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I think you are sad because of the seeds of doubt that others have placed upon you according to "their" beliefs, not necessarily what God may be telling you in your heart..You are a child of God first and He has given you the Holy Spirit to guide you ..Listen to that which is within and follow His advice...
Your fiance sounds like a good man, a believer and loves you for who you are not for what he can change you to be...
Don't let poor advice based on other peoples experience or beliefs spoil this beautiful time in your life..
God bless both of you and your marriage.
Amen, If you listen to any advice at all on here...
PLEASE listen to Miss Blue.
I think you will need to search your heart in this one...
It seems to me that other people's skepticism is affecting your mental/emotional well-being.
If you truly love the man and want to spend life with him forever, despite the different beliefs, then by all means, get married.
Though, if you can't accept the fact that his beliefs are different from yours and can't see yourself compromising and respecting one another without being at each other's throats, then don't get married.
most women will divorce. i mean yes its them that will file. and they will make out ok, at least better than him, so worrying about that is a thing of the past thanks to our new law system.
as to his lack of religion, i see no significant difference in the divorce rate in or outside of the church.
Clearly you must trust God to guide your heart here. There is no litmus test that works.
Case in point:
The love of my life got 'saved' when I was 19 and informed me (an avowed atheist at the time) that she could not be "unequally yoked" with an unbeliever. I was clueless, I thought Jesus must have told some parable about a lop-sided egg yoke or something . She told me that if I was to become a Christian, then and only then we could be married, start a family etc. and (believe me) I wanted nothing more, never had I ever desired so much to become whatever was needed to make something happen.
In the end though - one cannot transfer oneself into the kingdom of God, that is an act of God. After several months, in deep frustration (anger over the fact that no matter how I tried to understand, I just couldn't 'get it') I finally cussed her out and told her I never wanted to see her again - ever.
Within a year she was engaged to an aspiring pastor/preacher she met in bible college. Soon they were married and I was devastated, totally - completely broken. A few months after that *boom* God met me in my room and I became a born again/Spirit filled believer. I just shook my head, and looking up jokingly said "Lord - you're a little late - don't you think?" but the reality was I had found the greatest love there ever was and, in the big picture, nothing else really mattered.
Now - here's the twist. I was so consumed by God's love I made the decision to be celibate, that is, to remain single my entire life. I figured there were enough 'regular' people and families and that the world needed another dedicated disciple to focus totally on spiritual things - on bringing heaven to earth (a clearer understanding of God's love and grace). Plus - part of the hidden reason for staying single may have been that I didn't think I could ever love anyone else OR survive another breakup. I didn't want to mess this good thing up with a distraction into another disastrous romance.
This lasted for four years until the Lord showed me that I was going to marry someone who I'd known for three of those years - a member of the small church where I led worship. I was shocked and so was she - she went on a fast and prayer vigil till she was convinced. This year we will celebrate our 29th wedding anniversary.
Now - the first girl? A few years ago we spoke for the first time in 25 years. Her wanna' be pastor husband cheated on her numerous times and they were divorced after about 5 years of marriage. It was so devastating that she 'backslid' for a few years until rededicating her life to the Lord. Just now she is ending a 7 year marriage to a man who she met on a Christian singles dating site. I'm really sad for her right now - she's been through so much.
In another twist - after 'coming out' about my non-belief in hell a couple of years ago my (very fundamentalist) wife says she may not have married me if she knew about this from the start. I really didn't try to hide it, it just never crossed my mind that it would be a big issue. In fact - I even mentioned it to her once but she never asked me for a complete explanation (I was a scripturally based universalist) and she just thought I had some kind of misunderstanding. We were both in the ministry (she was the youth pastor) and we've had a great marriage. Plus - the last time I looked the Nicene creed says nothing about requiring a belief in eternal torment.
Bottom line - I still have a good marriage. In yet another twist I am trying to win her over from fundamentalism by my chaste conversation (holy manner of life).
So again - my point is - clearly you must trust God to guide your heart here. There is no real litmus test for what you are asking. At least not one that works.
P.S. BTW - I think you mentioned maybe never getting completely over him and that is entirely possible. I have always, sometimes subconsciously, carried a secret pain for what was lost. At first I knew I had to let go, now later in life, I am finally receiving grace to actually, fully do that. My wife and her are now friends and both pray for my emotional health in that regard. It's an unnerving (but beautiful) thing.
Last edited by firstborn888; 02-16-2010 at 04:08 AM..
The best advice I can tell you is not to listen to anyone here including me without scripture to support their answers. The bible is there for us Christians to answer these questions we have.
(2 Corinthians 6:14) 14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
(2 Corinthians 6:15–17) 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 [What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: “I will live with them and walk among them, and
...
I actually agree with Fundamentalist here as the Bible should be your guide as to what God has to say.
It doesn't sound like he's a "non-believer", but that he just doesn't believe as you do. Have you tried understanding why he believes the way he does? No one has it all right, including fundamentalists. It would be sad for religion to prevent a loving relationship.
I feel that an unequally yoked marriage is one of short-term happiness until the relationship eventually falls apart.it is easier for an unbeliever to drag down a believer than for a believer to uplift a non- believer.
If you are truly devoted to christ and that`s how you want to live your life, don`t get married to a non-believer. Don`t get married thinking that he might change his mind someday, because odds are that he won`t. Marriage is hard enough and to bring that in the mix will make it even harder.I know it`s tempting because he`s a great guy but in the long run you will regret it and you will have sorrow to go along with it.
Why so sad? It sounds like you found a good, good man. Don't let him go, they're not so easy to find! And stop listening to your friends if they can't see how happy you are.
Of course it's ideal if you find a person who shares the same spiritual beliefs as you, but then is there EVER a "perfect" person, one EXACTLY like you would create like the kids did in that movie "Weird Science"?! No. But it does sound like you got darn close. So long as you each respect each others' views as well as accept them, I think you can likely "agree to disagree", which is not "settling", it just being smart and choosing your battles carefully in order to find the happiness you deserve. Just make sure that you never try to change him, nor let him change you. And who knows- maybe being around each other will help the both of you grow more open to each other's views so long as it happens naturally just by spending time with one another; expanding ones' horizons are never a bad thing. Good luck, but I think if you follow your heart you won't need luck...
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. She told me that if I was to become a Christian, then and only then we could be married, start a family etc. and (believe me) I wanted nothing more, never had I ever desired so much to become whatever was needed to make something happen. 
. 
