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I'm trying to study on this a bit and thought I would share with everyone here as well as get some input from you.
As some of you know, I harbor a lot of bitterness and resentment to our asst pastor. I can't stand the way I feel. I didn't go to church this morning as I was babysitting my granddaughter and didn't get much sleep . But, tonight we had a picnic at the park for evening services. I barely even talked to the asst pastor or his wife...I just really don't have anything to say to them. Well, that's not ALL true...I have A LOT to say, but I can't!
Anyway...I am REALLY wanting to get over this bitterness that I have toward them. I'm not saying I wish to mend our friendship or anything like that, as far as I am concerned, there is far too much water under the bridge there. However, I DO want to let go of the bitterness...I don't like this negativity I feel every time I am in their presence or even when their names are mentioned.
I am not a hateful person, I am the one always trying to bring peace to everyone. I hate conflict!
I came about this a little while ago. This is just one paragraph, you can click on the link to read the rest. It's very good!
Also, I would love to hear similar experiences and how you all have handled instances of bitterness and/or resentment.
Bitterness is known in the Bible as spiritual poison and a means by which many are defiled (Hebrews 12:15). It is the source of countless spiritual and physical problems in millions of lives today. The Bible tells us that MANY are defiled by the means of bitterness. Bitterness can be tricky to recognize because it's not a symptom or visible on the surface like anger usually is. Many claim that they aren't an angry or hateful person, but that's not what bitterness is all about. Bitterness is an underlying problem that doesn't always manifest on the outside, but dwells in that person's system.
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1. Examine your own heart. Since you can't change another person, the only person you have to work with is yourself. Ask yourself things like: Do I have a solid Biblical reason for being in disagreement with this person? Am I being oversensitive? Am I objectively siding with friends/family members? Or am I being defensive on their behalf? What behaviors led up to my initial feelings of dissatisfaction? What contributing factors furthered these feelings? Based on the facts, are my feelings just and right? Is my pride a factor in my feelings?
If possible, you may want to ask a neutral third party (who knows you both) what his/her take is on the situation. Be sure this person is apprised of all the facts, as you understand them. Also be sure this is a person who is godly and is known for being fair, reasonable, and wise. I'd avoid talking to others about this because for the simple reason that most people are biased in favor of friends/family and will naturally take your side; this will probably only increase your anger and bitterness.
If you're pretty confident that you've evaluated yourself honestly and still feel bitterness, then:
2. Perhaps do something really nice to/for your associate pastor. It may open up an avenue of communication wherein both of you can lovingly "hash it out." If communication doesn't occur, you can always figure you're "heaping burning coals" upon his head. (This always makes me feel better! )
3. You may be able to follow Biblical guidelines regarding church/Christian discipline. If one person is in error, confrontation is the loving thing to do. At least then you will know if others feel you have a genuine grievance. However, sometimes the loving thing is to overlook a grievance and get on with your life. That may involve removing yourself from the situation (church) so as not to cause strife. If you can forgive and forget and not gossip about your grievance or otherwise cause strife, there's probably no reason to change churches.
4. If you feel uncomfortable confronting the person, perhaps you can say everything you want to say in a letter. There's no rule that says you have to send the letter! Sometimes just the act of recording your thoughts is cathartic.
5. PRAY! Pray for yourself and that all strongholds will be removed from your life and blinders will be removed from your eyes. Pray for wisdom, patience, intercession, or anything else you may need. Take care of your own heart first. And, then, the hardest thing to do . . .
Pray for the other person! When you get to the point that you can pray for Gods blessing on the person rather than His judgment, you'll probably find that the root of bitterness disappears. Honestly, I've had situations in my life where I was so angry at someone that my initial prayers were full of vengeance. However, I also asked God to work in my life so the bitterness would disappear. Eventually, I found my prayers changing. Instead of vengeance, I was praying for salvation for the other person or I was praying that God would shower him/her with blessings. My prayers sometimes became very specific about what blessing I wanted the person to receive or why I wanted the person to receive blessings. Of course, if you can do this right away, you'll save yourself a lot of grief! It really only took me one cycle to learn this lesson; now I tend to pray blessings on the other person right away. (OK, I'll be honest! At least it doesn't take me years anymore! ) If I'm not endangering myself or others, I might even try doing nice things for the person.
6. After you're all prayed up, actively force yourself to start thinking good thoughts about the other person. Whenever a negative thought pops into your mind, think of at least three good things you can say about him. (Get creative if you have to! ) Challenge yourself to think of three new things each time.
*****
The main goal is to change your thought process. Frisk your thoughts according to Philippians 4:8. Renew your mind according to Romans 12:1-2.
Steps # 1, 5, and 6 above are the best things I've found to do.
Sometimes,I feel the best thing to do is confront the individual(s) and tell them what is bothering you personally about what they said or did.Pray about it first and foremost and then confront them. When we hold resentment and bitterness in, it is not good for the soul.Once we have this built into our system it begins to tear us down as an individual and in all this time we have taken our focus off of the Lord.
When we come across individuals on a frequent basis or every once in a while that we have bitterness towards , those emotions begin to churn up inside and we build up more resentment.We need to examine our heart and put our focus on the Lord and he will guide us through these tough situations,
I'm trying to study on this a bit and thought I would share with everyone here as well as get some input from you.
As some of you know, I harbor a lot of bitterness and resentment to our asst pastor. I can't stand the way I feel. I didn't go to church this morning as I was babysitting my granddaughter and didn't get much sleep . But, tonight we had a picnic at the park for evening services. I barely even talked to the asst pastor or his wife...I just really don't have anything to say to them. Well, that's not ALL true...I have A LOT to say, but I can't!
Anyway...I am REALLY wanting to get over this bitterness that I have toward them. I'm not saying I wish to mend our friendship or anything like that, as far as I am concerned, there is far too much water under the bridge there. However, I DO want to let go of the bitterness...I don't like this negativity I feel every time I am in their presence or even when their names are mentioned.
I am not a hateful person, I am the one always trying to bring peace to everyone. I hate conflict!
I came about this a little while ago. This is just one paragraph, you can click on the link to read the rest. It's very good!
Also, I would love to hear similar experiences and how you all have handled instances of bitterness and/or resentment.
Growing in the Grace of God; I can only speak from my experience. I think more times than not you can feel bitterness, through rejection and withholding affection or conversation, all of the things that point to bitterness,
I see it sometimes on here, we all harbor unforgiveness whether it's short or long term, the kind that tends to get myself in trouble is the long term, the knee-jerk if you will. This is a poison that is lethal and I have been working on it for years, I cannot afford physically to harbor unforgiveness which leads to bad health (cancer), Forgive you and forgive the offending party. It's not easy, my no means, but when you look at forgiveness as an act of obedience to the Will of God , it might not be so difficult to do. This has got to be the most awkward feeling; your pastor. When this had happened to me a month ago. I had to kill my pride about it, and go to him and be honest and tell him, what caused the hurt, and he asked my forgiveness and made amends for the wrong that I felt had happened, He responded in love, and even though this was a true incident that happened; it caused me to examined myself and see if I had been too touchy about it. Saying all of this to make this case in point.
The key is forgiveness..
Last edited by yhwhshalomjr; 09-24-2007 at 01:54 PM..
Reason: changed what i wanted to say
Have you thought about just walking up sometime, asking for a few moments alone and expressing your feelings to this Asst. Pastor? Maybe you have a misunderstanding, maybe if you take the time to talk to this person you may come out of it feeling different. Either way the weight will be off your heart and soul.
I'm trying to study on this a bit and thought I would share with everyone here as well as get some input from you.
As some of you know, I harbor a lot of bitterness and resentment to our asst pastor. I can't stand the way I feel. I didn't go to church this morning as I was babysitting my granddaughter and didn't get much sleep . But, tonight we had a picnic at the park for evening services. I barely even talked to the asst pastor or his wife...I just really don't have anything to say to them. Well, that's not ALL true...I have A LOT to say, but I can't!
Anyway...I am REALLY wanting to get over this bitterness that I have toward them. I'm not saying I wish to mend our friendship or anything like that, as far as I am concerned, there is far too much water under the bridge there. However, I DO want to let go of the bitterness...I don't like this negativity I feel every time I am in their presence or even when their names are mentioned.
I am not a hateful person, I am the one always trying to bring peace to everyone. I hate conflict!
I came about this a little while ago. This is just one paragraph, you can click on the link to read the rest. It's very good!
Also, I would love to hear similar experiences and how you all have handled instances of bitterness and/or resentment.
I truly know where you are coming from to a degree. I think that one very important thing has been overlooked though. Yes, you do have bitterness towards this person for what he said for your daughter to do, but there is also a whole lot of pain and hurt mixed in with this.
I believe the pain and hurt must be addressed as well. Anytime someone harms or intends harm to our children, especially if it is someone we know and trust, we will feel pain as well as disappointment.
This is quite normal as you know and very hard to overcome.
In order for this conflict to end, I know I would want to know why he felt this way and where he got his information on this is the way to do things. But, I'm that type of person. So, a face to face with him would be first on my agenda, with a whole lot of prayer for me to be calm and peaceful and not want to rip him to shreds.
I don't know you well enough to know how you would want to handle a situation like this. I know you don't want to be around him, but there is no closure until something is resolved or at least explained so you can work from there.
Yes, I do agree that the change must come from you as far as easing the bitterness.
Prayer does work wonders, and God can show us how to resolve these situations and feelings. We just have to learn paitence and listen with all our heart to what he is trying to tell us. I wish I had a quick fix for you and for your daughter.
Have you spoken with his father? What does dh say? What does your daughter say?
Does the associate pastor realize what affect his judgement has on your daughter as far as how she feels about church and God?
I truly know where you are coming from to a degree. I think that one very important thing has been overlooked though. Yes, you do have bitterness towards this person for what he said for your daughter to do, but there is also a whole lot of pain and hurt mixed in with this.
I believe the pain and hurt must be addressed as well. Anytime someone harms or intends harm to our children, especially if it is someone we know and trust, we will feel pain as well as disappointment.
This is quite normal as you know and very hard to overcome.
In order for this conflict to end, I know I would want to know why he felt this way and where he got his information on this is the way to do things. But, I'm that type of person. So, a face to face with him would be first on my agenda, with a whole lot of prayer for me to be calm and peaceful and not want to rip him to shreds.
I don't know you well enough to know how you would want to handle a situation like this. I know you don't want to be around him, but there is no closure until something is resolved or at least explained so you can work from there.
Yes, I do agree that the change must come from you as far as easing the bitterness.
Prayer does work wonders, and God can show us how to resolve these situations and feelings. We just have to learn paitence and listen with all our heart to what he is trying to tell us. I wish I had a quick fix for you and for your daughter.
Have you spoken with his father? What does dh say? What does your daughter say?
Does the associate pastor realize what affect his judgement has on your daughter as far as how she feels about church and God?
Kawg;
I don't know the story, and you can share with whom you please, but from what I gather from aiangel's reply, it's not good........But I can assure you of one thing you forgive this pastor and release him over to God... and He'll start dealing with him , I'm 100% sure of that. This is Ephesians 6 in "rare form"
We will keep you and your family in our prayers in Jesus Name.
You are the Victor and everything's going to be allright.
"In the meantime"
Psalms 91
God Bless
The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. — Therefore will the Lord wait that he may be gracious unto you, and therefore will he be exalted that he may have mercy upon you: for the Lord is a God of judgment: blessed are all they that wait for him.
Having therefore, brethren, boldness to enter into the holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way, which he hath consecrated for us: ... let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience.
Psalm 26:8. Psalm 84:10. Psalm 65:4. Lamentations 3:25. Isaiah 30:18. Hebrews 10:19,20,22.
—Daily Light on the Daily Path
Kawg, this is just what I would do..I would be honest and tell him exactly what is on my mind , how I feel about it, how it has affected my daughter, her boyfriend, and my confidence in him as my pastor. After he apologizes,(if he does) I would shake his hand, tell him that I forgive him. Then I would also tell him that I have decided to attend a different church..
Kawg, this is just what I would do..I would be honest and tell him exactly what is on my mind , how I feel about it, how it has affected my daughter, her boyfriend, and my confidence in him as my pastor. After he apologizes,(if he does) I would shake his hand, tell him that I forgive him. Then I would also tell him that I have decided to attend a different church..
I agree with you Blue,I feel it is an imperative that she should attend a different church.
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. But, tonight we had a picnic at the park for evening services. I barely even talked to the asst pastor or his wife...I just really don't have anything to say to them. Well, that's not ALL true...I have A LOT to say, but I can't! 
