Main reason I haven't returned... (prayer, Bible, verses, divorced)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
"And, having made peace through the blood of His Cross, by Him to reconcile all things unto Himself; by Him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven.
I did not divorce my ex husband because of fornication. He was using meth and pot and drinking heavy, and life was miserable. After years of this, and after 16 yrs of marriage, I left him. That's when my faith was weak and I started living a selfish life.
He did cheat on me, but I didn't know it until after we were separated, and by then I had already had sex with someone else.
So...according to the bible, I am to be reconciled with my ex (which is very unlikely as he still smokes pot and drinks too much), or remain unmarried.
I'm 38 years old. I have two older children (21 & 18) and two younger children (6 & 7 months). I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I know there are consequences for our actions, but why does it seem that divorce without the cause of fornication is the one sin that can't be forgiven and forgotten? Because of this mistake, I have to live the rest of my life alone. That's a scary thought.
I know this is why I am hesitant about returning to God. I've been told by some that I do have to remain alone. Then some believe that I can remarry. I know I need to study it for myself, but what is it you think?
It doesn't matter what the reason was why you two seperated. The fact of the matter is BOTH of you then had sex outside of the marriage. Whether you both were living under one roof, or not, or whether you were seperated, or not, when all this happened doesn't matter. You could have been 10,000 miles apart when it happened. Doesn't matter.
What matters is having sex with someone other than your marriage partner. The Bible calls this adultery. It alone is reason enough to dissolve the marriage, according to the words of Jesus in the Bible. (if we can't believe Him, then who can you believe?)
This all being the case, then this is the bottem line: you CAN get married again. (to someone new) You don't have to, but scripturally you CAN. And...after listening to your story, my recommendation is you NOT go back to your ex. (you're better off alone, than with him...anyone that messed up and on drugs shouldn't be married...IMO...)
And...you are not alone: thousands of Christians have split up and divorced over this one thing, myself included. (my 1st wife did the adultery thing...ran off with some guy) Yes, divorce is VERY hard, (it feels like your closest relative has just died...I was overcome with grief for years) And, during all this, I was shunned by some Christians...instead of helping one to get through this, they do the opposite...
Whatever you decide to do, get right with God first...He wants you back!
God hates divorce and divorce is not required or even encouraged for reasons you mentioned especially what it does to the children BUT the bible does allow divorce. (1) sexual immorality (2) abandonment of his or her role in the marriage.
Divorce should only be viewed as a last resort after you and the spouse done everything possible to restore the marriage but if the spouse is not willing again look at 2) abandonment.
Oh no....FUNDI!!!!...Do you realize you're a "condemned" magnet.....?
Trust me, I know all about 1 Cor. 7. I however left him, he didn't leave me. We were married for 16 years before I left (that was over 4 yrs ago, been divorced for 2.5), and I was a Christian the last 10 yrs of the marriage. I took our kids to church by myself, I prayed every day for him to change, I put up with so much, til I just couldn't handle it anymore, and left.
When I left I knew 1 Cor 7 wouldn't apply to me. When I left I didn't know he had cheated. When I left, and not long after I had sex with another. My elders at that time told me if I divorce him I would have to remain unmarried, so to the one who told me to go to my elders and ask for guidance, they've already made clear their belief. While I remain in the same church I belong to, I will not go back to the same congregation, as it was a VERY conservative one, and although I used to be that way, I am not anymore.
The reason I wonder what Jesus meant when he talked of divorce and fornication is because if I cannot remarry now, then am I really forgiven for the sin of divorcing him...if I'm still being punished for it?
I did commit adultery after I separated from him. I don't deny that. I committed adultery, therefore can't remarry, but can be forgiven, yet it's not forgotten, but all sins are forgotten when forgiven, so I should be able to remarry... it just goes around and around... you know?
I totally understand what everyone is saying about getting right with God first. I know this in my head...but being human, I'm afraid that if I decide the bible is telling me I have to be alone, then I will just "fall" again because my faith is so weak right now.
PS... I would never go back to my ex unless he got serious counseling for drugs and other problems we had in our marriage.
All of you are awesome for helping me, and encouraging me!
Mzjamie, do not go to the elders, the preacher, the deacons or any other human being..Jesus died so you don't have to go through anyone to get an answer from God..Go to the Holy Spirit whom Christ promised to be your comfortor, your teacher and your go between to God..It works..I learned a very hard lesson that subjection to other humans for my personal relationship with God almost cost me everything..Go through the real "Head" of the church
I agree, blue. No offense okiegirl (I'm an okie myself, btw!), but although elders are there to guide us, they are just men, and can only give me their opinion. Just as everyone on this board... I know when I started this thread that I would just be getting everyone's opinion, but I do plan on taking what everyone has said to heart as I study His Word myself to find the truth for my situation.
I agree, blue. No offense okiegirl (I'm an okie myself, btw!), but although elders are there to guide us, they are just men, and can only give me their opinion. Just as everyone on this board... I know when I started this thread that I would just be getting everyone's opinion, but I do plan on taking what everyone has said to heart as I study His Word myself to find the truth for my situation.
All I can say is," May God bless you with a good life filled with happiness." I believe that you deserve it.
If you believe that you must live a celibate life, I believe you can find the strength to do so. Many others have done so.
Focus on getting to the true feeling of God's love...I'm crying for your situation... If you need out then God will clear your way but stay with your conscience and God. This "man" won't quit so I guess it's up to you to take your stand. Protecting the little ones is important. God bless you.
I relate to this situation in a backward way...I was the drunk and my wife is leaving me. I quit alcohol but she does not love me so she wants out. I won't stop her since there is no love left for her to hold on with.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
..FUNDI!!!!...Do you realize you're a "condemned" magnet..
...?
