Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Well 'want to' isn't the full story. While the idea of getting married doesn't excite me at this stage, I wouldn't rule it out if I found someone really special. The main reason, however, is, I'm not sure I'll ever be loved deeply enough by any woman to want to marry me, to commit, or even find someone like that. Since fornication - which most interpret to include pre-marital sex - is a sin, am I doomed to a life of perpetual virginity? Technically I'm not a virgin, but in a way I don't see that as counting much (not something I want to discuss on here). I am remorseful for that and it's in the past now. But anyway, back to the question, if I can't find anyone to marry should I just be content being celibate my whole life? What if I can date, have girlfriends, but just not marry?
What's your opinion on this?
Oh boy, here we go.
This is a topic I know way too much about for not really practicing it ;p In the past I've been in alot of forum debates about this. Interestingly, whether you think pre-marital sex is included under the banner of porneia (the Greek word translated "fornication" which originally also meant prostitution before it took on its newer English meaning of non-marital sex) really depends on how liberal of a Christian you feel comfortable being. The belief that pre-marital is a cardinal sin comes more from tradition than from the bible as there is no "direct" condemnation of it as a sin and its perceived condemnation is based on "indirect" verses.
In the Torah law, pre-marital sex is never called a sin. A sin would have required a blood or temple sacrifice of some kind or someones own blood for some sins. Its never even an issue for men unless they sleep with someone who belongs to someone else. There are some close instances of being against premarital relations for female virgins where they are killed for being pregnant with no father known while living in their fathers house or banging someone other than the person they are betrothed to if they are already betrothed. These instances can easily be seen as adultery against their betrothed or theft and pollution of lineage against the father. If premarital sex did happen between an unbetrothed virgin still living in her fathers house a known man (whether he had a wife or not), the man was expected to pay the father the maximum dowry fr taking away the father ability to set the dowry price and marry the girl unless the father refused, perhaps because of lineage issues. There was also no marriage licenses back then, but there were bills of divorcement required for divorces.
Porneia in the Greek literally means "prostitution" ("porne" means female prostitute) but it's often used as a metaphor for sexual immorality and idolatry because of several instances in the New Testament where it is used for something other than direct prostitution (such as idolatry and step-mother incest). Conservatives define porneia very boardly as all non-marital sex which liberals define it more narrowly as only what the Bible refers to directly as sin. Conservatives tend to appeal to verses the "one flesh" and "pure marriage" verses and well and condemnation of prostitution which many of them see as the same thing in the New Testament for support while Liberals tend to appeal to cultural differences and circumstances between then and today, allowance of (and sometimes a even "command of" if you count leverite marriage) polygamy, concubinage, and arguably non-cultic prostitution in the OT to counder act one flesh arguments, and the law of love ruling over the others. Theres alot more to both sides of course, but I don't want to write more unless I have to ;p
What you decide to follow and research is up to you. I have to say that I'm alot more skeptical of the conservative side since I started researching this, but at the same time, its very easy to let personal desires conflict with what he Holy Spirit is telling you and its part of the reason why I'm so cautious about supporting one side or the other. I also don't believe one side or the other has a monopoly on the Holy Spirit.
Last edited by Jrhockney; 02-09-2012 at 05:31 PM..
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
Reputation: 11862
Thanks JrHockey...
The reason, I suppose, is I'm a crossroads in my faith and life at the moment and honestly don't know for sure where I'll be headed...for a start while I believe in God, I'm becoming doubtful of what parts of the Bible say about God. Like I said I'm struggling in my faith, and even if I had a stronger faith I don't feel confident I'm 'saved.'
At one point after I got baptized I felt resolved to live as a good Christian - but it was intellectual doubts - nay, not even intellectual, but fundamental things about the Bible, perhaps the devil, as some might say, getting in the way. A few times I almost felt it all slip away. Perhaps if I think this negatively it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy so I shouldn't feel bad about things, just try to trust and lean on God. It's been tempting to just unload the burden off my back, but I know it will just be replaced by more burdens. The fear of death will be just the same if not worse.
I just fear that, what if I don't take the opportunity now while I'm young, and end up becoming an agnostic later (if not already one)? Doubt I'll become an atheist, but it's like, I won't have the normal experience of sex and go to hell or whatever anyway. What's more I'm thinking about death lately - I feel I'm being oppressed, and at one time believed I had blasphemed God and was condemned forever.
This all makes me think that I'm not very faithful anyway. Because of anxiety disorder and hellfire belief, I approach God often fearfully, and often remember Jesus talking about angels and fiery furnaces, so it has compromised my love for him. He seems so merciful in some parts, yet harsh in others. At least if you believe in eternal hell.
I honestly don't know what to do...if I'm not really one of the elect I should just give up now, but that would let the forces of darkness separate me from God. I just want to feel more sure, I feel my faith isn't strong enough to really make me convicted to live a Christian life, so maybe I'd be hypocritical to abstain etc...still I know this will lead me on the broad path...and even so, what if God rejects me anyway? I feel paranoid Jesus/God will think I'm not good enough. I've been thinking about death and suicide a lot recently, but will a bit depressed by the idea of there being nothing after death, no higher purpose.
To be honest this just ties in with my greater struggle...I'm just fed up with life in general, with everything...I guess celibacy isn't a big deal in a way, as much as I crave having a steady girlfriend (I want intimacy more than just the sex). I just see marriage as unrealistic for me, and it may not even work out in the end. So getting a divorce is a sin too, how can you win?
Just feeling so negative at the moment...probably need to read some encouraging passages or something...
Well 'want to' isn't the full story. While the idea of getting married doesn't excite me at this stage, I wouldn't rule it out if I found someone really special. The main reason, however, is, I'm not sure I'll ever be loved deeply enough by any woman to want to marry me, to commit, or even find someone like that. Since fornication - which most interpret to include pre-marital sex - is a sin, am I doomed to a life of perpetual virginity? Technically I'm not a virgin, but in a way I don't see that as counting much (not something I want to discuss on here). I am remorseful for that and it's in the past now. But anyway, back to the question, if I can't find anyone to marry should I just be content being celibate my whole life? What if I can date, have girlfriends, but just not marry?
What's your opinion on this?
it seems that u need to love yourself first before anything else in your ife happens..
to know your worth and that u deserve whateve u desire in life and a great person who loves u jsut for u..
get to know yourself and the beauty that u hold and then u can find a companion who knows theirs and love with be here.
Trimac20, I can see your a deep and open-minded thinker on these things and theres nothing wrong with that, even if a few here might say there is because they've conformed themselves to thinking that way out of fear of losing tradition and of hell. I deal with alot of the same kind of thought process and it is hard not to have some anxiety about if even when you don't have some kind of anxiety disorder. The more you research something the more questions can arise. I mean heck, there are over 20,000 Christian denominations so its not like there is a set way of thinking in Christianity, and probably a quarter of which al believe only they are right and everyone else is going to hell, assuming they even believe there is a literal hell, lol. Some even on this forum will say that too...heh, they must be really special huh? ;p That being said, I do think there are levels of importance as far as what a Christian needs to accept about God and the bible, but that's me.
Whatever you do, just remember the two Greatest commandments and to really be honest in your attempt to understand who Jesus is without feeling pressured by one side or the other. If you can be completely honest in your search for God and acknowledge your human desires without being driven by them, I think God will have you however it turns out. I could be wrong, but I have a hard time picturing standing before God and him saying "you were completely honest in your search for me, but you got this, this, and this...WWROONNGG!!! (hits trapdoor to hell button)
Trimac20, I can see your a deep and open-minded thinker on these things and theres nothing wrong with that, even if a few here might say there is because they've conformed themselves to thinking that way out of fear of losing tradition and of hell. I deal with alot of the same kind of thought process and it is hard not to have some anxiety about if even when you don't have some kind of anxiety disorder. The more you research something the more questions can arise. I mean heck, there are over 20,000 Christian denominations so its not like there is a set way of thinking in Christianity, and probably a quarter of which al believe only they are right and everyone else is going to hell, assuming they even believe there is a literal hell, lol. Some even on this forum will say that too...heh, they must be really special huh? ;p That being said, I do think there are levels of importance as far as what a Christian needs to accept about God and the bible, but that's me.
Whatever you do, just remember the two Greatest commandments and to really be honest in your attempt to understand who Jesus is without feeling pressured by one side or the other. If you can be completely honest in your search for God and acknowledge your human desires without being driven by them, I think God will have you however it turns out. I could be wrong, but I have a hard time picturing standing before God and him saying "you were completely honest in your search for me, but you got this, this, and this...WWROONNGG!!! (hits trapdoor to hell button)
Oh yeah, and godservant is right too.
i like your humor u made me laugh.. thanks
(not meaning to offend anyone who may believe it.) i dunno it could be true .. who really knows for sure we can all guess
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
Reputation: 11862
Yes thanks both of you. It is about perspective. Like if you read the gospels already feeling very insecure and negative, the parts about punishments, condemnation, not living up do stick out. Like um, instead of focusing on the good bits - that Jesus died for sinners, we only need to follow him, I would focus on the bits that troubled me; how hard it was to surrender yourself and take up your cross daily, how few would make it, how (I believed at the time) the majority where on the broad road to a lake of fiery sulfur forever. It was a logical impossibility to reconcile a loving God with such monstrous suffering, a billion times worse than any earthly suffering.
I honestly don't know what I'd do if 'tempted'...a beautiful woman beckoning me to bed? Honestly how could I resist?
Assuming this is someone you are dating and assuming safe sex is practiced, it does nothing to change who you are, or her. It is just an experience you share. It may strengthen the relationship, which is great, or it may demonstrate to one or both of you that perhaps you/she could find a better match, but that will save you from discovering this when going your separate ways is much more complicated and painful, a divorce.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
i dunno it could be true .. who really knows for sure 
