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Old 10-06-2013, 09:44 PM
Location: Dallas TX
304 posts, read 247,275 times
Reputation: 42


Originally Posted by Marly88 View Post
How Do I Forgive People Who Have Hurt Me ?
Stop holding expectations over others.

When we impose our expectations on others, we are let down when they don't deliver. Sometimes they don't have a chance because they don't know what is expected. (People aren't always good communicators). ((Nor are they good listeners often.))

If you hold no expectations on anyone, and expect nothing, the amount of hurt drops tremendously.

When we realize we are here to be servants, HIS instruments or tools, of righteousness, and serve them, what we expect becomes smaller and smaller, because we don't care. We are too busy trying to serve others.

An old/history wise, pastor of mine, used to say when you feel unloved, it means you haven't gone out and loved enough.

When you feel left out, it means you haven't included as many...

when you feel you were cheated, you haven't given up enough.

It's all parts of us not getting what we expected/determined we were due.

I have no right to impose my expectations on you.

There is of course situations this doesn't apply. I can not expect the person to shoot you, but if I can do something about it, I figure I should.... etc..
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Old 10-06-2013, 09:47 PM
Location: Dallas TX
304 posts, read 247,275 times
Reputation: 42
Originally Posted by MysticPhD View Post
Great post and advice . . . except if you are in a physically abusive relationship . . . it is necessary to separate yourself from it as safely as possible. They don't typically get better.
OR in relationships with Narcissistic types, which should be taught in school so folks could identify the threats/risks better.
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Old 10-07-2013, 10:50 AM
Location: Chicago area
14,369 posts, read 7,913,715 times
Reputation: 53464
It depends on what I would be forgiving them for. A snarky comment. No problem. Trying to steal my husband. You're dead to me forever. Some things are just not forgivable.
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Old 10-07-2013, 11:52 AM
2,532 posts, read 2,015,968 times
Reputation: 326
Originally Posted by Marly88 View Post
How Do I Forgive People Who Have Hurt Me ?
Don't try to. Seek/ask God daily for His love and soon the hurts will dissipate and new thoughts of goodness and forgetting will take over. God is love not us. We must be transformed by His love.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:33 PM
9,751 posts, read 6,721,123 times
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Love for Enemies

44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

Sermon on the Mount

Why did you have to ask the question?
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Old 10-08-2013, 09:17 AM
Location: Beautiful Niagara Falls ON.
10,024 posts, read 10,561,521 times
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Of course, we must always remember that as everything else is in our lives here on this earth, we will never do anything perfectly and this includes "Forgiveness". All TRUE Christians have a desire to forgive those who "Trespass against us" as Jesus taught us to do in his example of what to pray for and how to pray for it in the Lord's prayer. I think that that prayer points to the key concept in forgiveness. It's only by God's empowerment that we are able to do it. It's not something we are able to do in our own strength. I really found out a lot about this because of something that happened ten years ago.

My baby brother who was 17 years younger was common law with woman who from my observation was pure evil. Needless to say I had great spiritual struggles just regarding how I felt about and how I treated this person. To make a long story short, my brother was murdered and she was convicted of first degree murder. She had hired someone to do the deed. The hate I felt towards this woman and my desire for revenge was just overwhelming. It was destroying my life and I was a willing participant in it. It did not continue for long though because God never gives us over totally to sin that will destroy us utterly. The Spirit started to work on me, convicting me of just how wrong this was. You know, I don't think that God ever convicts us of anything without also giving us a clear remedy for the problem. I started to realize many things about my unforgiving spirit on this issue. Watching the news I heard about so many horrible crimes committed every single day. Did I hate these criminals and desire to exact revenge upon them? Well, no I didn't and why was that? This spirit led thinking caused me to realize that my unforgiveness was totally based around my own personal selfishness. I couldn't forgive because this happened to ME. I could forgive someone guilty of horrible things as long as someone else was the victim.

Thinking like this in many different veins, stirred up in me the desire to be able to forgive this woman. That desire in turn led me to pray for the strength and ability to do it. God granted me this ability, bit by bit over a period of time. The intensity of my hatred and desire for revenge slowly faded away. I regained the ability to get a good night's sleep and to actually be positive about things. Not being able to forgive is a heavy burden to bare. It damages us in so many ways. God, who made us knows what is good for us and what harms us. That in a large part is why he commands us to do such and such in many different areas of life. Obedience to God is the ultimate liberation. It free us from the bondage of self.

Well, ten years later I'm still working on a more complete forgiveness for this woman. For example, I find it difficult to pray that God would bless her and grant her peace. By his strength I will be able to eventually.
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Old 10-08-2013, 10:00 AM
Location: Florida -
8,760 posts, read 10,832,098 times
Reputation: 16632
In reflecting on the question, I can't remember the last time I allowed myself to harbor a grudge or nurse extended ill feelings towards another, but, describing how or why that works is difficult. I think it is because these (and other?) truths remain constant in my mind and shape my attitudes toward others:

1). God loves them! - Who am I to declare by my attitudes or words that God is wrong?'
2). God forgave me far greater offenses than I can imagine others have committed against me.
3). Most people do the best they can under whatever circumstances they are facing.
4). Anger and grudges take more effort and cause more personal damage than justified.

Having said that, some actions still frustrate and 'anger' me ('for lack of a better word'):

1). People in power who use their position/s to take advantage of other people
2). Oppression of and discrimination against the weak by the arrogant and proud
3). Rejection of God's Word by those who value human opinions and 'rights' - above God
4). The use 'legal' arguments and rhetoric to suppress truth and righteousness

The ‘forgetting’ part seems to take care of itself, but, not to the extent of repeatedly putting myself in a position to be the repeated recipient of particularly egregious offenses. For example, a person once aggressively stalked me for a period of years. Later, they regretted their action and asked for forgiveness. I told them that I had already forgiven them … but, that I was certainly not going to return to the relationship out of which the stalking had emerged. (They did not understand and felt that ‘forgiving’ meant ‘forgetting' to the extent of returning to a pre-offense condition!’)

Last edited by jghorton; 10-08-2013 at 10:30 AM..
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