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View Poll Results: Southern hospitality, myth or reality?
myth 41 46.07%
reality 48 53.93%
Voters: 89. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-17-2010, 07:42 PM
 
Location: NC/IL/MI
3,559 posts, read 4,433,072 times
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Meeting smoeone for the 1st time you should be nice and friendly. Lets say u know someone for a while and you dont like each other, IMO why be nice?

Not saying you should do any harm but why should you act like u like someone when you know you dont?

as far as northerners who act overly tough "tyin to keep it real" thats just a sad front.

mas23
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Old 10-17-2010, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Detroit's eastside, downtown Detroit in near future!
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here is my take on "southern hospitality" after living in FL for two years. Its a bunch of bs! Yes in general people down south do come off as very nice and polite.....AT FIRST! Just give it time and you will see their true colors. I'd rather live up north (midwest included) where people will just be upfront with you and tell it like it is than to be down south with people who will put up a front all the while scheming and talking behind your back and being some of the most judgemental people but smiling in your face. Granted not everyone was like that but many were.
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Detroit's eastside, downtown Detroit in near future!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by polo89 View Post
I can see how some may find the Southern kindness to be fake. Yes some may talk behind your back and gossip. But hospitality and courtesy are different than just kindness. The hospitality and courtesy down here is genuine. Now, on the flip side, I(and I'm sure others from down here), find that SOME(not all) of our Northern transplant neighbors, TRY to display a level of toughness, hardness and bravado, and use it as a front to show us how "tough" and "rough" there former place of residence was up North. I'm sure some really did have it rough up there, but for ALOT of them, it seems false. There seems to be this never-ending battle of who's harder than who, and it seems that alot of them(meaning Northern transplants) seem to fake the funk. In other words, some talk a big game, but there bark is louder than there bite. I find this display of toughness equally as fake as the fake Southern hospitality displayed by the Southerners. REMEMBER, just because you act real, doesn't mean you ARE real. Cussing people out, and always talking rudely to people, doesn't automatically validate your "Honesty" and "realness", and people often mistake Northern RUDENESS, for honesty, when in REALITY it's just a front that SOME(not all), put on. It's an act, it's a show, it's a play. Alot of people say this: "Hey the only reason why us people from up North act like they don't like you, is because we're brutally honest, and "REAL". You know you can be REAL, and HONEST, without acting like a complete tool. Just saying.
this true to. being up front doesnt mean to be extra rude trying to prove your tough. But some southern cities have those type also. Like most Miami people act like this to me, especially the black men (I was at an HBCU). For example everytime a guy from Miami asked where I was from and I said Detroit the very first thing they would say is "Detroit dudes aint dudes.....If I can survive Miami I can survive anywhere". Mind you this is without me trying to be "tough" or even mentioning Detroit men. And yes the north has some smile in your face, fake people also. Either way don't be fake and don't try to be too "real" either. Both are annoying
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:35 PM
 
2,758 posts, read 3,351,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestbankNOLA View Post
You're taking out of what I said out of proportion and then you're exaggerating.
Anyone who greets someone with "I DON'T KNOW YOU AND I REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW YOU, YOU PIG FACED B*TCH!" is an *******.
What if a person's thinking that though? They'd be telling you the truth* and letting you know exactly how they feel about you, regardless. You'd much rather have a coworker (who's also stranger) come to you the first time and be all friendly and all. It's not really my nature to strike up the "lifelong new friend" conversation but I'd appreciate the effort more than the lame who says the "$crew you, I don't know you" bit that some posters seem to embrace (not you).


Quote:
Originally Posted by WestbankNOLA View Post
If I'm approached by someone that I don't know, why should I be overly friendly and welcoming toward them? What's wrong with a simple "Hey, nice to meet you." ? That doesn't mean that I wouldn't be interested in getting to know them and all.
On C-D, a lot of people don't get that a lot of Southerners approach it like this but the ones who go overboard really don't deserve the fire & brimstone-"how dare you ask that" attitude that can come their way. If you feel that someone's going too far...just state that you don't want to give too much information about yourself (I've done it a lot in TN when I lived there). The part in bold: You know that a prick can liken that question to, "What's your SSN number and what's your pin#?"

Quote:
Originally Posted by WestbankNOLA View Post
If I don't like someone, why pretend like I care about them being there and act as if I want them to enjoy themselves? I couldn't care less and more than likely they already know how I feel.

If something needs to be said and it's on the mind of everyone in the room, why not say it? Why awkwardly sit around looking at everyone hoping no one notices?
This is where the carping of Southern hospitality puzzles me because I've never seen this type of behavior before and I live in the South. I've never been around a person who can't stand me and puts themselves through the torture of pretending. I think I would notice that if they felt that way. I would never put myself through that. I think that it's hospitable to state whatever problem you have with a person, tactfully.

Quote:
Originally Posted by WestbankNOLA View Post
If you need to know something why sugarcoat it to be "respectful"? Respectful of what?
I'm not going to make a rude first impression, but I'm not going to be in character either.
That's my version of hospitality. I think that people deserve initial respect. If a problem were to come up, it would be right and hospitable to discuss it (say what's on the mind) but do it in a tactful way. I think a lot of people on here confuse "tact" with "sugarcoating" because tactfulness is throwing someone off of the building onto a trampoline instead of letting them fall onto the concrete. Letting someone off easy rather than going "all out" without regard is what I get when people talk of "not sugarcoating." Let me know if I got that wrong.

*they truthfully don't know you and may be sincere in not really wanting to know you

Last edited by David Alleyne; 10-17-2010 at 09:39 PM.. Reason: typed too fast
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Old 10-17-2010, 08:37 PM
 
13,318 posts, read 13,000,234 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by detroitlove View Post
this true to. being up front doesnt mean to be extra rude trying to prove your tough. But some southern cities have those type also. Like most Miami people act like this to me, especially the black men (I was at an HBCU). For example everytime a guy from Miami asked where I was from and I said Detroit the very first thing they would say is "Detroit dudes aint dudes.....If I can survive Miami I can survive anywhere". Mind you this is without me trying to be "tough" or even mentioning Detroit men. And yes the north has some smile in your face, fake people also. Either way don't be fake and don't try to be too "real" either. Both are annoying
Yeah, you can most certainly find the fake "tough ones" from the South also. I think all regions have there issues. The South has it's fair share of overly wannabe tough guys, and wannabe thugs, and plenty of fake gangbangers. It seems to take place in most areas around the US. I think in Miami's case, it's always a defense mechanism, because people down there have consatly heard "If we was up North son, we would get to shooting". Yeeeeah riiiight.
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Old 10-17-2010, 09:15 PM
 
Location: New Orleans, United States
4,236 posts, read 5,743,921 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott Summers View Post
What if a person's thinking that though? They'd be telling you the truth* and letting you know exactly how they feel about you, regardless. You'd much rather have a coworker (who's also stranger) come to you the first time and be all friendly and all. It's not really my nature to strike up the "lifelong new friend" conversation but I'd appreciate the effort more than the lame who says the "$crew you, I don't know you" bit that some posters seem to embrace (not you).




On C-D, a lot of people don't get that a lot of Southerners approach it like this but the ones who go overboard really don't deserve the fire & brimstone-"how dare you ask that" attitude that can come their way. If you feel that someone's going too far...just state that you don't want to give too much information about yourself (I've done it a lot in TN when I lived there). The part in bold: You know that a prick can liken that question to, "What's your SSN number and what's your pin#?"



This is where the carping of Southern hospitality puzzles me because I've never seen this type of behavior before and I live in the South. I've never been around a person who can't stand me and puts themselves through the torture of pretending. I think I would notice that if they felt. I would never put myself through that. I think that it's hospitable to state whatever problem you have with a person, tactfully.



That's my version of hospitality. I think that people deserve initial respect. If a problem were to come up, it would be the right and hospitable thing discuss it (say what's on the mind) but do it in a tactful way. I think a lot of people on here confuse "tact" with "sugarcoating" because tactfulness is throwing someone off of the build onto a trampoline instead of letting them fall onto the concrete. Letting someone off easy rather than going "all out" without regard is what I get when people talk of "not sugarcoating." Let me know if I got that wrong.

*they truthfully don't know you and may be sincere in not really wanting to know you
I guess I'm stuck in the middle then.
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Old 10-17-2010, 09:34 PM
 
2,758 posts, read 3,351,316 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestbankNOLA View Post
I guess I'm stuck in the middle then.
The thing is, there are Southerners who are legitimately "hospitable" 24-7 and you'd be at fault if they ever get upset (if that makes any sense).

There's also something called "southern sheist" which are the type who pretends/backstabs/gossip/etc. That's being devious which doesn't mix well with hospitality (being warm & generous people).

Of course, the South doesn't have the iron grip on that either of the words in bold but that's a given when it comes to people.
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:18 PM
 
Location: NE Kansas City, MO
201 posts, read 239,149 times
Reputation: 73
Giant mythogrophy
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Old 10-17-2010, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Detroit's eastside, downtown Detroit in near future!
2,055 posts, read 2,317,904 times
Reputation: 616
Quote:
Originally Posted by polo89 View Post
Yeah, you can most certainly find the fake "tough ones" from the South also. I think all regions have there issues. The South has it's fair share of overly wannabe tough guys, and wannabe thugs, and plenty of fake gangbangers. It seems to take place in most areas around the US. I think in Miami's case, it's always a defense mechanism, because people down there have consatly heard "If we was up North son, we would get to shooting". Yeeeeah riiiight.
agreed!!! I partly think the Miami "tough guy" persona has something to do with the idiots who want to live up to the murder/crime rate down there. Unfortunately we have some of those too here in Detroit. Its pathetic no matter where you're from. But I also think part of it is, and I'd have to add in some of the other southerners like ATL people who I came across with that same attitude, that it has something to do with a good deal of Detroit thugs moving to their cities. Like with the ATL dudes I either got them asking questions about Detroit because they were just generally interested or I got the "tough guy" "F**k Detroit" type. But I was also told that some of the guys in the A feel a little uptight about our guys moving there. idk. In general though, I liked ATL people the most. Majority were down to earth. Plus I just connected the ones with that attitude to the whole BMF bs so I kind of understood.<----I don't know if this makes any sense lol

I figure you mean east coast people from your "son" comment lol. But whats crazy is I've met midwestern guys, westcoast and southern guys who swear eastcoast guys are soft and they put up the biggest fronts (don't know if its true just some comments I've heard from other people before anyone gets defensive). The only eastcoast city they usually didn't call "soft" was Baltimore.
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Old 10-18-2010, 07:01 AM
 
Location: Whidbey Island, WA
12,794 posts, read 18,929,492 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott Summers View Post
There's also something called "southern sheist" which are the type who pretends/backstabs/gossip/etc.
What on earth? I'm a native Southerner and have never heard of such a thing.
These personality traits certainly transcend the South. Please.
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