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Old 10-18-2007, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,425,773 times
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Question When is it time to change churches?

I know the obvious answer is "when God directs you to do so." But what would you consider some of the signs that the Lord may want you to move on? And obviously, if there is wrongdoing or major disagreement with leadership, those kind of things would kind of be a deal breaker for sure, but what if you're not happy with things but it's not "integrity issues?" When do you leave and when do you just kinda "hunker down" and see what happens?
Any thoughts? Have you ever left a church and gone to another one?
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:08 AM
 
7,768 posts, read 9,459,505 times
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kaykay, have you been 'reading my mail'.

I'll be watching this thread for some good advice!

I'd post but if I did I'd have to acknowledge what I've written, if ya know what I mean.
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Indiana
1,250 posts, read 2,320,356 times
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My husband and I went through a really rough time at our church about 8 years ago. We were both hurt and angry and it led to extreme bitterness. I wanted to leave that church so bad, but I've always been taught not to "church-hop" and even though I was angry, I did not feel the Holy Spirit releasing me from this church.

My DH is a musician and we had friends who pastored a church about 15 minutes up the road. Their drummer was out of town and they were having a "Night of Worship" and needed my husband to fill in for that service (Saturday) and then the following morning. I went with him to the Saturday service, and while there, decided to attend that church the next morning.

I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. Don't get me wrong, it was a church that is very similar to my own. It is the same denomination and everything. I got about half-way through and felt the Spirit saying, "Leave, you do not belong here. I have told you where you belong." I told my husband that I needed to leave. I drove across town and got to my church right in time for their worship to begin. I felt like I was coming home. A peace that was indescribable washed over me.

My anger/bitterness did not just go away. It took awhile. But now, I'm so glad that I listened to the Spirit and gave up the fight. My husband and I have grown so much these past few years. I think we would have stunted this growth by fighting and doing things our way instead of the Lord's.

kaykay, I don't know if I answered your question , but I thought the story applied to the op.
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:20 AM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,425,773 times
Reputation: 21128
Quote:
Originally Posted by dojilynn View Post
My husband and I went through a really rough time at our church about 8 years ago. We were both hurt and angry and it led to extreme bitterness. I wanted to leave that church so bad, but I've always been taught not to "church-hop" and even though I was angry, I did not feel the Holy Spirit releasing me from this church.

My DH is a musician and we had friends who pastored a church about 15 minutes up the road. Their drummer was out of town and they were having a "Night of Worship" and needed my husband to fill in for that service (Saturday) and then the following morning. I went with him to the Saturday service, and while there, decided to attend that church the next morning.

I have never been so uncomfortable in my life. Don't get me wrong, it was a church that is very similar to my own. It is the same denomination and everything. I got about half-way through and felt the Spirit saying, "Leave, you do not belong here. I have told you where you belong." I told my husband that I needed to leave. I drove across town and got to my church right in time for their worship to begin. I felt like I was coming home. A peace that was indescribable washed over me.

My anger/bitterness did not just go away. It took awhile. But now, I'm so glad that I listened to the Spirit and gave up the fight. My husband and I have grown so much these past few years. I think we would have stunted this growth by fighting and doing things our way instead of the Lord's.

kaykay, I don't know if I answered your question , but I thought the story applied to the op.
Very good post, dojilynn. I think the point you're making is that we should leave when we feel we have a "release" from the Lord to do so... and not before. Oftentimes, that seems to be felt by the peace or lack of it when we're making that decision. And yeah, I think that definitely is one strong "guidance" indicator. Thanks, dojilynn for your input here.
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:29 AM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 6,559,704 times
Reputation: 1530
wow..good thread..to coin an old phrase..been there..done that..
1..Before I jumped ship..I (we did) would go to different churches..not just on Sunday Mornings..Sunday nights are usually when one learns more about the people IMHO anyway..is the church hitting 250 on Sunday Morning and 45 on Sunday night?
2. IMHO about the original post...when would I say its time to look? when I felt like i was 1. out of place 2. didnt feel like I "fit in" anymore 3. when I quit volunteering for things I used too there..because I didnt really feel like I was "supposed too" in my heart. Before my wife and I changed churches..I talked to the pastor about how I was feeling..Not for sure if it helped any..other than letting how I felt (in a nice Christian way) be known to the pastor and the pastor alone.

Also..when I felt it was time to leave..was when NO ONE at the church volunterred for anything..I was set to take about 15 pre-teens to camp..had the bus in front of the church..and not one adult that said they would go showed up..I went anyway..prayfully on the hour drive to the two day camp..and thank God others there helped. I questioned whether it was ME? did i do something wrong? then I started to look around at other groups..and saw the same thing..usually one or two weary individuals that were trying to do it all themselves..
One Sat..I sat at the church for two hours..waiting on several that had volunteered to go out with the teens..nobody showed.."this came up..or that" My wife and I had a lock in one friday night for the preteens..thinking about 20 would show..and 42 showed up..which was great! But only one volunteer was there on time..and the others were very late..talk about tired..

Okay to get to my point...when you just dont feel comfortable where your at..and you feel the need for MORE..maybe more of GOD..more people who are on fire..more worship..if you arent getting fed where your at..its time to move on..

**I prayed and prayed and struggled with this for over a year before we left
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Mount Holly, NC
259 posts, read 841,881 times
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I know the Holy Spirit guides us and gives us a feeling of what we should do to an extent. But I think we should avoid letting our emotions guide us. We have to try and step back and be as objective as possible.
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,425,773 times
Reputation: 21128
Quote:
Originally Posted by arguy1973 View Post
wow..good thread..to coin an old phrase..been there..done that..
1..Before I jumped ship..I (we did) would go to different churches..not just on Sunday Mornings..Sunday nights are usually when one learns more about the people IMHO anyway..is the church hitting 250 on Sunday Morning and 45 on Sunday night?
2. IMHO about the original post...when would I say its time to look? when I felt like i was 1. out of place 2. didnt feel like I "fit in" anymore 3. when I quit volunteering for things I used too there..because I didnt really feel like I was "supposed too" in my heart. Before my wife and I changed churches..I talked to the pastor about how I was feeling..Not for sure if it helped any..other than letting how I felt (in a nice Christian way) be known to the pastor and the pastor alone.

Also..when I felt it was time to leave..was when NO ONE at the church volunterred for anything..I was set to take about 15 pre-teens to camp..had the bus in front of the church..and not one adult that said they would go showed up..I went anyway..prayfully on the hour drive to the two day camp..and thank God others there helped. I questioned whether it was ME? did i do something wrong? then I started to look around at other groups..and saw the same thing..usually one or two weary individuals that were trying to do it all themselves..
One Sat..I sat at the church for two hours..waiting on several that had volunteered to go out with the teens..nobody showed.."this came up..or that" My wife and I had a lock in one friday night for the preteens..thinking about 20 would show..and 42 showed up..which was great! But only one volunteer was there on time..and the others were very late..talk about tired..

Okay to get to my point...when you just dont feel comfortable where your at..and you feel the need for MORE..maybe more of GOD..more people who are on fire..more worship..if you arent getting fed where your at..its time to move on..

**I prayed and prayed and struggled with this for over a year before we left
Good post as well, arguy. Let me ask you though, in the church where no one seemed to want to help, did you feel any guilt about leaving when that was the case. I'm not questioning your judgment about leaving. I think you do follow the Lord and if you felt you were to leave, you probably were. I'm just asking if that was something you struggled with. I'm sure you thought about it. How did you resolve it?
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,425,773 times
Reputation: 21128
Quote:
Originally Posted by fromcenFL View Post
I know the Holy Spirit guides us and gives us a feeling of what we should do to an extent. But I think we should avoid letting our emotions guide us. We have to try and step back and be as objective as possible.
Good. What way would you say that you evaluate the situation "objectively?"
Sorry, if I keep "prodding" you guys for more info.
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:48 AM
 
Location: ARK-KIN-SAW
3,434 posts, read 6,559,704 times
Reputation: 1530
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay View Post
Good post as well, arguy. Let me ask you though, in the church where no one seemed to want to help, did you feel any guilt about leaving when that was the case. I'm not questioning your judgment about leaving. I think you do follow the Lord and if you felt you were to leave, you probably were. I'm just asking if that was something you struggled with. I'm sure you thought about it. How did you resolve it?
Guilt? yes..def at first..I felt like I was letting some of the teens down..but you know..God has a way of NOT letting us be to hard on ourselves..especially if we are being led by him. I was kicking myself for leaving one day..and ran into several of the kids I used to pick up/teach..they ran up and hugged me..and one or two was surprised I remembered them..I was like..How do you forget someone you honestly prayed for and tried to treat like your own?? After I knew they were okay ..I was okay.
I know..tough question to ask or answer..but is there any resentment toward anyone there? or just a feeling that its time to go?
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,425,773 times
Reputation: 21128
Quote:
Originally Posted by arguy1973 View Post
Guilt? yes..def at first..I felt like I was letting some of the teens down..but you know..God has a way of NOT letting us be to hard on ourselves..especially if we are being led by him. I was kicking myself for leaving one day..and ran into several of the kids I used to pick up/teach..they ran up and hugged me..and one or two was surprised I remembered them..I was like..How do you forget someone you honestly prayed for and tried to treat like your own?? After I knew they were okay ..I was okay.
I know..tough question to ask or answer..but is there any resentment toward anyone there? or just a feeling that its time to go?
Yeah, I definitely know what you mean about the feeling "it's just time to go." I think that's kinda what dojilynn was referring to when she said you do or don't feel a "release" from a place. And I think too you can stay out of some kind of "obligation" but if the Lord is leading otherwise, it won't be fruitful, kind of like dead works if we're trying to hang onto something the Lord is trying to get us to release.
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