U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Religion and Spirituality > Christianity
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-18-2013, 05:24 AM
 
400 posts, read 452,799 times
Reputation: 50

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by intothelight View Post
I really appreciate everyone's comments. The link Katzpur sent me is really more along the lines of what I was looking for. If katzpur wants to post the name, I'll let that happen. It's for sure a different vibe and caters to a different audience than post-mormon. For me, religion's goal is to bring you to God. And for me at least, mormonism has helped do that. Some of how it's helped to do that is by causing me great amounts of guilt and humiliation and other kinds of pain. Something about hurting draws you closer to God. And there are things that mormonism teaches that I believe are true that are really important to me.

Unfortunately, I guess you have to take the good with the bad. While my premise behind religion is that they all were designed to bring you to God (or whatever name you call Him by), most religion's LOVE to stick themselves between you and God and tell their members, "you can only come to God and get into heaven with my help!" And that, I do not believe to be true.

My feeling about mormonism is that it works for me - with caveats, which I think I can deal with. But, for another person, they may draw closer to God through being a Catholic or a Baptist, etc., -

Katzpur I'm sure will vouch for me when I say that this would not be something you'd want to say in a sunday meeting. The feeling that's pushed in the church is that we have to convert everyone to mormonism because it's true, and they'll be happier when they are mormon and know the truth than they would be otherwise. Might be true for some, but not for all. I can think of lots of people I'd never want to tell about the church, because they are very tender-hearted and good happy people who might really be hurt if they were suddenly told that 10-15 things integral to them are wrong, and if they continue to do them, they are sinning. I'd much rather see a coffee and tea drinking non-tithing paying happy man than a miserable skulking person who avoids coffee and tea and can report as a full tithe payer every December.

Anyways, with the resources I've been given by people here and finding other people who are experiencing the same things as me, I think I can stay in the mormon church, take the good, and ignore the bad. I've tried attending other services like baptist, protestant, catholic, and the mormon meetings just seemed to work for me best. Maybe I'll start posting on here or at least reading the posts more frequently as well. It's immensely refreshing to me to see people who will allow themselves to think about religion in a way that mormon's won't. Sure, we are encouraged to pray and ask if mormonism is right, but if we make the determination it isn't right for us, we are told to go back, fast and pray again, until we receive the answer the church believes is the right one.

I don't want to convey the feeling that the mormon church is bad. I really do think they have the best of intentions - and I'm certain I'm not capable of creating a religion that's any better. I guess they focus so much on being and doing right that the foregone conclusion is that if you are not doing what they say is right that you are bad. Isn't what they teach perhaps, but that's what people hear. Sort of like a kid who was raised by a family of football fanatics - football becomes very important to him. Things like not make the college team or whatever can be devastating.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katzpur View Post
So don't be shy! Drop him a hint. We can be kind of dense sometimes (and even cliquish, I'm afraid ).

I would say that almost exactly the same situation exists when a person chooses to leave the LDS Church -- except that our efforts at "reactivation" might be a little better organized than in some Churches. Each LDS family in a ward is assigned two "home teachers." These two men are to visit each of their families (generally 3 to 4 families per each two home teachers) once a month, just to see how things are going and if there are any concerns the family would like the home teachers to relay to the Bishop (the local congregational leader). For the most part, the kinds of issues the member would probably share with his home teachers would be of a more temporal sort -- things like, "Well, it looks like I'm probably going to be laid off next month. I'm kind of worried about finding a new job." Or, "My wife's going into the hospital for a hysterectomy. We could use someone to pick the kids up after school for about a week." Or, "I hurt my shoulder pretty bad last week. Is there someone who could help shovel the snow off my walks when the big storm hits this coming weekend? The doctor says I should use it as little as possible for a few days." It's the home teachers' responsibility to make sure the bishop is informed of the situation. Unless a person is really close to his or her home teachers, he will likely not share information pertaining to a crisis of faith. Ideally, it would be nice if he could, and I'm sure that in many instances this does happen. Probably more often than not, however, people who are experiencing doubts would be hesitant to confide in someone unless they knew for sure how their comments would be received and responded to.

Probably most people who leave Mormonism do so over a period of time. They gradually stop attending church meetings and church social gatherings, and replace Sunday worship with other activities. Depending upon how involved they'd been in the Church in the past and how perceptive the Bishop and others in the ward were, the person might be left alone almost completely (just kind of falling into the cracks, unnoticed) or actively encouraged to become involved again. The only exception to this general rule of thumb would be if someone was actively attempting to speak against the Church leadership or to publically teach doctrines that are contrary to those accepted as true by the Church. In that case, the individual would probably be asked to meet with the Bishop to see what was going on. When someone gets his feelings hurt, it doesn't usually take much for him to say, "That's it. I'm outta here for good." These instances would be less common than the gradual fade-out exit, though.

If the OP actually went to his Bishop and said, "I want to take whatever steps are necessary to have my name officially removed from the Church membership records. How do I go about doing that?" the Bishop would probably do whatever he could to get to the bottom of the person's concerns, and would strongly encourage him not to leave. I suspect that the two of them would meet several times to discuss how things were going. The Bishop would likely ask if the person would like a "Priesthood Blessing" to help him deal with the problems he was having with the Church. (I can explain that in more detail if you'd like.) He would probably suggest to the member that he fast and pray about his decision, too. If the person had already made his final decision, the bishop would tell him how to go about having his name removed from the Church membership records. This generally just involves a letter to Church Headquarters (I think). By the time all of the paperwork, etc. finally goes through, it could be several months. I'm not positive because I don't know of anyone personally who's done that. Most people who leave just stop coming and stop referring to themselves as LDS, and sooner or later people pick up on it. One thing I do want to make absolutely clear, though: There is no shunning involved, at least no Church-sanctioned shunning. A person's own family may react by not wanting to have anything to do with him any more, but they would be going 180 degrees in opposition to what Church policy would have them do.

I hope this answers your question. It was a longer answer than I'd planned to give you, but your question appeared to be sincere, so I felt you deserved more than just a quick brushoff-type response.
First, let me thank both of you for candidly speaking about your church. I sometimes think today's technology affords us a certain anonymity that can be dual edged. In this case, I think it is good. While it seems the two of you are in somewhat different places, there appears no animosity, and you both appear to have a maturity about you.

Honestly, I have to admit my views are conflicted. There's what I've been taught, that Mormonism is a cult because of teachings outside the Bible. Then, there's what I've witnessed, Mormon families as neighbors. There was a time when a burglar was working our neighborhood. The police had all us neighbors meet and form a neighborhood watch. When faced with a common threat we all, SDA, Catholic, Mormon, Protestant, non-believer, worked and pulled together and the burglar moved on, and our neighborhood became closer.

We, on both sides of the fence, walk a fine line and in my case are torn between what we consider our Christian duty to point out what we consider, perceive, or have been taught is error and our command to love our neighbors as ourselves. Religiosity removed, we are all cast in His likeness. God didn't put me here to sit in judgment of His creation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-18-2013, 05:53 AM
 
9,875 posts, read 6,745,563 times
Reputation: 2487
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My suggestion, attend a Unitatrian church, where there is no peer pressure to conform to proving yourself based on church callings. Just go, enjoy fellowship, and be free to not conform to rigid social expectations of a religion.
Excellent idea!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2013, 08:09 AM
 
Location: Salt Lake City
21,968 posts, read 22,141,102 times
Reputation: 10708
Quote:
Originally Posted by intothelight View Post
I really appreciate everyone's comments. The link Katzpur sent me is really more along the lines of what I was looking for. If katzpur wants to post the name, I'll let that happen. It's for sure a different vibe and caters to a different audience than post-mormon. For me, religion's goal is to bring you to God. And for me at least, mormonism has helped do that. Some of how it's helped to do that is by causing me great amounts of guilt and humiliation and other kinds of pain. Something about hurting draws you closer to God. And there are things that mormonism teaches that I believe are true that are really important to me.

Unfortunately, I guess you have to take the good with the bad. While my premise behind religion is that they all were designed to bring you to God (or whatever name you call Him by), most religion's LOVE to stick themselves between you and God and tell their members, "you can only come to God and get into heaven with my help!" And that, I do not believe to be true.

My feeling about mormonism is that it works for me - with caveats, which I think I can deal with. But, for another person, they may draw closer to God through being a Catholic or a Baptist, etc., -

Katzpur I'm sure will vouch for me when I say that this would not be something you'd want to say in a sunday meeting. The feeling that's pushed in the church is that we have to convert everyone to mormonism because it's true, and they'll be happier when they are mormon and know the truth than they would be otherwise. Might be true for some, but not for all. I can think of lots of people I'd never want to tell about the church, because they are very tender-hearted and good happy people who might really be hurt if they were suddenly told that 10-15 things integral to them are wrong, and if they continue to do them, they are sinning. I'd much rather see a coffee and tea drinking non-tithing paying happy man than a miserable skulking person who avoids coffee and tea and can report as a full tithe payer every December.

Anyways, with the resources I've been given by people here and finding other people who are experiencing the same things as me, I think I can stay in the mormon church, take the good, and ignore the bad. I've tried attending other services like baptist, protestant, catholic, and the mormon meetings just seemed to work for me best. Maybe I'll start posting on here or at least reading the posts more frequently as well. It's immensely refreshing to me to see people who will allow themselves to think about religion in a way that mormon's won't. Sure, we are encouraged to pray and ask if mormonism is right, but if we make the determination it isn't right for us, we are told to go back, fast and pray again, until we receive the answer the church believes is the right one.

I don't want to convey the feeling that the mormon church is bad. I really do think they have the best of intentions - and I'm certain I'm not capable of creating a religion that's any better. I guess they focus so much on being and doing right that the foregone conclusion is that if you are not doing what they say is right that you are bad. Isn't what they teach perhaps, but that's what people hear. Sort of like a kid who was raised by a family of football fanatics - football becomes very important to him. Things like not make the college team or whatever can be devastating.
intothelight, I'm so glad I read you right. You and I seem to be on exactly the same page. As a matter of fact, I could almost have written your post myself, verbatim. So at any rate, know that you've found both a soulmate and a recommended website with like-thinking people. I haven't posted on that site in quite some time now (technical issues that I'm still trying to resolve), but I go by Katzpur there, too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-18-2013, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Salt Lake City
21,968 posts, read 22,141,102 times
Reputation: 10708
Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
My suggestion, attend a Unitatrian church, where there is no peer pressure to conform to proving yourself based on church callings. Just go, enjoy fellowship, and be free to not conform to rigid social expectations of a religion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Julian658 View Post
Excellent idea!
Trust me, this wouldn't work. I've recommended that people try the Unitarian Church myself. I think it is an excellent choice for some people. Based upon everything intothelight has said so far, I don't think it would be an even remotely good choice for him.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-18-2013, 07:30 PM
 
11 posts, read 41,049 times
Reputation: 10
I am a member of the LDS church. I really enjoy going put I agree that the pressure to be doing something is a bit much. I am an elder and hold the Melchizedek Priesthood. I understand your feelings when you say that you always feel that you are not a full member. If your not doing your Home Teaching or a Calling you just dont belong there. I felt this way for a long time. For me it really came down to the fact that I felt I was not on the same level spiritually as other members. All the others in the Priesthood always seemed to be so smart when it came to the Gospel. I was also terrified to say the opening and closing prayer. Once I worked on these things I felt much better. The more I got involve the less pressure, which I believe there shouldnt be any pressure at all. It comes down to it that there is always that family or two in the church that are very judgmental and always seem to be perfect. Don't worry about it, majority of us are all trying our best and are happy you are there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Religion and Spirituality > Christianity
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top