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Old 02-05-2011, 09:43 PM
 
6 posts, read 17,357 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello,
I am a AUS citizen and a permanent resident of the US. I have been living with my family (hubby is from US) for the past 7 years in Ohio. We recently relocated to Australia to be closer to my family. We've been here for 3 months now and are temporarily living with my parents until we get back on our feet.

I thought that I would be happy to be back in Australia but I'm not and of course everything that I had liked and remembered has changed. I don't remember real estate being so expensive!!! Overall, things are ok here but I honestly prefer the US. I don't know if I'm just homesick but I liked the lifestyle over there better. My family and I have never communicated that well and I don't feel much of a connection with them when I'm here. Their views are still very strict and traditional and mine are the complete opposite. Most of my friends are single and do not have kids so it's very difficult to bond with them. I don't have the same interests as them anymore and they are all very career orientated right now.

It seems like the products and services offered in Australia are less than that in the US. Of course the healthcare is free in Australia but only for certain things. You still have to pay to see a specialist etc. High school education is good here but I think the colleges in the US are better. I would like my son to be able to have white Christmases, experience Halloween etc.

I have lived in Australia for much longer than the US but I seem to like life in the US better. I'm worried that I'm being selfish if I want to move back. My hubby is ok with whatever decision we make. He just wants me to be happy.

I'm not sure what to do. I know it would break my family's heart if I told them that I wanted to move back to the US. Not to mention that they would think I am crazy to want to leave Australia. I will probably wait to see how the next 6mths turn out but I would like to plan out this year etc.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I just crazy to want to move back to the US?
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Old 02-06-2011, 07:45 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati
3,335 posts, read 5,729,880 times
Reputation: 2058
you might repost this in general moving issues forum. you'll probably get better feedback from people who have gone through the same thing.

a couple things jump out at me -- you are living with your parents. that alone can add a lot of stress to a situation and exacerbate other issues.

you certainly aren't crazy. i have lived for multiple years overseas and also in different parts of the US. part of me wants to move back to those places, and maybe i will someday (but probably not). i think all we can do is accept that we will miss and have nostalgia for other places, but recognize that we made the decision that made the most sense at the time.

i think some of this i call the "modern mover dilemma" - i saw it a lot in colorado - people would move out there for a job or because they love mountains - then they would go back home - usually back east - but then decided they really wanted to be back in colorado - so they would move back - but sometimes they would then move back east AGAIN. literally people would make 3 or 4 or even 5 cross country moves before they could decide what they really wanted.

we are such a mobile society and it is easy to hinge our happiness on place and spend lots of time chasing our happiness all over the globe but really just stressing ourselves out.

i know my comments aren't super-practical, but maybe they help
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Old 02-06-2011, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Oxford, Ohio
901 posts, read 1,951,836 times
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If I might say so, it sounds like you've already made up your mind. You're simply concerned about hurting your family's feelings. But you said yourself that there is little communication going on with them, even though you're living back in Australia - no real connection because of your conflicting personal views about things. Can I give you a bit of advice? Don't live your life so that you're making your family happy while being miserable yourself. You have you own life to lead. When my mom wanted to move back home after she had been away for awhile, I told her NOT to do it simply because the rest of the family was here. I told her that everyone else was going to be living their lives, and I asked her what would happen if one of us moved away. She was thinking she would be happier if she was closer to the family, but she really hasn't been since she came back home. In fact, she now wishes she never would have left Tennessee.

If I'm understanding progmac correctly, I may have to slightly disagree with him - because I DO believe "place" has a great influence on our happiness. If there is a place you know you would be happier in, then you need to go there - especially if you have the ability to. Because if you don't while you can, you'll regret it later.
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:28 AM
 
6 posts, read 17,357 times
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Thanks for the comments and suggestion. I did repost my story in the general issues forum.

Living with my parents is stressful for sure. There have been times where we have gotten into disagreements but for the most part, they are tolerable and I know that they always have good intentions. I had considered this "living with my parents" as possibly the reason why I wanted to move back. So I thought about how I would feel if we were living in our own place and were more settled etc- would I be happier? Yes, I'm sure I would be happy to have my own place but I don't know if this would be enough for me to want to stay in Australia. I mean, should I stay and see how it turns out and if it is enough?

My husband is still currently employed with his company in the US (he does IT and works remotely in Australia) so moving back now would be a better timing than later as he would still have a job in the US. Alternatively, we can wait and see how the next 6mths turn out (he is getting performance review and renegotiating his contract then). He ultimately wants to get a job in Australia but is trying to get as much experience and extra certifications while he can. The cost of living here is SUPER expensive so it's obviously best to get a job in Australia. I'm currently not working and don't plan to return to work until my 2 yr old son starts school. I'm not sure if this would be the case if we moved back to the US as previously he had been going to an in-home childcare that I was happy about and I was working.

Just a side note- I have a friend here who is an accountant and has lived here all her life. I went to college with her and I found out today that she is house hunting. But she is very disappointed because everything is so expensive. It makes me wonder, if she graduated and has an accounting degree (just like me) and I know she has worked a steady job for at least the last 10 years and she is having issues getting a house then what hope do I have???
Of course I can't compare my situation to hers or use her as a guide for how my life will turn out but it makes me wonder and worry because I work in the same field as her. Back in the US, I worked as a senior accountant and the pay was decent. I probably have a better chance of affording a nice house over there than here.

Urgh- maybe I'm just a super duper worry wort but I'm trying to figure out my life and help my family!!
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Old 02-07-2011, 12:47 AM
 
6 posts, read 17,357 times
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Oh boy. I think I am just starting to figure out how to reply and post correctly because I somehow messed up along the way haha!

insightofitall-
yes, on some level I am worried about hurting my family's feelings. Everyone here is pro-Australia and strongly believe that it is a much better place to live than the US. They would think I'm insane to move back. I had made comments about not being happy and possibly wanting to move back to the US and my brothers gf said that I was homesick. She said that sometimes "we have to think with our heads and not our hearts". In other words, I should just deal with it because Australia is ultimately a better place for my son.

Everyone thinks that my son will be disadvantaged if he grows up in the US because he will miss out on all the opportunities that Australia has to offer. They make me feel guilty about wanting to move back because they say that my son's well-being is most important. I disagree. I think mine and my husband's well-being are more important because a child needs to have happy and motivated parents 24/7.

It's very frustrating. Everyone seems to have a very negative image of the US. My views and priorities are very different in comparison to all my family members. But no matter what, in their eyes, Australia is the best place for my son.
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Old 02-07-2011, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Oxford, Ohio
901 posts, read 1,951,836 times
Reputation: 691
Well, you know the thing is I really can't comment about what life is like in Australia compared to the U.S. Why does your family think Australia is such a better place for you and particularly your son? I mean, what are the specifics about Australia that would make it a better place?
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Mason, OH
9,259 posts, read 13,367,556 times
Reputation: 1920
I would expect your family feels Australia offers a better opportunity due to the homogeneity of the population - which is 92% caucasian, 7% asian, and 1% aboriginal or other. Stress and strife from racial conflicts and cultural differences should definitely be less in Australia. But I suspect since many of the early population was dragged there as prisoners quite a bit of social/economic class struggles may exist.

You have sufficient time in the US to decide what you like/dislike about it and also Australia. I never had the opportunity to visit, but wish I could have. Several of my Japanese friends retired to Australia. You say property there is very expensive, but compared to Japan it is cheap.
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Old 02-07-2011, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Covington, KY
1,879 posts, read 2,123,049 times
Reputation: 590
It should not be surprising that Australians prefer Australia. I would also expect people in South Africa to prefer South Africa, People in Japan to prefer Japan, ad infinitum.

If you want suggestions as to how to decide, well consider questions like:

Where do you want your citizenship? Where would you like to spend you last (not first) days?

In the modern world contact with places like Australia (or the United States) is not that difficult. It isn't as if you had to build a ship and spend three years getting there.
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Old 02-07-2011, 10:46 PM
 
6 posts, read 17,357 times
Reputation: 10
My family thinks Australia is a better place to live because there is less crime (and less chance of terrorist attacks), healthcare system is better, mild weather, more work opportunities, good government and economy. They believe my son will have a better future in Australia based on all this.
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Old 02-08-2011, 04:59 AM
 
Location: Covington, KY
1,879 posts, read 2,123,049 times
Reputation: 590
Quote:
Originally Posted by anl1979 View Post
My family thinks Australia is a better place to live because there is less crime (and less chance of terrorist attacks), healthcare system is better, mild weather, more work opportunities, good government and economy. They believe my son will have a better future in Australia based on all this.

So, what you want from us is reasons to live in the U.S. that outweigh that? And, furthermore you're asking in Ohio.

So, okay, what unique opportunities might exist for your son in the U.S....

Hard tellin' what the future holds in general and in particular for any individual, especially a two-year-old.

Well, there might be repercussions from NASA.
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