Chicago vs San Francisco dating and social scene for a 30 year old

[Flavia84]

Originally Posted by Port Pitt Ash

I do believe you've just answered your own question.

I feel like the statements in my original post are just pieces of information that I heard here and there. I'm hoping that people on this board would be able to tell me which ones are true and which ones aren't. It would be easier for me to make a decision if I had more accurate information about the social scene in both cities from people who had experience living there.

[blacknwhiterose]

If you like attractive white women, are a good-looking white man, make good money, and live in the trendy (gentrified) parts of Chicago, you will probably find lots of women willing to have a date with you. Just make sure that you live in the trendy zip code areas. Chicago women rival New York women for their zip code snobbery. I'm an attractive early-30s white man, have an interesting engineering/design job, live in a nice, quirky suburb 35min from downtown, and many women from "the city" refused to date me simply because they automatically categorized me as "that boring guy from the suburbs". Now, I am a native Chicago guy with roots, family, and friends in both the city and suburbs parts. I go into downtown 3 days a week to socialize and commuting isn't an issue for me since I own a car, plus I live right next to a Metra line, and there's L-trains and taxis once you get into Chi proper. A few times when I was in the city, people would refuse to meet me in one of the less trendy parts of the city (i.e. anywhere north of Addison Ave). Even in the suburbs, I met a few women from a different suburb 30/40 minutes away who balked at meeting me for a date because they thought 40 minutes would be a "long distance relationship".

If you move to Chicago, just know that there are a lot of people around here who are very neighborhood-ist and small-minded about geography. I don't intend to scare you, sound bitter, or totally hate on the Chi and my own people, Chicago is a great city in many ways with many great people and I'm proud to call it my native land, but everywhere has it's drawbacks and this is the biggest problem I see with Chicagoland. Chicagoland is massive and diverse and has the greatest downtown in the world imo, but it is also consistently estimated as thee most segregated city in the USA. Racially/ethnically segregated, socially segregated, doesn't have a good relationship with it's suburbs. It shows in the attitudes of some of the people around here, especially in many of the young transplants that move into the cool neighborhoods. Some people call it neighborhood pride, some call it Midwest mentality, I don't know, but it's my least favorite thing about my hometown.

You'll probably encounter at least some of this attitude around SF or any other big city, but probably not as much since the bay area has a little more entertainment/attractions for single people outside of it's city center and Californians have a bigger concept of geography and are at least slightly more open-minded about meeting new people. Luckily, I met my girlfriend in Mexico, she was willing to fly on an airplane to another country to date and start a relationship with me unlike some of these local women who were unwilling to get up and drive/train it out of their city block or suburb to meet with me.

[Port Pitt Ash]

Originally Posted by Flavia84

I feel like the statements in my original post are just pieces of information that I heard here and there. I'm hoping that people on this board would be able to tell me which ones are true and which ones aren't. It would be easier for me to make a decision if I had more accurate information about the social scene in both cities from people who had experience living there.

It was just so one sided for Chicago I figured you'd already made up your mind and wanted someone to tell you, yep, you're right.

San Francisco:

You won't make solid friends in the way you're thinking of solid friends. It's unlikely you'd find a serious relationship as far as traditional wedding type stuff most likely.

It's more of a place with cool people who are having fun.

One of the things that would probably bother you is the west coast way of being friends and doing things together. If you go to the bar then you'd have bar friends. Gardening another group and so on and so on.

Many friends with weak ties rather than the Midwestern thing of core group of great friends who always spend the weekends together. Think casual.

Plus you have the thing where people will say I'll meet you at so and so or we should go to such and such, but really mean if I don't have something better to do. And it's not uncommon for them not to even mention that they aren't going to make it or never had the intention of going anyway.

So if you're used to the East Coast or Midwest you may find yourself getting pissed over many nights spent waiting at home.

You get that in the PacNW too.

Of coarse there's always the too PC issue.

"I like the more traditional feel of the Midwest."

You're not going to get this in SF. Might try Oakland, but still even there it may be a stretch.

"Bay Area seemed to be a little more casual - I'm not a huge fan of that but can live with it."

It is. Although a bit of both. You'd have to go to say Portland before frumpy becomes a mode of dress.

Money lasts a lot longer in Chicago.

How do you feel about naked people? If you spend enough time in SF you're going to just randomly see it.

How do you feel about smug people? SF again.

Not sure why you'd pick the burbs in SF, but the Loop in Chicago. Seems like you'd want to be in a more urban setting in SF, but can't afford it.

"Which city would fit me better in your opinion?"

Chicago for just about everything other than weather.

By all means visit SF. It's wonderful, just not for many of the things you're looking for long term.

[Flavia84]

Port Pitt Ash,

Thank you for taking time to write up such an informative post, it helps me a great deal!

[svicious22]

Originally Posted by Flavia84

Thanks for the replies so far.

One important piece of information I left out (my bad!) is that I am not a happy hour/bar/night club type of person, and it seems to be a popular way to spend free time in Chicago in the winter. So I wouldn't be meeting people that way... Correct me if I'm wrong on that.
You are correct on this point.

The cultural events cost money which add to the cost of living considerably. Spending 50-100$ a week on concerts or theatre adds up quickly. At least in the Bay Area there are lots of activities revolving around the outdoors- for free.

The same is true in Chicago, just more seasonally due to weather.