Greetings in His Holy Name
Maybe the beginning of my walk with the Lord was too easy. Despite what I considered to be my own decision to leave behind fame and riches gained through all the wrong reasons, truth is without my own knowledge I was obeying a call to return to a walk with Christ whom I had left on my own accord nearly 40 years earlier. At the time I told my parents I did not want to be saved anymore, I was unknowingly giving satan some additional authority over my thoughts and desires. Fortunately for me, my Father in Heaven had already decreed that no one would ever pluck me out of His Hand.
On the other hand, unheard of protection throughout my criminal career as well as my confidence in my relationship with God after I finally did return to Him, caused me to think I was in a better position then I was, and nearing completion for all that I needed to know about the things of God given that the knowledge He had already shared with me was considerably above what my peers understood about God and His plan for those who love Him
However, God is not slack concerning his promises, and His determination to take me from my choice of becoming a successful criminal through His purifying process of turning me into finally beaten powder with oil added resulting in a simple servant being prepared by Him and for Him, would not stop until I was completely abased and shown things that could not be realized without going through experiences I would never voluntarily take on no matter how much I wanted to please Him
A couple of years ago a nagging pain started in my neck and shoulders that grew considerably worse on a daily basis. However the veterans administration who was my health provider was unable to correctly diagnose it despite three diagnosis over the period of 22 months. Finally I cried out to God and asked him why did He deliver me from lung cancer and numerous other threats in my life just to deliver me into a world filled with nothing but terrible pain. Unfortunately the only response was the pain worsened as my countenance fell lower and lower. However, He did tell me I would just have to hang in there for about a year that I had always assumed meant in a year’s time I would be healed. Unfortunately, as time went on I came to the realization that God never told me I would be healed but that I would just have to hang in there for a year before whatever was going to happen next would happen.
In the end it was not too many weeks ago when I finally cried out after having it on my mind but afraid to say for at least a couple of weeks.” My God My God, Why hast Thou Forsaken me”? After all, it was about a full year later from when I first cried out to him and asked "Father, why have you delivered me from lung cancer just to deliver me into all this terrible pain?
By this time the pain in my neck and shoulder blades as well as down my spine and my arms was reaching levels that to me were previously unimaginable to happen to people but nowhere near near as high as they were about to get. Within 20 months my life had been reduced from being very athletic to sitting in a chair trying to keep myself amused through either the Internet or Cable TV in-between short trips out of my chair in order to prepare food, clean some clothes enough to make myself presentable for short forays to the grocery store or bank where I was terrified that some young child might accidentally bump into me causing me enough excruciating pain to go into shock.
During this entire time the Veterans Administration of Daytona Florida did nothing more than hold me in contempt and repeatedly called me a drug seeking liar saying all I had was arthritis that did not generate the amount of pain that I was claiming to have. Meanwhile my blood pressure continued to soar sometimes reaching numbers nearly as high as 200/150 but when I went to the hospital expecting to have a blockage found I was told that the only reason I had such high blood pressure was because the veterans administration was keeping me way under medicated and my pain was causing my high blood pressure. When I reported this to my doctor she accused me of lying and going to the hospital to seek narcotic drugs.
(Truth is, 16 years ago I gave my life to Christ and the only pain pills I have ever done stronger than the tramadol issued to me by the VA was when I had a third degree burn on my leg in 2009. I can say before God I do not do any illegal drugs nor do I pursue them either illegally or through false pretenses from medical personal. It was not until the middle of December 2015 when I finally asked the VA if I could have something stronger than tramadol. There is a post made by me in the "Great Debate Section of this forum where the subject matter is "Are Narcotic Pain Pills Too Easy Or Too Hard To Come By" where one week before I went to the hospital for high blood pressure and was told it was because my pain was being left insufficiently treated causing my high BP and I need to talk to my provider about my insufficient pain management. I made the statement recorded here on this forum that I did not believe opiate pain pills worked against the nerve pain I am suffering from one week before once again being compared to a drug seeking lying junkie by the VA)
Eventually, the cry from my heart went up to my father in heaven" why have you forsaken me"? Were not my sins paid for on the cross? Was something done by me so bad that I cannot be forgiven? After all, even Jesus asked while dying on the the cross why He was forsaken, so why should I feel any less worthy to utter these words with my far less than stellar life style? Still when after I did, and I finally gained the courage to pray again, I was ashamed of what I had just said but knew nothing else appropriate to say......... Sad to say I had reached the end of my rope
After all, knowing I had done so many things I never should have done I had already in my mind completely thrown my past away and given my future to Him who showed me many wondrous signs and wonders and continued deliver me from harms way numerous times including from lung cancer, the jaws of a shark that had my left leg so far in his mouth I could feel on my shinbone where his jaws came together in the rear of his mouth. In addition to these happenings there were many other events where the outcome was to observers certainly going to end in my death. Despite all this, and having given my life to Him and after doing what I thought was right to do I was allowed to witness numerous signs and wonders as very few have but still I did not understand I still needed to be delivered into someplace where I never would have through my own choice allowed my feet to take me there
Little did I know this was all part of His plan to increase my faith to the point where I would always depend and trust on Him no matter the circumstances
Fast forward to my first time in the MRI a few days back when it was determined that I was not dealing with rheumatoid arthritis as wrongly claimed by the VA, but instead was dying from advanced spinal cancer in my neck that had been going on thanks to the incompetence of the VA untreated for the past two years until correctly diagnosed by the local Christian (7th Day Adventist Church) associated Memorial Hospital in Ormond Florida where no additional support was able to be given to my spine in my neck during the MRI simply because of the lack of working room within the confinements of the tube. The pain was incredible not to even to mention the pulsating sounds beating against my head where there was no room for ear protection.
I was determined not to fail to be able to take it, and somehow was able to focus on counting the seconds into the minutes moving by at a torturous pace. By the time I came out I was visibly shaken and had no idea how I was ever going to endure the many more trips into the tube they had planned for me the next day including the opening one of 1 1/2 hours centered upon my brain, brain stem, upper spine, and torso.
Fortunately for me, during the evening before I came across a video lyric of Hillsong's song “Where Feet May Fail” that resonated with me and I listened to it several times but the fullness of the songwriter’s words did not come to me until I was pushed back into the tube the next morning when I realized I was going were my feet would never take me on my own. but for my benefit, and so my faith would be strengthened in the presence of my savior, He would take me where I still needed to go.
In the tube my Everlasting Father Jesus Christ never left me and was with me the entire time. So when I came out and the technicians could not help but notice the obvious tears coming down the side of my face I said for them not to worry because they were tears of happiness because I was not in there alone
I wanted to share with you what has now allowed me to realize that even though Jesus asked " Father, Why have you forsaken me? Jesus still had one final lesson of obedience to learn that was successfully completed given evidence in a very short time when He uttered the immortal words "into Your hands I commend My Spirit” and then gave up the ghost and returned to the Glory in the Spirit He originally had always had with His Father. It was for our sake alone He came to earth in the form of a seed of the Spirit of the Word deposited in the womb of the virgin Mary to grow into the fulness of the Godhead in human form designated to be slaughtered as our Passover Lamb.
Have I passed my final test? IMO this is a nice hope but in truth unless my time is done here I know there will be more tests. However I now know how Jesus passed His last test despite thinking His Father had truly forsaken Him only to find out that God could no more forsake His Son than Jesus can forsake the children God has given Him, God the Father had sent His Son where Jesus' own feet would never go on their own but because He learned through experience how to have faith and trust in His Father no matter what, ........ the same Jesus will always do for us what His Father did for Him…….. accept us unto Himself to be with Him forevermore
Dear Father, "Into your hands I commend my spirit, it is yours to do with whatever you please, send me wherever you please, through your presence and mercy you have made my faith much stronger because you have taken the time to take me where my feet would have never let me go on my own
Isaiah 8:18 (KJV)
Behold, I and the children whom the Lord hath given me are for signs and for wonders in Israel from the Lord of hosts, which dwelleth in mount Zion.
Amen,
Douglas Duncan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9n...=RDdy9nwe9_xzw
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