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- Pittsburgh >>> Pictures found in Social Studies books.
- Fort Worth >>> I think of less than it actually is - - Sundance Square, legitimate cowtown.
- Orlando >>> Motorhome life. Mickey Mouse Ear beanie hats. The Castle in blue at night. The Haunted Mansion ride, which I suddenly wish I was on right now.
- Boston >>> I can't get past the accent. Liquor drinkers. Loudmouths.
- Nashville >>> Mutated dreams. I know that incredible things have happened there, but all I've seen are highway restaurants that look like anywhere else. I like the idea of Nashville more than the actual.
- Kansas City >>> 9th Street. White ghettos where my immigrant grandparents lived. Midwesterners' bare feet disappearing into thin, green blades of grass. Blue sky over blinding snow drifts. The roots of depression.
- Buffalo >>> They say Buffalo is like a college town. I don't know. I think of jeans over sweat pants. Michelin men. Something always on the stove. Accepting that this is just life.
- Charlotte >>> Large yards rolling up to plantation-style homes. I think of the city in 1986: New red Cadillacs, double-breasted shoppers, lemonade on a tray. "Whooo!"
- Cleveland >>> Embrace the misery. I think of the stadium just off the highway (or is that Cincinnati?). Large people. The salt of the Earth.
- Omaha >>> Home. Elkhorn, where I grew up. My father trotting out into the driveway to lean into the car and honk the horn, waving at neighbors doing the same, every time the Cornhuskers scored a touchdown. Basketball goals flanking front driveways. Yellow LTDs. Community Swimming pools. Pine trees. The scent of grain and feed stores. The main attraction: a lousy mall. Seven feet of snow. Shooting dirt out of a toy rifle into my brother's eye. Milk chips. Mittens, not gloves. Trying to light the incense as an altar boy working a funeral. The sound of slamming cabinets inducing twitch urgency to straighten throw pillows.
- San Diego >>> My pre-Ron Burgundy thought is that SD was always Paradise, therefore out of the question for my family. That's for Other People. I think of absolute happiness, zero involuntary sweat, being surrounded by happy people who pulled the trigger or won the lottery and were born there. I'd hate to have been born there, and never known the difference. You've got to have dreams.
- New Orleans >>> Urine.
- San Antonio >>> Well kept neighborhoods. Wide concrete streets. The drive there and back was always same-day.
- Washington D.C. >>> Home of the Whopper.
- Austin >>> Riding around town with Cliff Antone. Sharing the stage with Billy Gibbons at an awards thing. Living way over the edge. Having to move to Vegas to calm things down. Humidity. The implicit guarantee of an SRV song on the radio or being played at the airport at all times. Coeds.
- San Jose >>> Excited relaxation. It was so new to me, you could have replaced it with Pensacola and I'd still be pants-wet over finally arriving.
- Atlanta >>> Unfortunately, I think exclusively of Gangster Rappers.
- Denver >>> Arrogance. I can't get past the arrogance.
- Philadelphia >>> Pictures from Social Studies books. Horrible, horrible food. Men who have never shaved below their nose in their entire lives.
- Detroit >>> This city, like Baltimore, has zero redeeming value. Negative people from a terrible place.
- Pittsburgh >>> Pictures found in Social Studies books.
- Fort Worth >>> I think of less than it actually is - - Sundance Square, legitimate cowtown.
- Orlando >>> Motorhome life. Mickey Mouse Ear beanie hats. The Castle in blue at night. The Haunted Mansion ride, which I suddenly wish I was on right now.
- Boston >>> I can't get past the accent. Liquor drinkers. Loudmouths.
- Nashville >>> Mutated dreams. I know that incredible things have happened there, but all I've seen are highway restaurants that look like anywhere else. I like the idea of Nashville more than the actual.
- Kansas City >>> 9th Street. White ghettos where my immigrant grandparents lived. Midwesterners' bare feet disappearing into thin, green blades of grass. Blue sky over blinding snow drifts. The roots of depression.
- Buffalo >>> They say Buffalo is like a college town. I don't know. I think of jeans over sweat pants. Michelin men. Something always on the stove. Accepting that this is just life.
- Charlotte >>> Large yards rolling up to plantation-style homes. I think of the city in 1986: New red Cadillacs, double-breasted shoppers, lemonade on a tray. "Whooo!"
- Cleveland >>> Embrace the misery. I think of the stadium just off the highway (or is that Cincinnati?). Large people. The salt of the Earth.
- Omaha >>> Home. Elkhorn, where I grew up. My father trotting out into the driveway to lean into the car and honk the horn, waving at neighbors doing the same, every time the Cornhuskers scored a touchdown. Basketball goals flanking front driveways. Yellow LTDs. Community Swimming pools. Pine trees. The scent of grain and feed stores. The main attraction: a lousy mall. Seven feet of snow. Shooting dirt out of a toy rifle into my brother's eye. Milk chips. Mittens, not gloves. Trying to light the incense as an altar boy working a funeral. The sound of slamming cabinets inducing twitch urgency to straighten throw pillows.
Obviously, Charlotte has changed a lot since 1986!
. . . . well, at least someone appologized before saying Dallas with Fort Worth, first.
And nate14ri, Oklahoma City was replaced by Boston....
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