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If you ever need to talk, I'm LDS and straight, but also a staunch supporter of LGBT rights. I march every year with "Mormons Building Bridges" in Salt Lake City's Pride Parade and will defend and support the LGBT community every chance I get.
Thanks! Groups like these have really helped LGBTQIA Mormons/Former Mormons to be more in the forefront of discussion. I have interacted with the community down in Provo quite a bit as well so I have a decent support base! I appreciate your willingness to help, it means a lot!
Quote:
Originally Posted by TroutDude
You're in a difficult situation but you present as intelligent and well-balanced. I'm glad your former roomies were open-minded and hope the currrent one(s) follow suit. Acceptance by peers can do much to ameliorate animus from family.
Good for you. Keep on, keeping on.
Thanks! Yeah, it's difficult but also has some rewarding aspects to it. When I'm able to educate people while presenting as "one of them" the goodwill usually follows suit. I just hope more q.ueer individuals than I are able to have as positive an experience as I have had with roommates.
Awkwardly enough, one of my best experiences with roommates was when he was interrogating me about girlfriends I had and if I currently had one. It went something along like this:
Roommate: Hey! Where have you been???
Me: Oh, just all over doing crazy stuff.
Roommate: Ah...were you out with a girl?
Me: Nah, not really looking for that right now.
Roommate: Oh, do you have a girlfriend then?
Me: Not right now.
Roommate: When was the last time you had a girlfriend?
Me: Seventh Grade, if that counts.
Roommate: Ah, any interest on going in dates with girls now?
Me: Eh, I'm not really looking for that, I guess.
Roommate: Do you like girls?
Me: *pause*
Roommate: Are you gay?
Me: I'm somewhere on that spectrum, yes.
From that point on I don't remember his reaction; I think he kind of just felt bad about how intrusive he had been, but funnily enough, he and I became quite good friends. (I also made sure to tell him it's sometimes not the best to ask people direct questions like those, and to perhaps let them tell him on their own time, haha.)
I'm gay and am still attending BYU while attempting to finish my degree. Unfortunately I am not afforded the luxury of being out to most people I interact with daily.
Rebuking Mormonism really caused me to rethink my value system and priorities. While I still have to relay a ton of positive reinforcement toward "spiritual leaders" just for the logistical boon of (in their eyes) innocence, I attempt to challenge the status quo in any way I can so that others will (hopefully) feel less alone.
My older brother and mom are of the opinion that I'm purposely rebounding and trying to "go against everything I was taught growing up." I come out as a bisexual "as an excuse not to be religious," I go on antidepressants to rebel against my mom's panacea supplements, I go vegan because she's paleo (and apparently her blogger that she found on google who thinks wifi waves, fluoride, and chem trails cause cancer is of higher ethos than nutritionists or dieticians), I drink coffee and tea because we couldn't have caffeinated soda growing up, etc.
No, these are merely normal things that most people aren't averse to. Maybe members of my family or my mormon friends feel in the moment they're being attacked, but I'm simply attempting to live my life and share what I find to work. I had to put up (and still do, in many cases) with the suffocation of their homophobia, disregard for the environment, talking about me as if I'm a "problem" behind my back, their refusal to push their lines in intellectual discussions, etc. I literally got home from grocery shopping on Sunday and my roommate asked if we were going home teaching at 10pm. Poor kid.
Think of it this way: Mormons proselytize their religion constantly and the moment someone else starts talking about morality and sharing their experience, the non-mormon is suddenly "attacking" their religion, destroying the family, etc.
There are sound reasons people "attack" the LDS church. The fact science, rationality, and secularism can hold up to massive amounts of scrutiny in a world dominated by religion, and foster hegemony in practice of higher educational instutions, says enough.
Back on topic:
My family situation is still very mixed. My entire immediate family is aware of my feelings toward the church, but many others (my grandparents, for instance) have no idea about my belief in the church as I must remain strategically towing the line while still being in school. I have no idea how many of my extended family and high school friends would react.
I don't know how my mom would react to my bringing a guy home for the holidays. My parents would perhaps be very torn on going to my wedding should I ever get married. My dad would for sure go, as would my younger brothers, but my mom and oldest brother might not (he is also dating an ultra conservative girl). The nice thing about going vegan was that my mother shifted her spam emails to being about diet as opposed to what they were previously (about HIV/AIDS).
But yeah, mormons are the victims, I guess.
Also, sidenote: the reaction from my roommates (who have all been BYU students) has been surprisingly great. I haven't come out to my current roommates as I like to ease into it, but I actually had roommates who said I could go on group dates with them with the gender of my choice. They also didn't mind me hanging up my pride flag. Also relayed humor that made me feel very much included. One of my old roommates is even a stellar ally and attended SLC pride.
There are openly gay members of LDS congregations across the country. I know 4 personally. Yes, I think the LDS Church asks more of its gay and lesbian members than it does its heterosexual members, but it is possible to be openly gay and active LDS.
There are openly gay members of LDS congregations across the country. I know 4 personally. Yes, I think the LDS Church asks more of its gay and lesbian members than it does its heterosexual members, but it is possible to be openly gay and active LDS.
As long as one is willing to accept 2nd class citizen status.
As long as one is willing to accept 2nd class citizen status.
I can see how one could feel that way, but there are a number of single members in all LDS wards. They are allowed to have most callings like anyone else.
I can see how one could feel that way, but there are a number of single members in all LDS wards. They are allowed to have most callings like anyone else.
That isn't the point. Can a gay Mormon man marry another man in the temple? Baring temple marriage, can a gay man be a Bishop, Stake President, or General authority? Given that participation in the "New and Everlasting Covenant" is a requirement for exaltation, aren't a large number of people being excluded? Yeah, my 2nd class citizen comment was spot on.
That isn't the point. Can a gay Mormon man marry another man in the temple? Baring temple marriage, can a gay man be a Bishop, Stake President, or General authority? Given that participation in the "New and Everlasting Covenant" is a requirement for exaltation, aren't a large number of people being excluded? Yeah, my 2nd class citizen comment was spot on.
This exactly.
Not only that, but a lot of people I know who are BYU students trying to make it through have lost all their "faith" in the church, with essentially no choice but to finish up, transfer (at the cost of likely tons of money and college credit), or hide in secret.
I have zero interest in staying in the church. I'm comfortable with my own view of morality and the only thing holding me back in my life aspirations is the LDS church and my familial relations...
But I can speak from personal experience: the majority of religious gay/trans people I know aren't even in remotely good mental health standing. The process gets a lot easier once you ditch the ridiculous dogma. If you recommend someone stay in a church against their own inborn interests, I have zero respect for you...and I have to really question your motives.
Wata-Z, I don't know if this applies or not, but it's a quote I love and I use it as my signature on any forum where signatures are allowed:
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." ~Rudyard Kipling ~
It really speaks to my heart, and when you said that people shouldn't stay in a church against their own inborn interests, that also makes sense to me.
Wata-Z, I don't know if this applies or not, but it's a quote I love and I use it as my signature on any forum where signatures are allowed:
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." ~Rudyard Kipling ~
It really speaks to my heart, and when you said that people shouldn't stay in a church against their own inborn interests, that also makes sense to me.
Good quote.
I would be lying if I claimed I wasn't a little bitter, and that probably manifests much more on this forum than it does in my face-to-face relations with other people (where others might think I'm content with the church, like how Hiruko reads some of his friends). I just might as well rant here, where my identity is hidden for the most part, haha.
Not only that, but a lot of people I know who are BYU students trying to make it through have lost all their "faith" in the church, with essentially no choice but to finish up, transfer (at the cost of likely tons of money and college credit), or hide in secret.
I have zero interest in staying in the church. I'm comfortable with my own view of morality and the only thing holding me back in my life aspirations is the LDS church and my familial relations...
But I can speak from personal experience: the majority of religious gay/trans people I know aren't even in remotely good mental health standing. The process gets a lot easier once you ditch the ridiculous dogma. If you recommend someone stay in a church against their own inborn interests, I have zero respect for you...and I have to really question your motives.
You haven't met an "open" church like mine. Our bishop, who is admittedly under fire, is a lesbian.
Try reading Stranger at the Gate, by Mel White, a man who tried to hide from his own sexuality, even married and has two children. Brought up in a conservative religious family he attended Warner Pacific College and later University of Portland. Received an advanced degree in communications from a course of studies at UC and Harvard, finally getting an MAster of Divinity from Fuller Theological Society.
Mel was (while still in the closet) a ghost writer for Rev. Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and Billy Graham. His ghost writer work came to a screeching halt after he came out. But Mel served for awhile as a sort of Pastor Emeritus at the Dallas Metropolitan Community Church (now the Cathedral of Hope) which has the largest population of Christian gays in the world. I believe they still run over 1300 in three services.
Mel's book is a very honest and at times heart-wrenching account of hiding his homosexuality before eventually coming out. He and his partner of 27 years were finally able to marry in 2011.
If you ever need to talk, I'm LDS and straight, but also a staunch supporter of LGBT rights. I march every year with "Mormons Building Bridges" in Salt Lake City's Pride Parade and will defend and support the LGBT community every chance I get.
Be vigilant of flatteries readers
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