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Old 10-25-2007, 11:50 AM
 
Location: All around the world.....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jco View Post
I was called by a woman tonight who wanted counsel about this:

Her husband has a full-time job in which he's supposed to be making his own schedule and working. Instead, he sleeps in until ten a.m. and then sits in front of the TV all day. He's addicted to prescription drugs (she found out b/c the pharmacy called) and constantly says he wants a divorce. He may truly want it, but he would probably not file for it. He often tells her to take the kids and leave for good and constantly yells and argues in front of their kids. Lately he's been accusing her of cheating, although she stays home with their kids and doesn't have a car. She hasn't said much of anything in return (remember 1 Peter 3) until tonight, and I guess she just blew up on him. He told her that she makes him depressed and forces him on medication which makes him not want to work. Again he told her he wants a divorce.
p.s. in the event that all of this fails;and he insist on the divorce then get legal counsel He need to leave the home and go about his merry way;instead of his children having to be uprooted from their home ; schools; friends etc.

She calls me for advice. I know that divorce is not an option, and that he will never really file for divorce. What would your Biblical counsel be for this situation?
Quote:
Her husband has a full-time job in which he's supposed to be making his own schedule and working. Instead, he sleeps in until ten a.m. and then sits in front of the TV all day. He's addicted to prescription drugs (she found out b/c the pharmacy called)


She needs to try and get Him help for his drug habit; You didn't indicate that He had hit her or threatened her life or the kids ; right now the first stand is prayer and prayer to get him to a rehab facility and kick the Rx drugs. Then she can go from there. It may not be a bad idea to spend a few days apart as a breather to collect her ideas; she doesn't sound like she's afraid of him or else she wouldn't have "blew up on him". Christian Professional Counseling is in order ( separate right now); he may not agree to go. he doesn't sound very rational so i wouldn't expect him too. But before i would give this marriage a "Eulogy" I would attempt to seek a type of Crisis Intervention. only if she and the kids are not in any physical danger.
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Old 10-25-2007, 12:12 PM
 
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Before I even attempted to give anybody advice (Christian or other) I would have to know the rest of the story..Why was he on Prescription drugs in the first place? Is he having an affair? Is he possibly having some sort of mental collapse from a combination of "prescription drugs". Who is the doctor who is writing these "prescriptions"?..Is he still drawing a paycheck? If he is, then he has to be finding time somewhere during the day to do his work..If he has a drug addiction problem, IMO he has to WANT to get over it himself and must take that first step himself..If he has a drug addiction, that is his life, not his wife, children, home or God..Before she tries to make him go to a "christian counselor", she really needs to find a qualified counselor for herself..IMO God will help her with this decision, but she will have to do the legwork.
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Old 10-25-2007, 12:26 PM
 
Location: The Netherlands
8,532 posts, read 10,599,213 times
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Originally Posted by blue62
Quote:
Most of the women in the shelters that I know of are there because their husbands thought she was his property to misuse and abuse, and break her spirit into submission, much like a lowlife will beat a spirited horse , or dog into his control with fear.
True, but in the Islam the wife should obey the husband in all matters. Just like some of you believe it should be, because the bible said so.
The problem however is that people are quick to assume that women are not equal to man. Once this happens abuse becomes more likely since it is culturally 'condoned'.

But at least in Holland the abused Muslim women can flee to the Women's Shelter while in their native country this probably would be impossible.
I think that in some regions it is even forbidden to mention that the husband is abusive. Or one could mention it but nothing will be done because the women are generally viewed as second class citizens.
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Old 10-25-2007, 12:51 PM
 
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We don't know the personality of the wife in this situation. He may consider her a whining nag and relies on medication to shut her out. We just don't know.

I agree that she needs to get out. It might be just what he needs to straighten himself out. He's got to see that there is a price to pay for his behavior. Staying helps no one, expecially the children.

As far as what God wants????? I have a hard time believing that he approves of the situation as we know it.

Under what circumstances would God approve if a woman needed to leave her husband? None??? I just don't believe that. Why would we have brains if we weren't supposed to use them?
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Old 10-25-2007, 12:54 PM
 
Location: The Netherlands
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In situation like this legalism,or only relying on the bible, could be dangerous.
Especially when it involves abuse (mentally, physically or sexually).
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Old 10-25-2007, 01:17 PM
 
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Personally, and you can all stone me if you wanna, but I think I would be afraid to depend on anyone who calls him/herself a christian counselor..Something about a person wearing their religion on their sleeve or shingle..What if the christian counselor came from one of the religions where the man is considered superior to a woman and he tells you that God would want you to go back home an try to make the marriage work?
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Old 10-25-2007, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Highland Village
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Blue its making me spread the love around, but I would love to rep you for that.
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Old 10-25-2007, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Plano, Texas
8,640 posts, read 14,789,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blue62 View Post
Personally, and you can all stone me if you wanna, but I think I would be afraid to depend on anyone who calls him/herself a christian counselor..Something about a person wearing their religion on their sleeve or shingle..What if the christian counselor came from one of the religions where the man is considered superior to a woman and he tells you that God would want you to go back home an try to make the marriage work?
I'm going to respond to this at this risk of going a little offthread. (Our beloved, Alpha of the "red type," may edit me out, but I'm going here!) Blue, I think if someone is going to seek "Christian" counsel, they need to seek the kind of counsel that they believe in. I'm not articulating this well, but Irish is probably not gonna set up an appointment to go see my pastor and I'm probably not gonna set up an appointment to go counsel with a priest. Go where the counselor is compatible with your own belief system.

Now personally, I will take medical advice, business advice, legal advice etc from a non-believer, hopefully one that has some wisdom. But I would probably NOT be willling to sit under counsel that concerned my life, marriage or any issue that touched on morality from an unbeliever, nor would I advise any other person to do so. They might have wisdom but in general, we would just not be coming from the same worldview. But that's just me. Also, not all Christian professional counselors label themselves as such. For example, there is a Christian counselor who my pastor refers people to when he feels they need more than what he can give. She doesn't call herself a "Christian counselor" but her counseling is very Biblically based and many of the local churches refer to her because they know this.
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Old 10-25-2007, 01:33 PM
 
Location: All around the world.....
2,895 posts, read 5,530,806 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
We don't know the personality of the wife in this situation. He may consider her a whining nag and relies on medication to shut her out. We just don't know.

I agree that she needs to get out. It might be just what he needs to straighten himself out. He's got to see that there is a price to pay for his behavior. Staying helps no one, expecially the children.

As far as what God wants????? I have a hard time believing that he approves of the situation as we know it.

Under what circumstances would God approve if a woman needed to leave her husband? None??? I just don't believe that. Why would we have brains if we weren't supposed to use them?
[quote]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
We don't know the personality of the wife in this situation. He may consider her a whining nag and relies on medication to shut her out. We just don't know.


You're right about that!! LOL I used counsel many soldiers evicted from their homes and made to move back into the barracks, and it wasn't even their fault. I think the OP might need to give a little more history on "the wife"; there are four sides to every story "her side ; his side; the truth and the lie;.. Some one also alluded to the fact earlier that we need more history on the marriage to give sound Biblical advice.
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Old 10-25-2007, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,182 posts, read 11,516,920 times
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JCO,
1st off I'm glad she has your shoulder to lean on. She knew you would not take this lightly.
My advise to you is have her do the following.
Get the kids out of the house.
Have her join Al-Anon and Narc-Anon.
And talk...really talk to her pastor. Pastor are trained and if the Pastor doesn't think he/she can help, He/she can lead her in the right direction.
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