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Old 03-11-2016, 08:34 AM
 
Location: Baldwin County, AL
2,446 posts, read 984,445 times
Reputation: 601

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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Timothy316 View Post
And here is another reason families go down the drain. The world is harsh. People treat people so rudely. Take the above post for example. Rather than build up. This poster has opted to accuse and tear down. The OP didn't deserve such a comment. 'No natural affection' indeed.

We are indeed living in the last days. Note the bold above and note the scripture below.

“In the last days ridiculers will come with their ridicule, proceeding according to their own desires and saying: ‘Where is this promised presence of his? Why, from the day our forefathers fell asleep in death, all things are continuing exactly as they were from creation’s beginning.’” (2 Peter 3:3, 4)
I do not think people like mordant are why families go down the drain. I did not see rudeness in that post, but rather, reality. Things are no worse for families now than they used to be. People simply go about handling things differently. Whereas in 1950, a woman would have stayed with her abusive, POS husband, now days she divorces him and gets remarried to a nicer guy. This isn't a bad thing, regardless of whether the family is "broken up" or not.


Not to mention, we simply hear about a lot more things now than we would have in the past. This is one thing people seem to overlook when talking about these things.


As for you last bit.... How long have people been saying this? For at least a few thousand years, and it has yet to happen. I'm sorry if I don't quake in fear, but the fact is, you guys have been crying wolf for a few thousand years on this issue. I have no reason to think it is any different now.
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Old 03-11-2016, 09:56 AM
 
741 posts, read 275,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbored View Post
I do not think people like mordant are why families go down the drain. I did not see rudeness in that post, but rather, reality. Things are no worse for families now than they used to be. People simply go about handling things differently. Whereas in 1950, a woman would have stayed with her abusive, POS husband, now days she divorces him and gets remarried to a nicer guy. This isn't a bad thing, regardless of whether the family is "broken up" or not.


Not to mention, we simply hear about a lot more things now than we would have in the past. This is one thing people seem to overlook when talking about these things.


As for you last bit.... How long have people been saying this? For at least a few thousand years, and it has yet to happen. I'm sorry if I don't quake in fear, but the fact is, you guys have been crying wolf for a few thousand years on this issue. I have no reason to think it is any different now.
Again, you prove my point.

Have you ever been divorced someone and left your children? Have you even been married? It appears by your 'logic' you are quite young. Did you know, that on the list of the most stressful things a person can go through the only thing higher than a divorce is the death of a loved one? This includes children.

It seems you also think if things aren't perfect dump the current mate and get another one. Or we all just simply leave a person we are no longer in love with because we are guaranteed love next time. You also seem to think that every divorce is from being abused. Again, young inexperienced thinking. If we look up the #1 reasons for divorce what do we find? Infidelity followed by communication breakdown account for the majority of divorces. Not every divorce is due to abuse. Most of them are from selfishness. Just like in your comment how you don't care about other people might take your comment, but only care how you view your own comment. 'Reality' is a relative term. Also those that give others advice that 'if it is not working leave them' doesn't help the family unit.

Last edited by 2Timothy316; 03-11-2016 at 10:04 AM..
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Old 03-11-2016, 10:28 AM
 
6,825 posts, read 3,177,440 times
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I think children should come first in every relationship. That is how we do it. We do not treat a former spouse as the enemy. They are still family, and we will always be connected. We embrace all children from the extended family. We are adults, and do not allow our personal issues to interfere with raising children.

In a fundamentalist ideology, the man is the head, and his ego must be stroked constantly. He must come first. Children are sometimes props.

I think some men should step up their game, and put their children's needs ahead of their own.
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Old 03-11-2016, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Baldwin County, AL
2,446 posts, read 984,445 times
Reputation: 601
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Timothy316 View Post
Again, you prove my point.

Have you ever been divorced someone and left your children? Have you even been married? It appears by your 'logic' you are quite young. Did you know, that on the list of the most stressful things a person can go through the only thing higher than a divorce is the death of a loved one? This includes children.

You should really pay attention to what one SAYS, as opposed to what you WANT it to say.


Have I ever been divorced? No, I haven't. I have been married for 11 years though, and have a 3 year old son. I am happily married, and currently have absolutely no reason to divorce my wife. I do know about divorce though, as my parents are divorced. I was 22 when they got divorced though, so it is obviously not the same as someone who is much younger.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Timothy316 View Post
It seems you also think if things aren't perfect dump the current mate and get another one. Or we all just simply leave a person we are no longer in love with because we are guaranteed love next time. You also seem to think that every divorce is from being abused. Again, young inexperienced thinking. If we look up the #1 reasons for divorce what do we find? Infidelity followed by communication breakdown account for the majority of divorces. Not every divorce is due to abuse. Most of them are from selfishness. Just like in your comment how you don't care about other people might take your comment, but only care how you view your own comment. 'Reality' is a relative term. Also those that give others advice that 'if it is not working leave them' doesn't help the family unit.

Where did I say "If things aren't perfect, dump your mate and get another"? I would love to see where I said anything of the kind. It seems you are advocating for that abused woman to stay with her abuser, simply because they are married and that is final. That is a load of horse excrement.


Again, nowhere did I say EVERY divorce is from being abused.


I agree with you on the reasons for most divorces, I just disagree with how you view the end results. If you have a spouse who is cheating on you, or no longer loves you, then you shouldn't be forced to stay with them. Is it selfish? Maybe so, but I am of the belief that people shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship simply because others may want them to. Should they divorce at the first signs of the marriage going downhill? No, of course not. They should try to work it out, but sometimes there actually are irreconcilable differences.


Sure, some divorces cause a lot of issues for the kids involved, and some don't. You can't lump them all in the same category. I have several friends whose parents had been divorced for years, and they were adjusted just fine. I had others whose parents divorced while I knew them, and all but 1 came out no worse for wear. His problems did not stem from the divorce though, but rather the things he learned about WHY they were divorcing.


My point is really a very simple one, which you seem to have not grasped. These same problems have ALWAYS existed. People simply go about them in a different way, and you hear much more about them than you would have in the past. Here is a question for you. Is a child better off in a household where the parents hate each other and fight all the time, or better off with a single, happy parent?

You really, really need to learn how to read and comprehend simply sentences, and understand that age has nothing to do with wisdom. This is embarrassing for you, seriously. Stop putting words in my mouth. K? Thanks!
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Old 03-11-2016, 10:49 AM
 
19,952 posts, read 13,082,839 times
Reputation: 1960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Asease View Post
There is so much problems in families because majority of the people on earth are not aware of the KINGDOM OF GOD on earth. The atheists are not aware of the KINGDOM OF GOD on earth, members of various religions are not aware of it, and a lot of Christians are not aware of this KINGDOM OF GOD on earth today. The awareness of the KINGDOM OF GOD on earth is life-transforming to say the least.
So, explain to us...what do you mean by the KINGDOM OF GOD and how exactly should the KINGDOM OF GOD affect our daily lives?
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Old 03-11-2016, 10:55 AM
 
Location: Sumter, SC
1,783 posts, read 1,933,612 times
Reputation: 1228
The problem isn't necessarily a lack of religion. I have friends who are not believers. Their kids are very well behaved and respectable. The problem today is that we are afraid to discipline our children. There is little or no consequence for poor decisions or actions.

That coupled with the lack of a 2 parent family in a very quickly growing number of families.
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Old 03-11-2016, 11:06 AM
 
19,952 posts, read 13,082,839 times
Reputation: 1960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Iam4USC View Post
The problem isn't necessarily a lack of religion. I have friends who are not believers. Their kids are very well behaved and respectable. The problem today is that we are afraid to discipline our children. There is little or no consequence for poor decisions or actions.

That coupled with the lack of a 2 parent family in a very quickly growing number of families.
I think the point needs to be made though, that there is a breakdown of the family structure in America in recent generations. Awhile back Ann Coulter wrote a book talking about how this is a major problem in our society. Most of the societal ills can be traced to the breakdown of marriage. The liberal pundits immediately said she was attacking single mothers, but the point of it was that dads are not taking responsibility for their kids. The women are doing the very best they can, and they are providing for kids the best they can, but they are left with very little support. And it has resulted in a downward spiral in our society.

Now...a Christian could certainly point to the idea that people are not wanting to live as Christians -- Christians get divorced, they commit crimes, they have sex outside of marriage, etc at pretty much the same rate as anyone else. So yes--the Christian church can be blamed for not living out our faith.
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Old 03-11-2016, 12:58 PM
 
741 posts, read 275,420 times
Reputation: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernbored View Post
You should really pay attention to what one SAYS, as opposed to what you WANT it to say.


Have I ever been divorced? No, I haven't. I have been married for 11 years though, and have a 3 year old son. I am happily married, and currently have absolutely no reason to divorce my wife. I do know about divorce though, as my parents are divorced. I was 22 when they got divorced though, so it is obviously not the same as someone who is much younger.




Where did I say "If things aren't perfect, dump your mate and get another"? I would love to see where I said anything of the kind. It seems you are advocating for that abused woman to stay with her abuser, simply because they are married and that is final. That is a load of horse excrement.


Again, nowhere did I say EVERY divorce is from being abused.


I agree with you on the reasons for most divorces, I just disagree with how you view the end results. If you have a spouse who is cheating on you, or no longer loves you, then you shouldn't be forced to stay with them. Is it selfish? Maybe so, but I am of the belief that people shouldn't stay in an unhappy relationship simply because others may want them to. Should they divorce at the first signs of the marriage going downhill? No, of course not. They should try to work it out, but sometimes there actually are irreconcilable differences.


Sure, some divorces cause a lot of issues for the kids involved, and some don't. You can't lump them all in the same category. I have several friends whose parents had been divorced for years, and they were adjusted just fine. I had others whose parents divorced while I knew them, and all but 1 came out no worse for wear. His problems did not stem from the divorce though, but rather the things he learned about WHY they were divorcing.


My point is really a very simple one, which you seem to have not grasped. These same problems have ALWAYS existed. People simply go about them in a different way, and you hear much more about them than you would have in the past. Here is a question for you. Is a child better off in a household where the parents hate each other and fight all the time, or better off with a single, happy parent?

You really, really need to learn how to read and comprehend simply sentences, and understand that age has nothing to do with wisdom. This is embarrassing for you, seriously. Stop putting words in my mouth. K? Thanks!
I'm glad at least we agree that people shouldn't divorce at the first signs of trouble.

As far as your question about the child in a household that fights or a single parent. The answer is neither. And the very simple point I'm trying to make that seems to slip away is people are more selfish than they have ever been before. So no. Everything has not always been the same. Do you see how you are more concerned with how the parent feels? How about looking at it from the point of view of the children.

My parents fought. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and I watched my father cry as they lead me away. So with first hand knowledge of what that feels like. I can say, their unhappiness was nothing compared to hardly ever seeing my father and the impact it made on the rest of my life. Not to mention the fall-out afterwards. My whole family feel apart. My older sister even turned to drugs and is now on her 3 husband. Her life is one drama packed episode after another. My parents admitted to me that they were selfish. They also told me if they could, they would go back and change so much. My parents divorce didn't make them happier. In fact for almost 15 years after they had more problems before they finally started building better lives. Do you know what changed their lives? The day the started being humble and stopped being selfish.

It's so sad how in your comments you have just pass it off as, "Sure, some divorces cause a lot of issues for the kids involved, and some don't." As if to say, 'too bad some had it bad. Oh well.'

I really hope the next time someone comes to you for martial advice, please don't use what you have used here. Telling folks to think of themselves first is not a good answer. That is the reason a marriage gets into trouble in the first place. And that is a fact through out time. The troubles have been the same, that is true. But now people divorce for small infractions due to selfishness that goes unchecked. That mentality is has only been around for 40 years and getting worse. So again, everything is not exactly the same.

Also, age has a lot to do with wisdom. I was 5 years old when my parents got divorced. You were 22. Look how differently we view things. My older sister was 12 and she still holds a huge grudge on my parents. So age not having anything to with wisdom is so untrue. It's not everything but it's a huge factor. So let's have this conversation again in 20 years. Then lets see where you stand. Because what I learned from my parents divorce and what I have learned from them decades later is, don't divorce for the reason my parents did. I have also learned that people get into a marriage for the wrong reasons as well. That too has come down through the ages.

Last edited by 2Timothy316; 03-11-2016 at 01:09 PM..
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Old 03-11-2016, 01:02 PM
 
741 posts, read 275,420 times
Reputation: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vizio View Post
I think the point needs to be made though, that there is a breakdown of the family structure in America in recent generations. Awhile back Ann Coulter wrote a book talking about how this is a major problem in our society. Most of the societal ills can be traced to the breakdown of marriage. The liberal pundits immediately said she was attacking single mothers, but the point of it was that dads are not taking responsibility for their kids. The women are doing the very best they can, and they are providing for kids the best they can, but they are left with very little support. And it has resulted in a downward spiral in our society.

Now...a Christian could certainly point to the idea that people are not wanting to live as Christians -- Christians get divorced, they commit crimes, they have sex outside of marriage, etc at pretty much the same rate as anyone else. So yes--the Christian church can be blamed for not living out our faith.
Sadly, this is all true. People still have to make their own choices, but some churches today sometimes put grease on the hill slope to divorce.
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Old 03-11-2016, 01:10 PM
 
Location: On the Edge of the Fringe
4,689 posts, read 3,772,828 times
Reputation: 3967
Quote:
Originally Posted by DRob4JC View Post
Agree. Pretty simple cause. Jesus is the cure.
Um...no it is not.


I grew up in a very emotionally and religiously abuse family. My parents were fundamentalist Christians.
At some point, I realized that their toxicity came from religion, and that it was their faith and beliefs which were creating pain and dysfunction in our family.

The best thing I ever did was to quit. Walk away. Let them have their misery.

It was hard t first, but looking back, I wish I had left earlier than I did.

No Jesus is NOT The answer, nor is religion. What is the answer is personal responsibility, looking at oneself and what one does to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
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