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Old 05-01-2010, 11:36 AM
 
829 posts, read 2,508,149 times
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i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
we are Christians and that is why i posted this here...thanks
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Old 05-01-2010, 12:17 PM
 
Location: SC Foothills
8,830 posts, read 9,754,755 times
Reputation: 58198
Hi there CelticViking,

Sorry you're having so many problems even before the wedding. That's not good. Is your fiance being treated for the depression? Sounds like she needs to be if she's not. I would not marry her until she got help. It will just be more of the same and probably worse after you're married. Unfortunately, that's the way it works. If she has severe depression as well as a bad temper, it could be more serious than just depression. She could be suffering from bi-polar disorder. Does she have extreme highs and lows? That's a good indication of bi-polar disorder.

This is nothing to take lightly....a person with mental illness can make your life a living hell. I know what I'm talking about. If she is aware of all this and admits it then there should be no reason why she should not be reaching out for help. There's no shame in that, and it's perfectly "christian" to do so. God gave us the miracle of modern medicine and it's there for a reason.

Have you done any counseling at all? Maybe you could counsel with your Pastor or someone you trust to work through this and make her see the importance of getting help NOW. Blessings to you and I will be praying for the both of you.
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Old 05-01-2010, 12:43 PM
 
1,897 posts, read 1,722,562 times
Reputation: 263
I agree with everything Ilene said. Also, I don't know if it was intentional, but I noticed in your post you said she loves you, but you never said you love her. I wonder if maybe you just care deeply about her well-being and feel a certain obligation to "rescue" her from her sadness. I certainly don't think you should marry her unless there is a significant and lasting change in her. Life is too short to be married to someone who makes you miserable. Don't let the wedding plans stop you from breaking it off if you decide that is best, but it might be kinder to do it as soon as possible. As far as questions to ask, I think a few good ones would be:

Do I enjoy doing everyday things with her, like wash the car, grocery shop, etc.?
Do we laugh at the same things?
Do we have the same values and life goals?
Does she bring out all of my best qualities, or my worst ones?/Do I like myself when I'm with her?
Is this the person I want raising and influencing my future children?
Does the idea of living without her, break my heart or make it yearn for freedom from her?

Most importantly, give it a lot of prayer and ask God to let the Holy Spirit impress upon your heart what you should do. Maybe He's already doing that. Honestly I feel like any doubts, even without all the good reasons you have, is a good indicator that it's not the right thing to do. I'm sorry, and I hope that doesn't hurt you, but it would be so much better to break it off now, rather than end up in an unhappy marriage and maybe even a divorce.
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Old 05-01-2010, 05:23 PM
 
5,500 posts, read 4,419,176 times
Reputation: 5147
Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking View Post
i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
we are Christians and that is why i posted this here...thanks
Dear CelticViking,

I can only speak for myself: I would make two lists side by side of things that made me want to marry the person and of those that make me question the relationship...THEN WEIGH IT. If I see the positive weighs more than the negative...I would go ahead.... and pray for God's blessing. After all, no relationship is according to how it should be ideally (nobody's perfect)...but according to what we can commit to. Knowing this before hand prepares you for the better or for worse that may come.

First and foremost...do I have enough love for the person without losing my own...

May God's blessings continue with you and yours...
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Old 05-01-2010, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Florida
580 posts, read 632,523 times
Reputation: 149
Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking View Post
i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
we are Christians and that is why i posted this here...thanks
Totally agree with Bright Hope and Ilene and have been through this and with no disrespect for you and yours, it is called "stinkin thinkin" and taking it to the Lord daily is the best counsel I could give.
And I have always told my children, if there is an ounce of doubt,"do not do it"! You definetly have "doubt". And it is best to tell her immediately, being truthful. The wedding plans can take place anytime. You two being right with the Lord and each other is the most important. Never be afraid to wait on the Lord, he will make sure your paths are firm and there will be no doubt.
Proverbs 4:26
Make level [ Or Consider the ] paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm.
Psalm 38:15
I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord my God.
God Bless,
Mercy
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Old 05-01-2010, 05:38 PM
 
7,867 posts, read 6,675,483 times
Reputation: 1371
Postpone the Wedding and seek the face of God....... If you lose this person than it was never ment to be......Dont get stuck doing this at the altar at the last minute or to late with alimony payments before a Judge,.... Take the lead and get thing in Place if she dont like it, than it will be a wake up call like it or not,,, Just dont create enemies and Give Holy Spirit a brake .........Just make sure all pride and selfishness have no place in either of your hearts and if it still dont work than let it go and move on........
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Old 05-01-2010, 06:02 PM
 
7,788 posts, read 10,453,687 times
Reputation: 3392
Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking View Post

...my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...

Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking

...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing.

...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits.

...i am one who wants to work on things

....im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing.

...she admits these things too

...she doesnt always treat me great

...its a hot and cold type situaton..

Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking

im just not sure what to do...

June broke your post down as a means of reflecting it back.

It was June's way of thinking that perhaps you have already answered your own querie. Re-read your own words, in the context of asking yourself "Why did I post the OP that I did?" And then be sure and....

Take gentle care.

(June means it.)
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Old 05-01-2010, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Rapid City, SD
723 posts, read 858,976 times
Reputation: 134
Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking View Post
i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
we are Christians and that is why i posted this here...thanks

How are you dear brother?? I think I might be the first to disagree with the rest, but I will not tell to go ahead nor to postpone. But to spend earnest time in prayer with God. Only then will you get the answer you are seeking!!!


MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
DALE
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Old 05-02-2010, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Out of Florida........
4,309 posts, read 5,455,076 times
Reputation: 934
I take you ___, to be my (husband/wife), loving you now and as you grow and develop into all that God intends.
I will love you when we are together and when we are apart; when our lives are at peace and when they are in turmoil; when I am proud of you and when I am disappointed in you; in times of rest and in times of work.
I will honor your goals and dreams and help you to fulfill them. From the depth of my being, I will seek to be open and honest with you.
I say these things believing that God is in the midst of them all.
In the sight of God's love, and in the presence of our families and friends, I (Name), take you, (Name), to be my (husband/wife).
I offer my friendship and trust in you, promising to be faithful and understanding, as long as we both shall live.



If you can HONESTLY say and mean all of the above as a Christian, God-fearing man, go ahead and marry your love!
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Old 05-02-2010, 05:42 PM
 
6,232 posts, read 9,524,093 times
Reputation: 7532
Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticViking View Post
i am engaged and am about to get married in sept....my fiance has deppression and temper problems, and everything is always the end of the world...i treat her excellent, not just saying that but i do and she would tell you i do to...i have known about these problems before we got engaged, so its not an all of a sudden thing...in fact i posted on here once asking how do you know if it is time to call quits...we have a lot of plans ready for the wedding and i would kind of feel bad shutting them down, as i am one who wants to work on things, but i just dont know...im just happy go lucky, and she is sad, depressed, everything is wrong type thing...and she admits these things too, she doesnt always treat me great, its a hot and cold type situaton...im just not sure what to do, and any advice would be nice...maybe what kind of questions i need to ask myself...anyone experience this...i mean she really does love me, but just dont know....
we are Christians and that is why i posted this here...thanks
Oh heck no. How will you survive this marriage? For the rest of your life?! That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen! Is she really depressed all the time? Oh no..mmm-mmm..
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