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Many women find themselves in distressed situations and relationships where they have been treated poorly by men. Then, when a strong, Christian man comes along and treats them with respect and consideration (often trying to help them overcome a poor relationship), --- they invariably mis-read it as an emotional 'rescue' or a 'come-on.'
My husband does treat everyone with respect and consideration when helping them. However, I really do not him or us to deal with a female friend of his who mis-interprets his actions as emotional rescue.
Why would she tell my husband that she does not want to cause any problems in our marriage, yet do this?
The same reason a magician uses one hand to distract you while the other hand performs the trick. It is a way to gain your confidence and get you to drop your guard. `
My husband does treat everyone with respect and consideration when helping them. However, I really do not him or us to deal with a female friend of his who mis-interprets his actions as emotional rescue.
While my wife and I were foster parents I always told the female social workers that I would never allow them in the home when I was there alone. I don't think any ever had any desire for me but I did not want to even give the neighbors any cause to ponder the idea. It's the reason I do not hire women to work for me. I only have one employee at a time and we work alone together a lot. Don't want to take the chance someone might think something was going on.
Why would she tell my husband that she does not want to cause any problems in our marriage, yet do this?
For the same reason that as a single person I was content to hang around girls that just wanted to be friends. I hoped one day they'd want more.
If you value your marriage I would suggest he not meet with her alone, or even talk to her on the phone without you in the room listening in, or getting details from him. It's not that you don't trust him -- you want to send the message to her, also, that you care about him--and her. Go with him--and take an active role. Better yet, encourage her to talk to a pastor or counselor.
You've described a woman who not only has issues but a full subscription!
If your husband feels it is his calling to be a shoulder to cry on for lonely single women, he needs to rethink that. The fact that you have aired your concerns here indicates that this does not sit well with you. Even if neither of them thinks they want to hurt your marriage, it certainly will not do anything to strengthen it.
I think the best way to handle it would be for him to be very direct with her in your presence that she needs to stop contacting him. He shouldn't accuse her of anything, but make it crystal clear that he can't help her and she should stop calling.
Being a good listener is a gift, but first and foremost he should be listening to you.
Better yet, encourage her to talk to a pastor or counselor.
Bingo!
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