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Old 05-01-2012, 09:27 PM
 
Location: SC Foothills
8,831 posts, read 11,574,987 times
Reputation: 58253

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I went to Bible study!! Why? I don't know really, it seemed to be the right thing to do and I haven't been doing much of that lately. Something is not right here and I've got to get to the bottom of it. Since becoming agnostic and losing my faith my world has crumbled into ruins....I mean it's really really bad. I can't go into detail but it's sending me back to take another look at why this is happening. Is there a God and if there is, is he trying to tell me something? WHAT!!??

When I was a Christian I had such strong faith, it was unshakable. How do I get that back when the Bible seems so incredulous to me now? I even think I actually have become atheist because I stopped believing in God completely. Where do I go from here? Am I crazy? Not that I ever had a charmed life or anything before I became agnostic but it sure was better than this.

I felt comfortable tonight and at ease. I always enjoyed Bible study but I wanted to blurt out "hey! There's an atheist amongst you!!" and see the shock and horror on their faces. But I didn't. I just listened. I guess I was waiting for a "sign" or some tiny little inkling that God actually does exist and he actually cares what happens to me. Didn't happen. I actually long for the days of the ignorant bliss of being a believer. What will it take to convince me? My prayers never ever got answered in the past but I have to say that as a believer life was better and more settled. Now it's just a whirlwind of heartache and disaster that has nearly put me over the edge.

I'm not a very good agnostic/atheist I guess. I don't even know why I'm posting this, just thought it was sorta weird that I went to bible study. And I don't really know what I expect from you guys as far as responses because I'm at a loss myself. Maybe you could use your little prayer magic and give me some answers?
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:45 PM
 
130 posts, read 152,280 times
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Why did you lose your faith, or what was the deciding factor that made you not believe God exists?
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:48 PM
 
1,263 posts, read 1,381,606 times
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Hi Irene,

I think this quote by C.S. Lewis is very true. "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

I believe God is calling you back to Him, Irene. Know that there are a lot of us praying for you and want to encourage you to continue softening your heart and letting Him back into your life.

God Bless!
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:48 PM
 
Location: NC
14,674 posts, read 17,020,464 times
Reputation: 1503
I'm glad that you posted, Ilene. God does care for you and I believe that He will give you the answers you need in His time. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I would lay it all, everything, at His feet, even the fact that you don't believe in Him. Just tell Him and ask Him to help you. Sometimes we may not get what He is saying to us until much later on. That happened to me. Someone in the group probably would have reached out to you if you had shared tonight. You are in my prayers, Ilene. God bless and take care.
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Old 05-01-2012, 09:59 PM
 
63,455 posts, read 39,713,126 times
Reputation: 7790
Default Stop looking at the external world, Ilene.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilene Wright View Post
I went to Bible study!! Why? I don't know really, it seemed to be the right thing to do and I haven't been doing much of that lately. Something is not right here and I've got to get to the bottom of it. Since becoming agnostic and losing my faith my world has crumbled into ruins....I mean it's really really bad. I can't go into detail but it's sending me back to take another look at why this is happening. Is there a God and if there is, is he trying to tell me something? WHAT!!??

When I was a Christian I had such strong faith, it was unshakable. How do I get that back when the Bible seems so incredulous to me now? I even think I actually have become atheist because I stopped believing in God completely. Where do I go from here? Am I crazy? Not that I ever had a charmed life or anything before I became agnostic but it sure was better than this.

I felt comfortable tonight and at ease. I always enjoyed Bible study but I wanted to blurt out "hey! There's an atheist amongst you!!" and see the shock and horror on their faces. But I didn't. I just listened. I guess I was waiting for a "sign" or some tiny little inkling that God actually does exist and he actually cares what happens to me. Didn't happen. I actually long for the days of the ignorant bliss of being a believer. What will it take to convince me? My prayers never ever got answered in the past but I have to say that as a believer life was better and more settled. Now it's just a whirlwind of heartache and disaster that has nearly put me over the edge.

I'm not a very good agnostic/atheist I guess. I don't even know why I'm posting this, just thought it was sorta weird that I went to bible study. And I don't really know what I expect from you guys as far as responses because I'm at a loss myself. Maybe you could use your little prayer magic and give me some answers?
The "urge" to go to Bible study is how your conditioned mind interpreted the prompting from the Holy Spirit. You never knew of any other way or place to seek understanding of God than from Bible study. So that is how you interpreted God's call. You looked in the wrong place . . . but that was not your fault. It is the fault of your prior church and the indoctrination you received. You wanted God to call and He did . . . you just answered the wrong phone.

God does not physically intervene, Ilene . . . just spiritually. Your worldly troubles have nothing to do with God. (They may have to do with your actions, but that is a separate issue.) Your external focus and your challenges to God . . .(eg. either show me a sign or I will remain an atheist) . . . are not helpful. God is within, Ilene. Look there. Develop your inner sense and you will find His love and acceptance.

Only you will be able to notice when it happens . . . no one else . . . just as you noticed His call. It is always an individual sensation. Be silent, sincere and alert. No thinking . . . just sensing. Your journey out of ancient ignorance began on a mountain in solitude, if I remember correctly. You need to continue that inward search, my sister.
God Bless in Christ's love,
Mystic

Last edited by MysticPhD; 05-01-2012 at 10:20 PM..
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City
27,898 posts, read 29,718,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ilene Wright View Post
I actually long for the days of the ignorant bliss of being a believer.
You don't have to go to one extreme or the other, Ilene. Just try to look at it this way... Let's say there is a God. He may or may not be exactly the same being you'd always imagined, but I think you more or less recognize that He's there. You don't need to have the answers to all of life's questions to be a believer. For the time being, know that He loves you and that that's all that matters. Trust Him, and be patient. His time schedule isn't necessarily the same as yours.
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Florida
593 posts, read 885,521 times
Reputation: 266
Irene it's just the ol' "footprints in the sand" an analogy that never completely goes away. I'm nearly in tears here as my spirit told me way back when you told me you were in that God isn't just a bad man phase but He doest't even exist! Welcome back but seriously I pray your "condition " improves as satan took an angel for a slam dunk ride into the abyss, which is his favorite diluter, God does exist and as your father will take care of you and your life will turn around immediately. Watch for the signs it will be amazing and forgive eveyone who may have hurt you . Clean slate!!!!!!!

In Yahoshua,
Das
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:16 PM
 
130 posts, read 152,280 times
Reputation: 27
I think many Christians are of the thought that some things can't be explained. Such as why does bad things happened to good people? Our answer is either something philosophical or a plain I don't know. Now, there is nothing wrong with saying I don't know in the beginning, but God wants us to find out why, He doesn't want us to stay in the dark.



The reason why there is so much pain in this world, is because death has entered God's original creation. God originally created this place with no death at all. (What many people imagine life to be like if a loving God existed, except God's creation was even beyond that) Yet through man's disobedience, death entered, and all the pain that comes along with it. So having faith in God is not about believing whether or not He exists. If we don't know He exists, there's nothing to have faith in. Faith is about God delivering us from the pain of the world, having trust in His promises. (That He will never leave us nor fosake us)




Yet when we put away the history, when we reject key things like that, we come to philosophical answers to life, or the plain I don't know. As a result, many have fallen away. We need to get back to the whole truth, and searching from there. God wants us to keep asking, seeking, and knocking. We stop doing those things when we settle for "I don't know".
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Old 05-01-2012, 10:26 PM
 
8,099 posts, read 6,848,700 times
Reputation: 8212
Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticPhD View Post
The "urge" to go to Bible study is how your conditioned mind interpreted the prompting from the Holy Spirit. You never knew of any other way or place to seek understanding of God than from Bible study. So that is how you interpreted God's call. You looked in the wrong place . . . but that was not your fault. It is the fault of your prior church and the indoctrination you received. You wanted God to call and He did . . . you just answered the wrong phone.

God does not physically intervene, Ilene . . . just spiritually. Your worldly troubles have nothing to do with God. Your external focus and your challenges to God . . .(eg. either show me a sign or I will remain an atheist) . . . are not helpful. God is within, Ilene. Look there. Develop your inner sense and you will find His love and acceptance. Only you will be able to notice when it happens . . . no one else . . . just as you noticed His call. It is always an individual sensation. Be silent, sincere and alert. No thinking . . . just sensing. Your journey out of ancient ignorance began on a mountain in solitude, if I remember correctly. You need to continue that inward search, my sister.
God Bless in Christ's love,
Mystic

wow... it's like Mystic and I have the exact same thoughts at the same time here. Even down to the thought of that "mountain in solitude".

love you Ilene. Your journey is your own and it is a beautiful one, no matter how rough-edged it may seem at the moment. The rougher the edges, the deeper the understanding will be some day. We're all just here making our way, like blind men seeking to see and understand what is all around us.

Don't fret dear beautiful friend.... take a deep breath and breathe in that solitude that is in your memory. Breathe in peace and let out confusion, worry and fear. That mountain of solitude... it is always there for you to re-visit. That's the beauty. Go back to it in your mind and become refreshed. You CAN do it.

Hang in there... and read Mystic's post again. It was a good 'un.

peace,
your old pal sparrow
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Old 05-02-2012, 04:22 AM
 
Location: New England
37,336 posts, read 28,081,105 times
Reputation: 2741
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShanaBrown View Post
I'm glad that you posted, Ilene. God does care for you and I believe that He will give you the answers you need in His time. I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I would lay it all, everything, at His feet, even the fact that you don't believe in Him. Just tell Him and ask Him to help you. Sometimes we may not get what He is saying to us until much later on. That happened to me. Someone in the group probably would have reached out to you if you had shared tonight. You are in my prayers, Ilene. God bless and take care.
Amen Shana.
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