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Old 10-17-2013, 01:57 AM
 
111 posts, read 154,857 times
Reputation: 71

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I was raised in the mormon church. All my life. But now, I'm really having a hard time going. I really like going to church. But, what I don't like is how you are made to feel when you are not doing something the church says is really important (home teaching, calling, etc.,) When that happens, I have found that people either just are not kind, or they treat you like a lost sheep and try to "love you back" into doing those things. For me, the second one is worse.

I guess people in the church use the word "offended" for what I've described - as if I had their uppity attitude and am very proud. I would like to hope it's not that way for me. I really don't feel hatred for the church or malice. But it's that I feel such guilt when going - that I honestly think I'm healthier emotionally not going than I am going.

I won't go into details, but I was probably a little abused by a bishop I had a long time back. He basically was pressuring me to go on a mission. I tried to go, and came back sick - and I people thought I'd faked or chosen to be sick to get out of going. I then found out 2 years later that I have a terminal disease. Again, I'm sure he had the best of motives, and I don't hate him for it. But how can I give 100% trust and total obedience to someone or something that abuses it - however rare that may be. I know, I know- have faith in the church and realize that it has imperfect people. But I've never been told that you can ignore what a bishop tells you if he's wrong. What I hear is that you obey your church leaders because they are inspired of God - period. I feel like I can never give them that level of power over me again - where my self-worth is determined by whether or not I'm a good member of the church. Not that being a good member is bad.

I want to go to church and tell them I don't want a calling, I don't want home teaching - nothing where that thing can be used to affect whether or not you think you are a good person. But when I tried, the way I was treated was totally changed. Again, I'm sure all these people are trying their best as well, so I don't blame them for it - but it really really hurts. Yes, again, I know - our self worth isn't determined by what we do, and it doesn't matter what other people think of us. But, that isn't true. It DOES matter what others think of us, or else we wouldn't be told to strive to have charitable thoughts and think well of our neighbors. It matters, because it affects us - even if it shouldn't.

I guess I'm writing this because I know that I'm not always right, and would like some other opinions.

That, and because I don't think many members really feel like they can say these sorts of things and express their doubts within the church. I mean, how many of you would say this in an elders quorum or relief society meeting. Not many, I'm guessing. Hopefully, this thread can serve as a safe place where you can get those things off your chest. I'm not recommending anonymous bashing of the church by any means - just a safe discussion of some of the things that really bother you about it.

If this violates some citydata policy, I guess it needs to be deleted. No hard feelings from my side.
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Old 10-17-2013, 03:34 AM
Status: "Watching the White go by..." (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: New England
86 posts, read 113,044 times
Reputation: 138
You are not alone.
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Old 10-17-2013, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Sinking in the Great Salt Lake
12,942 posts, read 18,541,155 times
Reputation: 13779
This should probably go in the religion forum but just because the church says everything is black and white doesn't mean it really is. Just be honest and clear about what you want/don't want with your church leaders and friends. There is nothing wrong with being a mormon on your own terms...
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Old 10-17-2013, 10:56 AM
 
8,827 posts, read 6,335,365 times
Reputation: 2353
Become a Catholic. No one will bother you.

Get involved in the church or not get involved. No one will give you a hard time and you will be welcomed. No pressure, no judging.
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Old 10-17-2013, 11:17 AM
 
Location: arizona ... most of the time
11,825 posts, read 9,851,168 times
Reputation: 1302
for anyone who wants to see how to deal with the LDS Church, I would encourage you to read what God revealed:
Romans 3:24
Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus:

Ephesians 2:8
For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
for further information on removing the millstone of proving oneself worthy, see:
His Healing Now
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Old 10-17-2013, 11:33 AM
Status: "Just a smidge dyspeptic." (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
23,566 posts, read 12,197,204 times
Reputation: 10711
I expect Katzpur, our resident LDS expert, will chime in here and may be able to offer suggestions.
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Old 10-17-2013, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Hagerman, Idaho
2,231 posts, read 4,866,016 times
Reputation: 2095
I'd have to say based on what you've said you're in the wrong faith. The LDS faith is hugely into it's hierarchy and as such you ARE and WILL be judged whether or not they say it or you are told. There are a number of expectations that come with being a member, and if you don't participate you will not be considered one of them. Pretty simple really. Until my wife came to her senses I had to deal with other involved with "that" side of things. I became sufficiently aware of the ins and outs of the faith. I can certainly see why people join, but frankly the more of an independent thinker you are, the less likely you will be to be a member.
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Old 10-17-2013, 03:16 PM
 
400 posts, read 434,055 times
Reputation: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by intothelight View Post
I was raised in the mormon church. All my life. But now, I'm really having a hard time going. I really like going to church. But, what I don't like is how you are made to feel when you are not doing something the church says is really important (home teaching, calling, etc.,) When that happens, I have found that people either just are not kind, or they treat you like a lost sheep and try to "love you back" into doing those things. For me, the second one is worse.

I guess people in the church use the word "offended" for what I've described - as if I had their uppity attitude and am very proud. I would like to hope it's not that way for me. I really don't feel hatred for the church or malice. But it's that I feel such guilt when going - that I honestly think I'm healthier emotionally not going than I am going.

I won't go into details, but I was probably a little abused by a bishop I had a long time back. He basically was pressuring me to go on a mission. I tried to go, and came back sick - and I people thought I'd faked or chosen to be sick to get out of going. I then found out 2 years later that I have a terminal disease. Again, I'm sure he had the best of motives, and I don't hate him for it. But how can I give 100% trust and total obedience to someone or something that abuses it - however rare that may be. I know, I know- have faith in the church and realize that it has imperfect people. But I've never been told that you can ignore what a bishop tells you if he's wrong. What I hear is that you obey your church leaders because they are inspired of God - period. I feel like I can never give them that level of power over me again - where my self-worth is determined by whether or not I'm a good member of the church. Not that being a good member is bad.

I want to go to church and tell them I don't want a calling, I don't want home teaching - nothing where that thing can be used to affect whether or not you think you are a good person. But when I tried, the way I was treated was totally changed. Again, I'm sure all these people are trying their best as well, so I don't blame them for it - but it really really hurts. Yes, again, I know - our self worth isn't determined by what we do, and it doesn't matter what other people think of us. But, that isn't true. It DOES matter what others think of us, or else we wouldn't be told to strive to have charitable thoughts and think well of our neighbors. It matters, because it affects us - even if it shouldn't.

I guess I'm writing this because I know that I'm not always right, and would like some other opinions.

That, and because I don't think many members really feel like they can say these sorts of things and express their doubts within the church. I mean, how many of you would say this in an elders quorum or relief society meeting. Not many, I'm guessing. Hopefully, this thread can serve as a safe place where you can get those things off your chest. I'm not recommending anonymous bashing of the church by any means - just a safe discussion of some of the things that really bother you about it.

If this violates some citydata policy, I guess it needs to be deleted. No hard feelings from my side.
I went through a similar period myself within another religion. It's not easy to leave behind what you've been told all your life is truth. The pressures from family, friends and the church can be enormous. It's been 20 years and I still get comments. All I can say is pray for God's direction, read your Bible daily, search your soul for truth, and maybe read online accounts from others who have faced what you are facing. Support groups such as PostMormon.org can help.
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Old 10-17-2013, 03:24 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City
21,310 posts, read 20,998,413 times
Reputation: 10008
Quote:
Originally Posted by intothelight View Post
That, and because I don't think many members really feel like they can say these sorts of things and express their doubts within the church. I mean, how many of you would say this in an elders quorum or relief society meeting. Not many, I'm guessing. Hopefully, this thread can serve as a safe place where you can get those things off your chest. I'm not recommending anonymous bashing of the church by any means - just a safe discussion of some of the things that really bother you about it.
Hi, intothelight. This forum probably isn't the best place to express your doubts about the Church. I can guarantee you that you will find several dozen people here who will see your post as an opportunity to "help you escape" Mormonism. Incidentally, PostMormon.org would be just one of many examples of sites that may be recommended that will do you absolutely no good at all. All I'm going to do is tell you that you're not alone and that there are ways of dealing with your frustrations and doubts. I have sent you a DM that, if you will take my advice and visit the forum I recommended, could make all the difference in the world to you. Good luck.
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Old 10-17-2013, 03:50 PM
 
400 posts, read 434,055 times
Reputation: 49
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katzpur View Post
Hi, intothelight. This forum probably isn't the best place to express your doubts about the Church. I can guarantee you that you will find several dozen people here who will see your post as an opportunity to "help you escape" Mormonism. Incidentally, PostMormon.org would be just one of many examples of sites that may be recommended that will do you absolutely no good at all. All I'm going to do is tell you that you're not alone and that there are ways of dealing with your frustrations and doubts. I have sent you a DM that, if you will take my advice and visit the forum I recommended, could make all the difference in the world to you. Good luck.
Katzpur, why would PostMormon.org be absolutely no good at all?
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