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I grew up in an abusive home. The first drugs I ever used were given to me by my stepfather. Let's just say that things got really crazy before I was forced to leave home at a very early age. In fact, my stepfather dropped me off on the side of the highway and gave me $30... which even back then wasn't a lot of money.
I spent most of my time high on drugs to avoid feeling the pain.. which was my constant companion. By the time I was 19, I was divorced from an abusive, unemployed, drug abuser husband and moved as far away from him as I could get for my own safety.... I now believe God directed that move.
In my 20's I was working, selling suntan lotion in a coastal resort area. During that time, I met someone briefly who would later become my best friend... who would get saved and then bring me to church.
This person and I ran into each other again in college. We didn't remember where we knew each other from but we immediately were drawn together as friends. She and I became best friends, constant companions and partying buddies. God even used those parties to bring about His purpose in our lives.
My good friend got me into a very bad situation regarding drugs. Because of it, I broke off our friendship. Because our friendship meant so much to her, she was broken. During the time we weren't speaking, she met the Lord.
A few months later, I remember she called me and apologized.... She and her mom both started telling me about Jesus... about miracles.... and just kept asking me to come to church with them. That went on for quite a while before I finally went to church with them one Sunday.
That Sunday, sitting in church, without anyone telling me the words to say, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. I walked out of that place a different person.
And, my life hasn't been the same since.
Last edited by World Citizen; 10-31-2008 at 08:23 PM..
Well I also was not raised in a Christian home and like many very abusive.... always watching my mom get beat up and then as a teen it became my turn to be beaten up.....
Anyway many years later a cousin of my hb came to visit, omg... it was quite a experience!!Him and his wife were new believers and many of you know how that goes... they didn't want to party, drink or anything.. and they stayed three weeks.
He was working on a construction job in our town.
His wife was a really neat individual... she never preached at me or talked to me about her new life...it was her disposition that really caught my attention.
There was a peace about her that I enjoyed when I was around her. One day as they were staying with us, she didn't come out of the bedroom for the longest time and it really caught my curiosity! So one day as I passed their room I peeked in the door and there was a bible sitting on the bed... will I went on to my business.
I asked her a question later regarding the bible... I always believed there was a God, but I had no idea about who Jesus was! Well all she said, was when ever you open the bible and read it ask God to open your eyes to understand.
About a month after they left, I was sitting in my back yard with my favorite glass of iced tea..enjoying the spring suns warmth.
That is when it all began. Something kept inspiring me to go and get the bible and read it. Well I did....
When I was reading it was talking about the Lamb and the darkness and the light.. Well in my mind I was picturing this little lamb and of course I thought the dark and light was night and day!!!
Well it took a couple of times after that day when I was led once again to read. But there was a big difference this time.... I prayed and asked God, God, Margret said, that we should ask you to help us to understand!
That day the Holy Spirit led me through the same scripture to read.
And that is when I saw the Lamb was Jesus and He came for my sin... and that the dark and light was the darkness of sin in me and the Light was Jesus wanting to come and take that darkness out of my life.... and that day the Holy Spirit led me to Jesus and I asked Him please forgive me, and has been in my heart every since.
I was so excited when God revealed Jesus to me, I called everyone I knew to tell them that the Lamb in the bible was Jesus and the darkness was my sin and the Light was Jesus who wanted to come and live in my heart....
What was so interesting as I have looked back on that time, she never led me in prayer, she shared only that one time when I asked her the question about the bible.... it was all the Holy Spirit those times in my back yard...whom led me to my Lord and Savior Jesus!!
Great testimony, Curly..Margaret was a great minister..
I believe that many times..... The least said turns out to be the most said.....
Yes thank you curly for sharing your story and thank you World Citizen! And blue you are right, our actions can speak louder than anything we try to say.
Occassionally June will come upon a thread that makes her think, despite herself. June openly acknowledges, up front, that she neither believes in God, nor has she ever expected to "meet" him. June is willing to absent mindedly "sigh" and dismiss the whole topic in the absolute confidence of feeling that in the event a God truly existed, before -or in order- for June to "meet" Him, he would have had to find and meet her, first.
In finding herself thinking about this thread this morning, (and all the truly wonderful posts she has read, herein) as she was taking that first sip of coffee, June quite spontaneously found herself remembering an event from long, long ago...That in its resurfaced, momentary memory (clearly just out of the blue) made June smile, and somewhat laugh to herself, and cynically think: "Now that would be a post in response to the OP!" --But June is far too respectful and sensitive to those who have posted here to even think of posting anything along the lines of "If your God truly existed, then perhaps He introduced himself by peeking through the recesses of that incredible, purely human event so long ago, back in college..." One in which June could only explain via metaphor; one in which acknowledging even the possibility of there being a "God" could only be described by her as that of God playing "hide and seek" in that one moment whereby one find's one's own self, within another's, and within that finding is found the real essence of all that is...
But June believes otherwise, as June is not a "believer." She just made a mental note, instead... But June has been drawn to the notion and process of creativity for as far back as June can remember. For a time, she studied it to death, in some vain attempt to better understand that which no one, nowhere, was ever really able to validate for her, let alone that which she was at a loss to validate within herself. --It is impossible to capture such an obscure, abstract process, as the moment you think you have successfully defined it, immediately goes away, thereby proving, as such, that it is beyond any temporal, finite realm of definition. --But every so often a thread will appear that illicits within June something akin to a match being struck and ignited: In ruminating about the posts/thoughts, ("what-have-you,") June will suddenly find herself smiling and thinking "What the hell, write it." And so here is what came to June this morning, in the self-same spontaneity of that memory from long ago which made her smile, but which she also know better than to post:
--That this atheist thinks that IF your God existed, that He would be found in the places where mankind would least expect it, much less care to really look or attempt to seek out and find Him...June suspects that he would be found in those places of angst and longing; in desperation and that which longs for the sense/hope of "self-redemption," self-salvation -- one's drive fueled out of hopelessness to step outside of one's self in order to somehow be restored to a sense of well being, of safety...of rest.
Likewise, He would be found in those moments/experiences of exquisite beauty and indescribable rapture brought on by a sense of, the experience of, unity and oneness. --Be it a sunrise, or listening to the rise and fall of a loved one's breath as they are sleeping; the first sight of a newborn baby in the aftermath of (both creating and) the agony of bringing life into the world; finding beauty within desperation, or the sheer awe of one's infinite imagination.
He would most of all be found in the intersection of those two finite processes: the depths of one's pain and angst, and the sheer majesty of our ability to experience wonder, beauty, and awe. -Because therein exists, (behind the emotion, underneath the seemingly polar opposites) a process that is the essence of both; that connects the two. (And clearly, that is what June has read within the posts in this thread...)
In order for your God to exist, both would exist in mankind simultaneously, hidden within both the mystery and the majesty of our inability, yet ever-driven desire to understand and somehow "know" that. But most of all, if your God existed, June would like to think that He could be found, (but not defined apart from one's own desire and longing for self-definition) in the simplest, and most extraordinary of unexpected places....
One simple blade of grass, upon which still cling barely noticable traces of the early morning frost...
You can find God in all of those places. But, the place He wants to reside is in your heart.
I know that in your line of work you know about the "Why??" record that plays in people's heads when they've had a tragic past.
My way of escaping from the "Why did these things happen to me?" question was drugs.
In fact, I remember a social worker asking me once "Why I used drugs?" He knew all about my homelife. I remember saying, "Do you blame me?"
I also remember another time when I was in a group therapy session where troubled youth were sharing their stories.
The reason I was there was because I was considered a "run away". I remember that after I shared my story, everyone in the room was completely silent.
No one had answers to help heal the things I'd lived through. The two counsellors were both stunned.
People use work, knowledge, success, drugs, alcohol, gambling, possessions, beauty and even art as therapy -- as ways to escape their pain. But, all of these things are temporal. These things can all be taken away at any time and then they will find themselves right back where they were -- frightened, lonely children that desparately need love and acceptance. All of these things have the power to destroy your life when you put them into the place where God should be in your life.
The Bible says that whatever overcomes a man to that he is enslaved... To me, that certainly speaks to addiction.
After knowing only a lifetime of rejection and abuse, God has given me a new heart.
He took away the pain. He literally restored my soul.
That day when I walked out of church a miracle had taken place. I was a New Creation.
The change was evident to everyone who saw me.
And, that was just the beginning.
God bless you!
Last edited by World Citizen; 11-01-2008 at 12:33 PM..
I've been thinking back, and frankly I can't remember a time I didn't know Him.
No question though, my "relationship" has changed dramatically over the years. Sometimes for the better, and sometimes not.
I understand; it's a relationship, not a cruise ship.
There's times when I've been very frustrated or angry, and when telling myself that He has authorized my circumstances, I became mad at Him. Go straight to the top if you have an issue, right?
Over time, raising my fist at Him became next to blasphemy - I was not to do it under any condition - would a beggar lift his hand against his King? His love would whisper for me to draw nearer, and be united with Him. As I submit, my flesh takes one for the Kingdom.
Ultimately, I want to smile when He smiles, move when He moves - be one with my God.
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and they stayed three weeks. 
"Process note"
--But June is far too respectful and sensitive to those who have posted here to even think of posting anything along the lines of "If your God truly existed, then perhaps He introduced himself by peeking through the recesses of that incredible, purely human event so long ago, back in college..." One in which June could only explain via metaphor; one in which acknowledging even the possibility of there being a "God" could only be described by her as that of God playing "hide and seek" in that one moment whereby one find's one's own self, within another's, and within that finding is found the real essence of all that is...
