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Actually I've agreed with you on those statements and never debated with you on those topis. However, it's much more than what you put though. The south isn't monotholic; what you may have encountered in North Carolina is completely different from I've experienced living in Texas.
You consistently paint the south as one; when in reality the south varies dramtically across the region. Coming from Texas to places like North Carolina or Florida was a culture shock for me.
And you don't with the north? if you say otherwise then you trippin!!!
my experiences in the south are from nc, sc, va, ga, md and tx.
to be fair, it was west tx and dominated by (IMHO) mexican/western u.s. culture rather than what you would typically associate with the south. tx is a very large state and i consider eastern and western tx like night and day.
I've actually never been to NY. The farthest north I've been is Maryland. However, I usually base my views on the people I've met from the Northern parts of the country. I got tons of familly all over the east coast ranging from NY to Florida.
its more like "welcoming" and IMO a good host doesn't talk behind their guest's back the min they leave.
ppl aren't saying that *some* ppl in the south are fake based off of a 5 min conversation. its bigger than that.
you don't have to move into friendship for the fakeness to come into play.
This is fake right here:
person 1: Hi nice to meet you, you have a beautiful smile, want more ice tea?
person 2: Thanks, I'll take another refill.
person 1: person 3, person 1 has some busted teeth, look at them over there ( person 1 spits in the iced tea).
person 3: LOL, yeah they have 5 gaps and that's not possible (choking now)
person 1: here's your "fresh" iced tea darlin. smile for me again, oh, GQ now
person 2: you're very nice miss, thanks.
That's fake right there. Thing is, most initial encounters don't have any loyalty or anything there if the conversation's brief. Most people don't have any opinion of a person but then they may do the "lifelong new friend" routine to find some common ground with a person, they could be genuinely gregarious people...who knows.
Another thing, you made a video about a boss of yours being out of line about something right? Did you tell him how you felt? I don't know but you told us here on CD your beef with your boss, some could look at that as being fake but there isn't any amicable loyalty there but you'd give someone like that general respect;no more, no less (that's me though). Is that right?
Last edited by David Alleyne; 10-18-2010 at 12:13 PM..
The thing is that you'll be received well at first but it's not the person's responsibility in life to become your best friend after that. It's also up to the person to use common sense and not be lulled into thinking that kindness means "We're friends for life" (back to the sofia vergara looking bartender, just because she's smiling at me and asking do I want more doesn't mean I'm getting the #).
On the flip side, it's dirty if someone's been pretending to be your friend for years and you've just found out...by all means air them out but (I would have known way before).
You can find nice people all over the country, but it is more common down south I guess....I find the north to have just as good people, just not in public. You have to sort of win it over.....
Some Southerners may be fake, some may talk about you behind your back, some may be rude to your face, but the thing is we don't have to be hospitable. How many Southerners expect hospitality when they go up north, I don't know but I'd guess very few. It's funny to me that even though it's not expected anywhere else in the country it's not only expected, but in some cases demanded in the South by people who come here, and some of them do their best to act rude to you even though you're doing your best to be friendly to them. Btw this ol' Southern boy gave up on being hospitable a long time ago, it may a custom in the South but yall've broken so many of ours, I thought why not.
I would have to go dig it out, but there was a regional/sociological survey sometime back where Southerners and non-Southerners were asked to give an opinion on the qualities of those from other regions.
Consistently, "Friendliness" was listed as a trait to refer to Southerners by non-Southerners. The problem came in when it got in depth and as to whether or not the friendliness was a positive or negative trait. The (and yeah, makes sense) was that such was just percieved in different ways, and according to their own cultural value system.
What many northerners (i.e. non-Southerners) grudgingly admitted was a more polite and welcoming atmosphere in the South (i.e for the purpose of the poll, the Old Confederate States plus Kentucky, Oklahoma and West Virginia), they did not always see it as anything to brag about.
To their way of thinking, the good manners came across as "fake" and "false". And in the final analysis, the conclusion of the study was that mannerisms, like humor, is one of the hardest things to translate across regional lines.
For instance, what many northerners see as the admirable quality of direct frankness, Southerners take as tacky rudeness. And so on...
The South has always been a bit different than the rest of the country. We have our own unique history and culture, and non-Southerners often "just don't get it." I guess only another Southerner really understands what I am trying to say here.
In "frank" parlance, the translation for certain non-Southerners (i.e. if the shoe fits, wear it) goes like this:
Don't move/come down here with an disdainful and/or patronizing attitude, and presume to tell us how much better it was where you came from. Or how backward and slow-talking and un-enlightened we are. And, to add insult to injury, THEN complain about how you find Southern hospitality to be one of Aesops Fables.
About the only thing I will say for the record (and have before) is that Southern hospitality is real and genuine. BUT (and other fellow Southerners have said it in so many words themselves), the qualifier is that one has to be open to accepting it, first and foremost. You get back what you are willing to give.
The American South is, and American Southerners are, the most welcoming place/people on this planet. Nothing "fake" about that.
Don't worry, Boompa. Your reputation as one who has a general disdain and contempt for the South precedes you, sir.
You stand as the epitome of one who will never experience true Southern hospitality for precisely that reason.
But nothing to worry about. There is not a chance you will ever become "one of (us)"
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