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Marital unfaithfulness and malicious desertion are the two reasons God gives to allow divorce.
' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery" Matthew 5:31,32.
You are under no obligation to remain married according to God.
This is a question that I've talked about with my church elders. My husband had and affair. It was very emotional and he's having a hard time letting go. He got fired from his job last week because of all the trouble it caused him at his work. She was a coworker you see. Well he had to move back in with me for money reasons. I've been praying for him but he's so stubborn. He pushes the truth away from him. I warned him that things would get worse if he didn't leave this woman alone. Now all he has is disgrace and a wound. Nobody from office wants to have anything to do with him. That really hurt him. He's so angry and blames it on someone else. He says that this other person just wanted his job. But he was told that he was fired cause he lied about the relationship. Well, he's living here and he's so cruel to me. He doesn't talk to me. He was very sick with the flu a couple of days ago and never thanked me for taking care of him. I've had two dreams that he wanted to kill me. I feel like he doesn't want me. I'm hurting so bad cause I care about him and give him my all, like I believe Christ would want me to but he gives me nothing. He says he's just angry about the situation. I feel like I'm go crazy!!!!!!!! I'm always praying and reading scripture but when he pushes himself away like this it just tears my heart to pieces. My church family has mixed feelings about this. Some think that God is letting him get down to the bottom and he might repent. Others think cause of the affair that I should just go and start a new life, maybe marry a Christian. I know that God hates divorce but I'm confused about this. I've been praying that the Lord would have mercy on him and bring him to his senses before it's to late. I also feel like if I leave I'm giving up on him. I don't think Jesus would want me to do that! I'd like to know what other Christian brothers and sisters out there think about this. When my heart is hurting and I want to leave am I being selfish? Can I leave and remarry? I feel so unloved by the man I love dearly. I'm worried I might give up! Being unequally yoked was not by choice. I wasn't a Christian when we got married. My husband wont even tell me what he wants. He doesn't talk to me.I want to be respected and loved is that wrong?
1st My heart goes out to you. That type of pain is devastating!
2nd - there is a similar post about Marriage & Grievance on this board. You should read it & have you checked out the relationship board? There are so many threads similar to yours. I peep in on them every now & then as this area is close to my heart because of my own past heart break, but I believe God is using what I learned to help others (that wasn't specific to this board, was away from this board actually, but I thought well maybe he could use me there too. He can use me where ever he wants. Anyway, yesterday I was on the board & many like you. It was my 1st real time hanging out & posting there).
3rd to share - I was like you too only without the physical separation. We were together & living together & there were a lot of issues! Including him not liking me. He never said it. I could tell. I remember sitting on the floor like it was yesterday. He was playing with our little girl on the couch. He was laughing & happy in that. I thought this is so good. He loves his daughter so much. It was what happened next that would change that thought (like somehow some body was trying to tell me – not so my dear). IMMEDIATELY after they stopped playing I was still sitting on the floor watching TV. I wasn’t even saying anything. I could feel him staring at me, so I turned my head to look at him & he was staring at me, but it wasn’t loving. It was dark, it was piercing, and in that moment, I realized this man doesn’t love me. He don’t even like me! I realized that, but I stayed. And I didn’t have to dream that he tried to kill me, he actually tried to kill me – yep! I went through a lot!! But I justified that. It only happened because he was drunk, I shouldn’t have pressured him. I know how he is when he’s drinking, I should just leave him alone & not say anything. One excuse after the other.
The other woman was just the final straw & eventually my out. In the beginning I made excuses for that too – cause surely it was me who had driven him to another woman. But when she had the baby, I had enough!! BUT not before much counseling - Christian Counseling / Secular Counseling / Family Counseling / Friend counseling / Television Counseling. You tried it, I did it. Lose weight, gain weight, change my dress, change my hair, get contacts, and take contacts out. Everything that could be done I did it including crying, praying, fasting & begging. I did it all. And you know the marriage counseling didn't help us as a unit, but it started to help me. I stayed in counseling for myself & it helped me soooooooo much. The Christian Counseling, my pastor saw me / us go through so much that when that baby was born he said, sister I can't tell you what to do, but lets pray for your ex-husband right now ( I was still married). He said, he's a liar. He sat here & lied to me in your presence and when he was alone. He doesn't want to change, he wants to deceive. And you'll never know until the next baby is born. You can choose what you want to do, but Biblically you have grounds - you're marriage is broken. I was crushed! So we prayed & his mother (the Pastors mother – the church mother, we had ol time church mothers then) She said sometimes these things can be worked through, but most of the time they don't change. You pray for what God wants you to do.
Also during that time that I was still in personal counseling & listening to personal church counsel, I started watching a lot of Joyce Meyer. I had never heard of her & didn't watch much Christian TV. But for me she was speaking life. One thing Joyce said & she probably wasn't even referring to this, but it was applicable was: Don't let other people control your life, control your happiness. I stopped and took an inner look & I was miserable. I had been so miserable. My whole focus was wrong for me. Until that time my focus had been on him, on "our marriage.” on what God wasn't gonna do for him, on the women he cheated with - they were such low life’s ..... Then I said to myself wrong focus and this was a hard reality / truth. God loves him just like he loves me. Is God really going to destroy his life because he's a bad husband? Will God stop loving him because of that? Do I really want him harmed or do I want happiness? (and I still want him to be a good father). If its not this woman, it will be another woman because the problem is in our marriage and if I "fun" this woman off she at least has the potential to find happiness somewhere else, I'm gonna be here fighting with the next woman, looking for the next number. I'm a prisoner of misery. MY PRAYER CHANGED. HELP ME LORD, TEACH ME, AND SHOW ME, I WANT TO BE HAPPY. I WANT TO BE LOVED & I WANT TO GIVE LOVE. And truthfully I wanted out! It was too much, every day, every night. I was toiling, why would I continue to fight this, why try to force something he just don't want & really is not trying to change. I'm done. With that I walked away, but not before crying myself to sleep so hard I don't even know when I went to sleep. I was sitting on the side of the bed with a box of Kleenex crying, I remember falling over thinking I would die I loved that man so much, but I wanted to love me too, I wanted so much. My mind was racing. Then I remember feeling like someone wrapped their arms around me and I was still crying, but I felt a comfort. The next thing I knew it was morning. I woke up, cleaned up my house, called my sister & said, I'm moving. I contacted an attorney, had a divorce sale and I walked away. I NEVER LOOKED BACK! I had done so much for that man that his own family helped to finance my move. His father that he was close to said, you’re making a good decision. I know he told you he would change & he’ll stop seeing that woman, but they have a baby & she wants him too. He’s never gonna stop seeing her. You would share forever. His only sibling said, do you think the family just met her when she had the baby? When he didn’t bring you over, he brought her. I tried to tell you, but that’s my brother. They said you've done all you can do. I knew that too so I walked away clean – no regrets. That was over 13 years ago. I was / am a single parent & my prayer was God help me parent these kids. Teach me Lord. And He did!! I am constantly told how good my kids are, how respectful, how loving all this about my kids. I'm told from educators, clergy, and other parents. So much til they ask me -- the single parent show me what you did. I said, Ill shows you what I know, but it was God who did the parenting! My kids are now late teens running for the Lord & I pray it continues.
I’m still single, but I’m not unhappily single. It took me a long time to want to get into another relationship. Even now I want a relationship, I just want a good one. And I want to do things differently. I was very young when I married – out high school. Andy in my youth, I married the wrong person. And after I walked away from that marriage it has not been hard for me to see what I don’t want & walk away . AND I’m know every relationship will have something, but I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made in my youth. AND ( I don’t believe I’m going to be single forever, I believe I’ll be married again soon within the next two years - maybe the next year & I’m not even dating. I can just sense in the Spirit – its about time. Anyway back to the story) Then I started enjoying parenting so much, I took my kids every where, ever carnival, fair, zoo, circus. Everything in ear shot & some that weren’t I took them. I took them to Disney, to the mountains, to water parks, Sea World. I mean I had a ball with my kids. And it wasn’t me & men taking them. With the exception of one time, it was me (& God). I’d pack them up in a minute. We’d visit our family in other states, camp just whatever. And one day a couple years ago my daughter had to write a paper about an amazing person of influence in her life. She was a sophomore in high school and she chose me. It was so good her teacher called me & said, I want you to see something. I went in not knowing what to expect but it was filled with who she was. She spelled out her name and said what it meant and then said all this stuff about me. Me? How she loved me, how I loved her and her brother, how they always knew I’d never let anything happen to them, she talked about my love for God and how she saw me live what I said, and not just say it and not do it like some people she saw. She said when I grow up I want to be like my mother. She talked about how happy I was and how I would play games with them (I hated playing board games with them too – that’s a secret), but she talked about so much. I was shocked & happy! I know if I had stayed with my ex at the pace we were going, that never would have happened. I had too many tears. Too much worry, too much sadness. Too much of a wrong focus. BUT I got my smile back, I got my focus back, I got my life back! And everyday including today I thank God for it!!
A surprising moment was last year; my ex finally said to me, you did a good job with the kids. I'm so sorry I couldn't be the husband you needed. I was young and I just wasn't ready. And honestly, I truly believe we were not meant to be together, but I still love you, I still think about you & periodically he even wants to come home all while knowing he still is not the man for me.
So that's my story. Similar to yours, but different. I believe God intends for us to parent together. But I know when we mess up, when things don’t go the way we thought they would, God is still there to love us, to pick us up and to parent us. I’m glad God helped me parent my kids, so in that sense it was more than a two parent house hold. Now they’re long term effects of my ex husbands absence, I don’t know. Right now they are good. I pray that God is with them in life and any emotional issues they may have or develop that God heals, and I pray they trust, lean on rely in God always. And I pray they find and marry the right person the first time.
Use what you can & discard the rest.
This is a human decision, not a religious one based on prayer and faith, but common sense and personal feeling. Do what your heart and mind tell you, not anything else. This is up to you (and your spouse) and not anyone or anything else.
Your leaning towards "God" because your desperate and confused and in your heart don't WANT to leave your spouse. If you make a wrong decision you won't have to blame yourself, but "God", and that isn't right. If you choose to stay or leave its because you made that choice. Its too easy to claim God made you do it. Stand up, be an adult, make a decision that is best for you and stand by it. Done.
This sounds like it came directly out of the mouth of Satan. Specifically... "Do what your heart and mind tell you, not anything else."
This is a question that I've talked about with my church elders. My husband had and affair. It was very emotional and he's having a hard time letting go. He got fired from his job last week because of all the trouble it caused him at his work. She was a coworker you see. Well he had to move back in with me for money reasons. I've been praying for him but he's so stubborn. He pushes the truth away from him. I warned him that things would get worse if he didn't leave this woman alone. Now all he has is disgrace and a wound. Nobody from office wants to have anything to do with him. That really hurt him. He's so angry and blames it on someone else. He says that this other person just wanted his job. But he was told that he was fired cause he lied about the relationship. Well, he's living here and he's so cruel to me. He doesn't talk to me. He was very sick with the flu a couple of days ago and never thanked me for taking care of him. I've had two dreams that he wanted to kill me. I feel like he doesn't want me. I'm hurting so bad cause I care about him and give him my all, like I believe Christ would want me to but he gives me nothing. He says he's just angry about the situation. I feel like I'm go crazy!!!!!!!! I'm always praying and reading scripture but when he pushes himself away like this it just tears my heart to pieces. My church family has mixed feelings about this. Some think that God is letting him get down to the bottom and he might repent. Others think cause of the affair that I should just go and start a new life, maybe marry a Christian. I know that God hates divorce but I'm confused about this. I've been praying that the Lord would have mercy on him and bring him to his senses before it's to late. I also feel like if I leave I'm giving up on him. I don't think Jesus would want me to do that! I'd like to know what other Christian brothers and sisters out there think about this. When my heart is hurting and I want to leave am I being selfish? Can I leave and remarry? I feel so unloved by the man I love dearly. I'm worried I might give up! Being unequally yoked was not by choice. I wasn't a Christian when we got married. My husband wont even tell me what he wants. He doesn't talk to me.I want to be respected and loved is that wrong?
one question: Do you think he is worth fighting for?
My heart goes out to you, i think you must pray and ask God what to do, and wait on an answer from him, don't take what man say as good advice, because they will fail you every time. God on the other hand is just and faithful, it appears you love your husband and is willing to forgive him, you see but he cannot forgive, it is not you he is having a hard time forgiving you it is himself he is having a hard time forgiving, so with that said, wait on God to direct you in your answer.
I was going through the same situation, my husband and I have been separated for three and a half years, it will be four years february.16,2011, and when I use to talk to him on a every other day basis he'd say we should get back together. I was never sure. So I waited until I was ready and when I was he also pretended to be also. The month I had decided to go back home, I recieved a message from a lady and said that she was pregnant with my husbands child, this is true,at first I did not believe her, until the birth of the child with pictures of them on facebook. I have been hurt many times and this is something I will not go back to, besides he still wanted to play games with my heart without telling me the truth about his affair, it comes to light that he has two children with this lady and one concieved while we were still living together and the other while we were separated.How could he start a family like that and still be married? He is not the man I thought I once loved. When I gave up on our marriagethat day, I did not think I would be the one hurting, since I did nothing wrong to ruin our marriage. I was hurting so bad it was like losing a best friend, someone so close, someone you've shared so much time and memories with. It took a toll on my life. It was like loosing my mind,I was actually dying inside. I did lots of crazy stuff. I might as well say it, spent all my savings account at the casino,on false hopes of winning big, I did not! Thank God for my family(my mom and step dad), I love those guys! I have not been right since. I was very angry. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. All the dedication and faithfulness and everything was for nothing. How could someone hurt another person like that? It was like it was all a lie. It was like a joke. Marriage is the worst thing that has happened to me so far. I want to get married again, then this lawyer I have he keeps stringing me along, I have been waiting almost three years for a divorce, I have already paid him, maybe this is what I did wrong, please help! How can I move on completely when the divorce is not final? Even when we went in to sign papers for the property agreement he stated he still wants to be with me, he has no idea how hurt I was, I thought leaving him would make me feel better, it did not! I stayed at my parents house, I stayed single until Jan.03, 2010. I did not think I was ready for my new relationship, because I feel like I'm still judging my new relationship,based on past events, it's like a nightmare. I still have up these automatic guards and I know they are ruining my new relationship. It's like I can't get the guards down, and I am trying so hard. I was really crushed. I am healing from this and will be completely healed when the divorce is final. I do not want to ruin my new relationship with this drama. He is really kind, supportive and caring. What more could I ask for.And I love him. Nothing can heal pain like the GREATNESS OF GOD!Thank you God! I would not have made it this far with You! God answers prayers, and He has answered many of my prayers! He has kept and guided me! He has never let me down!
thanks for the bible verse I needed that. Now I going to read my bible something I have not did in a very long while, like 6months.
Quote:
Originally Posted by twin.spin
Marital unfaithfulness and malicious desertion are the two reasons God gives to allow divorce.
' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery" Matthew 5:31,32.
You are under no obligation to remain married according to God.
To God be the glory, you are truely a strong woman, even though you don't think so at this moment, God favor is awesome, not only did he see you through this, he will see you through many other tes that you might have to go through, remember out test are from God, he is making our fait strong, he sometimes let us go through things , to make us call on him for guidance, sometimes we forget to put god first and we end up making amess out of our lives, but he is that father above all fathers that say come to me and i will give you rest,i will take away the hurt and pain and show,and give you things you never thought to ask for. just let go of the past and forgive your husbnd and let God lead you new relationship. be blessed
Do not separate without God's leading. You can enter His rest living with your husband. Give it to God because He is on your side. It pleases Him to bless your marriage. He will give back,to you what the enemy stole plus more. Believe and trust God. Do not seek counsel from everyone. Most of us cannot even handle our own issues. Put your trust in God and not what others are saying or how your husband's acting and He will see you through. Be blessed.
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I want to be respected and loved is that wrong?
Thank you.
thanks for the bible verse I needed that. Now I going to read my bible something I have not did in a very long while, like 6months.
