Dark Night of the Soul (church, believe, suicide, prayer)

[Dawter]

I've not been able to find a genuine believer who has been or is going through this.
I'm a born again Christian saved by the grace of God alone.
A couple of years ago I was in a Christian Yahoo chat room and was talking to a guy. I told him what I was going through and he said it sounded like I was going through the Dark Night of the Soul and directed me to the mysticist St. John.
I'd never heard of it. I read what St. John wrote about it, read what Spurgeon, Luther and C.S. Lewis wrote about it.
They all describe me exactly. What I went through and what I am going through.
If you don't know anything about this Dark Night then you may not be able to help me.
As far as I can see I've been in this Dark Night for 7 years.
I have questions for someone who knows what I'm talking about.
Thank you.

[MysticPhD]

Originally Posted by Dawter

I've not been able to find a genuine believer who has been or is going through this.
I'm a born again Christian saved by the grace of God alone.
A couple of years ago I was in a Christian Yahoo chat room and was talking to a guy. I told him what I was going through and he said it sounded like I was going through the Dark Night of the Soul and directed me to the mysticist St. John.
I'd never heard of it. I read what St. John wrote about it, read what Spurgeon, Luther and C.S. Lewis wrote about it.
They all describe me exactly. What I went through and what I am going through.
If you don't know anything about this Dark Night then you may not be able to help me.
As far as I can see I've been in this Dark Night for 7 years.
I have questions for someone who knows what I'm talking about.
Thank you.

You are experiencing what Buddhists call the Great Doubt. The only thing I am aware of that can break it is an "end state" experience in meditation. I do not believe this "end state" is easily achievable without serious discipline and control over the autonomic processes of the body and the sensory system and a lot of practice in meditation (or very devout and sincere deep prayer over many years). I have exprienced it and have no doubt whatsoever that God exists and that Jesus is the human example of God's TRUE NATURE . . . unconditional love and acceptance (I have felt it unambiguously). There is no WRATH, no JEALOUSY, no NEGATIVE human emotions in God . . . period!! If you pursue this "end state" of meditation successfully . . . you will likewise be completely certain . . . as I am.

[Dawter]

Originally Posted by MysticPhD

You are experiencing what Buddhists call the Great Doubt.

I don't mean to be disrespectful in my reply to you. I'm sure you mean well.
I'm not a Buddhist. I'm not interested in what Buddhists have to say.

[Timothylogan3]

I am going through what you may call the dark night of the soul. Personally I have always refer'd to it as a crisis of faith. It's been four years now I think. My life as a fervent christian is gone I guess. I cant pray, I am out of words. I dont read the word. I haven't been to church in years. Dont see my family and friends. I just go to the office and then back home, thats all. Sometimes I lock myself away for weeks. I get so depressed. These sites are actually my only out side connections. At certain points or for the better part of this period I had lost faith in God. But lately I am starting to believe. Or maybe I have always believed. It's like I am on a journey, I am searching, needing. What? I dont know. I miss alot, I miss God, but I am not there. I have issues that I have to and have been working through. My inadequacies. Recieving His peace. My accounts are not reconciled, and my state of being is lost. Anyway thats me, my crisis of faith I call it. Its where I am, and I am okay with it, its what I have to go through.

[Dawter]

From everything I've read it begins with Depression.

[stillkit]

Originally Posted by Timothylogan3

I am going through what you may call the dark night of the soul. Personally I have always refer'd to it as a crisis of faith. It's been four years now I think. My life as a fervent christian is gone I guess. I cant pray, I am out of words. I dont read the word. I haven't been to church in years. Dont see my family and friends. I just go to the office and then back home, thats all. Sometimes I lock myself away for weeks. I get so depressed. These sites are actually my only out side connections. At certain points or for the better part of this period I had lost faith in God. But lately I am starting to believe. Or maybe I have always believed. It's like I am on a journey, I am searching, needing. What? I dont know. I miss alot, I miss God, but I am not there. I have issues that I have to and have been working through. My inadequacies. Recieving His peace. My accounts are not reconciled, and my state of being is lost. Anyway thats me, my crisis of faith I call it. Its where I am, and I am okay with it, its what I have to go through.

Your life sounds like mine 7 years ago. I was at the end of my rope, sitting on the bed holding a shotgun and contemplating putting an end to my suffering. Like you, I was a born again Christian and even had been a Sunday School teacher, but God seemed very far away. In fact, I was angry at Him and had cursed Him to His face for letting me come to this point.

I was living alone in a tiny apartment with all the blinds closed, divorced from my wife of 30 years, estranged from all but one of my kids, lonely, in despair. My whole safe, comfortable, secure life had slowly collapsed over a period of about 10 years and this was the end result.

But, it was at that point that the road back began. At that point, I had to admit that I could not solve any of my problems by myself, that I was responsible for where I was, that God did not do it to me nor did fate or circumstances. I had nobody else to blame but me but, more importantly, I had no one else to turn to than the very God I was mad at. Defeated and crushed, I surrendered my life and future to him as much out of desperation as anything else.

Guess what? That's what He'd been waiting for! From the depths of the abyss, He rescued my soul and lifted me to spiritual and personal heights I'd never dreamed possible. Like Job, I was restored ten times over and am today a far, far better man, husband, father, friend and follower of Jesus Christ than I could ever have been without trodding that path!

From the darkess came brilliant light; from the pit came the mountaintop; from despair came joy; from pain came peace.

Your best days are ahead of you, Brother. Just release it all into God's hands, drop your burdens at the foot of the Cross and don't pick them back up again!

[Dawter]

Praise the Lord for His mercy & grace!
I believe what you are referring to is salvation> when the power of the Holy Spirit takes you out of the devil's family and places you into His giving you new desires.
I too walked in darkness as a nonbeliever. However, the Dark Night of the Soul I'm speaking of is as a believer.
I'm not at the end of my rope.
It's a long story but I too contemplated suicide. But not for the reason (suffering) you speak of. My reasons were different.

[psalm25]

I get this and can relate to this....... don't have any answers though.

[psalm25]

curious.... I goggled this topic and I know you said it wasn't buddist but this article even though from a buddist point of view or whatever you want to call it is EXACTLY what I am going through.... its a bit scary...... but of course I too am not buddist so I read it from where I am trapped on the outside of the xtrian faith having been on the inside now lost in the shadows.... anyways thought it may help..... if not then just ignore this. I found it greatly comforting cause in the end we do find our way out... and do adventually find the peace we seek with G-d..

[quote]
[CENTER]The Mystic's Life Lesson #28 [/CENTER]
Dark Night of the Soul
"Dark night of the soul" sounds like a threatening and much to be avoided experience. Yet perhaps a quarter of the seekers on the road to higher consciousness will pass through the dark night. In fact, they may pass through several until they experience the profound joy of their true nature.
Moderator cut:

deleted due to copyright

[Dawter]

Psalm25: "and do adventually find the peace we seek with G-d.. "

I'm not seeking peace with God.

People without understanding frustrate me.

I am not a mysticist.