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I can't say I'm someone that's living a disastrous life.
I make decent money, and pay my bills and go on vacations, and have food, shelter, clothing, etc.
But I struggle with living every day. Every. Single. Day. At work, I laugh at people's jokes. I volunteer to do extra work and do my job pretty well. I show up every day and fake a positive attitude. It's draining me. Every day it's taking a toll on me to "act normal". And all day all I can think about is sleeping. Being in my bed, asleep, hidden away from life is all I really want to be.
Today in Chicago the weather supposedly was beautiful for what should have been a cold winter day in February. I wouldn't know. I came home and got in the bed at 8 pm last night. Here at 5 pm on a Saturday, besides getting up to pee twice this is the only time I have made it out of the bed. And I didn't want to do that.
I've been tired for a very, very very. Long. Time. And lonelier than anyone should ever experience. And no one understands how this feels. The little energy I have goes to faking that I'm okay. I'm not. But this is my life. And I just don't like living it. I've prayed for things I know I shouldn't have...to just please let me out of this. I know that waking up every day and having a "new chance" so to speak is supposed to be a blessing. But for me I just don't get it...a blessing how? All I do is go to work and pay bills and hope for a retirement one day that may very well never come. It's been years since I've had any interest in doing...anything. I can't think of anything besides sleep (and sometimes eating) that I look forward to.
Depression can be treated. See a doctor (ASAP) and tell him everything you said in your post. Your life can be much, much better if you seek professional help.
I can't say I'm someone that's living a disastrous life.
I make decent money, and pay my bills and go on vacations, and have food, shelter, clothing, etc.
But I struggle with living every day. Every. Single. Day. At work, I laugh at people's jokes. I volunteer to do extra work and do my job pretty well. I show up every day and fake a positive attitude. It's draining me. Every day it's taking a toll on me to "act normal". And all day all I can think about is sleeping. Being in my bed, asleep, hidden away from life is all I really want to be.
Today in Chicago the weather supposedly was beautiful for what should have been a cold winter day in February. I wouldn't know. I came home and got in the bed at 8 pm last night. Here at 5 pm on a Saturday, besides getting up to pee twice this is the only time I have made it out of the bed. And I didn't want to do that.
I've been tired for a very, very very. Long. Time. And lonelier than anyone should ever experience. And no one understands how this feels. The little energy I have goes to faking that I'm okay. I'm not. But this is my life. And I just don't like living it. I've prayed for things I know I shouldn't have...to just please let me out of this. I know that waking up every day and having a "new chance" so to speak is supposed to be a blessing. But for me I just don't get it...a blessing how? All I do is go to work and pay bills and hope for a retirement one day that may very well never come. It's been years since I've had any interest in doing...anything. I can't think of anything besides sleep (and sometimes eating) that I look forward to.
This sounds very much like clinical depression to me. (And no, I'm not qualified to say, but I suffer from depression myself and what you're saying sounds very familiar.) Please seek medical help. It's out there and it works.
Depression can be treated. See a doctor (ASAP) and tell him everything you said in your post. Your life can be much, much better if you seek professional help.
I will reconsider.
But...been there, done that. Was on Prozac for years. So here's what it did for me: it alleviated me from constant bad thoughts...the thoughts of negativity that go through my head at 100 mph, all day long, non stop. It "zoned me out". I felt less...I often didn't want to cry when I knew I should be crying. Or be mad when I should be mad. The whirlwind of emotions and irritability that always came that one week before my cycle for years...barely ever experienced it on Prozac.
But I found medication didn't give me the desire to live. It didn't make me any happier. It didn't bring me any passion to want to do anything...I still didn't have anything in life I could think of anymore that I looked forward to. It just took away my desire to "really really want to stop living right now." And instead took me to a level where I could function without have that type of thought. Does that make sense?
I can't say I'm someone that's living a disastrous life.
I make decent money, and pay my bills and go on vacations, and have food, shelter, clothing, etc.
But I struggle with living every day. Every. Single. Day. At work, I laugh at people's jokes. I volunteer to do extra work and do my job pretty well. I show up every day and fake a positive attitude. It's draining me. Every day it's taking a toll on me to "act normal". And all day all I can think about is sleeping. Being in my bed, asleep, hidden away from life is all I really want to be.
Today in Chicago the weather supposedly was beautiful for what should have been a cold winter day in February. I wouldn't know. I came home and got in the bed at 8 pm last night. Here at 5 pm on a Saturday, besides getting up to pee twice this is the only time I have made it out of the bed. And I didn't want to do that.
I've been tired for a very, very very. Long. Time. And lonelier than anyone should ever experience. And no one understands how this feels. The little energy I have goes to faking that I'm okay. I'm not. But this is my life. And I just don't like living it. I've prayed for things I know I shouldn't have...to just please let me out of this. I know that waking up every day and having a "new chance" so to speak is supposed to be a blessing. But for me I just don't get it...a blessing how? All I do is go to work and pay bills and hope for a retirement one day that may very well never come. It's been years since I've had any interest in doing...anything. I can't think of anything besides sleep (and sometimes eating) that I look forward to.
Make an appointment with your Dr. They will run blood work. Do some research in anti-depressants. They do not all work the same way. You might be vitamin deficient if you do not go outside much. Your Dr will run some blood work.
Go out for a walk, a small walk. I am sending you healing light and prayer. What did you love to do before your depression?
I can't say I'm someone that's living a disastrous life.
I make decent money, and pay my bills and go on vacations, and have food, shelter, clothing, etc.
But I struggle with living every day. Every. Single. Day. At work, I laugh at people's jokes. I volunteer to do extra work and do my job pretty well. I show up every day and fake a positive attitude. It's draining me. Every day it's taking a toll on me to "act normal". And all day all I can think about is sleeping. Being in my bed, asleep, hidden away from life is all I really want to be.
Today in Chicago the weather supposedly was beautiful for what should have been a cold winter day in February. I wouldn't know. I came home and got in the bed at 8 pm last night. Here at 5 pm on a Saturday, besides getting up to pee twice this is the only time I have made it out of the bed. And I didn't want to do that.
I've been tired for a very, very very. Long. Time. And lonelier than anyone should ever experience. And no one understands how this feels. The little energy I have goes to faking that I'm okay. I'm not. But this is my life. And I just don't like living it. I've prayed for things I know I shouldn't have...to just please let me out of this. I know that waking up every day and having a "new chance" so to speak is supposed to be a blessing. But for me I just don't get it...a blessing how? All I do is go to work and pay bills and hope for a retirement one day that may very well never come. It's been years since I've had any interest in doing...anything. I can't think of anything besides sleep (and sometimes eating) that I look forward to.
Hi Southkakkatlantan. One thing I would recommend you do is to get a physical checkup to find out if your depression and constant fatigue could be the result of something physical.
You asked for prayer so I assume you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. How then is your spiritual life? Are you learning and trying to apply the word of God to your life?
You're lonely. Do you have any friends? I assume you're single. If you're basing your happiness on being married and you do find someone to marry, you may find it to be not what you thought it would be.
You can't and shouldn't try to base your happiness on external circumstances. True happiness comes from within.
So again, I advise you to get a physical exam to check for anything such as hormone imbalances that could be causing your depression and constant tiredness, and work on your spiritual relationship with God. But also, do try to get involved in some kind of social activity.
Make an appointment with your Dr. They will run blood work. Do some research in anti-depressants. They do not all work the same way. You might be vitamin deficient if you do not go outside much. Your Dr will run some blood work.
Go out for a walk, a small walk. I am sending you healing light and prayer. What did you love to do before your depression?
Thank you. Usually the doctor and meds and talk therapy is my first resort. I just went to the Dr. a few months ago as well as a few weeks ago...I'm on supplemental Vitamin D already and all of my bloodwork is perfect. I also work out 5 days a week. But right now I just "feel" like prayer is also what I need.
Before being depressed I loved photography. And going out to try new places to eat...with friends. Sometimes planning a short trip with friends and dinners out with them or at my place. I liked listening to music. Jogging. Cooking. I can't say I do any one of these things anymore.
Depression is weird. I think I've been suffering for it for many many years. But about 5 years ago after a breakup, I spiraled way way down a dark hole very quickly and suddenly. I moved out of state away from my small group of friends (I'm really more of a loner at heart so I don't keep a huge circle of friends). Since being away in another region of the country I have made 0 friends. And although part of me wants that, most of me cannot muster up myself to go out and do anything with anyone although I do on rare occasions get invited out. All I can find the motivation to do is work and go to the gym.
But...been there, done that. Was on Prozac for years. So here's what it did for me: it alleviated me from constant bad thoughts...the thoughts of negativity that go through my head at 100 mph, all day long, non stop. It "zoned me out". I felt less...I often didn't want to cry when I knew I should be crying. Or be mad when I should be mad. The whirlwind of emotions and irritability that always came that one week before my cycle for years...barely ever experienced it on Prozac.
I have been on Prozac for years and it works very well for me. But I have tried other anti-depressants that affected me similarly to the way Prozac affects you. There are different classifications of anti-depressant drugs and they all work differently.
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