLEAVE to our spouse.
You should be #1 concern, BEFORE her family of origin, because when you married, you became a family.
You are being reasonable; it's not like you're asking her to move so far away that she cannot visit.
If you feel that you two need to move, the make plans to move.
She will either go with you, or stay behind.
You're not leading here.
She's bluffing you, telling you if you move, she will stay.
It sounds like your wife is calling all the shots.
Women don't respect a man like that.
There is, however, a fine line between being ordered around and being led.

I disagree a little tho: If one spouse feels it would benefit the family to move but the other one doesn't (whether family or just comfort) then they must as two parts of a whole weigh the pros and cons together and make a unified decision. This is assuming of course that both have the mental capacity to do so... if not a counselor/third party would be the way to go, IMO.

Quote:
***********************

And notice I didn't even bring up the issue of children:

He: Let's start a family.
She: I don't want children.
He: Why didn't you tell me this before we got married?
She: You never asked.

Girls?

**********************

You all didn't discuss children before you married? I don't know how old you are, but you must be fairly young?
She said you never asked if she wanted children - that may be true, but it is generally assumed that, when one marries at a young age, children are part of the package, although certainly you should've discussed children - how they would be raised, etc.

But to say now that she does not want children and "you never asked," quite frankly, you have grounds for an annullment here. Not disclosing a pertinent fact like the wish to remain childless is certainly cause for annullment anywhere, as far as I know.

Your wife sounds very selfish and manipulative. Good luck dealing with her, you're going to need it.

Do you still love her? My advice to you, would be to make plans to move. If she follows, then I would remain in the marriage. If she does not, and she continues the same contentious attitude, then I would consider an annullment although I wouldn't rush into anything.

I would probably stay separated for a year before I made a move towards annullment. Sometimes people like this need something akin to "shock probation," in the sense that, she apparently thinks she has you by the b*lls....you need to set her straight, IMHO.
Legally I think some states allow it but within a certain timeframe.. but nonetheless, even if she did want children then what is to say she/he won't change their mind after being married for a while?

However, in defense of Thrill's position there are 4 verses in Proverbs which state that living with a contentious wife is not fun.
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