U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Religion and Spirituality > Christianity
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-11-2016, 01:15 PM
 
19,952 posts, read 13,032,258 times
Reputation: 1958

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by LargeKingCat View Post
Um...no it is not.


I grew up in a very emotionally and religiously abuse family. My parents were fundamentalist Christians.
At some point, I realized that their toxicity came from religion, and that it was their faith and beliefs which were creating pain and dysfunction in our family.

The best thing I ever did was to quit. Walk away. Let them have their misery.

It was hard t first, but looking back, I wish I had left earlier than I did.

No Jesus is NOT The answer, nor is religion. What is the answer is personal responsibility, looking at oneself and what one does to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
Why blame Jesus for the toxic religion that obviously wasn't focused on Jesus?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-11-2016, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,580,933 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by Student66 View Post
The reason for family problems and all other problems is sin. Sin is the root cause of all bad things: corruption, violence, disease, war, crime, etc.
No. Families with "problems" are caused by ignorance, lack of a decent education, psychological problems, sometimes adhering to extreme fundamentalist religion... I think that covers it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,580,933 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by LargeKingCat View Post
Um...no it is not.


I grew up in a very emotionally and religiously abuse family. My parents were fundamentalist Christians.
At some point, I realized that their toxicity came from religion, and that it was their faith and beliefs which were creating pain and dysfunction in our family.

The best thing I ever did was to quit. Walk away. Let them have their misery.

It was hard t first, but looking back, I wish I had left earlier than I did.

No Jesus is NOT The answer, nor is religion. What is the answer is personal responsibility, looking at oneself and what one does to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
I see this in my own family. The ones who are the biggest fundamentalist fanatics have the most screwed up kids (drugs, teen pregnancies, joblessness, raising their own grandkids, kids in jail, kids on psych drugs...). But that's what happens when you brainwash your kids through extreme religious homeschooling, shelter them from so much of the real world, deny them sex education, and threaten them with hell their entire childhood.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 01:53 PM
Status: "Just a smidge dyspeptic." (set 3 days ago)
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
23,522 posts, read 12,175,245 times
Reputation: 10699
Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I see this in my own family. The ones who are the biggest fundamentalist fanatics have the most screwed up kids (drugs, teen pregnancies, joblessness, raising their own grandkids, kids in jail, kids on psych drugs...). But that's what happens when you brainwash your kids through extreme religious homeschooling, shelter them from so much of the real world, deny them sex education, and threaten them with hell their entire childhood.
Yep.

My fundie sister virtually destroyed the lives of her daughters via homeschooling (with her not even completing 10th grade herself) and subjecting them to biblical idiocy. All three girls are virtually illiterate. Two are on welfare. One had 4 children by 3 fathers by the time she was 25.

The youngest, poor soul, is afflicted with alopecia and is still living at home.

Fundamentalism is evil - plain and simple.

It must be eradicated.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 02:01 PM
 
741 posts, read 273,629 times
Reputation: 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by LargeKingCat View Post
Um...no it is not.


I grew up in a very emotionally and religiously abuse family. My parents were fundamentalist Christians.
At some point, I realized that their toxicity came from religion, and that it was their faith and beliefs which were creating pain and dysfunction in our family.

The best thing I ever did was to quit. Walk away. Let them have their misery.

It was hard t first, but looking back, I wish I had left earlier than I did.

No Jesus is NOT The answer, nor is religion. What is the answer is personal responsibility, looking at oneself and what one does to be part of the solution and not part of the problem.
Looking at the cause as you said, their religion. Which I'm sure did play a part. But if you know Jesus and the example he set, then you can't blame him for what they did. What about your parents hearts?

My dad was a reporter for a news paper for 20 years. I remember a story he worked on was trying to see if cops are more likely to be abusive in their marriages. What the investigation turned up was that the job of being a cop drew in abusive people. In other words, the abusive cops were abusive before they joined the force and the job wasn't doing it at all.

So, I would recommend rather than jumping to the conclusion that Jesus isn't the answer. Look at all the factors before drawing a conclusion. There is a saying about 'bringing out the worse in people'. Note it says, 'bringing out' and not putting into them. Perhaps if your parents had followed closely the ways of Jesus rather than their church friends, things would have been different.

Sad to see hypocrisy turn people away from Jesus and his Father. Jesus nor his Father are the once harming families. But too often they get the blame. I know many people call it fundamentalism but it's not an accurate word. It's called false religion and false religion comes in many 'isms'.

Last edited by 2Timothy316; 03-11-2016 at 02:10 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,580,933 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Timothy316 View Post
Looking at the cause as you said, their religion. Which I'm sure did play a part. But if you know Jesus and the example he set, then you can't blame him for what they did. What about your parents hearts?

My dad was a reporter for a news paper for 20 years. I remember a story he worked on was trying to see if cops are more likely to be abusive in their marriages. What the investigation turned up was that the job of being a cop drew in abusive people. In other words, the abusive cops were abusive before they joined the force and the job wasn't doing it at all.

So, I would recommend rather than jumping to the conclusion that Jesus isn't the answer. Look at all the factors before drawing a conclusion. There is a saying about 'bringing out the worse in people'. Note it says, 'bringing out' and not putting into them. Perhaps if your parents had followed closely the ways of Jesus rather than their church friends, things would have been different.

Sad to see hypocrisy turn people away from Jesus and his Father. Jesus nor his Father are the once harming families. But too often they get the blame. I know many people call it fundamentalism but it's not an accurate word. It's called false religion and false religion comes in many 'isms'.
From what I can see, the very extreme/fundamentalist churches attract less educated people who have more problems, which adds to dysfunction among those types of Christians.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Texas
42,342 posts, read 50,037,653 times
Reputation: 67279
Why Is There So Much Problems In Families Today?

Nobody has time to raise their families. Too busy working and buying stuff they don't really need to tend to each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 03:16 PM
 
9,404 posts, read 8,796,774 times
Reputation: 14486
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Why Is There So Much Problems In Families Today?

Nobody has time to raise their families. Too busy working and buying stuff they don't really need to tend to each other.
^This!

And when you see a so-called family sitting around the dinner table (which in itself is rare these days), the majority are staring down at their tech toy texting someone.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Baldwin County, AL
2,446 posts, read 978,552 times
Reputation: 601
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Timothy316 View Post
I'm glad at least we agree that people shouldn't divorce at the first signs of trouble.

As far as your question about the child in a household that fights or a single parent. The answer is neither. And the very simple point I'm trying to make that seems to slip away is people are more selfish than they have ever been before. So no. Everything has not always been the same. Do you see how you are more concerned with how the parent feels? How about looking at it from the point of view of the children.

My parents fought. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old and I watched my father cry as they lead me away. So with first hand knowledge of what that feels like. I can say, their unhappiness was nothing compared to hardly ever seeing my father and the impact it made on the rest of my life. Not to mention the fall-out afterwards. My whole family feel apart. My older sister even turned to drugs and is now on her 3 husband. Her life is one drama packed episode after another. My parents admitted to me that they were selfish. They also told me if they could, they would go back and change so much. My parents divorce didn't make them happier. In fact for almost 15 years after they had more problems before they finally started building better lives. Do you know what changed their lives? The day the started being humble and stopped being selfish.

It's so sad how in your comments you have just pass it off as, "Sure, some divorces cause a lot of issues for the kids involved, and some don't." As if to say, 'too bad some had it bad. Oh well.'

I really hope the next time someone comes to you for martial advice, please don't use what you have used here. Telling folks to think of themselves first is not a good answer. That is the reason a marriage gets into trouble in the first place. And that is a fact through out time. The troubles have been the same, that is true. But now people divorce for small infractions due to selfishness that goes unchecked. That mentality is has only been around for 40 years and getting worse. So again, everything is not exactly the same.

Sincerely, I hate that you had to go through all that as a kid. I can see where it would have been terrible.


I did not mean to make it sound like I did not care about kids. It is great that you seem to think that everyone could just work things out and make things better, but that is just not realistic. I have a friend of mine who's parents divorced when we were freshmen in high school. This was after months of therapy and trying to work it out. Everyone was so worried about him, constantly asking him if was okay and all that, and one day he just had enough it. He said, "Look guys, they fought constantly. It was a daily occurrence. No one in the house was happy. No one. I am glad that I can go home now to my mom, and not have to worry about them having a huge fight and ruining the entire night."


Sure, that may not be the majority of marriages, and I am not saying it is, but to just say they should have stayed together after almost a year of that is just crazy. That wasn't healthy for them, or their kids.


Believe me, I understand what you are saying about people being selfish. I am sure a lot of divorces are for stupid or trivial reasons. Maybe those marriages could have been saved 50 years ago, or maybe not. I truly don't know. I am with you in the fact that people should try harder, especially if they have kids, but some people do try, and end up divorcing anyways. Surely you wouldn't be advocating for a woman to keep herself and kids in an abusive household, right? If we are ONLY talking about marriages that are brought on by selfishness, then okay, we are on the same side. Unfortunately, they do not all fit nicely in that little box.


This also has nothing to do with ones religion. A selfish person is a selfish person, regardless of what church they attend. We are a non religious household, and we are just fine. This whole thread seems to be about how you need God to have a healthy relationship, and that is just plain untrue.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2Timothy316 View Post
Also, age has a lot to do with wisdom. I was 5 years old when my parents got divorced. You were 22. Look how differently we view things. My older sister was 12 and she still holds a huge grudge on my parents. So age not having anything to with wisdom is so untrue. It's not everything but it's a huge factor. So let's have this conversation again in 20 years. Then lets see where you stand. Because what I learned from my parents divorce and what I have learned from them decades later is, don't divorce for the reason my parents did. I have also learned that people get into a marriage for the wrong reasons as well. That too has come down through the ages.

Sure, the difference in a 5 and 22 year old is vast. The difference between someone in their 30's and 60's? Not nearly as much difference. My point is, don't take my younger age, and somehow make me out to be "less wise". I see people here everyday, much older than myself, with far less wisdom than myself and others my age. There are wise and unwise people of all generations.


Growing up in a rural, impoverished area of AL, and then spending another 15 years in Memphis (which I am sure we all know about), I have seen my fair share of issues. To say I am unwise, simply because I am not a baby boomer or something is... unwise.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-11-2016, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,174 posts, read 22,580,933 times
Reputation: 10428
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Why Is There So Much Problems In Families Today?

Nobody has time to raise their families. Too busy working and buying stuff they don't really need to tend to each other.
That too. But with the diversion of wealth from the lower and middle classes to the far upper class over the past couple decades, it's become more and more difficult for families to survive on one income anymore. In many parts of the country, it's very difficult for a family of 4 to live off even $100K per year.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Religion and Spirituality > Christianity
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top