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Old 12-06-2014, 07:21 AM
 
383 posts, read 427,618 times
Reputation: 843

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I've recently made a major move from the mid-Atlantic to northern New England. The move was the right thing to do; I prayed about it for two years and did due diligence from a practical perspective.

I come from a radically faithless, nominally Christian background. I was Born Again in my early twenties and am now in my late fifties. Both parents came from a "Mad Men" environment but left New York ostensibly to raise me. Throughout their lives (they're now deceased), I heard how much they regretted leaving the Big Apple and the fact that I came along. It seems as if their attitude toward the three children that followed was, Well, the First ruined our lives, what's to lose? Now that both are dead, I have made as much peace with their memories as any child either told outright or through eternal parental disenchantment that he/she was unwanted can make. I loved, honored, and obeyed them.

For a reason only God could explain, their tastes and inclinations passed by me but landed severely in the genes of my three younger siblings.

Cut to the chase. Older Christians who have prayed and begged God, but never seen a spark of loved ones' interest in Jesus arise will know "cutting to the chase"=whole lifetimes of squandered hope. You just wake each morning and try to put the weight of sorrow into God's hands. What else is there to do?

I had visions, when I relocated, that perhaps the new home would somehow bring about conversions or reconciliations, or whatever name you want to give unanswered prayers. Recently, dummy that I am, I began to realize, Hey, Jesus really *meant* it when He said that He came to bring a sword to some of our most intimate natural relationships.

But this dream, this rather pathetic twenty-fifth hour hope, of siblings finally united...I see now it will go down in flames like dreams of my father ever once entering a church or my mother ever once loving the fact that God made her a mother. I never realized before their deaths how much I had invested in my siblings as individuals that also needed to know Christ and to share family love.

I don't mind being alone, and I say that sincerely, and it's good I don't mind it, or I'd have fallen away from the faith decades ago. I don't complain, either. I just thought I'd post and ask older Christians who are secure in the knowledge that they did all they could--admitting their own sinfulness and going an extra mile to let their loved ones know it, practicing what they preached, praying like crazy to experience *some* glimmer of Christian life within their family-of-origin-- I'd like to ask how you have dealt with the medicine-ball blow to your gut when you realize that it all was for naught.

This isn't rhetorical, and it's also not the question of someone new to the faith. While responses such as "cling more tightly to your church" or "make new friends" will be heartfelt, I am sure, all these things are matters I'm aware of already. I just would like to hear or read responses on an admittedly grim subject, maybe the grimmest of all, because you kept believing so long that someday, somehow, something would turn out well.

I'd actually prefer private messages than forum responses. It has been so excruciating posting this, I'm not sure I have the stamina to read anything that would mock my faith or chastise me for failing in the one endeavor I am certain I succeeded in--by which I mean, I am secure in the knowledge that I walked the walk and talked the talk of a sinner redeemed by Jesus Christ.

Thank you for reading, and God bless. (Again, private messages preferred.)
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Old 12-06-2014, 07:25 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,043,204 times
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The best you can do is give it all to God and let it go completely.
You cannot choose for your siblings, you can only do what you have already done and continue to do, pray for them.
Thank you for the blessings of God and our home wishes the same for you and yours.

I don't do private messages except with those I know.
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