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Old 10-09-2013, 08:33 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bartstarr1960 View Post
My friend Boyd called me. He is a Christian and goes to church with his family. He's a good family man. He is in a lay position in the church. Boyd told me his wife of 18 years wants a divorce. I could tell, even over the phone, that Boyd was shaken. I won't mention what church or religion Boyd belongs to, but they do not take divorce lightly.

Boyd is at a loss where to turn. His wife refuses to talk to anyone. I'm afraid I wasn't much more than an ear for him to bend. Should he take it to the church?

You did a good thing by just being there for him and letting him bend your ear.

Now be sure to continue to reach out to him by staying in touch. He needs to know people care.

Encourage him to make an appt with his pastor, but only if he feels comfortable with him/her. Otherwise, encourage him to see a therapist or marriage counselor.

Even if his wife won't go, HE needs some unbiased advice on how to proceed and in dealing with the grief and shock.
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Old 10-09-2013, 08:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by TroutDude View Post
He should take it to where his heart and mind lead him.

I'm going to presume his first stop was his wife. He must have asked for an explanation as to where these feelings are coming from.
Statistically, most likely an affair.
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Old 10-09-2013, 09:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
He's the innocent party in the divorce.
Difficult to say, unless you know both sides of the equation?

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Old 10-10-2013, 01:46 AM
 
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www.maritalhealing.com

You can go here.

He can email the doctor at maritalhealing@aol.com The address is probably on his web site if I got it wrong. I hope he finds the help he needs for himself and his wife. Divorce is awful.

Last edited by janelle144; 10-10-2013 at 01:58 AM..
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Old 10-10-2013, 04:34 AM
 
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I was just reading Joel Osteen's book and he talks about a man that was getting through a divorce and job loss. He told him to speak life over his marriage and job because the man was speaking negative things over his life making them worse. Well, the Bible says the power of life and death are in the tongue. So if your friend is going through this, he needs to speak blessings and positive things over his marriage. Personally, I don't know if I would deal with that. If your wife stops loving you out of the blue, she is an unstable person and doesn't deserve you. I've never understood how one partner can be totally dedicated while the other isn't and falls out of love.
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Old 10-10-2013, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Somerset, Kentucky
473 posts, read 617,211 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bartstarr1960 View Post
My friend Boyd called me. He is a Christian and goes to church with his family. He's a good family man. He is in a lay position in the church. Boyd told me his wife of 18 years wants a divorce. I could tell, even over the phone, that Boyd was shaken. I won't mention what church or religion Boyd belongs to, but they do not take divorce lightly.

Boyd is at a loss where to turn. His wife refuses to talk to anyone. I'm afraid I wasn't much more than an ear for him to bend. Should he take it to the church?
This is from an old thread of mine.
I found information on divorce using the original Hebrew meanings. I hope this helps many. I know it's long but it's worth the read.

Divorce -

The words divorce, divorced and divorcement appear eleven times in the King James Bible.

The first mention of divorce is found in Deuteronomy 24:1,2 , “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house. And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.”

A careful examination of this scripture reveals that after a genuine cause of divorce has been realized (this point is covered later in this article) there are two steps that must be taken for a scriptural divorce to occur. First, a legal bill of divorcement must be written up and recognized by both parties; and second, there must be a separation or a departure from living together as man and wife.

The word translated “divorcement” comes from the Hebrew “keriythuwth” and means the cutting of the matrimonial bond. It is the only Hebrew word translated divorce or divorcement in the Old Testament.

The second component of divorce is found in the phrase “...send her out...” which comes from the Hebrew “shalach” and means to send her away, to send her out so that they will no longer live together as man and wife. It is also translated to cast out, leave, depart, put out, send away, et al. This is the same word used in Genesis 3:23 when Adam and Eve were cast out of the garden, “...the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden...”

The Knox translation of Deut. 24:1,2 says, “...He must draw up a writ of separation and hand it to her before he sends her away from his house.”

Notice, that the separation or the putting out of the divorced party is to be done after a legal bill of divorcement has been drawn up and delivered. And then the Bible says, “...she may go and be another man’s wife.”

It is important for the church to accurately understand these two components of divorce and what their respective Hebrew words mean. A lot of harm has been suffered by many in the Body of Christ because of an incomplete and immature understanding of what the Bible really teaches about divorce.


Does God Hate Divorce? -

Many people think they are quoting from scripture when they say the Bible teaches that “God hates divorce.” But in truth, there is no verse in the King James Bible that says that God hates divorce. Why? Because, God neither hates divorce nor the people that have been divorced.

The scripture that people are misquoting is found in Malachi 2:16, “For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away...”

The phrase “putting away” is not the Hebrew word “keriythuwth” (divorce) but rather it is translated from the Hebrew word that represents the second component of a Biblical divorce, “shalach” (to put out, to send away). The King James Bible correctly translated the Hebrew passage with the words, God hates “the putting away” of a wife. Let me explain.

We know from reading other verses that many men in Israel were separating from their wives without giving them a legal bill of divorcement, and were marrying foreign women of different nationalities that were worshipping false Gods.

This angered God because their “divorces” and their new marriages were not legal since they were not following the teaching of Moses that said, “...write her a bill of divorcement (keriythuwth), and give it in her hand, and send her out (shalach) of his house.”

In Malachi 2:15 the Lord says that part of the purpose of marriage was that He was “...seeking a godly seed...” so that He could bring forth the Messiah and preserve the blood covenant that He had made with the nation of Israel. But their actions of separation without a bill of divorcement and marrying foreign women that served strange gods was polluting the land and violating the covenant. (See Malachi 2:11)

To remedy their sin, God instructed the men of Israel to separate from their foreign wives in Ezra 10:11, “Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your Fathers, and do His pleasure; and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.” God’s will for the men of Israel was to separate from their foreign wives.

These were God sanctioned divorce’s, ordered by God to annul marriages that were outside of His will for their lives. And Ezra 10:44 says that some of those bad marriages had produced children. “All these had taken strange wives; and some of them had wives by whom they had children.”

So, the Bible does not preach that God hates divorce, and neither should we. What it does teach is that God sanctioned thousands of divorces; and that God hates the act of bigamy; or, the offense of being married to one person while still being legally married to different person.

Jesus teaching on divorce -

When you understand the difference between the Hebrew words “keriythuwth” (divorce) and “shalach” (the putting out or sending forth), then you can fully understand Jesus teaching on divorce in Matthew chapter five.

In Matthew 5:31 Jesus said, “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement.” He is obviously quoting from Deut 24:1 when He mentions the two different components of divorce.

The phrase “put away” is the Greek “apoluo” and means to send away, to dismiss, to depart; and corresponds precisely to the Hebrew word “shalach” which means to send out, to send away. Jesus was obviously referring to the second component of divorce.

The phrase “a writing of divorcement” is the Greek “apostasion” which means a bill of divorce; corresponding perfectly to the Hebrew word “keriythuwth.”

Then Jesus said in the next verse, “But I say unto you, that whoever shall put away (apoluo - to send forth) his wife, saving for the cause of fornication; causeth her to commit adultery; and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced (apoluo - to send forth, to put away) committeth adultery.”

Notice that the Greek word translated “divorce” in Matthew 5:31 is not “apostasion” (divorce) but rather “apoluo” (to send or put away).

Jesus did not say that whosoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. What He did say was that whosoever marries a woman that has been separated from her husband without a legal bill of divorcement commits adultery; because she is still legally and officially married to her estranged husband.

Jesus taught the same thing in Luke 16:18, “Whosoever putting away (apoluo - to send forth) his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery; and whosoever marrieth her that is put away (apoluo - to send forth) from her husband commiteth adultery.”

Again, in Mark 10:11,12 Jesus taught, “...whosoever shall put away (apoluo - to send forth) his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away (apoluo - to send forth) her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.”

In every instance, Jesus is referring to people who are merely separated from their spouse and not legally divorced.

Adultery is defined as voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse. You cannot commit adultery unless one or both parties involved in the intercourse are still legally married.

When someone marries and has intercourse with a person that is merely separated from their spouse and has not been legally divorced from their spouse, they have committed adultery in the eyes of God.

But when someone marries a person that has been legally divorced, according to the Word of God, that marriage and sexual relationship is not an adulterous relationship in the eyes of God because Deuteronomy 24:2 says that a legally divorced woman is free to marry another man.


God’s divorce -

Jeremiah 3:8 says that God was involved in a divorce, “...whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away ( shalach), and given her a bill of divorce ( keriythuwth)....” If it is a true statement that God hates divorce, and every divorce is against His will, then how could God divorce Israel and still be holy?

Isaiah 50:1 once again says that Israel was divorced by God, “Thus saith the Lord, Where is the bill of your mother’s divorcement ( keriythuwth), whom I have put away ( shalach).” God divorced Israel because they broke the covenant. And He sent them away when He allowed the nation of Babylon to conquer their cities and to take them away into captivity.

As was illustrated earlier in this article, Ezra 10:11 also illustrates that God sanctioned a large number of divorce’s to annul marriages that were outside of His will.

The Cause’s of divorce -

In Mark 10:2, “...the Pharisees came to Him, and asked Him, Is it lawful for a man to put away (apoluo - to send forth) his wife? tempting Him.”

The religious hypocrites of that day were forever trying to trick Jesus into misquoting or misinterpreting the scriptures. They were well aware of Moses’ teaching on the subject of divorce; they were merely trying to start a theological debate with Jesus so they could have something to use against Him.

Matthew 19:3 says, “The Pharisees also come unto Him, tempting Him, and saying unto Him, Is it lawful for a man to put away (apoluo - to send forth) his wife for every cause?” Once again, the religious establishment is trying to find some reason to argue with Jesus and to debate the articles of divorce.

His response to them in Mark 10:3 was, “And He answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement (apostasion - divorce), and to put her away (apoluo - to send forth).” Once again, the two components of a legal, scriptural divorce are enumerated.

But then, Mark 10:5 says, “And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.” The Knox translation says, “...It was to suit your hard hearts that Moses wrote such a command as that.”

Divorce, like marriage, should never be entered into lightly. One should explore every opportunity to try and save the marriage. However, sometimes, for the sake of the two individuals, their marriage should be dissolved.

A careful examination of the Scriptures reveals that Jesus began His teaching on marriage and divorce in Matthew chapter five with these words, “And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.” (Matt. 5:30).

Other translations read, if a part of your body is causing you to stumble, if it is a snare to you, causing your fall, then you must cut it off so the rest of the body won’t go to Hell.

The institution of marriage was originated by God. But the institution is never more important to God than the people involved in the marriage. God loves people; not institutions. And neither should we exalt the institution of marriage above the best interests of the people involved in the marriage.

Sometimes it is not healthy for two people to stay together. Their constant fighting and arguing are not beneficial for them or for their family. “Saving the marriage at all costs” is not always the right thing or the best thing to do. Sometimes, as Jesus taught, it is better to cut it off so the people involved won’t perish and go to hell.


Other verse’s on divorce -

In Mark 10:9 Jesus taught, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Rieu’s translation says, “... man must not part what God has united.”

But not all marriages were put together by God. Sometimes people decide for themselves who they will marry and they never consult the will of God. And, as Ezra 10:11 says, God has the right to instruct His children to separate from and to walk away from a bad marriage when it is outside of His will for their lives.

The phrase “put asunder” in Mark 10:9, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder,” comes from the Greek #5563 “chorizo” and means to separate, to part, to go away. In other words, man should not separate or walk away from the will of God for their life.

However, this same word is found in I Corinthians 7:15 where the Apostle Paul gives instruction to believers that are married to unbelievers, “But if the unbelieving depart (chorizo - separate, walk away), let him depart (chorizo - separate, walk away). A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases; but God hath called us to peace.” The Norlie translation says, “...for God intended that we live together in peace.”

Peace should be the goal in every relationship.

Deuteronomy 24:1 says, “When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her...”

The word “favour” comes from the Hebrew “chen” and means favour, grace, acceptance. It is the main word translated favour and grace in the Old Testament and comes from the root “chanan” which means to bend or stoop in kindness to an inferior; to show favour, to be show consideration. Moses said, if you no longer have the grace to continue because of some uncleanness in her....

Grace is the manifestation of God’s presence in our lives. Grace enables us to do what we cannot do on our own. God’s grace affords us the strength to face the difficulties of life victoriously. With His grace we can do anything. Without His grace working in our lives, we are bound to fail.

The word “uncleanness” comes from the Hebrew “ervah” and means indecency, shame, filthiness, improper behavior.

In Matthew 5:32 Jesus said, “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication ...” The word “fornication” comes from the Greek “porneia” which means illicit sexual intercourse as well as idolatry; and refers to the acts of adultery, fornication, homosexuality, et al., as well as referring to the worship of idols. The dictionary defines fornication as any unlawful sexual intercourse; and, also includes the forsaking of the true God for the worship of idols.

In Conclusion -

The institution of marriage was initiated by God for the completion and the fulfillment of the man and the woman. It was designed to flourish in an environment of love, trust and fidelity. Marriage is a wonderful and glorious relationship when it functions the way God intended for it to function.

But sometimes, and for believers it should be a rare occurrence, it is better to divorce than to stay together. Sometimes it is the will of God for a believer to seek a divorce.

Yeshua Bless You
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Old 10-10-2013, 07:12 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
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divorce is too high within the body of believers. what is the reason. could it be that most just go to church and have no heart in it? maybe one is a true believer and the other is going through the motions? we are no different that those outside the church. is there something that can be done to minimize divorce.
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Old 10-10-2013, 07:31 AM
 
Location: Sitting beside Walden Pond
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Originally Posted by Torpedos View Post
divorce is too high within the body of believers. what is the reason.
Because Theists live in a dream world.

They think there is more to life than what we experience in our everyday existence. They think there is some 'higher calling' in life and always wonder if they are missing the boat, so to speak.

We Atheists accept our life as it is and try to make the best of it. If we find we are happy in our mariage, we stick with it. If not, we get out. Simple as that.
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Old 10-10-2013, 07:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by hiker45 View Post

We Atheists accept our life as it is and try to make the best of it. If we find we are happy in our mariage, we stick with it. If not, we get out. Simple as that.
That sounds fair, but it is not the job of your spouse to make you happy. Hopefully, you are happy on your own.
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Old 10-10-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: San Antonio
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Originally Posted by hiker45 View Post
Because Theists live in a dream world.

They think there is more to life than what we experience in our everyday existence. They think there is some 'higher calling' in life and always wonder if they are missing the boat, so to speak.

We Atheists accept our life as it is and try to make the best of it. If we find we are happy in our mariage, we stick with it. If not, we get out. Simple as that.
I would expect any couple that are involved in the same things and have the same desire for things to be happy. in the theist sense that would be God.
for an atheist, I would assume that if you and your wife are both atheist, and love something, i.e. Trying to solve world hunger, you would be more prone to stay together. Not because the other person makes you happy, but because we found that person who has that same passions.
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