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Old 08-23-2009, 09:56 PM
 
7,427 posts, read 6,665,963 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alanMolstad View Post

Therefore if a person thinks that a Christian marriage has ended, they better have some text support for such a claim.
If you got a verse, or got a teachings from the lips of Christ?...then you got a strong case.


"I no longer love him/her. Despite all best efforts, I (still) don't."
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Old 08-24-2009, 04:17 AM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,196,648 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th View Post
"I no longer love him/her. Despite all best efforts, I (still) don't."
I have been married a long time and one thing I have learned is that sometimes love comes and goes....then it returns and goes again...

The human heart can be very fickle sometimes.
But thank God our marriage is not based on 'feelings'...

The marriage vows do not base the whole marriage contract on always feeling nice warm fuzzy feelings to the other person...it's based on our word!

We make a vow to the other person, in the sight of God...
The vow remains...
feelings come and go....the vow always remains to help us over the moment in the marriage when we are fed up...when we just dont see the point in going on...
the vow remains.
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Old 08-24-2009, 04:39 AM
 
7,427 posts, read 6,665,963 times
Reputation: 2824
Quote:
Originally Posted by alanMolstad View Post
I have been married a long time and one thing I have learned is that sometimes love comes and goes....then it returns and goes again...

The human heart can be very fickle sometimes.
But thank God our marriage is not based on 'feelings'...

The marriage vows do not base the whole marriage contract on always feeling nice warm fuzzy feelings to the other person...it's based on our word!

We make a vow to the other person, in the sight of God...
The vow remains...
feelings come and go....the vow always remains to help us over the moment in the marriage when we are fed up...when we just dont see the point in going on...
the vow remains.
June is aware of the fact that human emotions wax and wane. That's natural.

But June is also aware of the fact that people make mistakes at times. Events happen, people change. Within the context of a marriage, they'll either grow together (the desired outcome) or possibly grow apart.

June is not looking to undermine the "sanctity of marriage" nor minimize the place that those wedding vows have. She just so happens to believe in marriage. BUT:

It is crazy making to think that in those cases where one of the parties has fallen out of love with the other; when attempts have been repeatedly made to repair the relationship; when both individuals have tried, yet failed to succeed in salvaging the marriage; when one individual can honestly, from their soul, look the other in the eye and say "I just don't love you as it was worded in those vows we once took" that to end that marriage would be "wrong." -If anything, on a number of levels, it would strike her as being "wrong" to stay. Because it's dishonest. It's a deception; it would make a mockery of those vows.

There's a reason those vows exist in the first place. Hopefully, for those who make such a vow, there is a commitment to more than just the vow itself.

I am making a vow whereby I am stating my commitment and love to another person. I am not committing to commit to just the vow, alone.


It's what exists behind the vow, and the commitment, there to.

Last edited by june 7th; 08-24-2009 at 04:55 AM..
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Old 08-24-2009, 05:05 AM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,196,648 times
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I cant read June's mind....no man can.
However I can read the wedding vows looking for the "untill I dont love you anymore" loophole.

if there is such a loophole?...then June has an out because her marriage was based totally on maintaining her 'feelings" and as such was doomed from the get-go...

However when I read my wedding vows i dont see any such loophole.
When I think back to what my minister talked about in the sermon at my wedding I do remember him talking about the trials to come, that will tax my heart, and will cause my love to grow cold.
But at such times we are to go back to the things we have already vowed....re-read them, re-commit ourselves to keeping them.

Trust me, God does NOT want you or I to get a divorce,,,no matter the situation.

No matter the situation....That is why in my own wedding vows there is the "For better or worse" section that appears.
That is there to help us understand that being married is not easy.
Tough times will come. Some marriages go years and years with the two people living apart....anger and hurt feelings can run deep.
But the marriage vows run always deeper for they go to death...
They are not subject to the whims of our feelings.

a person attempting to twist their wedding vows around to allow for a divorce?...that is where someone is guilty of making a mockery of those vows


If any person reading my words thinks Im wrong?
If you think God would support a Christian seeking a divorce?
Then prove it,
Put up or shut up!
Lets see what text you have to support such a seeking of a divorce...

But if you got nothing?
If you dont have squat for Bible support?
Then dont claim to be helping anyone with anything dealing with this topic...
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Old 08-24-2009, 05:12 AM
 
Location: RI
18,075 posts, read 8,221,150 times
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June i very much agree with you . Sadly as you say events happen in our lives that change marriages and cause a drifting apart.
The answer is simply not quoting "God hates divorce" at the situation, what is that going to accomplish ?.
It's amazing how insensitive we are at times and even more amazing how we use the bible as a death blow rather than ministering life.
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Old 08-24-2009, 05:54 AM
 
Location: Indianapolis
4,325 posts, read 3,113,298 times
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After 5 years of suffering abuse by my ex, I left and have never been happier. God doesn't now or has ever hated me for getting divorced. In fact, I am closer to God than ever.
I heard so many times he wouldn't do it again. They always do it again. He was a catholic and everything was sinful to him except what he thought was right. I couldn't even walk down the street and ask a man for directions without being accused of cheating on him yet he could talk to any girl and it was ok. Of course, I didn't care because I knew then as I do now that we are all brothers and sisters. His idea of a happy marriage was that I had to do everything and not be in his way. He controlled everything from what we ate to what was on the tv. Everything had to be done his way and if he didn't like it, he got mad.

That is no way for a person to live and God does not think so either. There was no love in that marriage. I tried for all 5 years and to no avail. I am now in a perfect relationship where everything is equal. We have never had an arguement or a fight in all 8 years. We disagree on some things and we talk it out and share opinions. Nothing in this world is worth fighting about.

Do what your heart tells you to do and not your ego.
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Old 08-24-2009, 08:56 AM
 
12 posts, read 12,671 times
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As many passages there are in the bible about marraige and divorce, there are a hundred more about love.
God commands husbands to honor their wives, and wives to respect their husbands.
Wedding vows don't just say 'for better or worse til death' the bigger part of the vows is how one will treat the other.

The way we are to love one another, and honor our vow to stay married.... Those go Hand in Hand. Its not ok to break one part of the vow, and not the other. Breaking the vow is breaking the vow, period.

I guess then, because this instruction from God is two-part, leaves it open to some interpretation, depending on which part you want to focus on.
Personally, I am choosing to believe BOTH parts of the instruction, not just that 'too bad, you made a vow... Now you can suffer.'

I also choose NOT to be a martyr (sp?).

Just trying to start making some wise choices for myself and my daughter.
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Old 08-24-2009, 09:21 AM
 
12 posts, read 12,671 times
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I would also like to say to Alan, that if you were to re-read my origonal post, you would see that I am not going on and on complaining about my husbands wrongdoings. Actually, I spoke much more about my own mistakes.
The only reason I clarified what I have endured as far as physical and emotional abuse, is because some seemed confused as to what I might be getting at, or the extent of the abuse.
Also, to give a clearer picture as to why I am hesitant to believe that he is a changed man, and all of a sudden those behaviours will stop? Time will tell.
I also was not looking for everyone to tell me to get a divorce. I simply wanted advice on how to deal with the feelings for someone else, and the lack of feelings for my husband. Never wanted a petition signed by 100 people saying it was ok to get divorced.
Some have turned this thread into who is right and wrong on the subject of divorce for a christian marraige.
What this thread is about, is my struggle to SAVE my marraige, that BOTH my husband and I are responsible for the breakdown.
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Old 08-24-2009, 09:45 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
43,277 posts, read 51,756,487 times
Reputation: 35445
Quote:
Originally Posted by mseliz View Post
I would also like to say to Alan, that if you were to re-read my origonal post, you would see that I am not going on and on complaining about my husbands wrongdoings. Actually, I spoke much more about my own mistakes.
The only reason I clarified what I have endured as far as physical and emotional abuse, is because some seemed confused as to what I might be getting at, or the extent of the abuse.
Also, to give a clearer picture as to why I am hesitant to believe that he is a changed man, and all of a sudden those behaviours will stop? Time will tell.
I also was not looking for everyone to tell me to get a divorce. I simply wanted advice on how to deal with the feelings for someone else, and the lack of feelings for my husband. Never wanted a petition signed by 100 people saying it was ok to get divorced.
Some have turned this thread into who is right and wrong on the subject of divorce for a christian marraige.
What this thread is about, is my struggle to SAVE my marraige, that BOTH my husband and I are responsible for the breakdown.
mseliz - at this point I wouldn't waste any time respoonding to a thing alan has to say. I am leery of any person so sure he speaks the truth when in reality they have their own agenda to promote. These kinds of people are nothing but modern day pharasees. Keep your eyes focused on God alone, not the men among us who are egotistical enough to think they speak for Him. Best of luck to you on this journey, I'm praying for your healing

Last edited by lovesMountains; 08-24-2009 at 10:01 AM.. Reason: misspelling!
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Old 08-24-2009, 10:22 AM
 
17 posts, read 25,342 times
Reputation: 26
Default Sorry but it's BS

This is ridiculous. Using religion to be forced to stay with an abusive man is BS. These types of rules were created by men under the guise of religion for the sole purpose of maintaining control over women and subsequently their children. He is controlling you and your misery. What about his commitment to honor and love his wife? Oh well he lied I guess. He will make you and your child miserable because he is a miserable hateful person. If he truly loved you he would not be such an idiot and if her were a Christian he would act as a true Christian, not an abusive spouse, who speaks in bible versus.

You will only be free when you make your own decisions for your life. Leave this scum and learn how normal happy people live. God will not condemn you for saving yourself and your child. You will have to deal with all of those fake Christians that claim to speak for God.
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