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Old 04-21-2017, 06:45 PM
 
Location: Nashville TN, Cincinnati, OH
1,798 posts, read 1,368,326 times
Reputation: 2342

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I do agree with you that is why I left Cincinnati for Nashville for college, Nashville has way more singles than Cincinnati even thou it is equally as conservative but the women are way friendlier in the SOUTH.
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Old 04-21-2017, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Hamilton, Ohio
24 posts, read 18,085 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vanderbiltgrad View Post
I do agree with you that is why I left Cincinnati for Nashville for college, Nashville has way more singles than Cincinnati even thou it is equally as conservative but the women are way friendlier in the SOUTH.
I've been to Nashville, Tennessee before, and it's a nice city. I've also been to Pigeon Forge, Gatlinburg, Seiverville, Sweetwater, and Knoxville, and I absolutely love the state of Tennessee! They definitely have the nicest people I've ever met!

Maybe I should move to Nashville!
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Old 04-21-2017, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Covington, KY
1,898 posts, read 2,363,947 times
Reputation: 606
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedsBengalsFan View Post
I've been to Nashville, Tennessee before, and it's a nice city. I've also been to Pigeon Forge, Gatlinburg, Seiverville, Sweetwater, and Knoxville, and I absolutely love the state of Tennessee! They definitely have the nicest people I've ever met!

Maybe I should move to Nashville!
Naw.... Stay home. You know the territory. It may turn upside down or inside out or sprout into something you never imagined could exist, but you'd still know the fringes and what that thingamajig was.

People don't have to have a lot in common to be friends. They merely need to care about each other. Be thoughtful of people and direct your attention to those who are thoughtful back not for what they might get back but because they want to be generous.

Pick something(s) dear to your heart, concentrate on that/those. You only have this moment of life for sure. And, look over any groups around likewise interested.
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Old 04-22-2017, 04:40 AM
 
207 posts, read 220,853 times
Reputation: 124
@RedsBengalsFan - One of the best selling sports books of all time was Ball Four by Jim Bouton. It was his diary of the 1969 baseball season as a pitcher with a few different teams. His take on Cincinnati was this: "Good town to catch a movie in, tough town to get ***** in." I was once your age and single in Cincinnati too. I didn't have to deal with social media, but a lot of what you're talking about is not new to Cincinnati or even in relation to dating as a whole. Some of what I say here may offend you or others, but hopefully you'll find at least some of it useful.


If you've lived in Hamilton all your life, maybe it's time to move to a different part of the tristate, or maybe even to another metro area. Not because of anything about Hamilton, but to help you break out of your comfort zone. If you are still living with parents or family, then all the more reason to move.


The advice given by others to try to be friends first is well intentioned advice. It is also horrible advice. I barely knew my wife when I asked her out for the first time. When guys try to be "friends" when they really want to be more than that, women can sense that from a mile away. Any reasonably attractive women already has plenty of "nice guys" in her sphere hoping that if she sees what a great guy he is, she'll have an epiphany and suddenly want to be more than friends. Um, no. If you're interested in her, ask her out. If she says no or if she tries to put you in the "friend zone" purgatory that you'll never get out of anyway, smile and move on.


If you're not in decent physical shape, get in shape. Even if you don't get buff, the act of continuously improving yourself will benefit you in so many ways. Women around your age have told me that guys with no goals or ambition frustrate them to no end. Another thing that aggravates women is indecisive, wishy washy guys. I'm not saying be a micromanaging boss with women. I am saying be decisive and own what you think.


If you're spending time with guy friends, great. Keep it up. If not, start doing it. It's good for you regardless and it will give you the kind of social proof by which women will judge you.


Read the 48th Law of Power by Robert Greene. Pay special attention to the 4th law. Then read everything else by Robert Greene. His material will help you look at the world for how it really is, not for how you want it to be.


I may post more ideas later, but hopefully this much helps. You did the right thing by identifying the problem and asking for help. I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress.
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Old 04-22-2017, 07:57 AM
 
3,513 posts, read 4,335,502 times
Reputation: 1821
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedsBengalsFan View Post
Allow me to elaborate my situation here.

I'm 26 years old, and I was born, and have lived in Hamilton, Ohio my entire life. For anyone who doesn't know, it's a medium size city which is about 30 miles north of Cincinnati, so I've always been in the same Metro area my entire life. With this being said, I have ventured all over the area-From counties such as Warren, Clermont, Hamilton(Right in Cincinnati), Butler, Preble, Kentucky, and Indiana. Right now, I'm a licensed teacher, but I'm substitute teaching full time, PLUS, working an additional 15 hours a week at Menard's.

I've still never had a girlfriend, dated, or had any form of sex. I can't help but think this area of Ohio is flat out terrible for dating. I'm not the only one who has mentioned this-I know many other people who agree the people around here are closed minded, asocial, and picky.

Even though we seem to be a society which avoids face-to-face interaction, especially in my lame generation, it seems to be worse in this particular area. I've tried everything-From online dating, to dating apps, to venues. I was involved in clubs, and sports in my Jr. high, and high school years, and never had any lucky. I was involved in the Miami University campuses in Hamilton, and Oxford(AKA prudes), and never had any luck in college. It's nearly impossible to even begin a conversation with Millennial women these days, as they're either sucked into their cell phones, or blow you off as a "creeper" without getting a chance. In case you're wondering, I'm not the least bit picky-I am open to probably 85 percent(give or take) to women under the age of 30(And even over 30, I like them that old too). As a matter of fact, I find a lot of women 40, and over attractive as well.

-I don't travel much, but I have had more positive responses during my vacation travels, especially in the southeastern portion of Ohio.
-I have noticed women in their mid 30's, or older seem to be more open. This may be due to the fact they don't get near as much male attention as they used to, or it could be due to their sexual prime days.
-Perhaps, if I move, I can also move to a place with an abundance of teaching jobs, so I can knock out two birds(Sex, and Career) with one stone!

So, where is a good place to move to for dating? Any ideas?
I'd also agree with above posters that it's not Ohio specific, I've experienced a lot of the same myself, it's just cultural across the US.

Keep in mind that Miami U / Oxford is a decent cross section of the nation, albeit a good deal more affluent. The majority of people there are not from southwestern Ohio.

As for the sex part, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Everyone keeps talking about "hook-up culture", but I went to Miami, was in a frat, and didn't really see it. Among the few, maybe, but for the most part people just got really drunk, might kiss each other, and that was about it. It was a lot more rare that I would hear about actual sexual acts, I'm not saying they didn't happen but it was a lot less frequent than you'd expect. And the majority of people that did have some kind of intercourse were in a formal relationship with each other. Many of my friends, those I know, etc. prided themselves more on how much they drank and how frequently they went out, as going out more and keeping good grades was seen as a sign of intelligence. They would have told me if they were hooking up with a mutual friend or some other girl on the side, it was not a place where people would have shied away from saying such things. But they didn't, and I honestly believe they weren't. So what you see in the movies and on TV doesn't compute in real life.

It sounds to me like you're doing a good job of focusing on you, which is what you need to do to make yourself better for the girl of your dreams. Keep on working, interviewing for full time teaching positions, etc. and the right opportunities will present themselves. Don't try too hard, but do try to make friends and be social. If you are in an environment where friendship is impossible and negativity is everywhere, then by all means leave. But if not, you never know when that friendly coworker might think their beautiful daughter would be a good fit for you and set you two up. Or the barista at Starbucks gets up the nerve to start a nice conversation with you that leads to you asking her on a date. It's easy to get wrapped up in the slot machine roulette of online dating, don't let it get the best of you (this is a reminder for myself too).

So if you want to move, do it for you and go someplace where you have a support network. It's awful to move somewhere where you don't know anyone at all (this is coming from first hand experience). Find a living environment that is comfortable and inviting within budget, preferrably a place with a sense of community and other singles that allows you to put yourself out there more easily. To be honest, Downtown Hamilton isn't horrible for this at all, but there's a lot of other good places too. And just live. Breathe. Don't worry too much about it! You'll be fine, just take it one step at a time. I'm not sure if you believe in some kind of deity, but if you do then have faith they have a path for you. You just gotta be patient, stay true to yourself, and keep on treating others right and doing the right thing. Good things will come in time, and you[ll appreciate them more when they do. If you ever wanna talk, let me know because I'm in the same boat as you my friend.


Good luck!
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Old 04-22-2017, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Hamilton, Ohio
24 posts, read 18,085 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Misfit Toy View Post
@RedsBengalsFan - One of the best selling sports books of all time was Ball Four by Jim Bouton. It was his diary of the 1969 baseball season as a pitcher with a few different teams. His take on Cincinnati was this: "Good town to catch a movie in, tough town to get ***** in." I was once your age and single in Cincinnati too. I didn't have to deal with social media, but a lot of what you're talking about is not new to Cincinnati or even in relation to dating as a whole. Some of what I say here may offend you or others, but hopefully you'll find at least some of it useful.


If you've lived in Hamilton all your life, maybe it's time to move to a different part of the tristate, or maybe even to another metro area. Not because of anything about Hamilton, but to help you break out of your comfort zone. If you are still living with parents or family, then all the more reason to move.


The advice given by others to try to be friends first is well intentioned advice. It is also horrible advice. I barely knew my wife when I asked her out for the first time. When guys try to be "friends" when they really want to be more than that, women can sense that from a mile away. Any reasonably attractive women already has plenty of "nice guys" in her sphere hoping that if she sees what a great guy he is, she'll have an epiphany and suddenly want to be more than friends. Um, no. If you're interested in her, ask her out. If she says no or if she tries to put you in the "friend zone" purgatory that you'll never get out of anyway, smile and move on.


If you're not in decent physical shape, get in shape. Even if you don't get buff, the act of continuously improving yourself will benefit you in so many ways. Women around your age have told me that guys with no goals or ambition frustrate them to no end. Another thing that aggravates women is indecisive, wishy washy guys. I'm not saying be a micromanaging boss with women. I am saying be decisive and own what you think.


If you're spending time with guy friends, great. Keep it up. If not, start doing it. It's good for you regardless and it will give you the kind of social proof by which women will judge you.


Read the 48th Law of Power by Robert Greene. Pay special attention to the 4th law. Then read everything else by Robert Greene. His material will help you look at the world for how it really is, not for how you want it to be.


I may post more ideas later, but hopefully this much helps. You did the right thing by identifying the problem and asking for help. I'm looking forward to hearing about your progress.
As I mentioned in my original post, I have indulged in the entire Cincinnati Metro Area, and even most of the Tri-State area, so it looks like I need to move to another area altogether. Even if it's the Dayton Metro Area, that would be a change, as the last time I've been to that area was in 2011, when I visited my friend in Miamisburg, Ohio. Preferably, I would want to move to the Knoxville Metro Area in Tennessee, as the people there seem to be friendlier than anywhere else I've been.

As far as women around my age wanting a guy with "goals", and "ambition", these are code words to mask the fact they are actually gold-diggers. There are many people who struggle in multiple aspects of life who have goals, and ambition, but unfortunate circumstances prevent them from achieving their goals. If they truly wanted a guy with ambition, than a guy like me would be an ideal match, as I work harder, and strive for more than nearly every person I know. But we all know they would rather take the lazy, rich spoiled brat over someone who actually has ambition.

As far as those books ago, I'll have to check those out, as I love to read.
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Old 04-22-2017, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Hamilton, Ohio
24 posts, read 18,085 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by SWOH View Post
I'd also agree with above posters that it's not Ohio specific, I've experienced a lot of the same myself, it's just cultural across the US.

Keep in mind that Miami U / Oxford is a decent cross section of the nation, albeit a good deal more affluent. The majority of people there are not from southwestern Ohio.

As for the sex part, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Everyone keeps talking about "hook-up culture", but I went to Miami, was in a frat, and didn't really see it. Among the few, maybe, but for the most part people just got really drunk, might kiss each other, and that was about it. It was a lot more rare that I would hear about actual sexual acts, I'm not saying they didn't happen but it was a lot less frequent than you'd expect. And the majority of people that did have some kind of intercourse were in a formal relationship with each other. Many of my friends, those I know, etc. prided themselves more on how much they drank and how frequently they went out, as going out more and keeping good grades was seen as a sign of intelligence. They would have told me if they were hooking up with a mutual friend or some other girl on the side, it was not a place where people would have shied away from saying such things. But they didn't, and I honestly believe they weren't. So what you see in the movies and on TV doesn't compute in real life.


It sounds to me like you're doing a good job of focusing on you, which is what you need to do to make yourself better for the girl of your dreams. Keep on working, interviewing for full time teaching positions, etc. and the right opportunities will present themselves. Don't try too hard, but do try to make friends and be social. If you are in an environment where friendship is impossible and negativity is everywhere, then by all means leave. But if not, you never know when that friendly coworker might think their beautiful daughter would be a good fit for you and set you two up. Or the barista at Starbucks gets up the nerve to start a nice conversation with you that leads to you asking her on a date. It's easy to get wrapped up in the slot machine roulette of online dating, don't let it get the best of you (this is a reminder for myself too).

So if you want to move, do it for you and go someplace where you have a support network. It's awful to move somewhere where you don't know anyone at all (this is coming from first hand experience). Find a living environment that is comfortable and inviting within budget, preferrably a place with a sense of community and other singles that allows you to put yourself out there more easily. To be honest, Downtown Hamilton isn't horrible for this at all, but there's a lot of other good places too. And just live. Breathe. Don't worry too much about it! You'll be fine, just take it one step at a time. I'm not sure if you believe in some kind of deity, but if you do then have faith they have a path for you. You just gotta be patient, stay true to yourself, and keep on treating others right and doing the right thing. Good things will come in time, and you[ll appreciate them more when they do. If you ever wanna talk, let me know because I'm in the same boat as you my friend.


Good luck!
You're preaching to the choir here. Trust me, I know all about this.

Yes, Miami University has a variety of people from all over the country, and a majority of the people who attend the college aren't from southwestern Ohio, but Miami University is a unique entity of its own. Contrary to popular belief, the students there aren't that affluent; They just act like they are. Most of them are snobby, especially the girls. Also, I have no idea why anyone would throw the word "hookup culture" on that campus. Not only is this inaccurate, the girls on the campus were total prudes. Part of this is due to the fact women don't hit their sexual peak until their 30's(outside of the traditional college-age range), but it's also due to the fact they're so picky, and snooty. As for the drunk idiots, there are a lot more of those in the other areas of the tri-state(Come to the east side of Hamilton, where people drink every day of their lives). Miami University isn't near as "wild"(Drugs, etc) as University of Cincinnati, Northern Kentucky University, Moorehead State University, or University of Dayton(These are the only colleges I've visited). Most of these "party" students don't care about their grades anyway, and most of them were male. Even though it seems like I've roasted the women on this thread, most of the girls I met at Miami had a level head, and were focused.

Almost all of my family(and the few friends I have) are in this area of Ohio. I do have some distant cousins out in Anaheim, California(And that area in general) I communicate with on Facebook, so if I need to move somewhere with a support system, it literally has to be that area, and nowhere else.

Anyway, thanks for your response!
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Old 04-23-2017, 02:29 AM
 
10,135 posts, read 24,508,470 times
Reputation: 8326
The problem with a geographical cure for a problem is that everywhere you go, there you are.

Look, its not in the water and its not the southern accent. People hook up figuratively and literally everywhere in about the same numbers. You just need an attitude adjustment.

Make four new male friends. If you are date-able, their wives and girlfriends will make if happen. If not, try reinventing yourself here.
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Old 04-23-2017, 05:04 AM
 
15 posts, read 6,918 times
Reputation: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by WILWRadio View Post
I think the best advice I can give is that the OP should concentrate on getting a stable career or job if he has not already done so. Position yourself for your future to be able to live the lifestyle you choose, save money and get debt paid off. You will find that if you achieve many of your goals in your personal and professional life, you will feel good about yourself and likely can be more confident about finding someone suitable to date and perhaps marry. Trying to put the cart before the horse which is what so many people do, can lead to a bad relationship with a woman that is not compatible.

BTW. Try taking the Briggs and Stratton uh wait, that is the Myers and Briggs Learning Inventory. The personality test will show you how you best match up to certain kinds of people for work and personal relationships. Example: I'm mostly an ISTJ (Introvert, Sensing, Thinking, Judging type) with some INTJ (Introvert, Intuition, Thinking, Judging type). Thus after learning this I found out whom I am best suited to work with and also who is going to be an ideal mate. Unfortunately for my types only about 3 women in 100 will have a compatible personality. LOL. I should not be with the over bearing, aggressive, domineering types that seem to like me. Thus, I no longer will date them and steer clear of their type.

Take the test and see if you can find out what kind of women are best suited to your personality.

Lot's of good advice here. I don't think stability is everything, because frankly life never really is. But I'll add this...confidence is everything.

And not fake, brash confidence. I mean humble confidence, where you have nothing to prove.

Another thing to think about: you're more likely to find someone that is right for you if you hang out with the right people. Take some time to think about what that would look like for you.

And don't worry about sex. Better to do that with the right person rather than just a random one.
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Old 04-23-2017, 06:38 AM
 
Location: Cincinnati, OH
410 posts, read 471,313 times
Reputation: 331
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wilson513 View Post
The problem with a geographical cure for a problem is that everywhere you go, there you are.

Look, its not in the water and its not the southern accent. People hook up figuratively and literally everywhere in about the same numbers. You just need an attitude adjustment.

Make four new male friends. If you are date-able, their wives and girlfriends will make if happen. If not, try reinventing yourself here.
This. Absolutely, this.
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