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Old 10-17-2009, 12:17 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Blue View Post
Can I sit beside you and Mrs. Oak in the amen corner, if June preaches?
Dear Miss Blue,

It is advisable at this time that the recipient of this correspondence phone the Emergency Medical Hotline Number (1-800-CALL-JUNE) to immediately arrange a psychiatric assessment as well as explore the possible benefits of psychotropic medications. Remember: A mind (and soul) is a terrible thing to waste.

Take gentle doctrinal care,

-June
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:03 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oakback View Post
Wouldn't that be a dream
Or nightmare.
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Nashville, Tn
7,916 posts, read 16,397,088 times
Reputation: 5442
June, what comes to mind when you think of geese?
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
6,715 posts, read 12,038,211 times
Reputation: 4273
Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th View Post

3- Truth be told, our rented mini van was cruising along at such an excellerated speed that the world all around was something of a blurr. -That is, until the state trooper nabbed the Troop that was driving. God and the state of Maine deemed the situation worthy of divine mercy, thereby issuing the lad a 'warning' as opposed to a ticket, to which those of us in the van uttered a collective atheist "amen" and proceeded on our way. In short, even on the highway, Troop gets infracted by God and the Maine State Police. (Some people just never learn...) However, at speeds that nearly defied the sound barrier, it was difficult for June, sitting in the co-pilot seat, to catch any Stephen King sightings. June can say this much, however: Upon our arrival at the Inn, engulfed in fog and insipid cold drizzle and rain, such that it exuded an utterly haunting and eerie nature, the atheists all concurred: Yes, it was easy to understand how and why Stephen King could find the inspiration to write what he does. However, unless June unknowingly boogied with Stephen that fateful night of drunkenness at Woodies 'Pub,' whereby he would have been disguised or even mistaken for a local yocal hunter, June can only say that she was not graced with a Stephen King sighting. She did hear a number of screams coming from the surrounding forest late at night, amid the howling of the raging winds, however...
I don't know what it is about this thread that has compelled June to spread such vicious rumors about me but allow me to clarify, Mams.

You see, the story in question has roots in a different locale. Prior to my getting nabbed by the Maine State Police for going slightly above the speed of sound, there was a scheduled time of departure...

Now, the scheduled time of departure was pre-coordinated by my co-pilot and navigator (June) to be 0900. This would allow us sufficient time to navigate through the Boston area traffic and get on the highway headed north to Maine so that we could meet everyone at the Inn at 1530. With the trip being an expected 5.5 to 6.0 hours, leaving at 0900 would give us an hour or so of cushion time for food, bathroom breaks, gas stops, etc...

However, it should be notated that the night before our departure, one moderator who shall remain nameless coerced me to stay up late with her and drink a case of Sam Adam's Oktoberfest while she drank roughly 47.32478 Budweiser's.

As luck would have it, we managed to throw ourselves into bed at approximately 0130 and get a little bit of sleep. At around 0730 in the morning, the alarm clocks went off, people began moving around, taking showers and getting ready. My co-pilot went on strike until coffee and shrimp cocktails were had for breakfast.

At approximately 0845, as everyone was ready to go, it was announced by the co-pilot in question that it was "time for her to pack." She assured us that it would only take five minutes for this to happen and that we should start loading up the rocket ship we were going to take to Maine.

Somehow, "five minutes to pack" turned into about forty-five minutes to pack and get ready. By this time, it was approximately 0930 and we were already cutting into our scheduled break times by 30 minutes. We departed June's house at 0947 that morning - already 47 minutes late.

In order to make up for the poor timeliness of my compatriot, co-pilot and fellow forum citizen, it was necessary for me to put my foot on the gas to such a degree that I probably burnt another hole in the O-zone layer. As we reached New Hampshire, we finally surpassed the speed of sound but had to slow down in a nice, quaint little heathen town to get food. I had already made up about half our time by accelerating past the sound barrier so we were afforded a little time to sit down and eat.

We got back on the highway and it took a little time but we eventually entered Maine as my vehicle crept closer and closer to the speed of sound. I still had to make up the other half of our time induced by my less than timely co-pilot. As luck would have it, the Maine State Police had an SR-71 on patrol that day and it was checking for people such as myself trying to break the light barrier in order to get where they were going.

Once I fully explained our tardiness to the Maine State Policeman in question, he had no problems letting me go with a warning. It should be noted that as we were going to pull off the side of the road and continue on our trek at a reduced speed, June encouraged me to squeal my tires and "burn out" in front of the policeman.

That is the whole story. And, yes, it is rather easy to see where Stephen King gets his inspiration from whilst living in Maine. Spooky indeed.
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:34 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
Reputation: 3392
Quote:
Originally Posted by GCSTroop View Post
I don't know what it is about this thread that has compelled June to spread such vicious rumors about me but allow me to clarify, Mams.

You see, the story in question has roots in a different locale. Prior to my getting nabbed by the Maine State Police for going slightly above the speed of sound, there was a scheduled time of departure...

Now, the scheduled time of departure was pre-coordinated by my co-pilot and navigator (June) to be 0900. This would allow us sufficient time to navigate through the Boston area traffic and get on the highway headed north to Maine so that we could meet everyone at the Inn at 1530. With the trip being an expected 5.5 to 6.0 hours, leaving at 0900 would give us an hour or so of cushion time for food, bathroom breaks, gas stops, etc...

However, it should be notated that the night before our departure, one moderator who shall remain nameless coerced me to stay up late with her and drink a case of Sam Adam's Oktoberfest while she drank roughly 47.32478 Budweiser's.

As luck would have it, we managed to throw ourselves into bed at approximately 0130 and get a little bit of sleep. At around 0730 in the morning, the alarm clocks went off, people began moving around, taking showers and getting ready. My co-pilot went on strike until coffee and shrimp cocktails were had for breakfast.

At approximately 0845, as everyone was ready to go, it was announced by the co-pilot in question that it was "time for her to pack." She assured us that it would only take five minutes for this to happen and that we should start loading up the rocket ship we were going to take to Maine.

Somehow, "five minutes to pack" turned into about forty-five minutes to pack and get ready. By this time, it was approximately 0930 and we were already cutting into our scheduled break times by 30 minutes. We departed June's house at 0947 that morning - already 47 minutes late.

In order to make up for the poor timeliness of my compatriot, co-pilot and fellow forum citizen, it was necessary for me to put my foot on the gas to such a degree that I probably burnt another hole in the O-zone layer. As we reached New Hampshire, we finally surpassed the speed of sound but had to slow down in a nice, quaint little heathen town to get food. I had already made up about half our time by accelerating past the sound barrier so we were afforded a little time to sit down and eat.

We got back on the highway and it took a little time but we eventually entered Maine as my vehicle crept closer and closer to the speed of sound. I still had to make up the other half of our time induced by my less than timely co-pilot. As luck would have it, the Maine State Police had an SR-71 on patrol that day and it was checking for people such as myself trying to break the light barrier in order to get where they were going.

Once I fully explained our tardiness to the Maine State Policeman in question, he had no problems letting me go with a warning. It should be noted that as we were going to pull off the side of the road and continue on our trek at a reduced speed, June encouraged me to squeal my tires and "burn out" in front of the policeman.

That is the whole story. And, yes, it is rather easy to see where Stephen King gets his inspiration from whilst living in Maine. Spooky indeed.
Dear Troop,

June detects elements of sinfulness in your post. As everyone on this forum all too well knows, lying and/or otherwise falsifying the truth = a "sin." Will Hunting should be ashamed of himself for his misrepresentation of what is otherwise known as "The Truth According to June." -For clarification sake:

1- "However, it should be notated that the night before our departure, one moderator who shall remain nameless coerced me to stay up late with her and drink a case of Sam Adam's Oktoberfest while she drank roughly 47.32478 Budweiser's."

-Patently, blatantly false. If you remember correctly, June sat an sipped a cocktail or two, as you, a (not so) good Will Hunting knocked back enough alcohol such that a surgeon performing open heart surgery would not have had to worry about a 'sterile' environment! June was the "nameless moderator" who turned to you at 2:00 am and said "I think I'm drunk." You repeatedly challenged that utterance of truth, all the while attempting to ply said 'nameless moderator' with more Budweiser. How evil, you letch.

June repented in the morning. -Did you?


2- "Somehow, "five minutes to pack" turned into about forty-five minutes to pack and get ready. By this time, it was approximately 0930 and we were already cutting into our scheduled break times by 30 minutes. We departed June's house at 0947 that morning - already 47 minutes late."

-Again, June would challenge your perception of the above related events. As you know, June experienced "Suitcase Breakdown Syndrome" upon her beginning to pack. This resulted in a few second's delay. As well, given your married status and lengthy experience with the opposite sex, June would think that you, of all people, would be more than aware of the 11th Commandment as mandated by God: "Never rush a woman when she is getting ready to go somewhere."

May the wrath of God be with you, Will. Repent now is all June can sadly say...


Take gentle converted care,

-June
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:39 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
Reputation: 3392
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy View Post
June, what comes to mind when you think of geese?
My goodness. The only thing more rare than a Stephen King sighting in cold, drizzly Maine is a MontanaGuy sighting on the Christianity subforum!
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:43 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
Reputation: 3392
Quote:
Originally Posted by MontanaGuy View Post
June, what comes to mind when you think of geese?
My dear, sweet man,

June would tell you, but Alpha has sworn her to secrecy. She thus would fear for her life should she disclose such information. June is sure you will understand.

Take gentle 'don't-go-there' care,

-Your cyber beloved June
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:51 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
6,715 posts, read 12,038,211 times
Reputation: 4273
Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th View Post
Dear Troop,

June detects elements of sinfulness in your post. As everyone on this forum all too well knows, lying and/or otherwise falsifying the truth = a "sin." Will Hunting should be ashamed of himself for his misrepresentation of what is otherwise known as "The Truth According to June." -For clarification sake:

1- "However, it should be notated that the night before our departure, one moderator who shall remain nameless coerced me to stay up late with her and drink a case of Sam Adam's Oktoberfest while she drank roughly 47.32478 Budweiser's."

-Patently, blatantly false. If you remember correctly, June sat an sipped a cocktail or two, as you, a (not so) good Will Hunting knocked back enough alcohol such that a surgeon performing open heart surgery would not have had to worry about a 'sterile' environment! June was the "nameless moderator" who turned to you at 2:00 am and said "I think I'm drunk." You repeatedly challenged that utterance of truth, all the while attempting to ply said 'nameless moderator' with more Budweiser. How evil, you letch.

June repented in the morning. -Did you?
I do believe it should be annotated that my perception of the day's events were somewhat dulled due to the extenuating circumstances of my travels. Nonetheless, I will neither confirm or deny that I encouraged you to drink more Budweiser at said time of 0200. Though such an incantation of encouragement is not beyond my powers of persuasion, I simply do not recall such an event happening.

Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th View Post
2- "Somehow, "five minutes to pack" turned into about forty-five minutes to pack and get ready. By this time, it was approximately 0930 and we were already cutting into our scheduled break times by 30 minutes. We departed June's house at 0947 that morning - already 47 minutes late."

-Again, June would challenge your perception of the above related events. As you know, June experienced "Suitcase Breakdown Syndrome" upon her beginning to pack. This resulted in a few second's delay. As well, given your married status and lengthy experience with the opposite sex, June would think that you, of all people, would be more than aware of the 11th Commandment as mandated by God: "Never rush a woman when she is getting ready to go somewhere."

May the wrath of God be with you, Will. Repent now is all June can sadly say...
I do recall your suitcase experiencing a traumatic breakdown of the Integrated Zipper System. However, the 11th Commandment was not applicable in this case as we were not rushing you. I was simply keeping track of the time I needed to make up for by calculating how many times I'd need to break the sound barrier in order to make up for the delay.
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Old 10-17-2009, 02:18 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,444,975 times
Reputation: 3392
OKay...

June humbly admits her sinfulness in having been late, thereby compromising the safety and well being of her fellow atheists.

June has but one, last question, though: In her remorseful, repenting state, she feels it is now time for her to give way to the healing spirit of God. As such, June is contemplating converting. Any thoughts as regards that?

Take gentle 'do ya really wanna be right' care,

-June
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Maryland
3,540 posts, read 5,959,041 times
Reputation: 971
Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th View Post
OKay...

June humbly admits her sinfulness in having been late, thereby compromising the safety and well being of her fellow atheists.

June has but one, last question, though: In her remorseful, repenting state, she feels it is now time for her to give way to the healing spirit of God. As such, June is contemplating converting. Any thoughts as regards that?

Take gentle 'do ya really wanna be right' care,

-June
If by "convert" you mean:

"to change (something) into a different form or properties; transmute; transform."

We love you just the way you are.
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