What do you think? Should we strive to please our spouses by being physically attractive? (women, preacher)

[Raelyn28]

Hi everyone. I thought I would post an unusual question to you. I realize it says not to place too much importance on the physical appearance in the Bible but at the same time I have read in the Song of Solomon that the Shulamite woman was lovely (Song of Solomon 1:5), she was beautiful and smelled fantastic. It also appears that her beloved was handsome and very much desirable. If you read the book it is erotic and very descriptive in the way the two lovers enjoy one another. Praise to our God that He is a God of passion, desire and creativity!!

Anyway, for some reason it appears that a good majority of Christians (men and women) after getting married or being married for a few years struggle with the idea of being attractive for their mate. The idea of working out, spending any time on one's physical appearance and striving to look good gets tossed out the window or forgotten altogether.

I have been praying about it and I am thinking that this is somehow not pleasing to the Lord. That if we truly Love our mate then we will work-out, eat right and try to be as attractive as possible for the one we say we Love. Yet, more often then not (even in my close network of friends) one or both of the spouses is severely over weight, flabby, frumpy and not anything like the book of Solomon portrays a relationship to be.

I have one friend in particular that refuses to lose weight, change her hair style, clothes or anything even though her husband has made it known that he would like her to take better care of herself and he is NOT attracted to her physically. She always tells me, "Well he will just have to accept me for who I am". I just don't think this is a Biblical attitude and in fact I think it is selfish and unloving. But yet couples continue to display this sort of excusable behavior in the name of not putting emphasis on the "physical" and then complain because their marriages are not what they used to be or they blame their spouses for being selfish, superficial or unloving.

It also seems like when people (I have even heard it on this forum) divorce or are dating and pursuing the opposite sex they spend a lot of time on their physical appearance. They try to look the best that they can look. It seems like it matters before they get their mate but once the wedding vows are exchanged everything goes to pot (no pun intended).

With all this said, my question to you dear brothers and sisters in the Lord is this. "Do you think it is pleasing to the Lord to not take care of ourselves, to let our bodies get fat and flabby and just have an attitude that our spouses need to Love us for who we are no matter what? Or do you think we should strive to look as attractive as possible for our mate as if we were still in the process of courting and dating each other? How do you these attitudes effect the marriage?

Once again, I am not saying that the physical appearance should be at the top of the priority list because the beauty of the "hidden person of the heart" is more important so please do not misunderstand my question.

I welcome the opinion and answers of both male and females, single and married.

I go along with what an old preacher once said - 'If the barn needs paint-in - paint it.'

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by Shiloh1

I go along with what an old preacher once said - 'If the barn needs paint-in - paint it.'

Now are you talking about the females or males as well? And what kind of paint are you talking about?

Originally Posted by Raelyn28

Now are you talking about the females or males as well? And what kind of paint are you talking about?

Who wears make-up? Well nowadays ................?

[Huckleberry3911948]

to understand what the bible is talking about-- you must compare apples and oranges. bible marriage and 21st century marriage are exact opposites. gals in the bible are over a barrel. 21st century guys are the ones over the barrel. interesting that this change only occurred since 1975.

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by Shiloh1

Who wears make-up? Well nowadays ................?

I understand but what about men then? They cannot wear make-up. Do you like the idea of a beer belly coach potato and is that attractive to a female?

[Raelyn28]

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

to understand what the bible is talking about-- you must compare apples and oranges. bible marriage and 21st century marriage are exact opposites. gals in the bible are over a barrel. 21st century guys are the ones over the barrel. interesting that this change only occurred since 1975.

Explain please???

And don't forget that jobs have changed for the males as well. Do you remember the popular TV show "Little house on the Prairie"? Then you will remember Pa was strong and muscular not because he worked out with weights because back in that time span there was no such thing as "Golds Gym". Yet, his workload caused him to be built nicely. So comparitively times have changed for men as they have for women.

In Biblical times there was no make-up, no gyms but women still beautified themselves (Read the book of Ester) and the men worked hard producing muscular physiques. So times have changed but now we have even a greater selection of ways to look good for our mate. So really there is no excuse. But we are dodging my question.

[sun queen]

I think u should strive to please ur spouse physically. Marriage is not going to very satisfying if u don't make an effort...

[.sparrow.]

So who made Solomon the standard of a loving relationship??

What truly matters is the love that people share. What is on the inside.
Watch a loving couple deal with one of them becoming severely ill.

Perspective on beauty will radically change.

Without getting too personal, I watched this happend with a loving couple that I know. The wife became ill, lost her breast, lost all of her hair, etc. What was beautiful was her courage, her will to love, and her concern for her family. All of the physical beauty in the world could not hold a candle to this woman's inner beauty. And the husband's love for her through all of this was far more poetic and far more beautiful than ANYTHING you would find reading song of solomon.

I understand what you are saying... YES, we should take care of ourselves! Out of love for our spouses, we should make healthy choices in our lifestyle. We should have respect for our bodies, etc.

But this world focuses so much on OUTER frivolous beauty that FADES and FAR FAR FAR less on the TRUE beauty that God imparted to our souls. There are enough people focusing on the outer. What we need are more folks focusing on the inner.


Just my two cents.
If you don't agree or if you feel I've made too much of this, etc. (which is an understandable reaction.) That's cool. Take what you want and leave the rest. But this is just what your post stirred up inside. Had to share.


Peace.

[Huckleberry3911948]

Originally Posted by Raelyn28

Explain please???

And don't forget that jobs have changed for the males as well. Do you remember the popular TV show "Little house on the Prairie"? Then you will remember Pa was strong and muscular not because he worked out with weights because back in that time span there was no such thing as "Golds Gym". Yet, his workload caused him to be built nicely. So comparitively times have changed for men as they have for women.

In Biblical times there was no make-up, no gyms but women still beautified themselves (Read the book of Ester) and the men worked hard producing muscular physiques. So times have changed but now we have even a greater selections of ways to look good for our mate. So really there is no excuse. But we are dodging my question.

yes weight lifting and golds gym are good.
but people let themselves go bek they can, no consequences, you have embedded this truth already in your post, no motiviation to change, people change not out of love but out of fear. whoever is on the bottom of the food change asks how high when you say jump. true for 104 AD true for 2009 AD. but in our case its the guy that is on the bottom of the food chain, he is in no position to demand anything of the wife.
no i know nothing of little house on the prairie, i was not living in this country when that was popular.